Why?

[xkatz]

As many of you know, I have been looking into Sikhism. Unfortunately, my family is not very happy. My parents claim it is a shame to my ancestors, all of who helped keep the faith alive. I pointed out that that is not the point of religion, but they seem to ignore it. They go on to ask why I am interested in becoming Sikh. To be honest, there are many reasons but I cannot seem to sum them all up or put it into words.

Have other seekers had a similar ordeal? How should I confront them?

 

[xkatz]

I mean, Judaism and Sikhism are similar in many ways. I mean yes, both have somewhat identical beliefs... There is just something different and unique about Sikhism. I just cannot put it into words.

 

[Zeroa]

You are not alone. My mother can't quite accept that I don't want to be Christian. I would do it to make her happy, but I just can't. (At least I am doing better than my husband trying to explain to his stepfather that he's got his own beliefs while being told about the wonders of TV preachers.)

Perhaps you could write it down-- make a list of a different aspects of Sikhism that attract you, things that you admire about what it teaches and about how its best adherents behave, some quotes (from the Guru Granth Sahib or other sources) that really inspired you, as well as ways it is similar to and different from Judaism, so that you can feel a little more prepared the next time you talk to your family about it. Perhaps assure them that this isn't a rejection of them, personally...

I am not the best person to ask, since I have my own family situation, but I am trying to be both patient and firm. For me, Christianity is not something I can ever accept, and there's not really much that anyone can say to change that. On this point, I have been firm, at least, but I don't argue about it either. I think it is more valuable for people (particularly my mother, but also my dad and my in-laws, to some extent) to see that I am still a good person and I am still interested in keeping our family bonds strong.

 

[xkatz]

Perhaps you could write it down-- make a list of a different aspects of Sikhism that attract you, things that you admire about what it teaches and about how its best adherents behave, some quotes (from the Guru Granth Sahib or other sources) that really inspired you, as well as ways it is similar to and different from Judaism, so that you can feel a little more prepared the next time you talk to your family about it. Perhaps assure them that this isn't a rejection of them, personally...

Thank you for your advice Zeroa I will see what I can do. As for you, I know how it feels and I wish you the best of luck with your mother.

 

[Luminous]

shame on your ancestors....denying agnosticism
anyway, in all seriousness: perhaps your family should respect you and your decision.
you can either accept that they will not accept. or make them accept. the choice is clear.

 

[Onkara]

Hi X Katz
It will get easier, sorry to say this, but as time goes on and they see you as an adult like them and that you have a life more independent of them they will no longer feel as inclined to assist and guide. My parents were patient with my extreme political views as a teenager but were certainly not in agreement that it should be my future, about 3 years later I found I could do pretty much what I like, just took time.

I would suggest that you still continue with the religion of your choice but do not make it your self-identity yet. In other words practice Sikhism or the religion you feel answers your needs, but do not dress or talk about it as if it is your self-identity, as this is essentially what your parents are trying to help guide you with. When you have a car, income i.e. job, and have finished your studying you can start to go to the Gurdwara or wear a turban etc. It is just a compromise to keep peace.

A book I have been meaning to read is Everything is God, which is about nondual Judaism, which I imagine will cover a nondualist approach towrds the Judaic scriptures and be more similar to Sikhism's view of God, who knows, I haven't read it yet:
Everything is God: The Radical Path of Nondual Judaism by Jay Michaelson - 9781590306710 at The Book Depository

At the end of the day, everything is God for me. But to just to balance your parents needs and yours, there may be a way for the time being.

Be positive!

 

[Nerthus]

I grew up in a Jewish family, and although no one was particularly religious, they aren't too happy that I find more comfort in Christianity than I do Judaism. I think for them, it's more that I am moving away from the Jewish culture and onto something that friends and extended family wouldn't be happy with.

I have always struggled with my faith when it comes to those two religions, and even now I still maintain a lot of my Jewish ways. And wonder whether I made chosen the right faith.

I would say that when it comes to faith, you need to follow your heart. No one can make you believe in something you don't, if Sikhism feels right for you, then go for it

 

[Onkara]

Hi ReligiousGirl
Welcome!

Good to hear your story. It seems that a lot of us are not necessarily following the Religion of our birth. If Divine will is true then I cannot help but feel there is something we should listen to in the "calling".

 

[Tarheeler]

As many of you know, I have been looking into Sikhism. Unfortunately, my family is not very happy. My parents claim it is a shame to my ancestors, all of who helped keep the faith alive. I pointed out that that is not the point of religion, but they seem to ignore it. They go on to ask why I am interested in becoming Sikh. To be honest, there are many reasons but I cannot seem to sum them all up or put it into words.

Have other seekers had a similar ordeal? How should I confront them?

My mom thinks I'm going through a "phase" and will grow out of it in a few weeks. Considering that I'm in my (early ) thirties and raising a family, she should know better.

But it's easier for her to think that than for her to face the fact that I'm not a Christian anymore. I can understand her logic, even if I don't like it. I think it hit her hard when she invited us to a pig pickin' recently and I had to decline. It's slowly starting to sink in with her, but it's not going to be easy.

One thing that helps me in the situation, however, is that I'm fairly callous. I'm not worried about hurting her feelings or aleinating her. She's a big girl that can take care of herself and we have never been close. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to hurt her; but I won't go out my way to not step on eggshells either.

But I see the problems one who is close to their family could have. The only advice I could give you is to honest; tell them why you are doing this and stay the course.

 

[Rainbow Mage]

Xkatz you can't let your family rule your life. You must follow the path you wish to follow. No one can decide that for you. If you want to follow Sikhism, follow it

 

[xkatz]

Xkatz you can't let your family rule your life. You must follow the path you wish to follow. No one can decide that for you. If you want to follow Sikhism, follow it

I can see your point and you are right... My main concern is being shunned and even being kicked out of the house (though unlikely).

 

[Rainbow Mage]

Xkatz I felt the same way when I left Christianity. I was so worried my family would reject me, and even more so when I came out. They didn't. A good majority of your family at least will always love you, no matter what. For the ones who don't, like I say of the family who shun me, they don't love you anyway. If they loved you they'd love you for who you are.

 

[LuisDantas]

Families vary a lot. It is hard to tell when is the best time for you to stand your ground and be as you will. I wish you luck and wisdom in choosing that moment, Xkatz.

 

[xkatz]

Families vary a lot. It is hard to tell when is the best time for you to stand your ground and be as you will. I wish you luck and wisdom in choosing that moment, Xkatz.

Thank you Luis I am curious, did you have a similar dilemma like mine?

 

[Nerthus]

Hi ReligiousGirl
Welcome!

Good to hear your story. It seems that a lot of us are not necessarily following the Religion of our birth. If Divine will is true then I cannot help but feel there is something we should listen to in the "calling".

Very true

 

[Dena]

My family doesn't know I'm on the path to conversion. As far as I know, they have absolutely no idea I am not a Christian. I don't discuss it. If anyone suspects it, they have no mentioned it. I didn't plan on telling them until I was about halfway through the process. I imagine they will not be happy in the least.

I think it hit her hard when she invited us to a pig pickin' recently and I had to decline. It's slowly starting to sink in with her, but it's not going to be easy.

My in-laws are doing the pig roast thing this weekend. My husband is actually helping. I will go to be with our family, I just won't eat it. I wouldn't have eaten it anyway. I find it completely and utterly disgusting.

I'm not worried about hurting her feelings or aleinating her.

I continuously worry about offending, hurting or alienating everyone in my life. This is part of the reason I haven't shared my intent to convert. I wanted to make sure it was 100% going to happen before I go and p*ss off all my friends and family. I get myself so worried I get physically sick to my stomach. I told a few friends and a couple of them had bad reactions. They seem to have cooled off now but now I have no idea how the rest of my friends and family will react. I imagine it to be awful...but hopefully not.

 

[Onkara]

Hi X Katz
Have you considered UU if there is one near to you? Perhaps that is a way to take the pressure off your parents for the time being but still continue with your interests in Sikhism (you could still practice Sikhism there I understand) in other words it would not be so foreign to your parents and would be closer to the community and culture they would know. Later of course when you have a car you can always go to the Gurdwara also, but UU might be an easier path? I haven't tired it myself, but it occurred to me I could mention it.

 

[xkatz]

Hi X Katz
Have you considered UU if there is one near to you? Perhaps that is a way to take the pressure off your parents for the time being but still continue with your interests in Sikhism (you could still practice Sikhism there I understand) in other words it would not be so foreign to your parents and would be closer to the community and culture they would know. Later of course when you have a car you can always go to the Gurdwara also, but UU might be an easier path? I haven't tired it myself, but it occurred to me I could mention it.

TBH Onkarah, I am not interested in UU, not to mention the closest UU place is about 20-30 minutes away. Thanks for the idea nonetheless

 

[Tarheeler]

My family doesn't know I'm on the path to conversion. As far as I know, they have absolutely no idea I am not a Christian. I don't discuss it. If anyone suspects it, they have no mentioned it. I didn't plan on telling them until I was about halfway through the process. I imagine they will not be happy in the least.

It's kind of odd; my mother, who has never been religious, has problems with this. My in-laws, who are practicing Methodists, are very accepting and supportive.

I continuously worry about offending, hurting or alienating everyone in my life. This is part of the reason I haven't shared my intent to convert. I wanted to make sure it was 100% going to happen before I go and p*ss off all my friends and family. I get myself so worried I get physically sick to my stomach. I told a few friends and a couple of them had bad reactions. They seem to have cooled off now but now I have no idea how the rest of my friends and family will react. I imagine it to be awful...but hopefully not.

I pretty much take the attitude Senedjem laid out. If they truly care about me, they will support me even if they don't like my choice. If they don't, screw 'em.

 

[xkatz]

It's kind of odd; my mother, who has never been religious, has problems with this. My in-laws, who are practicing Methodists, are very accepting and supportive.

It's weird because I have a similar situation, my mother, who too is not very religious, is strongly opposed to my interest in other religion despite her not practicing her/the family's faith.