Haha, and the mixed feelings are true, like on the one hand I really don't care and don't really believe any of it, I'm here, that is what counts, and I perceive that my being here is God thinking me being here, and that the rest of the story is just made up always, like a dream. Yet, I do care what other people think, because I have to deal with people, and I want people to think at least somewhat closer to me, if not identically, so that I can get along with them better, so that I can "speak the same language" so to speak. There was this this one girl who had very specific ideas about Shiva which were not compatible with my ideas which use the names like Shiva and Krishna and Vishnu all to refer to the One Universal God and Power, and it just made it really uncomfortable because we were speaking two different languages basically, the ideas were like totally different and we couldn't relate because of it, also she was not going to be able to handle my freely using words like Allah or whatever as Shiva also. That is just an example, but the point is, I want to know people who speak my language, even if it takes "making" people who speak my language, by converting them to the ideas, or some semblance of them.
That is what I think it is all really about, we all want people we can relate to, so we can talk to them, get along with them, so that when we say "and then a miracle happened! There was one last coupon sitting there right in front of me and I picked it up, and I thanked God" to hear "pfft! There is no God, that was not a miracle" like, its just annoying, it makes it hard to be friends or friendly or express oneself the way one wants to if people are differing, see things differently, don't believe you, its annoying as heck. Who really wants to be friends with someone that doesn't really think the way you do? I don't know, it annoys me, it makes me not want to say things, it makes me feel like I can't share.
Remember how good it felt to hear from someone who at least sounded like they have beliefs you can agree with or which sound ok to you? It is a good feeling, it feels so nice, that someone else is like "wow" and doesn't say something annoying or basically put you down or whatever for what happened or deny the beautiful things you think are beautiful and true and right.
So yeah. I wouldn't be able to get along with some person I consider a loon for not believing in science, medicine, or biology, my whole family and relatives are in the sciences and are all really educated people. They are also religious people, and I would not be able to get along with people who at the very least don't believe in magical and miraculous things at least somewhat, and God basically, since that is what God is to me, the magical, the miraculous, the controller of life, the writer of the story every day.
Most people don't believe in my God at all, even if they say they believe in God, their God is nothing like my God, nothing really like my God at all, yet, still, I might feel a little better that they believe somewhat in God or some power and influence, even if their idea is off, and how vastly it is off puts them further away of course and makes me feel less and less comfortable discussing anything with them really.
No one, practically no one at all these days, believes their every experience is generated in every single detail by an intelligent power that they do not control, that everything that appears before them is actually authored by and created by or "made up by" God as if we are in a waking dream completely under the control of God who is even controlling our statements, thoughts, deliberation on matters, and decisions on matters, and every action and every consequence and result, all of it. Practically no one believes that, and that is basically the whole of my belief or the basic bottom line, and this difference separates and makes me feel separate from most everyone, so I have to just settle for whatever is at least a bit closer, even if not ideal, and for the sake of being social, getting help, getting support, having conversations, which is supposed to be good for a person and their mind, maybe even necessary for optimum health.
I like normal people who aren't pushy too much, people who are worldly in many ways, but not too worldly, spiritual somewhat, but not too spiritual, people who live their lives, but also say their prayers, people who believe in science and medicine, and believe in God, and better, believe Science is God's Work and God's Gift and God's Creation and in God's control (but that is unlikely to be expected, few people could ever know God as "The Science" and God as the whole creator and maker-upper of science and human actions and discoveries that are scientific, because they don't acknowledge God as the maker-upper of all reality, everything we are told now is true, that God is just making that up right now, can make anything else up effortlessly, in an instant, can make it like some sickness is there or a limb is gone, then suddenly the limb is back, like a dream) there are people who think such things would never be possible, and those people don't know the Master, and who doesn't know the Master, can't really know me!
