Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal

[Riders]

So we as a society and the people in charge of paying farmers to feed us I forgot which organization it is, but they have been paying farmers to clear land and grow tons and tons of corn and wheat instead of fruits and vegetables.

I saw this on a special about obesity and we have so many abnormal amounts of high fructose corn syrup in our foods, unless you grow your own food or buy from a farm we are all addicted to sugar. They have done tests with heroin and sugar and figured out that sugar affects the pleasure center just like Heroin.

It is as addictive as heroin. It's my drug, I am addicted to sugar. But I am on my food plan today. It is hard to drag myself off of sugar and sweets, It is tough but I have to do it. I am also tempted to get my home health aid to go to the fast-food place and get me some pizza or taco bell. But I won't.

I allow myself to fantasize about food and that doesn't work. I need to meditate and pray and go to OA. I can not allow myself to start putting this weight back on or I'll end up considering the surgery. I may look for another meditation group too.

 

[Riders]

I am starting to understand what goes on with me when I'm trying to hold down a job. I could always work well when I went outside my house to work. I have a hard time working at home because of my ADD maybe and bipolar.

I use to work at fast food places and in telemarketing and in fast food I always flirted with the men and got good attention working from my bosses. I worked so hard I would work up a high high from it. In telemarketing, there was so much energy going around my bosses trying to get us excited and drama from my co-workers that it was easy to work up a high from it, and kind of get crazy.

I mean when I was fundraising on the phone for the Shriners, I was still very angry at the church, and there were a lot of Christians who didn't like me and had the opinion that ur bosses should only hire Christians. So they wanted to get rid of me, but the boss told me The Shriners are not all Christians and they were mistaken about that.

So with the drama, I was kind of crazy and loved getting big donations and having my boss give me high fives for it woohoo! Right in front of my co-workers. But I can't do that at home, no way to get crazy or get on a high working from home.

But maybe eventually I'll adjust. I am trying to start a job today so we will see how it goes.

This is also why the craziness at the Pentecostal churches worked on me,I don't want to go back to that though.

 

[Riders]

Well, that was 15 years ago when I worked for The Shriners and 14 years ago when I worked for a pizza place. That's the last place I worked outside my home. It was easier to stand on my feet and walk long distances in art because I was younger;
But partly because I had more energy due to bipolar highs and I use to be hyperactive, I think it was ADD. I would get excited to be on the telephone raising funds. When I use to sell office supplies and ad specialties to businesses on the phone I was always excited.

I'm going to try out y new job tomorrow, we will see if it works. I just need to be able to get excited as I use to but that won't happen but maybe I can get a little excited. I use to flirt with men and my managers a lot in some of the fast-food places I worked at.

I was hyper-sexual, but it gave me energy. I could stand behind the cash register forever running the register at Burger King. I loved running the register. I use to think if I could get some of this weight off I'd go back to it. But it would be too tempting to overeat. It might worry my sisters that I am working there with my sexually promiscuous past.

 

[Riders]

Ho hum I am still going to the social chatrooms for over 50's and religious chat rooms. I have not gotten into any sexual situations on my social chatroom although I have had a few men who said they liked the picture I have up under my profile.
I am not involved with anyone though. What can I say, I am lonely so the chat rooms keep me from being lonely. When I get out of this apartment I hope to meet some single older men maybe at church...................... It's not easy dealing with my obesity walking and being alone.


When I use to get lonely sometimes I would listen to mushy lovey-dovey love songs. I and a group of singles were singing this song at the end of a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting once it was funny,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Another sensual song fro the 70's I like

 

[Riders]

I imagine some religious folks will throw their heads back and wag a finger at the last video because of the sexual situation it implies, Sharing The Night Together. However, that was the 70s and because the '60s were so conservative many performers were kind of out there with sexual lyrics to counteract the structure and religiosity of the '60s.

It was the 70's for crying out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways here are a few more of my 70s favorites, this one was remade by Toploader this is the updated version of it.

Here's another one about the moon

Here's another favorite

 

[Riders]

Well, I'm finally lonely enough to lace an ad out on Craigslist for activities for a chat buddy older man. A ton of people responded.

I am talking to a 65-year-old man who is Catholic and has bad back problems and is trying to get back surgery. So he will have mobility issues for a while and I told him I had mobility problems and it would be a while before I got out so.

So we are both happy just to chat and be buddies for a while. I hope he turns out to be nice. Everyone says don't trust men on Craigslist, however, I think there are a few good guys there

 

[Riders]

Well after 3 days of being off my food plan I finally got back on it today except I drink too many cokes today but my food was good. I got up and walked with my walker for 2 minutes. So after I work my way up to 7 minutes I'll start trying to get out of the apartment with my walker. YAY!

My guy friend has not texted me yet but since he's got physical issues I am giving him till tomorrow before I give up. We shall see, i am going to call people in OA hopefully that'll keep me from being lonely.

 

[Riders]

Well, I am still talking to Tony. He says he needs to get his back surgery first before he meets me, but I told him I can't meet him now, it'll take a few months for me to get mobile enough to go out so. He's gonna get his surgery and talk to me after.

Anyways, so we're still talking. This woman on Dr. Phil went through 2 hours of having Dr. Phil prove her dream man on the dating website was a scam artist. The real man from the photo she got showed up and told her he was not the man she was talking to. Now she's back not taking his advice, and saying she is back with her scammer man.

I can't believe what these women will do for a man. This CL guy will not get a cent from me, he's already told me he's run into prostitutes on CL. I said I won't charge him for anything and I have my own money. But I won't spend any on him.

I don't have enough money to be scammed anyways, but for crying out loud this woman has been scammed for 100's of thousands of dollars.... she must be elderly, mentally ill. I will never do anything crazy for a guy again.

 

[Riders]

Here's another controversial 70's song. Afternoon Delight was about making love in the afternoon!

 

[Riders]

Well I did 2 minutes walking today.i stayed on my food plan last two days I'm off it today. I stayed up all weekend walking with restless leg syndrome.i have involuntary muscle movement that squeezes my leg and knee muscles up sometimes not everyday and it's painful. Sometimes I can walk the pain out. I talked to my Dr today he's is s ending a prescription for it and lab people to take my blood to see if there's something in my blood causing it.

Anyways I'm watching Sean's story on My 600 Pound Life. He ended up dying of his obesity coule of years ago. He was known for being a rude spoiled brat on the show and he was but over eating and sugar addictions makes us over eaters all spoiled brats

 

[Riders]

Anyhow, I don't know if my guy friend is going to contact me again, he says he's in surgery but who knows. I et someone else through the CL ad I placed. He is a counselor and I had a session with him. I told him I could not afford therapy. He said he wouldn't charge me for now so I am supposed to have another session with him Monday night.

My sister is worried he might try to scam me. So I am not giving him any money. We will see. I have been on and off my food plan this week but I weighed last week and I am still at 305 which is good because I did not gain. I may have maintained in part because I walked a lot the last couple of weeks trying to walk off my restless leg syndrome pain.

But my new medicine for that seems to be working, I am getting more sleep so that is good.

I'm watching stalker movies and movies about obsession tonight

 

[Riders]

I am having a hard time with carbs but I have been on my food plan for the past 2 days and today too. But my sister comes back Wednesday from her vacation and I have already scheduled an Amazon pick-up with carby snacks in it.

I have 2 of the big 7-up cream cakes but I am giving one to my home health care person. I also have Hostess coffee cakes and nilla wafers with a jar of peanut butter with grape jelly swirled in it to dunk my nilla wafers in.

For some reason over the past few years, I have been burned out on chocolate. The only chocolate I like is the milk chocolate, chocolate milk, chocolate shakes, blizzards from Dairy Queen that type of thing.

I do like the chocolate shakes I get for protein such as the Slimfast shakes.

Happy 4th of July all.

 

[Riders]

Well, I saw my counselor again. It was ok. I have PTSD from the psych wards I was in, I said tonight I might want to go over the past with him. We will see how it goes.

I took some Melatonin and my sleep meds that helps my restless leg syndrome 2 nights ago. I went crazy that night with my pain walking all night. I hallucinated that my couch was hurting my body once so I was staying up a lot walking.

The next morning I woke up and found my clothing rack which is heavy was rolled from one side of my apartment to the other side. I must have done it because I must have been sleep-waking. I don't know how I did it. I walk with a walker, it's strange.

Maybe a spirit got into my apartment who knows.

 

[Riders]

I just weighed at 3:30 in the morning, I have been on my food plan for 4 days and I have lost 6 pounds yay! I am down to 299! However, I have only been on my food plan about 50 percent of the time. It may be from my 50 percent staying on my food plan, but it is also because I have had too many nights walking around dealing with my restless leg syndrome all night. I am happy with the loss though.

 

[Riders]

I don't know what's going on with my taste buds. I ordered all the sweet junk food and I've too much of it but I am telling ya most of it is going out with the trash, I am throwing most of it away. I am grossed out, it is too sweet too much sugar, I'm grossed out and disgusted, I feel like barfing up. It's nasty. I want some fish. I am getting back on my food plan tomorrow.

 

[Riders]

I saw another catfish story on Dr. Phil. This guy was a medical Dr. and older! I can't believe how smart these people are who get scammed. I believe it's loneliness. It can drive you insane.

This guy was very upset about how the audience was laughing at the ridiculous things this scam artist was saying. He thought the audience was laughing at him. To me, talk shows are rude no matter what, if you don't have thick skin don't be on one. I am not smart at all but I have too many street smarts to know better than to fall for the scams I ran into on dating sights.

My Mom was smart with her money and taught me not to just give money to people who ask for it and don't pay a job to work. if they charge you it's a scam.

 

[Riders]

So I save the best for last. we were talking about how timeless the music of The Beatles is in the chatroom last night. One of my most embarrassing moments in life and comical moments believe it or not involves Sir Paul Mccartney. He is a knight. So 15 years ago I went to his concert, 350 pounds of me, I got a cheap ticket way high up and there were no rails for the stairs.

I was on the way down to leave early and it was very dark, with no hand rails I started rolling down the stairs!! Right before I rolled over the high balcony 2 drunk and maybe high guys caught me! They stopped me y ankle was twisted, I wanted to go to the hospital, I thought I might get a phone call from Paul McCartney..........or flowers in the hospital or something.

The guys were trying to talk me out of going with the ems folks that were climbing the stairs for me, and my favorite Beatles song is The Long And Winding Road. I stared down into the stage from the place I was right next to the balcony and realized I had a full-blown view that I didn't have before clear good view of Paul Mccartney.

He started singing y song and of course, by then the ems folks were there, I said get out of my way I want to see Paul, him singing that song I was in love and I didn't care about my ankle for that moment. LMAO, the drunk guys and their girlfriend walked me down to my ride and got a chair for me, so no I didn't go to the hospital, it was worth missing getting flowers from him to see him sing The Long And Winding Road.

Ill put some of my favorite Beatles moments up here.

 

[Riders]

So watching The Touring Years 8 Days A Night yesterday was very therapeutical for me. I love the music of The Beatles, I love the love songs. I also love Paul Mccartney and Wings!!!!!!!!!!!! It's great 70's music! I stayed on my food plan today yay! I had a packet of Tuna Creations with herb and Garlic on a bagel; peanut butter on one half of a bagel; and 2 12 cans of coke.

I'm drinking unsweet tea with Splenda now. I walked around with my walker with my physical therapist. However, I had a screw fall out of my walker and can't find it. It's making it hard to use so I may buy a new one.


My tv quit working today and started working again tonight. It's amazing how quickly I grabbed my phone and computer and clung to them, it bothers me too much to lose the internet or tv. I am too dependent on it, I'd like to read more as my Mom did.

 

[Riders]

These are some of their experimental songs according to The Touring Years movie directed by Ron Howard.

 

[Riders]

According to the movie, St. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band album was voted the greatest rock album of all time by Rolling STone magazine in 2012.