More random questions about girls

[T-Dawg]

But some guy I didn't know who was following me around? No, I wouldn't talk to him, I'd talk to the police. As tough as it is to hear, those girls did the right thing. I don't think you're dangerous, and YOU don't think you're dangerous, but when you're acting a bit like a dangerous sexual predator, how is a girl supposed to know you're not actually dangerous, but just a little shy

One problem with your theory: You're assuming that the girls didn't know me when I started following them. They did. In the first example I gave, the girl had known me for some time before. We were at a math league trip, to some college (for some kind of competition), which of course I considered a wonderful opportunity to hang out with her (socializing is always easier for me we're forced together in the same place). Even if I didn't like her as a girl, I still would have stuck close to her, seeing that she was my only friend there. She had no reason to freak out about me "following" her (and I wasn't following her the whole time). Even the authorities she tried to report me to quickly realized that she was acting immature (or whatever word it is that would go there).
As for the second girl I mentioned, she had known me for even longer, and knew very well how I thought and functioned. In fact, the first couple weeks I had known her, she proved herself to be completely mature and able to tell me her honest feelings. You see, I wanted to ask her out, but every time I approached her, I would get too nervous, but the after she left, I felt like an idiot for not asking her, and estimated where I could find her next so I could ask her, but then I got too nervous once again the second I saw her, and it looked like I was stalking her and following her around. She was mature enough to actually walk up and talk to me about it, and it worked out fine. But it wasn't so in the last week or the weeks after. It's extremely telling that one can handle a situation maturely the first time, and yet tear my heart out the next time she has something to say (it tells me that she orchestrated the entire thing, and did it out of malice, not stupidity like the other girl probably did). (Note: Her problem with me had nothing to do with me following her, she was "worried" because I talked about her a lot after she ripped my heart out Well DUH, of course I'm going to want to talk about it with someone if the girl of my dreams suddenly rips my heart out, after previously telling me that I had a chance with her.)

I am going to be blunt with you and tell you that until you accept that your past behaviour was inappropriate and understand that none of these girls were evil and indeed reacted in a normal and intelligent way to being stalked, which whether you like it or not is what you did, then you have little chance of starting a relationship with someone

My past behavior was NOT inappropriate. You don't even know what I was doing other than "following" (which is not wrong, especially since the girls' other friends would follow them far more than I did), all you know is that these girls didn't like it for whatever reason. I can't believe you are siding with lying, treachery, and "mixed signals."

You can't force someone to like you, if you like someone and they don't like you back, tough luck, move on with your life.

I always did, althouh the girls always waited until I was completely infatuated before telling me that they didn't like me. They could have just told me that they didn't want to date me the first time they noticed anything that suggested that I liked them, but no, they always wanted to give me false hope, mixed signals, lies...
It makes it much harder to move on when girls do things like that to you, but see, I did move on with my life.

As many people before me in this thread have said, you need to get to know someone first before you start going out with them, the only way to do this is to put yourself out there and socialise. There is no magical combination of words or actions that will make someone want you, there is no shortcut, you have to put in the time and effort and if you aren't willing to do that, then it should be obvious that you don't consider the benefit worth the effort and don't really want a girlfriend, you just like the idea of having one the way some people like the idea of winning the lottery without ever buying a ticket.

Who says I'm not willing to put time and effort into a relationship? Heck, I'm the only one saying to do that. Everyone else is saying "Go say hi to her and see what happens! Don't have plans. If it fails, just throw her out, there's plenty of fish in the sea!"

 

[monta]

It doesn't matter if you know , it doesn't matter if you dated them or were married to them the fact they reported you should be proof enough that your attention was unwelcome.

What you call lying treachery other people call trying to be polite, the simple fact is if every girl you have been infatuated with has had the same response to your attention, you have to accept that it is unlikely something they are doing that is causing the problem it is something you are doing.

Following someone is not appropriate try and process that and you might get somewhere.

 

[T-Dawg]

What you call lying treachery other people call trying to be polite

I know that lying and leading guys on are behaviors that society considers to be "polite." Irrelevant, it doesn't make it any less wrong (or stupid).

the simple fact is if every girl you have been infatuated with has had the same response to your attention

Except that they didn't all respond in the same way. One tried to get her counselor to get me and talk to me (my counselor intervened, fortunately, and we were able to talk out what happened), and later admitted that what she did was the wrong course of action. The other led me on to believe that I would be able to date her the next school year, and then suddenly ripped my heart out on the last day she would be at school (seniors left early at my high school), and afterwards I found counseling in one of my teachers, who was "worried" about me and decided to contact my parents (whether or not the girl was actually involved I'm not sure).

you have to accept that it is unlikely something they are doing that is causing the problem it is something you are doing.

There was nothing that I did (other than wanting to ask them out) that their other friends didn't also do.

Following someone is not appropriate try and process that and you might get somewhere.

It's only not appropriate when it's me doing the following. It's perfectly fine for everyone else to follow the girl, or at least that's what I'm getting from the girls' behaviors and your words.

 

[Nanda]

Look, it's simple - even if you think you did nothing, and they're completely in the wrong, the fact remains that more than one girl has felt uncomfortable with your advances. You can protest that you're innocent and they're evil until doomsday, but it won't get you a date. Instead of arguing with the people who are trying to help you in this thread, try listening. Most of us know what we're talking about.

 

[T-Dawg]

Look, it's simple - even if you think you did nothing, and they're completely in the wrong, the fact remains that more than one girl has felt uncomfortable with your advances. You can protest that you're innocent and they're evil until doomsday, but it won't get you a date.

Ok, that makes more sense. Thank you for not advocating lying and backstabbing .

I think I'ma just continue the conversation in PMs. The thread's just gonna derail into me standing up for common sense and honesty, and everyone else making assumptions and taking the side of social norms (which often are the opposite of common sense and honesty, particularly in this topic)

 

[Autodidact]

Amazing Loser: Have you read Born on a Blue Day? Really good book by a guy with Asperger's. He turns out to be gay, but struggled with and overcame some issues similar to you. I recommend it.

 

[Sunstone]

Instead of arguing with the people who are trying to help you in this thread, try listening. Most of us know what we're talking about.

I take stern exception to you lumping me in with the herd as just another "someone who knows what he's talking about". I demand that you recant your unsubstantiated accusation!

 

[T-Dawg]

Didn't know people still cared about this thread... anyways, a lot's happened since I last posted here...

About a week or so ago, I was at a restaurant with a group and we were talking, one of the girls said I was "sensational," or something like that (she said it was a compliment). Later that evening, I got the second hug (from a girl) in my life from her .

Last Sunday, I also went shopping in the downtown area of a city in Kansas, and I got a nice black and gold scarf, and I got a nice black/gold necklace and pair of earrings from Rajasthan . I plan to give these to her when the time comes.

Yesterday I had finally gotten the courage to ask her out to lunch for 12:30 today, and she said she would go. She didn't show up .
But about 20 minutes ago, she found me and apologized (it turned out she had a class at 12:00), and we rescheduled the lunch to the weekend (what time or day we haven't decided yet).

Oh, and I haven't followed any of your suggestions at all . Well, I haven't followed her or anything, so I guess that counts as following your advice, but other than that, I think she likes me for the way I naturally act .

 

[Autodidact]

Actually, didn't people here suggest that you:
ask a girl out
give a gift directly, yourself
be your own sweet self?

 

[monta]

Why don't you save the presents till xmas or a birthday. It might come across as either desperate or pushy if you give her a present too early.

 

[T-Dawg]

Actually, didn't people here suggest that you:ask a girl outgive a gift directly, yourselfbe your own sweet self?

It's been a while since I've read the posts, but if I remember correctly, they went like...
Be friends with a girl before asking her out
Don't give gifts (well I haven't given any yet, but I plan to)
Be normal

Least that's how I remember it .

Doesn't matter anyway, I seem to be doing a good job with this girl, I'll keep doing whatever it was I've been doing .

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Giving an unwarranted gift to a girl can be disasterous. It can easily come off as needy and/or controlling.

I'd say a good rule of thumb is that if you're in the stage of trying to get a girl, skip the gifts - if you're in the stage of trying to keep a girl, gifts are good.

 

[T-Dawg]

I'm not sure why giving would come off as needy or controlling, but I'll try follow that .

 

[Alceste]

I'm not sure why giving would come off as needy or controlling, but I'll try follow that .

Because when people give me something, unless it's family or friends, I wonder what they want in return. The last thing you want is for her to be sitting around going "What does he want from me?? " and where there are questions, people usually come up with answers. Some of the answers might be very unflattering, based on their experience with other guys who might have been jerks. You want her to sit around going "What an interesting guy. I would like to get to know him better." Your best shot at getting her thinking like that is by just being yourself.

 

[Madhuri]

I'm not sure why giving would come off as needy or controlling, but I'll try follow that .

Giving is good once you are already with a person. Otherwise it can come across as 'buying' love, or can make a girl feel obligated. That isn't the impression you want to make, trust me. But I'm really glad you have met somebody. You didn't mention this!

 

[DallasApple]

I know Im late on this thread..But as far as how to get flowers to a girl?..You go to the flower shop pick them out with a vase included...Then you have her name and adress and have them (the flower shop) deliver the flowers to her on the date you choose.

They will give you a card to fill out and include with the flowers in which you can write a note to her..Such as "just to brighten your day"..or "happy birthday..and then just sign your name..No "love" or anything like that..just your first name.

Then she will if she has proper etiquette approach you in some way..either in person or via telephone to tell you she recieved the flowers and what she thought about it.

The plan you had ..even if I thought you meant well..I would seriously think there is something very wrong with you.At the very least I would think you were way too intimidated by women to be even trying to date.

Anyway I'm happy for you that you met a nice girl that you are getting to know.

Love

Dallas

 

[T-Dawg]

Anyway I'm happy for you that you met a nice girl that you are getting to know.

Eh, she's out of the dating picture, at least for now .

Turns out, she didn't like me the way I thought she did. Even though, according to her, it was obvious the entire time that I liked her and she didn't feel the same way about me, she never bothered to tell me (I found out from my spy/friend).
It's not that she doesn't like me though, she just likes this other guy more... and the other guy happens to be my "spy" and best friend . And we're still friends and all.
If I can play my cards correctly, I'll be the next person she has in mind if they ever break up.

In addition, I'm financing some of my friend's gifts for her (I have to do something with the ungiven jewelry and gifts XD). I want those gifts to go towards her happiness, regardless of whether or not I get acknowledged (and giving stuff to girls feels good, there's always that).

 

[.lava]

i have questionz

why do most of women want to have attention? why do they care so much about what they wear and how they are perceived by strangers? why do they want compliments? why don't they say what they really want to say and instead play weird games and force people to find out what they mean?

why?

why?






.

 

[DallasApple]

Eh, she's out of the dating picture, at least for now .

Turns out, she didn't like me the way I thought she did. Even though, according to her, it was obvious the entire time that I liked her and she didn't feel the same way about me, she never bothered to tell me (I found out from my spy/friend).
It's not that she doesn't like me though, she just likes this other guy more... and the other guy happens to be my "spy" and best friend . And we're still friends and all.
If I can play my cards correctly, I'll be the next person she has in mind if they ever break up.

In addition, I'm financing some of my friend's gifts for her (I have to do something with the ungiven jewelry and gifts XD). I want those gifts to go towards her happiness, regardless of whether or not I get acknowledged (and giving stuff to girls feels good, there's always that).

Its really sweet for you to give the presents to your friend to give to her.

Also with her not telling you?..its really hard for a girl to blurt out "I dont like you the way I think you like me".For one thing she could be thinking what if she is wrong and you really don't like her that way she might come across as stuck up or full of herself. Or sometimes a guy will even lie because he is embarrased and say "what are you kidding..I would never date you".(I had a grown man do that to me that I told him I was married when he kept asking me to go to lunch where I worked.And he suddenly turned agressive in his tone and faked laughed and said that I was rude).

The fair way to handle it is for the person with romantic interest to let the other person know and ask them how they feel about it.Instead of making it a guessing game or some sort of mystery.Just remember you arent the only one that may be nervous and trying to be polite and "politically" correct.

The way you are going about it is usually how 5th graders do it.They get a friend to ask the girl is she likes him "that way".

Love

Dallas

 

[T-Dawg]

The way you are going about it is usually how 5th graders do it.They get a friend to ask the girl is she likes him "that way".

I didn't ask him, he walked up and told me because he felt the need to be honest, and he knew I probably didn't see that she didn't like me.