More random questions about girls

[T-Dawg]

Because it went so well the last time I asked you guys questions, I decided to do it again.[/sarcasm]
1.) Is there a social rule that states that a girl cannot date a guy younger than her? I tend to be attracted to older girls =/.
2.) Since the girls and boys have separate living areas in my college, how would I go about delivering gifts to a girl (without her directly knowing that it's from me, as it's creepy to give a girl things when she knows they're from me)? My two ideas were climb to the window and drop the gift in, and hiring a spy/friend to deliver it for me, but I decided that both options were both creepy and impossible.
3.) How do you know whether or not a girl already has a boyfriend without hiring a spy to find out (since you can't directly ask her)?
4.) How do you ask what religion a girl is without directly asking her (since that's taboo for some reason, just like asking about her relational status)?
5.) Do girls actually like stuffed animals, flowers and jewelry, or are those just stereotypical, non-creative gifts?
6.) Is it ok to ask a girl to a dance directly, or is it like asking her out to the first date, where you have to be "subtle" and confusing?
7.) Would a girl rather you wear a business suit to the first date, or a t-shirt and jeans?
8.) Should you try to become friends with someone you have a crush on and then ask them out, or will you get stuck in the "just friends" area forever?
9.) Do girls actually like being liked, or are they generally disgusted when they find out that a boy likes them?

 

[Circle_One]

Ok, before you get a bunch of mean posts in here like last time, I'll try to answer your questions as best I can.

1.) Is there a social rule that states that a girl cannot date a guy younger than her? I tend to be attracted to older girls =/.
There is no social rule stating a girl cannot date a guy younger than her. Girls can date whoever they want, no matter what society thinks or tells them. However some girls won't date a guy younger than them, but some girls will. I've dated guys younger than me. Age doesn't matter if you care about the person.

2.) Since the girls and boys have separate living areas in my college, how would I go about delivering gifts to a girl (without her directly knowing that it's from me, as it's creepy to give a girl things when she knows they're from me)? My two ideas were climb to the window and drop the gift in, and hiring a spy/friend to deliver it for me, but I decided that both options were both creepy and impossible.
Definitely do not climb a wall and slip it in her window. I'd save the presents for after you're already dating her, if I were you. Also, there's no set rule saying that you NEED to buy a girl presents anyway. Don't spend money on a girl that you're unsure doesn't also have feelings for you.

3.) How do you know whether or not a girl already has a boyfriend without hiring a spy to find out (since you can't directly ask her)?
Who says you can't directly ask her? It's always better to be more direct, in my opinion. And why the constant talk about hiring a spy? Don't ever do that.

4.) How do you ask what religion a girl is without directly asking her (since that's taboo for some reason, just like asking about her relational status)?
Again, ask her directly. There's nothing wrong with that.

5.) Do girls actually like stuffed animals, flowers and jewelry, or are those just stereotypical, non-creative gifts?
It depends on the girl. Some girls do, some girls don't. Find out about her and what she likes before you start buying her things.

6.) Is it ok to ask a girl to a dance directly, or is it like asking her out to the first date, where you have to be "subtle" and confusing?
You don't have to be subtle about asking her to a dance or a first date. Just ask.

7.) Would a girl rather you wear a business suit to the first date, or a t-shirt and jeans?
A girl would just rather you be you. Whatever you're comfortable wearing, wear it. I wouldn't suggest wearing a suit though, it might make the girl feel underdressed and therefore uncomfortable.

8.) Should you try to become friends with someone you have a crush on and then ask them out, or will you get stuck in the "just friends" area forever?
I would definitely try to become friends with her first. If you're not friends with her than you'll never be able to tell if you have a crush on her for her, or just for her looks.

9.) Do girls actually like being liked, or are they generally disgusted when they find out that a boy likes them?
Depends on how you go about "liking" them. If you stalk them and seem creepy, they'll not like it. If you're a nice guy, aren't overt about liking her and don't generally just scare her away.

 

[Madhuri]

Before I begin, I should emphasise the fact that I am Australian so the social culture might be slightly different to where you live (America, I assume).

1) No, there isn't. Girls (and I mean teens usually) tend to be attracted to older guys because they are more masculine looking and seem to have a kind of manly power. But I've had crushes on younger guys and I know girls who have dated younger guys (during high school btw, as well as later in life).

2) I have no idea, I have never lived on campus. However, I would feel a little strange if I was recieving anonymous gifts. And I may guess that they are being sent by somebody other than you and become infatuated with this person- who isn't the right person. Risk factor!

3) Be direct or ask people who know her.

4) You should ask her yourself, but probably after getting to know her a little bit. It can be confronting if someone asks you straight out what your religion is so it's better to make sure that she feels comfortable with you before asking that question.

5) Girls seem to like thsoe gifts though I personally think that a stuffed animal at any age above 10 is a little lame. Flowers are romantic and jewelery can be special. But I personally prefer jewelery if it has a special significance/meaning (ie/ birth stone, or inscription or a J <3 K sort of thing). The most important thing is that the gift is menaingful.

6) You can ask a girl to dance directly, especially if you are at a place where people are dancing. Heck, I ask total strangers (men) all the time to dance. In many places that is normal.

7) What you wear depends on what the date is/where it is. A business suit on a teenager would be weird in almost any situation. Just be casual, but not grungy.

8) In my opinion make friends first. You will only recieve the 'only friends' response if she isn't attracted to you in the first place (or if you have been friends for a while and the friendship is VERY strong/special).

9) Girls generally like being liked even if they aren't interested in you. It's very flattering ot be liked. It builds confidence and boosts the ego

 

[Zephyr]

Disclaimer: I am a dude.

1.) Is there a social rule that states that a girl cannot date a guy younger than her? I tend to be attracted to older girls =/.
Depends on the girl really. My lady is a year older than me, but I know many that wouldn't even consider it.
2.) Since the girls and boys have separate living areas in my college, how would I go about delivering gifts to a girl (without her directly knowing that it's from me, as it's creepy to give a girl things when she knows they're from me)? My two ideas were climb to the window and drop the gift in, and hiring a spy/friend to deliver it for me, but I decided that both options were both creepy and impossible.
Wait, and sending mysterious gifts isn't creepy? Also, yes, both your ideas are extremely creepy. Do not do them. Anonymous gifts are far creepier than ones given in person.
3.) How do you know whether or not a girl already has a boyfriend without hiring a spy to find out (since you can't directly ask her)?
Who says you can't? That's exactly what you should do!
4.) How do you ask what religion a girl is without directly asking her (since that's taboo for some reason, just like asking about her relational status)?
Just ask. It's that simple.
5.) Do girls actually like stuffed animals, flowers and jewelry, or are those just stereotypical, non-creative gifts?
Depends on the girl, like most things.
6.) Is it ok to ask a girl to a dance directly, or is it like asking her out to the first date, where you have to be "subtle" and confusing?
Just ask. Be confident and open. Don't even attempt subtlety, because it will inevitably go wrong somehow.
7.) Would a girl rather you wear a business suit to the first date, or a t-shirt and jeans?
Just dress like you usually do.
8.) Should you try to become friends with someone you have a crush on and then ask them out, or will you get stuck in the "just friends" area forever?
Eh, either way could work I guess. My best bud started going out with his lady after being friends for years, while I didn't meet mine until the day before our first date. I know a lot of folks like to talk about the "friend zone", but I don't have any real opinion either way.
9.) Do girls actually like being liked, or are they generally disgusted when they find out that a boy likes them?
Depends on the overall level of creepiness really.

 

[Gentoo]

Because it went so well the last time I asked you guys questions, I decided to do it again.[/sarcasm]
1.) Is there a social rule that states that a girl cannot date a guy younger than her? I tend to be attracted to older girls =/.

I don't think so, I've been attracted to younger guys, and I've known girls my age to date younger guys as well.

2.) Since the girls and boys have separate living areas in my college, how would I go about delivering gifts to a girl (without her directly knowing that it's from me, as it's creepy to give a girl things when she knows they're from me)? My two ideas were climb to the window and drop the gift in, and hiring a spy/friend to deliver it for me, but I decided that both options were both creepy and impossible.

Would leaving it wrapped with a tag with her name on it outside her door not work?

3.) How do you know whether or not a girl already has a boyfriend without hiring a spy to find out (since you can't directly ask her)?

I think just asking is the best approach..

4.) How do you ask what religion a girl is without directly asking her (since that's taboo for some reason, just like asking about her relational status)?

It's taboo? I wasn't aware of that... But if you want to weave it into conversation, maybe try to steer the conversation in that direction (there is definitely an art to this, so don't feel bad if it fails horrible :hug

5.) Do girls actually like stuffed animals, flowers and jewelry, or are those just stereotypical, non-creative gifts?

This depends on the girl. I'm a sucker for stuffed animals, but I'm not into flowers or jewelry. Try to find out something that she likes, make the gift a little more personal.

6.) Is it ok to ask a girl to a dance directly, or is it like asking her out to the first date, where you have to be "subtle" and confusing?

I think the direct approach it perfect for both situations.

7.) Would a girl rather you wear a business suit to the first date, or a t-shirt and jeans?

Definitely depends on the date. You want to wear something nice (not ripped, stained etc), but appropriate for where you're going. You wouldn't want to wear a 3 piece suit if you're going roller skating, you know?

8.) Should you try to become friends with someone you have a crush on and then ask them out, or will you get stuck in the "just friends" area forever?

This also depends on the girl. I can only speak for myself here, I NEED to be friends with someone before dating them. But I have friends that say the direct opposite.

9.) Do girls actually like being liked, or are they generally disgusted when they find out that a boy likes them?

I think most would find it flattering, but girls can be strange creatures.

 

[T-Dawg]

Thanks guys. Bleh, I'm guessing that the girl I had in mind isn't really much for dances... there's a dance going on in the lobby right now (or was when I started typing this post, I think it's over now). I waited around for a while, but I never saw her. Disappointing, I probably would have had the courage to ask her to a dance if there was one going on in the background.

Would leaving it wrapped with a tag with her name on it outside her door not work?

Maybe I wasn't being clear...The residential halls are blocked by doors. These doors have things called "fobs," and you need a little electronic key to get through. If you don't "fob" the door with your little electronic key, an alarm goes off. The fobs allow the administration to know exactly who went where at what time, and the fobs given to boys don't work on the girl's area (and vice versa).
In other words, the only way I can get anywhere close to her room without literally setting off a security alarm is if a girl (spy) lets me in, and then I have to successfully avoid getting caught (although, if I found a girl who was willing to work for me, I could just have her deliver it. But then, Circle_One said not to do that =/). It's not gonna happen.

Try to find out something that she likes, make the gift a little more personal.

Find out about her and what she likes before you start buying her things.

How do I do this without spies?

Who says you can't?

My little teenage instincts / whatever area of my brain receives telepathy. Since I have Asperger's, neither of them fuction nearly as well as they do in normal teenagers, but I still receive some social norms (which, like most social norms, are stupid and have no reason to exist, but have to be followed anyway for some reason).

Wait, and sending mysterious gifts isn't creepy?

The idea is that I can still give her things without her being angry at me =/. I like giving things to girls. Also, if the girl happens to like me back, she'll probably automaticaly assume it was me (people in love tend to be overly optimistic). If she has no interest in me whatsoever, it probably won't even cross her mind that it came from me and not some random person.

If you're a nice guy, aren't overt about liking her

I'm confused... how do I be direct without being overt (that is, the opposite of subtle) about liking her?

This also depends on the girl. I can only speak for myself here,

How am I supposed to know what to do when every girl wants something different?

Also, there's no set rule saying that you NEED to buy a girl presents anyway.

I like giving things to girls. It makes me feel less worthless (unless they refuse the gift, which they often do).

 

[Gentoo]

Maybe I wasn't being clear...The residential halls are blocked by doors. These doors have things called "fobs," and you need a little electronic key to get through. If you don't "fob" the door with your little electronic key, an alarm goes off. The fobs allow the administration to know exactly who went where at what time, and the fobs given to boys don't work on the girl's area (and vice versa).
In other words, the only way I can get anywhere close to her room without literally setting off a security alarm is if a girl (spy) lets me in, and then I have to successfully avoid getting caught (although, if I found a girl who was willing to work for me, I could just have her deliver it. But then, Circle_One said not to do that =/). It's not gonna happen.

Ahh... that makes it a little more tricky than I thought Really though, the girl doesn't have to be a 'spy', just a friend willing to help.

How do I do this without spies?

Do you talk to the girl you like at all? What people talk about in daily conversation and the little personal things they keep (keychains or something like that) or even how they decorate their school bags can tell you a lot about who they are and what they like.

My little teenage instincts / whatever area of my brain receives telepathy. Since I have Asperger's, neither of them fuction nearly as well as they do in normal teenagers, but I still receive some social norms (which, like most social norms, are stupid and have no reason to exist, but have to be followed anyway for some reason).

That's fine, and it's great to ask the questions But I don't (and I'm sure that others would agree) see anything wrong with a guy dating an older girl.

I'm confused... how do I be direct without being overt (that is, the opposite of subtle) about liking her?

Well, there's a large difference between being direct: "I like you and would like to take you out somewhere" and overt/stalker: "I'm totally in love with you and love watching you sleep". (Note, that last one actually happened to a friend of mine, she still hasn't gotten over it.)

 

[T-Dawg]

just a friend willing to help.

In other words, a spy.

Do you talk to the girl you like at all?

Not much. We've had a few words, but I don't think she considers me more of a friend than any other guy. As a second-year student (the program I'm in goes for 2 years), she doesn't have to go to all the dumb speeches and stuff that I do as a first-year, and as a &quot;community leader,&quot; she's often away preparing things.

That's fine, and it's great to ask the questions But I don't (and I'm sure that others would agree) see anything wrong with a guy dating an older girl.

Eh, the part you quoted had nothing to do with the older girls thing, it was answering Zephyr's question of who told me that I couldn't directly ask the girl things.

&quot;I'm totally in love with you and love watching you sleep&quot;. (Note, that last one actually happened to a friend of mine, she still hasn't gotten over it.)

... You mean girls DON'T like it when a guy worthy of them is in love with them to the point of watching them sleep? I always thought the girls I liked hated being liked by me simply because it was by me... (no, I haven't watched girls sleep, although honestly if I could, I'd probably be tempted to. Women look really beautiful when asleep, from what I've seen in movies and pictures and such)

Hmm... I'm getting kind of scared here... if someone from my program happened to see this, and was smart enough to figure out what program I'm talking about (probably not hard, since most of you know what state I live in and I doubt there's another one like it in my state), he'd be able to pinpoint exactly who the girl I like is... she's the only Indian the entire program...

 

[Alceste]

Hiya. I think you should just talk to the girl whenever you get a chance. Be yourself, be nice, and be considerate. I honestly don't know how gifts would work out. It's an odd thing to do, IMO, but if you've got Aperger's you're probably pretty quirky anyway, so it might be just right.

I dated a younger guy who had Aperger's a few years ago. It didn't work out in the end (a little TOO much younger), but he was really sweet, fun and the most loving person I'd ever dated. Basically, he just hung around with me for long enough to let me make all the moves in the beginning. Kind of "where are you going, oh, I'm walking that way too, I'll walk with you" type of thing. He was always walking my way, it seemed. Then one day I invited him in for a glass of wine and to play some music (we are both musicians), and the rest is history.

I think, because he has trouble reading people's emotions and body language, being friendly and available and then letting girls take the lead really works for him and saves him from a lot of awkward situations. Saves him from having to figure out how "normal" people do things too, since the girls that go for him are not looking for "normal". I just fell for him for who he is.

 

[tumbleweed41]

1.) Is there a social rule that states that a girl cannot date a guy younger than her? I tend to be attracted to older girls =/.

More important to most women is the maturity level of the man they date.

2.) Since the girls and boys have separate living areas in my college, how would I go about delivering gifts to a girl (without her directly knowing that it's from me, as it's creepy to give a girl things when she knows they're from me)? My two ideas were climb to the window and drop the gift in, and hiring a spy/friend to deliver it for me, but I decided that both options were both creepy and impossible.

Yes...creepy. You want to give a gift, just give it to her, but try getting to know her first, otherwise it is still "creepy".

3.) How do you know whether or not a girl already has a boyfriend without hiring a spy to find out (since you can't directly ask her)?

Ask her.

4.) How do you ask what religion a girl is without directly asking her (since that's taboo for some reason, just like asking about her relational status)?

If it is that important, ask what she is doing next Sunday morning. Or ask if she would like to attend a church function with you.

5.) Do girls actually like stuffed animals, flowers and jewelry, or are those just stereotypical, non-creative gifts?

Every woman is different. Find out what she likes. That is why you should get to know her before giving gifts.

6.) Is it ok to ask a girl to a dance directly, or is it like asking her out to the first date, where you have to be "subtle" and confusing?

Just ask her.

7.) Would a girl rather you wear a business suit to the first date, or a t-shirt and jeans?

Depends on where you are going. Fancy dinner? Suit up. Movie and a cafe? More casual. Four wheeling? Jeans and t-shirt.

8.) Should you try to become friends with someone you have a crush on and then ask them out, or will you get stuck in the "just friends" area forever?

Ask her out. Dating is all about getting to know someone, not fulfilling a "crush".

9.) Do girls actually like being liked, or are they generally disgusted when they find out that a boy likes them?

Everyone likes to be liked. (Unless they are sociopaths, or feel socially inadequate.)
The only way to find out if someone would be interested in you is to ask them out. Rejected or accepted, it's better than not even trying.

 

[Papersock]

I know it can be very difficult, but you pretty much have to socialize with girls (or a girl) in order get to know them better, before asking them out or doing many of those other things you asked about.

 

[Erebus]

Because it went so well the last time I asked you guys questions, I decided to do it again.[/sarcasm]
1.) Is there a social rule that states that a girl cannot date a guy younger than her? I tend to be attracted to older girls =/.
2.) Since the girls and boys have separate living areas in my college, how would I go about delivering gifts to a girl (without her directly knowing that it's from me, as it's creepy to give a girl things when she knows they're from me)? My two ideas were climb to the window and drop the gift in, and hiring a spy/friend to deliver it for me, but I decided that both options were both creepy and impossible.
3.) How do you know whether or not a girl already has a boyfriend without hiring a spy to find out (since you can't directly ask her)?
4.) How do you ask what religion a girl is without directly asking her (since that's taboo for some reason, just like asking about her relational status)?
5.) Do girls actually like stuffed animals, flowers and jewelry, or are those just stereotypical, non-creative gifts?
6.) Is it ok to ask a girl to a dance directly, or is it like asking her out to the first date, where you have to be "subtle" and confusing?
7.) Would a girl rather you wear a business suit to the first date, or a t-shirt and jeans?
8.) Should you try to become friends with someone you have a crush on and then ask them out, or will you get stuck in the "just friends" area forever?
9.) Do girls actually like being liked, or are they generally disgusted when they find out that a boy likes them?

Ok, like with the last one I haven't read the previous answers. I'm also male and therefore inclined to ignorance about women so ladies please let me know if any of my answers are just plain... male


1. Nope, it depends entirely on the girl herself. Everybody has different preferences.

2. I don't know how that would work for you as I've never been in that situation. Personally though I wouldn't get a girl gifts unless we were already going out or it was a special occasion and we were already friends.

3. Either ask one of her friends or ask her directly but in casual conversation.

4. Again bring it up in casual conversation if you can. Religion is a bit tricky to bring up sometimes, but be patient and an opportunity should come about. Alternatively if you are both on a social site like facebook, a lot of people write their religious beliefs on their profile page.

5. Depends entirely on the girl... you'd have to get to know them more first.

6. If you're at a club or a party then of course you can ask her directly, just be casual and relaxed about it.

7. Depends on the girl and where you are going. For most dates I'd say smart casual is best (shirt, jeans and cologne) as a suit can come across as cliched. One of my old flat mates turned up to a girl's house in a tux carrying flowers and wine when they were only going bowling together... he got dumped the next day.

8. Just get to know them, go out with friends a few times and chat with them. Getting to be good friends with somebody first runs the risk of ruining a friendship and in my opinion a friendship is far more valuable than a relationship.

9. Everybody likes to be liked but nobody likes to be put on a pedestal (except for the true narcissists). It can be difficult to approach a girl who you have really fallen for, but unless you try to remember that they are only human and that if they don't like you it isn't the end of the world, you'll have a really tough time ahead of you.

 

[Sunstone]

The best way to learn about girls, is to go make friends with the ones you like as people. That is, the girls you would like even if they weren't girls.

 

[T-Dawg]

The best way to learn about girls, is to go make friends with the ones you like as people. That is, the girls you would like even if they weren't girls.

That's almost as impossible as making friends with boys =/. And that's even harder than asking girls out. At least it's possible to just walk up to a stranger and date them. You can't make friends that way.

remember that they are only human

Not usually. Most of the girls I've liked were divinity and had supernatural powers (I don't think this one does though, so I'm safe). Of course, a casual observer would probably just think that they were normal girls.


By the way, does anyone know where I can get money, besides a paying job (it's against the rules to have a paying job in my program), and besides asking parents?

 

[Erebus]

Not usually. Most of the girls I've liked were divinity and had supernatural powers (I don't think this one does though, so I'm safe). Of course, a casual observer would probably just think that they were normal girls.

Very funny what I'm saying is that even somebody you fall head over heels for is still just as fallible as you are.

 

[T-Dawg]

Very funny what I'm saying is that even somebody you fall head over heels for is still just as fallible as you are.

Oh, ok, that makes more sense .

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

My little teenage instincts / whatever area of my brain receives telepathy. Since I have Asperger's, neither of them fuction nearly as well as they do in normal teenagers, but I still receive some social norms (which, like most social norms, are stupid and have no reason to exist, but have to be followed anyway for some reason).

BTW - this reminded me of a lecture I heard some time ago. You might be interested to listen to it yourself:

BIGIDEAS Stephen Pinker | Robert J. Sawyer

It's the first one listed on the page: "The Stuff of Thought" by Stephen Pinker. Part of his lecture is on the psychology involved in swearing, but the other part is about the dynamics of interpersonal relationships and some of the reasons why people sometimes behave in ways that don't seem to make much sense.

Warning: he uses some strong language in the part on swearing.

 

[Sunstone]

That's almost as impossible as making friends with boys =/. And that's even harder than asking girls out. At least it's possible to just walk up to a stranger and date them. You can't make friends that way.Not usually.

I still think it must be done.

 

[Alceste]

I still think it must be done.

I think Sunstone has a point. I sat down at a table with a drop-dead gorgeous Brazilian guy today because the restaurant I went to was full. If I'd gotten a look at his face before I saw the empty seat I wouldn't have asked because I'd have been worried he'd think it was a come-on - he was too gorgeous. Even for a Brazilian guy. WAY out of my league. Anyway, to make a long story short, he turned out to be really friendly and we had a nice lunch. If I can do it, so can you. (Granted it helps that I'm not looking for love - makes it much easier to talk to drop-dead gorgeous guys.)

 

[Madhuri]

By the way, does anyone know where I can get money, besides a paying job (it's against the rules to have a paying job in my program), and besides asking parents?

Let me see...

I don't suppose you would stoop to thievery?
There's always government allowances (though to get that in america you may need to be a single parent, a pensioner or you could break your legs).
Or take out a loan.
Or a charity/fundraiser.
Sneak into wishing ponds.
You could travel to a country where the dollar is worth less than yours and wait until the reverse occurs, at which point you can travel home and be wealthier than when you left.
Find hidden treasure. Do it like Monte Cristo.
Go gold hunting in Africa.
Marry somebody wealthy. Then get a divorce settlement.
Gamble.
Sell something.

These are just off the top of my head..