Inexorable Consequences

[4consideration]

If you end up working at White Castke, you will eat small hamburgers every time you have a break.

 

[BSM1]

If you eat small hamburgers every time you have a break, you will become obese.
If you become obese, you will wear out your car's suspension.

 

[4consideration]

If you wear out your car's suspension, you will take it to a mechanic named, "Bubba."

 

[Quagmire]

If you take it to a mechanic named "Bubba" he will spit tobacco on your shoes.

 

[4consideration]

If he spits tabacco on your shoes, you will bend over to wipe it off.

 

[Quagmire]

If he spits tabacco on your shoes, you will bend over to wipe it off.

Which is one of the worst things you can do around Bubba. If you bend over to wipe it off, Bubba will dim the lights and put on a Barry White album. . .

 

[4consideration]

If Bubba dims the lights and puts on a Barry White album, you will put on a teddy.

(That's lingerie for any of you guys that don't know.)

 

[Me Myself]

If you put on a teddy you will do naughty stuff with your teddy and be nicknamed "Teddy Bear".

If you are naked "Teddy Bear" people will think you are huggable and harmless, which may make you way more perverted.

 

[4consideration]

If it makes you way more perverted, you will begin a Perversion Excorcise Routine -- in order to release yourself from perversion possession -- or a least shed a bit of the weight of that possession.

 

[BSM1]

If you begin a Perversion Excorcise Routine--in order to release yourself from perversion possession--or at least shed a bit of the weight of that possession, you will be sanctioned by the Catholic Church.
If you are sanctioned by the Catholic Church, you will demand sainthood.

 

[4consideration]

If you demand sainthood, the Catholic Church will tell you that you must be canonized.
If the Catholic Church tells you that you must be canonized, you will think that it means being shot out of a cannon.

 

[BSM1]

If you think that it means being shot out of a cannon, you will start making crude jokes about cannon balls.

 

[Me Myself]

If you start making crude jokes about cannon balls, someone will make sure you dont find that funny anymore

 

[4consideration]

If someone makes sure you don't find that funny anymore, you will start making crude jokes about hot dogs.

 

[BSM1]

If you start making crude jokes about hot dogs, you will realize you are wasting your potential.
If you realize you are wasting your potential, you will write letters to the editor about ground meat products.

 

[4consideration]

If you write letters to the editor about ground meat products, you will sign your letters Mystery Meat Man.

 

[BSM1]

If you sign your letters Mystery Meat Man, you will be asked to write a food column.
If you are asked to write a food column,you will panic.
If you panic, you will run off to Uzbekistan.

 

[4consideration]

If you run off to Uzbekistan, you will find that after you quit running you will have to start swimming.
If you find that after you quit running you will have to start swimming, you will swim across an ocean.
If you swim across an ocean, you will find that you have to do a lot more running after you cross that ocean.
If you have to do a lot more running after you cross that ocean, you will wish that you had picked a coastal country or at least one that was not so land-locked.

 

[BSM1]

If you wish that you had picked a coastal country or at least one that was not so land-locked, you will realize that you slept through geography in school.
If you realize you slept through geography in school, you will be angry at your geography teacher.
If you are angry at your geography teacher, you will want revenge.
If you want revenge, you will steal his cat.

 

[4consideration]

If you steal his cat, you will be reminded that you have a terrible allergy to cats.