Inexorable Consequences

[Revoltingest]

If you develop a hanker'n for Twinkies, you will become grossly obese.

 

[4consideration]

If you become grossly obese, you won't be able to see certain parts of your body -- like your feet.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you can't see some parts of your body, you will wonder if they are still there.
If you wonder if they are still there, you will feel around for them.
If you feel around for them, you will get caught by your mother (just like George Costanza).

 

[4consideration]

If you get caught by your mother (just like George Costanza,) she will tell you that feeling around for your body parts like that will make you go blind.
If she tells you that feeling around for your boday parts like that will make you go blind, you will decide to conduct an experiment to see if that is true.

 

[BSM1]

If you conduct an experiment to see if that is true, you will stop when you need glasses.

 

[4consideration]

If you stop when you need glasses, you will decide to just get contact lens and keep at it.

 

[BSM1]

If you decide to just get contact lens and keep at it, you will audition for Jeopardy.

 

[4consideration]

If you audition for Jeopardy, you will start answering people in the form of a question.

 

[BSM1]

If you start answering people in the form of a question, you will become a psychiatrist.

 

[4consideration]

If you become a psychiatrist, you will invite everyone you meet to lie down on your couch.

 

[BSM1]

If you invite everyone to lie down on your couch, you will soon need a new couch.
If you soon need a new couch, you will subscribe to a futon-of-the-month club.

 

[4consideration]

If you subscribe to a futon-of-the month club, each month you will fantasize about the next month's futon having even more padding than the one before.

 

[BSM1]

If you fantasize about next months futon having more padding, you will be sorely disappointed when you receive December's cast iron model.

 

[4consideration]

If you are sorely disappointed when you receive December's cast iron model, you will go to your neighbor's house and ask him if you can snuggle up with him on his couch to watch TV.

 

[BSM1]

If you go to your neighbor's house and ask him if you can snuggle up with him on his couch to watch TV, you will realize that this is not the first time you have done this.
If you will realize that this is not the first time you have done this, you will join a convent.

 

[4consideration]

If you join a convent, you will have to get rid of your "hottie's" list in your address book.

 

[BSM1]

If you get rid of your "hottie's" list in your address book, you will find the only name left will be "Revoltingest".

 

[4consideration]

If the only name left is "Revoltingest," you will call him and invite him to the convent for weekly "Scrabble night."

 

[BSM1]

If you call him and invite him to the convent for the weekly "Scrabble night", he will misunderstand and think you said "Scrapple night".
If he misunderstands and think you said "Scrapple night", you will hear him complain that this a total waste of bacon.

 

[4consideration]

If you hear him complain that this is a total waste of bacon, you will tell him that instead of playing Scrabble you'd like to just "chew the fat."