Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal

[Riders]

So multiple things going on here.First place my wound came back. It hasn't been touching my skin to clothing, I've been going without pants and shorts on at home so it cant irritate my skin.

But I have not taken care of myself showers and all which is a big thing but also binging on fast food the past 2 weeks having gained probably 20 pounds (I did eat low fat with high carbs two days this past week it may not be that bad but it has to be pretty bad)

Part of it is boredom staying home in this virus. I started getting sick didn't notice it just kind of crazy.

I did not train my dog well to go out 3 years ago in part laziness and she pooped and all over my Mom and dad's bedroom and the hallways.

I had a guy come over give me a 1000 dollars amount he would consider doing my house removing all of the carpet it all needs to be removed there is some bad stains in the living room as well.

But these other people are willing to do 3 rooms at a time, maybe I can get the rest after this gets paid off. Then she will have to throw out this couch that has dirt dust and fleas in it its dangerous as my home healthw worker said today.

I got the ems guys out here They said I was running low grade temperature of 99.1 and coughing. Home health aid wanted me to go into the hospital get tested for Coronavirus but the ems guys said it was doubtful that I had it so I decided to stay home.

They said that the drs look for all 3symptoms high fever coughing and shortness of breath> I have not had shortness of breath. Also I doubt that 99.1 is high enough to be considered corona.

Most likely its from the wound the ems guys discovered I have my wound is back they said most likely infected so Ill have to be on antibiotics.

SO I don't believe I have it I get this estimate for my nasty hosue tomorrow though and Im putting 650 down on it so Ill have money to buy a new couch, used from craigslist anyways.

 

[Riders]

So anyways I saw a Dr. Phil show today with another one of these older folks who a lady whom got taken in by another scam artist through dating web sights.

I have had a bunch approach me but I never got taken by them. You have to be willing to believe you are falling in love on line without meeting or knowing the person.

Why the heck would I believe that, to me there is no such thing as long distance romance although I have heard it works for a few people but very few.

I almost got taken by a guy who pretended to be a military guy, I wanted to believe it but I knew it was a scam. The funny thing is that Dr. Phil says he had a chance to speak to one of these con artists.

He asked them why they did not clear up they're broken English? They are all from Nigeria most of them.

They also like to use the term dear a lot. It is a popular term of endearment for Nigeria men, a woman I knew in the old folks home had Nigerian husband and knew about it. They always drove me crazy, I always knew something was wrong with that.

To me dear is something you call your grandmother, it's not romantic or sexy or anything. But they use it all the time.

It drives me nuts, baby is ok, baby girl, honey sweetheart, anything like that or friend or buddy whatever but not dear, I run when a man on the net uses it on me on the net.

But it is funny because the guy told Dr. Phil that they don't correct they're English mistakes because hey know if someone is stupid enough to fall for the language barrier when they could just use an app to clear up the language ;They know that person is stupid enough to give them money.

I had a guy emailing me claiming to be a military guy and that right there is why I figured him out him skipping letters and words made no since to me.

Like instead of saying I want to date you they will say I want date you. I didn't make any since. He said it was because he didn't understand the internet dialect folks use like LMAO that sort of thing.

How stupid did he think I was? I was like no I don't believe you anymore, you have not proven to me you are in the Military, dude you are not speaking English , you speak broken English and your not America.

He got so mad he started screaming at me cussing me out. I am glad I didn't give him my personal info, he was probably a dangerous person.

I wish I could talk to that lady and some of the others he's had like an older guy he had on, and just reach out and be a platonic friend to them. It is very sad, this lady was crying at the end she was so broken hearted.

I identify, though I've never cried over a con man I have cried because of loneliness/ I wish I could teach them a class on love addiction.

This lady admitted she was addicted to talking to con men, she is probably a love addict not a sex addict.

Sex and Love addicts anonymous could be a good fellowship for her. It's not a requirement to be a sex addict in SLAA.

 

[Riders]

I have a few guy friends who are conservative Christians in the program of SAA.

I get disgusted with Christian conservative men who watch porn but only because on the hypocrisy. It's like the conservative Christian churches who protest against Hooters of strip tease bars have many men who probably use that business in their own churches.

In the middle of a storm last year my lights went out for 9 hours. I had no cell phone. I had lots of money stashed so I got out in the warm weather, I was hot sweaty and I got out and went to a place that reminded me of my man friend Robert and I could relax! HOOTERS! So I went in

as I was walking to my table I heard a guy telling this other guy " See this isn't so bad the girls are nice and hey I go to that Southern Baptist church over there it's no big deal!"

In the first place Alcoholics Anonymous will tell you if your trying to convert other drinkers to get drunk with you, it's a sure fire sign of addiction nd porn is no different! Why convert you Baptist buddies? you must feel lonely!

Second place the guys who go to Baptist churches in Mesquite are in conservative churches, they all preach against stuff like Hooters! I wanted to walk right up to him and say " hey dude I wonder what your Pastor would say!" But I didn't.

It's not the fact that they are into Hooter's but just the hypocrisy makes me sick. Also the addiction, trying to convert others from your church to go to Hooter's LOl, but you must be hooked because your truly alone! If you have to stoop to converting folks from church OMG!

 

[Riders]

So my guy friend CHarles in my SAA group was raised up by an alcoholic Father like I and my Mom, and he goes to ACOA meetings adult Children of alcoholics and also goes to AA for his sex and love addiction and goes to Sex Addicts Anonymous.

SO I am thinking of changing to NA. The thing about meetings is I am finding out that I am very comfortable like Charles with AA and NA because I was raise dup around drug addicts and alcoholics, my Mom and I went to AA with her, we also visited NA sometimes and Alateen where there were a lot of drug and alcoholic addicts so.

I also think this has something to do with the reason why I just can't get along with Over Eaters Anonymous meetings. I am too use to being around alcoholics and drug addicts, in fact OA meetings in Dallas almost 100 percent of them are held all in conservative Christian churches.

I have never been to an AA and NA meeting in a church, maybe once or twice but mostly not. I am very uncomfortable in those church meetings.

Anyway let me tell you this about NA: NA covers all my addictions and all of them. Mine are over eating sex and love and codependency.

NA says a drug is a drug is a drug , an addict is an addict, so even though most people there are chemical drug addicts, but any addiction is fine so if your not a chemical drug addict it's fine a drug is a drug.

So everyone there introduces himself as Hi my name is Elizabeth and I am an addict!

In AA I have to introduce myself as my name is Elizabeth and I qualify which I think insinuates I am an alcoholic. Even though I am at my Mom's group and they know I feel like it is not fair. It feel's like a lie.

So I am thinking about switching out to NA so I can cover all my addictions at once and get a sponsor for all my addictions.

But I will still go to SAA but be going to NA mostly.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Regarding romance scams, also be careful if they speak of a sick grandmother and right off the bat. They're trying to build sympathy to solicit money.

 

[Fwoooh]

Personally I'm SUPER shocked that more Boys don't end up doing this.

 

[Riders]

Here is a copy of one of my book reviews I got paid for. I made 2 or 3 mistakes which just proves these people hire regular people who are not talented. But anyways this was a review for a book about opening a retail fashion store.

irst of all I really liked the way this book started out with the story of this author and her Grandmother. This is a well written book by a fashion retail owner. She started out as a family owned business, and her Grandmother who gave away clothes to people.
She started selling her Grandmothers and her clothes to family and friends and then built up a clientele by word of mouth. I believe it is a really smart way to start a business and my sister and brother in law started their business the same way.
I also liked the idea of finding out how to give away clothes first and learning to sell through giving away your knowledge.
I really believe a business college or college degree in fashion or retail would do good for anyone who wants to enter retail. This is the perfect book for students who want's to go into fashion and retail. I also believe this is a great book for anyone who is contemplating going into any kind of retail.

It has all sorts of ideas for the new retail business owner.
However it is not necessary to be educated to have a retail business. This book is good for any person who wants to start up a retail store of any kind especially online, a home business, not just for fashion.

However this book goes into deep step by step instructions and how to of building an online presence with your retail store, how to reach buyers, and advertising through the internet.

It has a lot of great detail about social media sights. It also has many secrets that I did not know about some of the biggest social media sights and how to get the best out of sells and use it to it's full ability.

That's most of it not all of it. I get 15 dollars for it. I don't make much money with but am also working another job off the net that allows me to leave sellers feedback for a fee and I get over 100 a month it maybe between 100 and 140 a month plus the 30 a month get from reading reviews.

I am hoping to improve my writing and get more book reviews eventually. This one I know I repeated myself on this one about the book being for anyone who wants to open a retail store. It makes me mad I didn't go over it with a finer tooth comb last night. But anyways, there you have it.

So it doesn't take a good talented writers to do book reviews for cash.

 

[Riders]

So bad news, my Doctor yelled at me about my obesity. My wound came back. I go back to the dr tomorrow. I hope its getting better. She wants me to see a nutritionist.

They have not called me yet though. However she agrees with Weight Watchers and I am on Weight watchers the internet membership. So I am doing it on the net maybe after my wound gets well and I can go out Ill go out Ill, change to doing in person meetings.

I am back down to 292 , from I don't know, I have not been weighing myself except once sense I went on a two week fast food binge. I was at 295 so 3 pounds down from that but I may have hit 300 I don't know. Anyways I am saying my prayers I get this weight off !

 

[Riders]

Well I met a guy online yesterday who said he lives in Mesquite close to me is a liberal Christian and 56 years old divorced 6 years. He seems pretty nice says he doesn't care about me not being a Christian.

I told him I had visited a couple of the liberal Christian churches in Mesquite and he sais he does go to church out here. He maybe a member of the United Methodist church I mentioned.

I told him I had an infection sore throat and achy ears, going to the dr's. office today. He lost it said he wanted t0 cry and he'd come over and talk to me and take care of me right away tomorrow. I went huh?

He thought I had the virus and apologized for over reacting later. It was easy for him to kind of take the Knight and shinning armor riding upon his white horse to rescue me.

But there's nothing wrong with that really, it is interesting though.

Anyways I worry about him being in church, I know liberal Christians are suppose to be accepting, of others from different cultures however I think maybe a few of them still have old timey standards , like maybe he thinks he's missionizing me.
Well she's been to our churches before that's a sign from God, he want's me to witness to her.

Anyways yea I am not going to automatically trust him just because I have been in the same groups he's been in. He will have to earn my trust but only if I decided to date him, we will see.

 

[Riders]

He turned out to be a scam artist. Yea well. I know the solution get away from dating sights. At least I know them before they scam me, there have been quite a few older folks Dr. Phill has straightened out who has spent million dollars or 100s of thousands on dating web sight scams.

 

[Riders]

So I have not socialized with men much this year in part due to the virus. I have banged my head against the wall with trying to meet men in dating web sights and they are either scams or scamming for sex or married men scamming for sex. Its tough.

But anyways I prayed for God to find me another way to socialize with men but in a safe way. But I always choose to go to mixed Sex Addicts anonymous meetings, we have fellowship afterwards and I have several male friends I can fellowship with. I don't call them up personally but in fellowship the whole group of SAA folks are there so it's pretty safe.

I know everyone always says I need to learn to socialize with women more. I have been working on that. I made a new woman friend named Doni not long ago, she's nice and in SAA and she is a lesbian. I get along with GLBTQs better then straight women.

Anyways I did find a group I didn't know was so active on face book couple of weeks ago. I had been in this Buffy The Vampire Slayer fan group and did not know they have watch parties. We watch either BTVS or Angel episodes, it is mixed, and we have trivia, make comments on the show and post to each other on the page.
Sometimes people posts like" Did you like Angel or Spike better as Buffy's Boyfriends" stuff like that.

I started noticing there a lot of men there and I am socializing with men, well through the internet if you consider it socializing but I do, I like it, I like being able to talk to men.

It's safe, we can't talk or socialize about anything but Buffy or Angel there and so but I get to chat with men in a safe restricted way. I think it's a good thing.

 

[Riders]

I got to go on a weight loss rant .Not about me although I have gained weight been off my diet for a week now. I'm planning getting back on it tomorrow.

Anyways my rant is about he 5 6 and 7 and 800 pound patients on Dr. Now. So they did Where Are They Now programs where they go back and check in on patients who already did mistake one episode and got the surgery on My 600 Pound Life.

What drives me crazy is many of them talk about going to church, praying,that sort of thing identify themselves as Christian in the beginning.

I wish they didn't do that because many of them make the church look ridiculous when they don't follow through with their weight loss.

So Dottie, Teretha and Cynthia were on this one and a few others. They were like at the end when they realize they're not losing weight can't get skin surgery all of a sudden it's " Dr. Now is taking up too much of my time, He;'s not family oriented, I haven't been able to keep my family values by spending time with my family. My family values are my whole life, and it's more important for me to spend time with my family then to lose weight and be in this program, Dr. Now doesn't understand family values.

It's like it's Dr. Now's fault or maybe the churches fault for teaching her family values, or whatever , but they make Christians look ridiculous. Why Dr. Now you devil, you must be a Satanist trying to save the lives of these women when they should overeating at home so they can practice family values Satan!

That's how they come off its ridiculous, blaming family values for the reason they can't lose weight!

 

[Riders]

SO my weight is going down and I am hoping to break my yoyo dieting which means its been going between 280 and 300 up and down. Its going downed hopefully Ill get into the 270s this time which will mean a break from my yoyo dieting which is good.

Anyways, so I will put some good things about Christians here. If I offer a defense for Christians in a thread they will ignore it, only from other Christians and people they want to convert do they seem to pay any attention to as far as defending their religion goes.

So I am putting it here. I am arguing on a thread there is no historical evidence for Jesus to the claims Christianity makes and I stand by that.

However many Pagan and Hindu and other religions also base their beliefs on myths, so there is nothing with that. Many Christians claim it to be literally true. But anyways it's a working religion, if you apply the lessons to your life many people get a lot out of it.

I think there is some evidence also that prayer has good effects on people so there's some proof for a relationship with a God being healthy.

There are many Christian recovery programs for drug and addicts and alcoholics. They claim to have bigger larger amount of folks like 40 percent recovery instead of 5 or 10 percent that's in AA that recovers. Being in a religion does help people in recovery. Christian recovery programs have a pretty big percentage of people recovering compared to other programs though. So I think you could use that as some proof it is a valid religion.

The church is doing a lot for Covid and does a lot of charity work for the community, the community in Tx depends on the church quite a bit. They are helping folks get food and masks and different stuff right now. I don't know what we would do without the church.

I am not Christian, I don't believe, as I said that there is any historical evidence for Jesus being raised from the grave,

But I have been watching Unity church on Sundays, Unity teaches the belief in the inner Christ self which I believe personally is what was meant in the bible under Jesus being God scriptures, its new age. Provided we get past this coronavirus in a few months I may join Unity. To me it's a form of Christianity but not traditional Christianity. A belief in the literal Jesus is not required there but they do preach from the bible every week.

So I know Christians here will say it's not Christian but to me it is, they advertise as being Christian on their pages. It is a combination of Christian and New Age. They are new agers. They are accepting of those who belong to other religions too.


Anyways but just because you see me arguing against Christianity as far as historical proof goes don't get the wrong idea that I am against the church, its a valid religion based on Myth but it still works for a lot of people so.

 

[Riders]

Anyways in the mid ninety's when this song was popular, the choir at my Pentecostal church sang it as I started speaking in tongues the first time, and in the eyes of the got saved through tongue talking. .How ever despite the bad memory I love this song and I like Rich Mullens music in general and liked the movie about him a lot.

Love this song! Its good uplifting music to uplift my spirits.

 

[Riders]

I got down to 280 last week according to my scales, lost 7 pounds in 2 days. It can happen but I'm not my scales are right. I have had a stomach virus making me sick which could have contributed I don't know. I ate too much yesterday though. I was hungry from my stomach virus. Sunday my blood sugar was all the way down to 90, which is borderline low. So i don't know if I lost the weight my scales, say. I wish I could go out and get weight on a dr.s scales, but I can't get out rats, this virus........................Im getting back on my diet today.

 

[Riders]

So I got a new guy friend named Randal. I am not making a new thread about him because everytime I do that the guy turns out to be a creep and I end up breaking up with him. I'd like to at least have 2 dates with this guy before I make a thread for him.

My thread will be on dating someone with different political beliefs. This guy is a full on Trump supporter. I told him already I would never marry him or be in a long term relationship with him, it's gonna a friendship. He says he's just interested in conversation.

I am suppose to meet him tomorrow. He's going to meet me on the porch. I'm worried about seeing him because he's one of the one's who believes Corona is a hoax, he doesn't wear masks, he think's he had it already and it's not any worse then the common cold. He blathers on about it, I must be the most patient liberal in the planet to let him blather on about it. . I try to smile and nod but sometimes I disagree with him.

As bad as this sounds though it's better then being alone. His daughters like Buffy The Vampire Slayer though so he's seen a few Buffy episodes and he likes this Ash Vs. The Evil Dead show which is a satire on the super power shows and it's kind of twisted. There's also another scifi show out that's like Star Trek he likes, so we both like Sci Fi Tv shows.

That maybe all we have in common but I haven't asked him about music yet. I'm hoping to talk him into watching some Buffy with me sometime.

That tells you how lonely and desperate me and him are, I think we'd rather put up with each other then be alone.

He does go to bar's, but they're all closed now. he likes to drink beer, he was at a restaurant yesterday drinking I hope he's not an alcoholic.

We will see if it works out, but until I get my second date with him no thread is going up on him.
'

 

[Riders]

Well I'm scratchy itchie got allergies and hurting ears and throat. So now I got to do another virtual dr's visit with Primacare. I've been really sleepy out of it the past week, but I did also have a stomach virus. Its gone now and I've got more energy thank God.

I bought a stupid exercise machine I thought would help. They have these new elliptical steppers that fit under your feet. But because I wanted to save 10 bucks a stepper star climber instead, but it looks like it could fit under feet .
But I did it a few times those I can get my feet on it while sitting down I have to use my toes and heals to push the pedals down. My home health aid says it would give me foot cramps unless I can get my whole body into it.

The other elipticle machines are made for sitting down exercises, so next time I will know better. I spent 97 bucks that I did not have on it. Now it money thrown away. But my home health aid can stand on it and work out she says she likes it.

But she does not have a lot of money either so I am selling It to her for 40 bucks. So at least I get that much back.

Anyways . so I got a baton and a yoyo on my amazon list for next month. Sounds stupid right? But I wanted to find something cheap that I could do I knew I would stick with, something I did as a child. I loved to twirl batons and also yoyos.

I know what your thinking, sitting down doing that won't lose much weight but it will if I am standing! YEP experts say standing counts as exercise and it will get me up and moving around, I might take a few steps with them here and there.

Hey it's 3 bucks for butterfly yoyos at amazon 23 bucks for a 26 inch baton. SO that's way better.

I was thinking I might get a wii station when I get my stimulus check next month. But I might not need to if I am having enough fun with a baton and a yoyo. Ill decide then.

My guy friend is still speaking to yay! Now and then he gets crabby annoyed with me, but at other times we like to talk about tv movies celebrity, music, and sharing what our day is which is really nice and comforting.

 

[Riders]

Out of the blue my guy friend said he was going to rent out property to one of hi tenants in the country. Then he said he's going to look for property for him so he can go out there on the weekends and summer then he said he might change his mind and buy property instead and build a cabin on it.

I hope he's not some crazy predator looking to take me out there. Going out to the country with anyone I have not known along time creeps me out.

However I doubt he is. I think he just wants a place to shoot hunt and fish! Anyways it was interesting, I told him to bring back pictures for me tomorrow.

 

[Riders]

So today my guy friend Randal said he was having a depressing day. Sometimes he bored sometimes angry. Even so, I think we are both lucky we have a friend with each other.

At least we can see past our political beliefs enough to know we need each other as a friend.That has to be a good thing.

 

[Riders]

Well he has not spoken to me in two days. Not sure if he's abandoning me or taking a break. I am not worried about it.

The 12 Step programs on the phone help me. I have been listening to Over Eaters Anonymous for my eating but have not gotten a sponsor yet. It's hard to find abstinent sponsors in OA. But the meetings help.

I had a problem last night. I have 24 weeks of sobriety in Sex Addicts anonymous. Its coming upon 6 months. Last night I started to have a relapse dream, sexual fantasy in my sleep and I woke up and had nasty thoughts and liked my feelings so much I just sat in them.

I did not masturbate nor did I have an orgasm so it does not count as a relapse but I having issues sleeping tonight.

Sex makes me have wrestles leg syndrome, I can't get my legs to calm down at night so I am having issues sleeping. I wish I could see a Dr. about it but I don't think they can do anything about it. I have other personal physical problems with it too. I just deal with it till it goes away.

It's just hard to deal with this sex and porn addiction when I can simply go to sleep and my mind wonders back into sex. I just have to start exercising at night so I can calm down better and start meditating again. I have been lazy and that's the answer. I need to be up exercising a lot at this stage, 6 months I get tempted a lot.


Anyways I talked to my sponsor Angie which is good . I am grossed out and disgusted, my fantasies are dark, I hate myself.But I am glad I did not relapse.