Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal

[Riders]

I had a 2-liter coke eft over from yesterday today. But it has 800 calories, along with that I had my Jimy Dean biscuit and tv dinner a total of 1600 calories which isn't bad I'm hoping I maintained and didn't gain. We will see Monday how y weight is doing. I usually plan a binge for Monday my grocery shopping day and I have extra money this week. I a going to try and avoid it but don't know if I can. It's hard with money in my pocket

 

[Riders]

Oh goodness, I have been sleeping way too much. It worries me that I might be anemic or dehydrated, I have not been drinking my water as I should and it's hot!! I need to be taking a multivitamin and I have not been! I might buy some when I get paid next! I a going to OA meetings through the phone but they cost a penny a minute. They're expensive if I go to a lot of them so I have cut back recently. They drove up y phone bill.
I am registered to get my johnson and Johnson shot at home. But it may take 2 or 3 weeks for them to make a date for me.AFter that I can get out of the house and go a few places.

 

[Riders]

I am down to 324 8 pounds of weight loss yay me!

 

[Riders]

Yes, I had 8 pounds of weight loss. Unfortunately, I binged today. So if I get back to my food plan tomorrow which is my plan,I am going to throw away the rest of this food. I am throwing away my fruity pebbles, I have already had 2 boxes of crunch and munch coke and chocolate milk and parmesan cheese. I love eating parmesan cheese by itself!!
ANyways If I throw it away for tomorrow and get back on my plan I should still have 4 or 5 pounds of weight loss for the last 2 weeks. It is hard having the covid sour out of control. Now I sympathize with those in Europe who were caught in the black death, don't get out for God's sakes stay home unless you are vaccinated and are healthy with no weaknesses, to begin with. With my obesity, Ill be staying home after I get the vaccine.

 

[Riders]

Well, I was on my food plan the past 2 days then got off it today but did not overeat. I had 1800 calories of coke and parmesan cheese. for some reason, parmesan cheese has become a weird OCD food for me. ANyways my calories were still not that high so hopefully, I won't gain any weight from it. I'll weigh this weekend.

 

[Riders]

Well, I binged today over the sad situation at my parent's house. Officially it's falling apart and I have rats because I have holes all over the house with lot of crawl space in it and it's coming apart on the outside. It might be condemned next year. Makes me sad, I grew up here. It's an old house. I ate fruity pebbles parmesan cheese and crunch and munch and coke,

 

[Riders]

Pray for me.I need to move out this house and into my garage apartment by October

 

[Riders]

Well from the rat files I only had 2 sightings of them last night. One of them ran under the dining room table and my cat Cali chased her back to the bedroom. They stay away in the daytime which is good. I only worry about them after 11 pm at night so I've been staying up a lot at night. But if they keep staying in the walls in the daytime I ought to be able to survive with them till October or November when I move out.

I binged yesterday so my weight is back up.

 

[Riders]

My sister says they are sending out an exterminator who will put out the fat poison regardless of all the holes. I hope it works but I have my doubts Meanwhile they are planning to get me out of here by the end of October yay! 2 more months!! Anyways meantime I am not feeling well might get tempted to binge tomorrow I love Crunch and Munch popcorn it's yummy! I also love fruity pebbles. I am telling John to wait till I get to my new place before we spend time together I don't want him over here with the rat problem I really don't. I hope my sister is ok with John visiting me. She knows I won't marry him and she wants to marry me off so.

 

[Riders]

So I read something else about rats. If you go to sleep while they are up at night if they like your skin they might get upon you and crawl around and use their suction cup claws to claw into you!!!! I was thinking of taking a little nap while they are up but now I am going to be up from 10 pm to 6 am every day. I am on the night shift staying up!

 

[Riders]

Well, the rats are not out yet. I do hope the extermination tomorrow works. I have been binging again and I got a 30 dollar check from my work.I am tempted to spend it on pizza. Barbecue chicken is my favorite and Pizza huts Chicken parmesan is my second favorite. I don't know why I'm so stuck on chicken barbecue pizza it's a weird pizza lol but something about the barbecue sauce mixed with parmesan and mozzarella cheese and chicken and bacon in it yum! I'm putting weight on this is bad. Maybe Ill stay on my food plan tomorrow.

 

[Riders]

Well, the exterminator is here. He's putting one poison box on the inside and 1 on the outside for the rats. He says it may take a week for them to get used to going to it then another week for them to all die. I will notice a smaller amount coming out in a week or so. So I got another 2 weeks to be on rat patrol at night staying up all night. Oh he just said he didn't have enough equipment so he's got to reschedule either Friday or Monday So it'll be 2 and a half or almost 3 weeks before I am done dealing with these rats.

 

[Riders]

Well, I had my barbecue chicken pizza tonight yummy! That's it I'm back on my food plan I got to lose this weight I gained. I don't want to look at the scales it may say I'm up to 340 yikes! I am back on rat watch last night we only had 2 out. I hope it's dead tonight. I'm ready to be up the next 6 hours yep!! Ive been skipping talking to my OA sponsor because I sleep right through the afternoon. I have been texting her letting her know what's going on.

 

[Riders]

Well, I got the vaccine shot Friday Johnson and Johnson. I have had no reaction except being sleepier than usual the past couple of days. I've been binging the past 2 days. I may switch back to a low-carb diet the next week. I have been liking parmesan cheese so much I figure if I smear a lot of it on my meats maybe I could tolerate low carb. Some low carb diets are all you can eat protein and milk so. I love parmesan cheese!! I open it up stick a spoon in it and just spoon it out and eat it raw like that yummy!

 

[Riders]

Well, I am starting my low-carb diet Monday. If I can not stick to it I am not doing the operation. Hopefully, I'll stick to it and do the operation and lose weight. I am not mobile enough to cook for myself, when I am mobile more mobile than I am now I cook some. I am not a good cook but I can do a stir fry with steak or chicken or catfish and onions and mushrooms that type of thing. I can also boil potato in the microwave and put cheese butter and sour cream melted on it. I can do simple package recipes like hamburger helper or rice aroni that type of deal.


But there's only one bread a day on low carb. I will get whole bagels and peanut butter for breakfast yum! Either cottage cheese and orange for lunch or these already cooked Nolan Ryan hamburger patties, I can add parmesan cheese to it and it would be like a meatball. Then I will have already cooked baked chicken from Krogers with alfredo sauce and parmesan cheese so it will be chicken alfredo and I can microwave all of that.

I am not much a vegetable person which may change my mind about the operation. I will eat celery cut-up onions mushrooms and peppers and that's about it for me and vegetables.

We shall see if I can stay on a low-carb diet, if not there will be no operation.

 

[Riders]

Well, I have been bored with my movie watching. I have about 25 movies I watch over and over on youtube and Amazon for free. I get burned out so I look for tv programs that are free and there use to be a lot at Amazon. I think Twin Paks maybe still free, I might watch the first season this week. I have a bunch of Buffy The Vampire Slayers I've watched a million times. Sometimes I am just burned out. I went to look for Roseanne and it use to be free now they charge for it. I looked for True Blood it use to be free now they charge. I did find Angel for free but I think I only liked the first season or 2 but I did watch the first one just now. That should keep me busy.

I think youtube has free episodes of I Almost Got Away With It which is good they charge for ID station sows on AMAzon nvestigation Discovery.

 

[Riders]

Now and then I liked to have the crap scared out of me as far as my old sex addiction lifestyle was. Ozzy Osbourne is a serial killer in No More Tears. When he sings
"a Levi of tears to know you won't be coming back" which means she's never going home again Omg.


Even though I am a fat older lady and won't ever be doing any lot liard for truckers again as I did for 3 days When I was 31 and looked like a teen back then: The statement reminds me of the last trucker I was with, honestly, he was a Christian still slept with me but gave me a way out. He fed me gave me money for a shower and 10 in change for sex.
But he scared me and told me if I don't get out now you never will. You'll be having sex with truckers to your death and 2 years from now a serial killer or drug addiction will kill you. He said if you don't do it now get out that's it you'll be doing this forever. So he talked straight but scared the crap out of me. He gave me a change for the phone and the number for the Assembly Of God homeless shelter. I told them I had been with truck drivers they came straight out and picked me up, good people!!!!

I owe my life to a Christian Guy and I sometimes feel guilty about not being in the church because of that. Anyways Here's Ozzy with no more tears reminding me of how dangerous my life has been.

 

[Riders]

I am on y first day of my low carb diet. I had baked chicken breast and parmesan cheese for lunch. It was ok but I am craving cokes badly. I need coke but I won't get one. I am trying to drink water and herbal tea. It is tough.

 

[Riders]

Man, all I am doing is restricting my bread to one bread and one fruit a day and eating what I want of milks and cheeses and meats. It is hard and I can't drink any coke. Those are good changes but not near as strict as the operation. It's a strict diet with a restricted amount of food. I don't know that I'll be able to restrict my food enough I may not be able to get te surgery.

 

[Riders]

Well, I have focused n my guy friend John and the people in my chat rooms. They have a religious cat room and singles chatroom which I go to chat with the men. But I don't cat in individual rooms where it's just me and the man talking. I stay in the open room so I don't get tempted to be sexual. But I sure am lonely just want to spend time with my guy friend John.

I told him my rat or rats only come out to the kitchen between 9 pm and 8 am so if he wants to come over and get gone by 8 pm he can so he's planning on it for November or October. We will play games and watch a movie and eat pizza. I pay for his taxi ride to the bus and from the Mesquite dart to y house about 30 dollars altogether for both taxis. Then I pay 20 bucks for pizza so it's about 50 bucks for me but that's not bad I can afford it. I use to take him out to eat and spend a lot more than that but I can't afford that these days. Anyways I quit my job when I thought I was going into the old folks' home.

I'd rather not work and just reach out to and communicate with my friends and my guy friend so I won't be so lonely. I am also working on exercising and becoming more mobile. I want to be out of this house by November latest!!

I am off my low-carb diet and drinking cokes, I got to get on a less strict diet. So the operation is off for now.