Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal

[Riders]

As a teenager I went through different phases with music. In the beginning, 13 -14 years old Blondie Pat Benetar Joan Jett girl power 14 -16 hard rock 16-20 Billy Idol Prince and Duran Duran I was obsessed with Duran Duran 20 to 23 I was a punk rocker. I still love those guys.

I lost 7 pounds from being sick at my stomach the past week or 2 I'm down to 316 ...

 

[Riders]

I saw Duran Duran 8 or 9 years ago when Sion Lebon was 56 he's 64 now and still looks good for his age. He should be nice looking when he hits 70s like The Beatles are. rent Simon LEbon pictures - - Image Search Results

 

[Riders]

Have yall seen The Burning Bed a tv movie with Farrah Fawcett in it based on a true story about a woman in 1977 who killed her husband who beat the h*ll out of her all the time?

That's another prime example of parents who thought if they could get him married off and stayed married to the wife he battered they could get him to stay with a job and quit drinking. They got married and his Dad said you best better look for a job now that your married. whenever she'd leave him they would convince her that he quit drinking and would get straightened out for her. Again this goes along with the idea that marriage can cure people's problems. It certainly didn't cure him his drinking got worse and he would have killed her if she had not killed him.

It's a good movie you can get it on Amazon.

 

[Riders]

I've gained weight! The past 10 days I've been sick I have been overeating. I maybe up to 340 by now . I don't want to weigh. I have to get back on my food plan and start using frozen tv dinners instead of low carb. I think it'll be easier to stick too

But I have good news. I have not been out of my house in over a year nor walked down my porch steps. I felt like I was becoming too immobile thought about going to the old folks' home. But I got my physical therapist here today and he helped me walk down a couple of the 3 steps then I started walking back up the top step as hard but I made it. I thought I was gonna have to tell my therapist to get the EMS guys out here. Thank God I made it back up. I am not ready to go down the stairs by myself yet but maybe over the next month or 2, I can keep practicing and get to that point. Plus I have to start walking and doing my leg exercises.

But if I work with my therapist hopefully I will be able to leave this house and do some things by September yay! ! I need to get the vaccine too.

 

[Riders]

A 10th step

I did not stay on my food plan today
I did no chores today
I did not exercise yet but hoping to do some before I go to sleep

I did pray meditate and work my worksheets for my job today

God help me to stay on my food plan tomorrow so I can start dropping some of this weight.

 

[Riders]

Well, I got L Glutamin Amin Acid to help get rid of my carb cravings as suggested by a woman in OA. We will see if it works. I was doing better with y food yesterday and today I am on my food plan so I hope I can take off some of this weight. I'm probably up to 340 to 350 by now which is my highest weight with all the binge eating I did in the past 2 weeks.

I did exercise today one minute of standing one minute of walking and I plan on doing another minute tonight. I'm going to work and meditating tonight too. So I got a busy day.

 

[Riders]

Well, I binged the past 2 days the day before that I was on my food plan. today I was on my food plan except for coke. I am going to have to start losing some of this weight or eventually I will go to an old folks home. I am having my physical therapy Friday we will see how it goes. I will be walking down the steps again
I am eating 2 lean cuisine meals a day and one Jimmy Dean bacon egg and cheese biscuit for the morning. So am not off of white carbs for now.


I need to pray and meditate now. I use underwater videos of tropical fish to watch to help me meditate.

 

[Riders]

Ok so New Kids On The Block. Yea I wasn't into them when I was young in part they came out in 1988 when I was 21 so I was a bit old for NKOTB. I always liked STep By STep though. When they came out and reunited 12 years ago with their new album I liked the new stuff cause it was sensual. Sexify My Love those songs yea, but then I went back and listened to their older stuff like a Cover girl and decided I liked them.

They are not musical geniuses but it's fun to dance to their songs. ANyways Donnie Wahlberg who is the senior member who promotes the band also is Mark Wahlbergs older brother. He also plays on Blue Bloods besides being in NKOTB.

So Donnie Wahlberg was sending out like a thousand or few hundred generic tweets at a time to fans who were tweeting him, there are those who say he had to have someone working for him promo company doing it. But his account had a blue check which means it's authentic to him a famous person and he claimed it was him. I won't make a judgment.

Only a small amount of us was lucky enough to get tweets and I got 2 from him one said twugs and the other one said hi how are you. I just got lucky he sent the same tweets out to a thousand other girls so I knew it wasn't personal. I didn't take it seriously I knew I just lucked out he just happened to see my tweets and sent one to me. I did not take it personally I knew he was promoting his band. So I just thought it was cool. I did try to obsess and get more tweets from him though.

But anyways. Me and My sister spent 400 dollars to meet NKOTB backstage with 10 other women. I had a picture but it's gone disappeared from my facebook account.

Anyways I stood next to Danny Wood and grabbed him hugged him when they took the picture he just threw his head back and smiled. He was cool. I guess he was use to fans doing that.

ANyways I hugged ll the guys when I got to Donny I said Thank you for the tweets Donnie he said whisper your Twitter name to me my Twitter name is NKsdallastxchic.
He stuck his finger out at me and went AHHHHHHH! He did that like as he knew me But I knew he didn't know me. He just did it in fun I didn't take it seriously.

I know he was just having fun but I appreciated that Donny Wahlberg seems to know how to have fun with his fans, he's a cool guy. I did not wnt to go back stage after that with any group it's too crazy dangerous I'm mentally ill so I don't think it's a good idea.

 

[Riders]

Continued from above Journal entry on NKOTB concert back stage story

 

[Riders]

Well, looks like today will be another binge day. I gonna try to make it to a different 12 step meeting tonight just to break things up and make them more intereting. I'm a little bored. Boredom can affect addictions negatively. I might try to make the telephone adult children of alcoholics meeting which is something I have not done in a long time. I should probably go there or Alanon part of the time since my Mom was uncle were recovering alcoholics.


I have a long list of movies I can get free on youtube or Amazon I can watch and it's a pretty big list. For some reason, I have been digging stalker movies this year. Perfect Guy , The famous one with Michae Douglas I forget the name of it The Crush, Fear, In The Eye Of The STalker, STalking BAck, Moment Of Truth STalking Back,STalking Luara, Obsession with SHannon Dougherty.The Missionary.Lots of them.

I also like movies about addiction and eating disorders, Thin, Kate's Secret, Perfect Body, Dying To Dance, DYing to BE Perfect,Little Girls In Pretty Boxes. If anyone has names of free stalker movies feel free to put them here. I also like the story of Betty Brodereck A Woman Scorned and Jodi Areas Dirty Little Secret.

Add The Karen Carpenter Story to that.

Anyways yesterday I made some headway, I walked down 2 of my 3 steps on my porch and walked back up with my physical therapist which is good. I hope to be able to leave this house in a month. I want to get out of here so I can get vaccinated.

 

[Riders]

continued from above

Well, It's Friday night another dateless Friday night. So I watched for free on youtube Noone Would Tell. It's a pretty good true story movie about a teen girl who experienced domestic abuse and got killed by her boyfriend. Cameron something or another the actress who played on Full House in the 90s played the lead girl and Fred Savage from The Wonder Years played the guy. I thought Cameron was way better looking than him, but in an abusive relationship, I don't think it matters much.
Fred was ok looking for a guy in the 90s but Cameron was a pretty girl back then. They both did a good job on the movie though. It's a movie worth watching if you want a good free youtube movie. It's Candace Cameron oops!

 

[Riders]

I like actors who can play both good and bad guys so I thought Fred Savage did well in that. John Stamos from Full House, who plays a good person n Full House also played in the which is based on a true story Daughter Of The Streets about a teenage girl who got seduced into prostitution whose mother fought to get her out of it John Stamos who is very good looking played the pimp who was seducing teen girls into sex trafficking and did a really good job at that. You can get it free on youtube.

 

[Riders]

Well I binged the past 3 days. I am off the merry-go-round for now and had 1800 calories of Sonic today. It's not a bad day. Hopefully I can keep this up.

 

[Riders]

Well, you might be wondering why I watch so many eating disorder movies about Bulimia and ANorexia instead of overeating. There just arent many out there. There was a movie made 8 years ago called Fat It is a dark look at an obese guy's life and also his sexual and romantic issues. It may be too dark for some people but I like it.

Also, I like the SuperSize ME documentary about Mcdonald's and other fast food places. I also watch My 600 pound Life about people who are trying to get obesity surgery who are 500 pounds and up.



trailer for the movie fat - - Video Search Results

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I'm down to 240. I have lost 90 pounds. What got me encouraged, is that when I got up to 330, my doctor got nearly mean with me. At first, I wasn't too happy about it. But his hardness on me has pushed me to lose 90 pounds and pretty comfortably too, and for that, I actually do thank him.

 

[Riders]

I'm down to 240. I have lost 90 pounds. What got me encouraged, is that when I got up to 330, my doctor got nearly mean with me. At first, I wasn't too happy about it. But his hardness on me has pushed me to lose 90 pounds and pretty comfortably too, and for that, I actually do thank him.

Congratulations! I love the encouragement!

 

[Riders]

Well, I am starting over tomorrow on my food plan. I overate 5 days this week while I was on my food plan for 2. I bet I gained 15 pounds or more. I'll weigh it tomorrow.
It just takes what it takes. At the beginning of each month, I get a lump sum of money, and it's easy to spend a lot at first. I think I am going to come up with a plan of action and start putting some of my checking account money back into my savings account at the beginning of the month so it'll be harder to spend it. I have got some regular tv dinners now are not lean cuisine but Banquet which is regular without the low-fat. But if I'm eating 3 small meals a day I will still lose weight.

 

[Riders]

I visited my old Pasters face book page and found his son Shannon's church instead. This was before the covid. I wanted to see if any people were posting on their page that I knew, curiosity killed the cat. Shannon was saying on his video that was the only one he'd put up and n pictures of himself, he didn't want people looking at it. I supposed he meant women lusting after him he is cute but conceded. My sister said he was a jerk. He's 50 years old now. I use to have a crush on him.

He used to get into arguments and fights with his Dad rumour was that he had rebelled against his parents on some level although he was a preacher even back then.
I think he is more radical than his Dad and when I left I had hoped he would be more down to earth at least move away from the old-timey standards.

But I was curious as to what he had done for his church regarding the covid. He had said no more videos. I went to it last night and yes they now have live videos every week. I guess covid made that inevitable but they still go to church and none of them had masks on that I saw last night.

I saw the ladies on the platform sing a song between the 3 of them. They all 3 had long dresses on long hair no makeup or jewellery. I started to listen to his sermon and then decided not to after a couple of minutes. I don't want to be tempted to go back I was just curious as to what they were doing for the covid. There were several people lifting their hand's none with masks on and Shannon had no mask neither did the ladies. The song was beautiful as usual. So they are conservatives as usual, the church itself is not Republican.

They are probably not just following Trump's example but rather going by God does miracles, heals, we don't need masks God will protect us yadayadayada. They're not allowed to talk politics at church. They are conservative and they're probably are not drawn to the Democrats either. However, when I went to 3rd party meetups I actually knew a few that went there and some of them believe all politicians are evil and do not vote at all. So being conservative does not make automatically for Trump supporters.

I would have liked to know what they said though about covid would have been interesting. They probably brought out a bunch of scripture about God healing the people that type of thing, Jesus healing folks.

 

[Riders]

So I am down 4 pounds from 333 to 329 which is good. I just got a lump of money in and am tempted to binge with this money. But I am not going to binge today except I'm getting some coke but keeping my calories down to 1700 so.

 

[Riders]

Well, it didn't work. I got Atkins bars and binged on them. However, my calories still stayed down to 2700 which is not bad for a binge day. Hopefully, I'll be back down after my weekend.
What can I say about Dallas except that people out here must be getting scared of the covid surge because more people are staying home. I got 5 people to commit to giving household discards to my charity tonight in an hour and 20 minutes. That's high and good for me. But IM just supposing it must be the covid I am talking to more people staying home tonight, or did talk to people.