Bird123
Well-Known Member
One does not always have control over who one falls in love with. Love is truly blind, True Love, anyway.
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Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal
- Thread starter Riders
- Start date
One does not always have control over who one falls in love with. Love is truly blind, True Love, anyway.
Riders
Well-Known Member
I am not talking about that anymore, that was my first post, that is way off topic.
Riders
Well-Known Member
Back on the topic of addiction. I was watching the true story movie, Beautiful Boy. Sometimes I think recovery can be a way of escaping real life as well as the addiction on some level, but it's healthier. I mean sometimes, the drama of everything happening with people coming into recovery centered on recovery can be trappings as well. But, on the other hand, getting alcohol and drugs and addiction out of your brain can take a really long time, so sometimes I think we addicts have to go through immaturity and unreality at the beginning of our treatment and for a while at first.
Sometimes we have to be dependant on recovery for a while at first. Sometimes, it is tough trying to find a normal feeling, the feeling that you've gone home so to speak in your mind, reached a place of normalcy and stability, feeling stable. Nick Sheff in the movie Beautiful Boy changes his mind from going to college to working instead, back to going to college and having a girlfriend, then to being a drug and alcohol counselor instead of writing then back to writing.
It's like he could not find his normal self, a place of stability in his head, a place where he could say I belong here, I am home. To me right now, being in recovery groups seem like home. But also my meditation zoom groups do. But the thought of having John over here would be a way of going home, But I said I would not use men to do that with............I can't deny it is comforting to think of having him here.
But back to the addiction issue, it does seem like addiction takes you away from your original version of stability and gives you a false sense of comfort like food is comforting to me, so when I pull away from it it is uncomfortable. It's tough not to have my security blanket with me.
But I definitely relate to wanting to be dependant on recovery groups 100 years like my Mom was, now I can see why she was so dependant on AA.
Sometimes we have to be dependant on recovery for a while at first. Sometimes, it is tough trying to find a normal feeling, the feeling that you've gone home so to speak in your mind, reached a place of normalcy and stability, feeling stable. Nick Sheff in the movie Beautiful Boy changes his mind from going to college to working instead, back to going to college and having a girlfriend, then to being a drug and alcohol counselor instead of writing then back to writing.
It's like he could not find his normal self, a place of stability in his head, a place where he could say I belong here, I am home. To me right now, being in recovery groups seem like home. But also my meditation zoom groups do. But the thought of having John over here would be a way of going home, But I said I would not use men to do that with............I can't deny it is comforting to think of having him here.
But back to the addiction issue, it does seem like addiction takes you away from your original version of stability and gives you a false sense of comfort like food is comforting to me, so when I pull away from it it is uncomfortable. It's tough not to have my security blanket with me.
But I definitely relate to wanting to be dependant on recovery groups 100 years like my Mom was, now I can see why she was so dependant on AA.
Riders
Well-Known Member
The chair I bought doesn't fold back down after it's ou for reclining. Got the service manager out here from the store I bought it at and he just kicked it back down easy and said nothing's wrong with it. I wish I could fold it down like that I am just not strong enough. I am trying to sell it on craigslist now.
whatever money I get I will put it up in the bank. I paid 800 for it for crying out loud. Anyways, I binged yesterday and I'm binging today. I feel bad but I'm gonna try to stay on my diet Wednesday Thursday and Friday at least.
whatever money I get I will put it up in the bank. I paid 800 for it for crying out loud. Anyways, I binged yesterday and I'm binging today. I feel bad but I'm gonna try to stay on my diet Wednesday Thursday and Friday at least.
Riders
Well-Known Member
I'm getting a new chair yay! The manager finally called me back and said the chair I had had a reputation for not being able to close. So she's exchanging it for me for a new electric chair which has a remote to open and close it says it opens and closes real easy. I have to spend 200 though extra to get it but that's fine I can afford it.
I had spent over 800 for this one, that's a lot of money to invest in a chair I can not sit in. It's just money down the drain. I'm glad to be getting an electric chair.
I had spent over 800 for this one, that's a lot of money to invest in a chair I can not sit in. It's just money down the drain. I'm glad to be getting an electric chair.
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Riders
Well-Known Member
i paid 216 for my new chair. She is suppose to call me tomorrow to let me know when I am getting my new chair. I can't wait! I sleep in my recliner, it's easier on my back then to lay down. I see these 600 people on My 600 Pound Life laieing down in their beds and I don't know how they do it without sufficating. I don't have good mobility either. Some of them walka round like I do some even better. I don't get it, how can they be that mobile at 600 pounds?
I am getting tired of the show, the last season was boring but I like the old ones. I don't know how they can stand being bed ridden, laying in a bew 24 hours a day. When I was in bed in the hospital, I kept it propped up the back of it like a chair. I had to get up eevry so often to keep from getting bed sores. How do these people who are bed bound keep from getting bed sores?
I am getting tired of the show, the last season was boring but I like the old ones. I don't know how they can stand being bed ridden, laying in a bew 24 hours a day. When I was in bed in the hospital, I kept it propped up the back of it like a chair. I had to get up eevry so often to keep from getting bed sores. How do these people who are bed bound keep from getting bed sores?
Riders
Well-Known Member
I think I'm gonna get rid of my cokes this week. I know I said I had a hard time with carbs and I needed some cokes in my diet, But I really don't believe I need any cokes in my diet. I got extra money this month so I have extra food plenty of it. I do not need cokes. I don't know how much I weigh, I may have gained from the cokes.
I will weigh tomorrow and we shall see.
I will weigh tomorrow and we shall see.
Riders
Well-Known Member
OK I finally weighed today. I am up to 325 pounds! I knew I had gained weight, I figured Id be up to 315, but I am up to 325! I'm 10 pounds off what I thought. That's bad. I have gained 25 pounds in 2 months. WOW! I am getting off cokes this week! That's it no more cokes! I'm drinking diet Ice flavored waters and milk. I can not drink anymore cokes! I need to be off the junk food too, no more binging!
Riders
Well-Known Member
I'm paying my home health aid to come to get groceries for me. She has been authorized to go back to work for me yet, Molina's renewal time for me to be renewed with my home health aid has come and it takes 7 to 10 days to get it. SO she couldn't get me groceries yesterday so I ended up eating pizza. But today Im giving her personal money on the side to come to get my groceries.
ANyways can't wait to get started on my new eating plan. This week, I will be off of cokes, and on a low-carb eating plan. I hope to lose some weight.
ANyways can't wait to get started on my new eating plan. This week, I will be off of cokes, and on a low-carb eating plan. I hope to lose some weight.
Riders
Well-Known Member
Well, it finally happened. I am down 1 point from 325 to 324 yay! However I still have one more day, tomorrow before my week is up, I weighed last Monday morning.
I hope to have 2 or 3 pounds lost by tomorrow morning. I only stayed on my food plan 4 days though. I want to stay on it 6 days this week and have only 1 day off. That would help speed up my weight loss. I will record my weight loss here.
I also drank milk this week! Milk is better than coke, but it still does have calories. It doesn't have the sugar coke has in it but it could still slow my weight loss down.
I plan on drinking my diet flavored waters this week instead of milk. If anyone has a suggestion for a sugar-free drink let me know here.
Well, at least I am getting somewhere with my over-eaters anonymous program. I'm supposed to call my sponsor tonight. Well see if I can keep it up.
I hope to have 2 or 3 pounds lost by tomorrow morning. I only stayed on my food plan 4 days though. I want to stay on it 6 days this week and have only 1 day off. That would help speed up my weight loss. I will record my weight loss here.
I also drank milk this week! Milk is better than coke, but it still does have calories. It doesn't have the sugar coke has in it but it could still slow my weight loss down.
I plan on drinking my diet flavored waters this week instead of milk. If anyone has a suggestion for a sugar-free drink let me know here.
Well, at least I am getting somewhere with my over-eaters anonymous program. I'm supposed to call my sponsor tonight. Well see if I can keep it up.
Riders
Well-Known Member
Anyways,
can I do high jumps, cheers, cartwheels, and scream YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got one of my old jobs back. A year ago I called all the places I knew that were thrift stores that had had programs for people who have to work from their home calling people at home to get household donations like clothing, furniture, computers pots and pans whatever. It's for charity the store gives part of its income from the donated items to a charity. But I was told all of them I mean all of them had shut down.
I had been looking for at-home telesales jobs the past few days, some require 30 or 40 hours a week, and some require you to have computer skills, which I don't have.
The charity jobs where the truck goes out to pick up household items for charity is an easy job, no computer skills are required just a phone pen, and paper. They let me work my own hours and make as much or as little as I want. I was heartbroken when they told me a year or 2 back that there wasn't any anymore. But I wanted to go back and check with all the thrift stores to make sure today because you never know if a new wave starts up. Anyways, yea an old store with a different manager and different thrift store name started a new program back up..
I am supposed to receive the paperwork in the mail. Of course, who knows they may require something I don't have so I won't count my chickens till they hatch. But it's a great job for people like me who are on welfare and live and stay at home, can't drive to work, have to work at home. I am praying to God please let me get this job God, ILL never work anywhere else.
I use to take it for granted and wished I was in a more exciting job, was not grateful at all, I was kind of a witch as far as that goes. I did not know how good I had it. But if I get this job this time, I am hanging onto it.
can I do high jumps, cheers, cartwheels, and scream YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got one of my old jobs back. A year ago I called all the places I knew that were thrift stores that had had programs for people who have to work from their home calling people at home to get household donations like clothing, furniture, computers pots and pans whatever. It's for charity the store gives part of its income from the donated items to a charity. But I was told all of them I mean all of them had shut down.I had been looking for at-home telesales jobs the past few days, some require 30 or 40 hours a week, and some require you to have computer skills, which I don't have.
The charity jobs where the truck goes out to pick up household items for charity is an easy job, no computer skills are required just a phone pen, and paper. They let me work my own hours and make as much or as little as I want. I was heartbroken when they told me a year or 2 back that there wasn't any anymore. But I wanted to go back and check with all the thrift stores to make sure today because you never know if a new wave starts up. Anyways, yea an old store with a different manager and different thrift store name started a new program back up..
I am supposed to receive the paperwork in the mail. Of course, who knows they may require something I don't have so I won't count my chickens till they hatch. But it's a great job for people like me who are on welfare and live and stay at home, can't drive to work, have to work at home. I am praying to God please let me get this job God, ILL never work anywhere else.
I use to take it for granted and wished I was in a more exciting job, was not grateful at all, I was kind of a witch as far as that goes. I did not know how good I had it. But if I get this job this time, I am hanging onto it.
Riders
Well-Known Member
Well, I called them today, and having a social security card showing it to them is not necessary yay me I get to work! The reason working is such a positive thing for Addicts of any kind is that working keeps your mind busy away from your addiction, you stay busy, it gives you self-worth. You know you're doing something good in the world.
I don't have kids or a husband and I live alone so in some ways it's all I got. I do have recovery meetings too which help me help others. Doing the 12 step programs require us to do stuff for other people.
But working is awesome! I am thrilled to have a job. I use to take this job for granted but not now when I start working that's it no more job hoping! I am staying with this job! I don't have to have computer skills or be able to type or have a nice computer. it's an easy job for those of us who don't have computer skills. A lot of jobs want telemarketers to have computer skills, for home-based jobs. I just don't have it. So I will be grateful for this job.
I don't have kids or a husband and I live alone so in some ways it's all I got. I do have recovery meetings too which help me help others. Doing the 12 step programs require us to do stuff for other people.
But working is awesome! I am thrilled to have a job. I use to take this job for granted but not now when I start working that's it no more job hoping! I am staying with this job! I don't have to have computer skills or be able to type or have a nice computer. it's an easy job for those of us who don't have computer skills. A lot of jobs want telemarketers to have computer skills, for home-based jobs. I just don't have it. So I will be grateful for this job.
Riders
Well-Known Member
So, you're never gonna believe what happened yesterday. I swear if my addiction gets in my way anymore I'm gonna go to the psych ward! So yesterday I had not heard from this new job, it had been 3 or 4 days and usually, they send it out in 2, I get paranoid when I am sick. So I got another job offer thought it would be fun and took it But I still got the other job, the mail came yesterday and I got my paperwork.
So the other job was a photographer trying to grow her business. She wanted me to set appointments for her and she said she did a lot of Glamour Shots and Boudoir sexy shots among couples. She said I would be talking to women only on the phone and it was between couples anyway so it's safe Stupid me I fell for it.
Anyways she starts trying to talk me into talking to men and I found out she was also taking photos for adult-themed parties and BDSM parties and Swingers clubs.
I am supposed to steer clear from all of that but I rationalized it was just a party no big deal. I then had an assignment to a man who has seen her twice and try to talk him into setting an appointment. I knew good well it was wrong and I did it anyway. I got him on and he offered to be my friend later He seems like a nice guy but I can not have anything to do with him because I believe from what I understand is that he is daddy dom! Dominant male! I can be seduced by it.
Of course, I quit and now I'm back with my other job I can't wait to start. They are supposed to get my paperwork and send me my work! I will start going back to SAA meetings. BOTH OA and SAA
So the other job was a photographer trying to grow her business. She wanted me to set appointments for her and she said she did a lot of Glamour Shots and Boudoir sexy shots among couples. She said I would be talking to women only on the phone and it was between couples anyway so it's safe Stupid me I fell for it.
Anyways she starts trying to talk me into talking to men and I found out she was also taking photos for adult-themed parties and BDSM parties and Swingers clubs.
I am supposed to steer clear from all of that but I rationalized it was just a party no big deal. I then had an assignment to a man who has seen her twice and try to talk him into setting an appointment. I knew good well it was wrong and I did it anyway. I got him on and he offered to be my friend later He seems like a nice guy but I can not have anything to do with him because I believe from what I understand is that he is daddy dom! Dominant male! I can be seduced by it.
Of course, I quit and now I'm back with my other job I can't wait to start. They are supposed to get my paperwork and send me my work! I will start going back to SAA meetings. BOTH OA and SAA
Riders
Well-Known Member
Wow everyone's journaling! Cool I have been sick as a dog with bad allergy attacks for the past couple of weeks. I think I'm finally getting a hold on it. My paperwork got back to my job so they are sending out my work a list of names and numbers to call.
The thing about addiction is that sometimes the addictions replace my family My eating reminds me of going out to eat with my parents. It gives me a sense of normalcy especially since my parents died 6 and 7 years ago. Nothing has been the same. Having sex buddies makes me feel normalcy too.
But I was always having jobs, I had this new job I am getting for years in the past. So I am hoping it will keep me busy enough I don't get tempted to binge or call men.
Hopefully, it will bring me a good sense of stability and structure and a sense of normalcy back. That job reminds me of my parents too.
The thing about addiction is that sometimes the addictions replace my family My eating reminds me of going out to eat with my parents. It gives me a sense of normalcy especially since my parents died 6 and 7 years ago. Nothing has been the same. Having sex buddies makes me feel normalcy too.
But I was always having jobs, I had this new job I am getting for years in the past. So I am hoping it will keep me busy enough I don't get tempted to binge or call men.
Hopefully, it will bring me a good sense of stability and structure and a sense of normalcy back. That job reminds me of my parents too.
Riders
Well-Known Member
I use to hang out at an old forum for religious debate. In my old days I was depressed and upset with the church and fought alot with Christians and now and then I still do but not like I use to.
But I use to talk about rockinroll and was obsessed with The Doors and other rock groups and debated the idea that rock-n-roll was wrong and only religious music should be listened to by Christians and I was kind of insane about my obsession with The Doors.
But I have sense developed an obsession with an old 80s boy band New Kids ON The Block, not sure why but Donnie Wahlberg is sexy and I really liked the sexually explicit new songs they came out with 10 years ago. But I paid 400 bucks to go backstage and meet them and even though I acted nicely and didn't turn into a psycho back there, I'm still happy with my backstage experience with them, however, I realized back then that something was wrong.
I went to all that trouble spend way too much money to meet them and I have since realized that I have OCDs on celebrity folks and rock bands. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. So I solved my own problem by listening to all sorts of songs and bands, I do not allow myself to have anyone favorite band anymore. I love the 7'0s and 80's more than other decades but I listen to them all over the place, I don't get caught up in one band anymore. Besides it makes life more interesting, I do listen to alot to the 70's and '80s and here of late have developed a thing for love songs of the 70's.
But I use to talk about rockinroll and was obsessed with The Doors and other rock groups and debated the idea that rock-n-roll was wrong and only religious music should be listened to by Christians and I was kind of insane about my obsession with The Doors.
But I have sense developed an obsession with an old 80s boy band New Kids ON The Block, not sure why but Donnie Wahlberg is sexy and I really liked the sexually explicit new songs they came out with 10 years ago. But I paid 400 bucks to go backstage and meet them and even though I acted nicely and didn't turn into a psycho back there, I'm still happy with my backstage experience with them, however, I realized back then that something was wrong.
I went to all that trouble spend way too much money to meet them and I have since realized that I have OCDs on celebrity folks and rock bands. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. So I solved my own problem by listening to all sorts of songs and bands, I do not allow myself to have anyone favorite band anymore. I love the 7'0s and 80's more than other decades but I listen to them all over the place, I don't get caught up in one band anymore. Besides it makes life more interesting, I do listen to alot to the 70's and '80s and here of late have developed a thing for love songs of the 70's.
Riders
Well-Known Member
So here's an update on my weight loss. I had gained from 300 all the way up to 332 out of control with my carbs. My back legs and nee pain got a lot worse so bad in fact that I had thought about going into the old folks' home; But then I started staying up all night with pain and sleeping 3 or 4 days at a time hardly eating. I lost 7 pounds last week and 5 this week. I'm taking acetaminophen now but that's all I got. My appetite and interest in food have gone down in part because of the escalating pain. So with a loss of appetite, I decided to stay and try to lose weight here. I guess the exhaustion of it all has lessened y interest in food so I am hoping to have some more weight loss this week.