blackout
Violet.
maybe you should work on getting out of your religion,
before you work on getting on with your life.
Just a thought.....
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Adultery
- Thread starter rh111369
- Start date
maybe you should work on getting out of your religion,
before you work on getting on with your life.
Just a thought.....
Mr Cheese
Well-Known Member
Would God want you in an abusive relationship one of possible violence and emotional harrassment?
The answer would be no, your ex is ill. People who treat others like that are ill.
Mr Cheese
Well-Known Member
Divorce is sin when it has no reasonable basis. This basis are adultery, abuse or unbelieving spouse who wants to leave. People who do not follow the Bible apply all together different standards and I do not consider them in this article , however they will certainly be able to benefit if they are open enough.
In the modern world people can divorce virtually for any reason.
It is common place to see people who divorce because "they are not in love any longer". They have fallen out of love because the had very shallow love, merely sexual attraction and/or emotional attachment. Many people also get married in order for the spouse to make them happy. They usually demand all of their needs to be satisfied without making any effort to satisfy the needs of their spouse, it is simply selfishness, it causes many conflicts and eventually leads to divorce.
Besides a secular marriage is a mere contract but Christian marriage is a covenant between man and the wife and God Himself. That covenant implies that both of them commit before God to love each other which means that they will look to satisfy each other's needs in mutual respect. Divorce is not even an option here unless... someone breaks this covenant by abusing their spouse or betraying her or him and this is sin, sin that has its root in selfishness while one that was abused or betrayed might not have sin the one who broke a covenant is always guilty of sin.
When divorce is considered a sin - by Edyta Tehrani - Helium
............
Yes, to you, your adultery would be a sin.
But on the other hand, if you went back to your ex, you would be encouraging more abuse
In the end, you have done what you had to do, to get away from an abusive situation.
You sought and found love. Love is never wrong, your new relationship has love not just lust, or there would not be marriage under consideration.
So do what you have to do to feel better, pray, talk to your priest, talk to God....
But do not go back to your ex. Seek love that you have, and the divorce you need.
So you have not done things in the "right order" i.e. divorce then finding someone else...
But God will forgive you if you are sorry and admit you are sorry. Your husband will most likely not be forgiven any time soon, why?
I am willing to bet he does not consider he has or is doing anything wrong.
And that is at he heart of sin and repentance. Forgiveness. First we must ADMIT that we have done wrong, then we can move forward and grow. This is the whole point of doing wrong, suffering and sin...to LEARN from our mistakes and GROW.
To thy own self be true
And talk to God....his yoke is easy...
In the modern world people can divorce virtually for any reason.
It is common place to see people who divorce because "they are not in love any longer". They have fallen out of love because the had very shallow love, merely sexual attraction and/or emotional attachment. Many people also get married in order for the spouse to make them happy. They usually demand all of their needs to be satisfied without making any effort to satisfy the needs of their spouse, it is simply selfishness, it causes many conflicts and eventually leads to divorce.
Besides a secular marriage is a mere contract but Christian marriage is a covenant between man and the wife and God Himself. That covenant implies that both of them commit before God to love each other which means that they will look to satisfy each other's needs in mutual respect. Divorce is not even an option here unless... someone breaks this covenant by abusing their spouse or betraying her or him and this is sin, sin that has its root in selfishness while one that was abused or betrayed might not have sin the one who broke a covenant is always guilty of sin.
When divorce is considered a sin - by Edyta Tehrani - Helium
............
Yes, to you, your adultery would be a sin.
But on the other hand, if you went back to your ex, you would be encouraging more abuse
In the end, you have done what you had to do, to get away from an abusive situation.
You sought and found love. Love is never wrong, your new relationship has love not just lust, or there would not be marriage under consideration.
So do what you have to do to feel better, pray, talk to your priest, talk to God....
But do not go back to your ex. Seek love that you have, and the divorce you need.
So you have not done things in the "right order" i.e. divorce then finding someone else...
But God will forgive you if you are sorry and admit you are sorry. Your husband will most likely not be forgiven any time soon, why?
I am willing to bet he does not consider he has or is doing anything wrong.
And that is at he heart of sin and repentance. Forgiveness. First we must ADMIT that we have done wrong, then we can move forward and grow. This is the whole point of doing wrong, suffering and sin...to LEARN from our mistakes and GROW.
To thy own self be true
And talk to God....his yoke is easy...
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Good for you! (bad for him)I committed adultery,(3 years ago)
Nope.
T-Dawg
Self-appointed Lunatic
Maybe you should work on getting out of YOUR religion before you get on with posting. :sarcastic (Yes, that's sarcasm.)
Seriously, do you know how rude stuff like that sounds? I know (or at least I assume) you don't mean it that way, but please, telling people to ditch their religion when things get tough is... not good. :no:
How is adultery good for her? It sounds like the resulting guilt is eating her alive - are you calling that good?
:no:Of course not. Well, maybe it is, but if it is, is "nature" an excuse to betray your spouse? I don't know how seriously you take your secular "marriages," (really, the word "marriage" in and of itself implies religious tradition, which doesn't really go well together with secularism) but as a Christian, marriages are intended as a spiritual union between a man and a woman that is never supposed to be broken. Unfortunately, sometimes the union has to be broken due to abuse and the like, but never simply because sexual attraction dwindled down. These people weren't kidding when they said "'Til death do us part."
Hey, we agree on something!
I didn't say the resulting guilt is good.
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
Have you gotten any counseling?
I notice you said for the last 5 years(of your marriage) he didnt do any of those things and you said you just "didnt care anymore"..Now you are divorced and he is threatening to come and get you and referring to a man he works with that killed his wife and he is threatening suicide and now you are "worried" about him and eaten up with guilt for kissing another man.
Do you see what Im tryign to say? When he was not being violent and things were calm you stopped caring anymore.
Love
Dallas
I notice you said for the last 5 years(of your marriage) he didnt do any of those things and you said you just "didnt care anymore"..Now you are divorced and he is threatening to come and get you and referring to a man he works with that killed his wife and he is threatening suicide and now you are "worried" about him and eaten up with guilt for kissing another man.
Do you see what Im tryign to say? When he was not being violent and things were calm you stopped caring anymore.
Love
Dallas
I'm sorry, what I meant was that the last 5 years of marriage he was doing better, but I had already totally given up years prior to that. It was like one day the faucet was turned off and I didn't have anything left for him. We didn't even share a bedroom the last few years. In fact that caused one of the violent attacks, because he came to my room and I refused him, so as I was leaving my bed he put his foot in my back and shoved me into the wall. I know a wife should submit to her husband, but it always made me feel sick. The love was gone for me. I know I sound like a very cruel person, but I really am not.
dawny0826
Mother Heathen
I think there's more often than not pain and regret to be found in broken relationships. Unless both of you are emotionally healthy and willing to work at a relationship, it's fruitless to try.
Emotional marks can be painfull. I don't know you personally and certainly wouldn't try to judge you but from what you've divulged on this thread, it appears that you should focus on YOUR well being. Forgive yourself first...then focus on helping others.
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
You should never submit to rape.Thats an oxy-moron.You arent "cruel".
It does just reach a point that you need to get out...or have some sort of intimate relations.Its a hard choice I have been there.
Your husband is the cruel one in your example.Thats not love.Thats selfisness and an attempt to dominate and control.He wanted to control you.IMHO.
((((HUGS))))
Love
Dallas
blackout
Violet.
Maybe you should work on getting out of YOUR religion before you get on with posting. :sarcastic (Yes, that's sarcasm.)
Seriously, do you know how rude stuff like that sounds? I know (or at least I assume) you don't mean it that way, but please, telling people to ditch their religion when things get tough is... not good. :no:
When a person is compelled to make self abusive decisions
on account of their religious mind set...
yes, it IS worth questioning the... umm... health value?... of their religious "beliefs".
When something causes you to make bad decisions for yourself,
and riddles you with irrational proportions of guilt...
it is most DEFINATELY a thing you should be questioning seriously.
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blackout
Violet.
Obviously her husband is both cruel and dangerously (mentally) imbalanced.
Obviously she was right to make a move, to move on with her life.
However ... she CAN'T really move on ...
because her "religion" has her believing she was WRONG to move on in the first place.
So how will she EVER move on... if she doesn't CHANGE HER THINKING.
*sigh*
Let God worry about what God wants. Stay away from the abusive, violent, threatening EX, and if you need to, pray for forgiveness. 'Cause you know what? If you want to pray you need to be alive! I agree with Knight's assessment, that if he was choking you, threatening to hit you, sabotaging your car, locking you out in the cold, and is now threatening suicide and sending threatening text messages on your phone, he is a threat to your health and well being. I would also question the safety of your current partner, your adult child (the one living with you) and possibly your friends. There is a reason he has a bad relationship with his mother and sisters, and a reason his sister tried to get the police involved, they (his female relatives) recognize that he is abusive and a threat to you and yours.
You said that he had "changed" during the last 5 years or so of your marriage, but his behavior since you have left him (suicide threats, verbal abuse of you (to your children and others), threats of physical harm, threats to "get even") demonstrates that the "change" of the latter part of your marriage was a sham. Likely, he foresaw your departure based on either things you said or did or just on some intuitive level, and tried to maintain control of you by trying to "be nice", hoping you would forget the fact that he threatened you with physical harm over "silly things." There is no excuse. Forgive him if you must, but do so in the presence of the police as they serve the restraining order.
Your talking about going back to this abusive, threatening *** seems to me to kind of be a manifestation of something like Stockholm-syndrome. Yes, he is familiar, and yes going out into the world is scary, but be strong! If he can't take care of himself as a grown man, and has to have a woman around to take care of him, let him hire a maid-service to clean the house. Microwaves and tv-dinners are a boon to non-cooking and non-cleaning bachelors everywhere, let his abusive *** buy some.
But for your sake and sake of all that you hold dear, STAY AWAY!
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
T-Dawg
Self-appointed Lunatic
You can change your thinking without changing your religion. If I haven't misunderstood, rh111369 is Christian. Dallas is also Christian. I am also Christian. We don't see any problem with her leaving an abusive spouse. It's not her religion in and of itself giving her the guilt.
You need to get over your stereotypes (or maybe the problem is just getting what you're trying to say across more efficiently, I'm probably misunderstanding what you're trying to say).
blackout
Violet.
I'm not stereotyping ANYONE.
I'm speaking to rh111369. Not Dallas.
Dallas would not put up with this crap.
Christian or not.
Some people's religious views are unhealthy FOR THEM.
Some people become obsessively judgemental
Some people become unbearably guilt ridden
Some people become door mats in the name of forgiveness and love.
Dallas is none of these things,
and in all the time I've known her
I have never once suggested that maybe she should ditch her religious beliefs and views. Just ask her.
Religions are not "one size fits all".