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Adultery
- Thread starter rh111369
- Start date
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
Yes ...you have never "stereo-typed" me.
No Im not a "doormat"..I have "choices"..Im not shackled in chains of what an old or new testemant says.
I do not "submit" to abuse.If I so CHOOSE to work things out if abuse is something to deal with then I so choose.I am not an "innocent"..myself.
Anyway..I do not feel "guilty" that I didnt harbor a rapist or an otherwise abuser.(I called the police)
I will never submit to "doormat: status.That is not Gods plan for me ...
The sit down shut up thing just isnt going to work and hasnt for me or the main man Im with..Lets put it this way..his fingerprints are on file.He tried all that stuff..he got a stay in jail.
Now he chews gums..reallly hard.LOL!!!
Ya know "Christian " men will try and dominate and rule.It takes a STRONG Christian woman that wont let them.
Im not even going to tell ya'll my honeymoon story.But the poor thing was so ..dumb basically he thought that would work.He married the wrong woman.
Love
Dallas
You can get in trouble making blanket statments like this. I have and will never do such a thing
So Dallas....you have been through something similar? I do have a restraining order on my ex, but only regarding my work place. When we first separated, he was constantly putting things on my car (flowers, cards) and I know that doesn't make him sount bad. But he would call my work desk phone over and over, so my office manager finally got him to stop that. I counted some of the calls and it was as many as 20 calls in a 45 minute time frame.
As crazy as it may sound, I still worry about him though. It's like a mother worrying about her child, not like a wife/husband relationship.
Thanks to you and everyone else that has replied to me. I'm so glad I have found this sight.
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
Its not crazy that you still worry about him.Ya'll were together a long time.Yes I have been through similar but I called the police he was arrested.I ended up getting him out of a conviction and we went to counseling.Things didnt magically get better and turn into a fairytale.But I think his near miss with being a convicted felon shocked him and me into reality.
The difference with me though is I had a lot of work to do on myself too.I was not always a loving wife.And we were both ignorant .I believe we got married too young and had made many assumptions and had unrealistic expectaions of each other.Throw in some baggage and voila!Recipe for dysfunction.
Anyway your husband seems obsessed with you.But then again if you were seperated he could have been just trying to win you back in his mind.Too bad he did it stalker fashion.Did ya'll ever get any counseling at all?
As far as worrying about him I dont know what to tell you.You obviously know he is a grown man who can take care of himself he doesnt need a mother. I mean its good to care.Its hard NOT to care after having lived with someone for that long plus he is the father of your children.
Love
Dallas
The difference with me though is I had a lot of work to do on myself too.I was not always a loving wife.And we were both ignorant .I believe we got married too young and had made many assumptions and had unrealistic expectaions of each other.Throw in some baggage and voila!Recipe for dysfunction.
Anyway your husband seems obsessed with you.But then again if you were seperated he could have been just trying to win you back in his mind.Too bad he did it stalker fashion.Did ya'll ever get any counseling at all?
As far as worrying about him I dont know what to tell you.You obviously know he is a grown man who can take care of himself he doesnt need a mother. I mean its good to care.Its hard NOT to care after having lived with someone for that long plus he is the father of your children.
Love
Dallas
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
Please excuse my rudeness.I will clarify..."some Christian men".There are many wonderful selfless men out there including Christian men.
Love
Dallas
T-Dawg
Self-appointed Lunatic
It was pretty obvious.
I think he knows that... he was just trying to pick a fight...
What's wrong with stalkers? As a stalker myself (at least I've been called one several times), I can tell you that stalkers are real human beings with real feelings, and they do NOT want to rape or murder the girl. They just have stronger feelings of love and naturally express it by following the girl around and trying to provide for her in every way possible.
Storm
ThrUU the Looking Glass
They're creepy at best, and frequently dangerous.
Maybe you don't, but others do.
Stalking isn't love, it's obsession. It never leads to anything good.
ETA: That said, the word gets thrown around a lot. Just because you've been called a stalker doesn't mean you are one. I have, too, and I'm not. Still, if it comes up a lot, you might want to find healthier ways of expressing your affection.
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DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
What's wrong with stalking is its unwanted attention/ contact by the one being stalked.I never said stalkers werent real human beings.But that doesnt give them the right to intrude in someone elses life or harrass them.Im sorry but your stronger feelings of love arent someone elses problem or responsibility.Your feelings do not entitle you to infringe on another persons rights.
Love
Dallas
Love
Dallas
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
And also I would add..Believing that your feelings over ride another persons wish not to be contacted by you is the same mentality of someone who would rape or murder.Im not saying they WOULD do that ..its just similar in the sense its non consentual involvment in another persons space.
Love
Dallas
Love
Dallas
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
I define stalking as unwanted contact by another person..I admit I have thrown the word around..and I even joke sometimes and pro-claim to be someones #1 stalker.
But If I say for example..dont come to my place of work..and you continue to come to my work and of course you have no other reason to be there then you are a stalker in my mind.
I think calling someone 20 times in 45 minutes after they have been asked not to call at all is stalking.Especially in this case where its a woman who is trying to get away from her husband.(or any estranged spouse male or female).
Love
Dallas
But If I say for example..dont come to my place of work..and you continue to come to my work and of course you have no other reason to be there then you are a stalker in my mind.
I think calling someone 20 times in 45 minutes after they have been asked not to call at all is stalking.Especially in this case where its a woman who is trying to get away from her husband.(or any estranged spouse male or female).
Love
Dallas
T-Dawg
Self-appointed Lunatic
I never said I was harassing them or intruding on their life... I said that when I have a crush on a girl, my first idea is to spend as much time with her as possible and constantly bring her gifts.
Once again, I never said that...
You could have said that first
. I don't define it as unwanted contact, from my experience, the the girl doesn't show any signs whatsoever that she doesn't like the contact until she decides it's time to rip your heart out and move to the next boy. Usually they tell me it's "stalking" long after the fact.Stalking is a way of expressing love, although it usually indictates obsession. The only reason it never leads to anything good is because females are programmed with a stereotype of "stalker" personalities.
Ok, thanks. THAT makes sense. Er, what healthier ways?
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DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
I never said I was harassing them or intruding on their life... I said that when I have a crush on a girl, my first idea is to spend as much time with her as possible and constantly bring her gifts.
Once again, I never said that...
You could have said that first
You said whats wrong with stalking...what you are describing is not stalking.I referred to this ladies husband as a stalker.His phone calls were unwanted.And even if they were it still seems a bit obsessive to me.He would have had to have dialed her number about every 2 minutes over a 45 minute time span.
Anyway I didnt think I needed to explain that stalking (real stalking) is unwanted contact.Lavishing wanted attention on someone is not stalking to me.
Love
Dallas
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
Also the girls should not be referring to you as a stalker if they never told you at the time you were giving all this time and attention that they wanted you to tone it down.
It seems they might have used terms such as I need a little more space..or we are spending to much time together or this is going to fast WHILE you were still dating.
Its not fair to go along with it and then later tell you that you were stalking them.
Love
Dallas
It seems they might have used terms such as I need a little more space..or we are spending to much time together or this is going to fast WHILE you were still dating.
Its not fair to go along with it and then later tell you that you were stalking them.
Love
Dallas
monta
.
I had a stalker, about 8 years ago, I left my job partly because of it.He had a mental illness made worse by drug use and he thought he was Jesus and we were engaged.(it is ok to laugh at this it is kind of funny)
At first I thought I was imagining it and then that it wasn't anything major, I would get silent calls and he would turn up at my work and other places, he would try and give me gifts but I wouldn't take them, I was nervous but I never reported him because he was obviously ill and his being where I was all the time was so vague, I really should have.
The point being, if someone is clearly uncomfortable with your advances stop making them, for both your sakes, it isn't healthy to be so invested in another person and it isn't fun having some love sick weirdo following you around like a bad smell.
At first I thought I was imagining it and then that it wasn't anything major, I would get silent calls and he would turn up at my work and other places, he would try and give me gifts but I wouldn't take them, I was nervous but I never reported him because he was obviously ill and his being where I was all the time was so vague, I really should have.
The point being, if someone is clearly uncomfortable with your advances stop making them, for both your sakes, it isn't healthy to be so invested in another person and it isn't fun having some love sick weirdo following you around like a bad smell.
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
Some people are dense and cant pick up the "clearly uncomfortable" part or they are in denial.So its only fair to tell them straight out.You are making me uncomfortable stop calling me stop trying to give me presents and dont come to my work or anywhere else I am for the purpose of seeing me.I dont want to be in a relationship with you its time you move on.
I mean that seems a lot easier to try first before such steps as leaving your job.
Love
Dallas
monta
.
I think maybe I sanitised the mental health issues, he was scary crazy, I did try to explain I wasn't interested, but he didn't care. The fact my boss continued to serve him in the bar when I had explained the situation to her, was the main reason I left he was just the impetous.