I can live a gay lifestyle and be more of a casual Christian. I wouldn't have qualms with that. I smoke cigarettes and drink the occasional beer, yet I still have a relationship with God. Those are sins. So I'd be fine with myself if I had a boyfriend, I don't think God would cast me away. But if I am to be a Nazirite, I have to hold myself to the highest standards. For example, I can't smoke cigarettes or drink as a Nazirite. I must be in prayer and meditation constantly, I must read the Bible constantly. I must be fully committed to God's instructions and rules. If God has said I do not have the right to choose who I love, then I must accept it. If God requires me to be single as His servant, I must accept it as a Nazirite.
You present two different mindsets. In the first one, you rely on your natural moral instincts. Love is love, and God is love, so love is never wrong. As a secular humanist, I'm accustomed to deciding right and wrong myself by the application of reason to empathy and the Golden Rule. There is no homophobia in that worldview because why would there be? It's a concept in violation of the Golden Rule. I accept your sexuality just as I want you to accept mine. Reason says that homophobia is arbitrary and cruel, and imposes a difficult life on gay people for no reason, one that can lead to self-loathing and being beaten by homophobes. So, the secular humanist in me says that if you have a God instinct or belief, use your mind and heart, not holy books, to determine what is good and right, and thank God that you have the faculties to do so just as I am grateful to providence for the same - gratitude without an object in my case, but the believer can just thank God instead, and that can be his worldview, separate from organized religions and holy books. It would allow you to live naturally.
But you also present a second mindset, one in which you seem to want to be strictly regimented by what I consider arbitrary rules. Perhaps you want to belong to something and submit to it completely, something that seems difficult and therefore a test of character if you succeed, a test of self-discipline, like some military people seem to be drawn to, as when they try to be elite military such as airborne rangers or navy seals. If that's who you are, fine - put it to the test. See if you can conform to these constraints, and see if you were correct to be drawn to such a life. You'll have to decide that yourself using those natural moral intuitions. If the lifestyle doesn't fit, if it causes you to be in conflict with yourself, or never finding satisfaction, you will have to choose between ongoing conformity and the cognitive dissonance it has created, or breaking away.
This seems to be the plight of the pedophilic Catholic priests. They have chosen an unnatural lifestyle which they could not conform to. For those who could remain celibate, there might have been a sense of self-satisfaction in obedience and conformity, but for many others, it was constant cognitive dissonance trying to control what ended up being an uncontrollable urge, and the opposite of self-respect and self-satisfaction. There was just guilt and shame, then crime, and often public humiliation. These people chose the wrong profession, and apparently didn't have the strength to recognize that and correct the error by leaving the priesthood.
On the other side of the ledger, some of these Eastern monks seem to lead purposeful and satisfying lives. Do you know the word ataraxia, meaning, "a state of serene calmness"? That's the opposite of cognitive dissonance. One ought to be aware of the difference and why only one is desirable.
So, if you choose the regimented path, remember that you chose it, and can unchoose it if that path doesn't bring the purpose and satisfaction you seek. I did, and it was very difficult, but if you experiment and the experiment is a failure, you need to see that and take corrective action, not get lost in doctrine and sacrifice your judgment and reason to blind conformity that isn't doing what you had hoped, and may actually be making you unhappy, especially as a gay Christian.
Another good word: procrustean, or "enforcing uniformity or conformity without regard to natural variation or individuality." Think of the priests again. And good luck.