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I liked the (unintentional?) rhyming of "been" and "pen" in the first stanza...
I assume the whole thing's about losing one's virginity to a partner who doesn't stick around, but realizing it's not the end of the world, and only nature after all.
The public is hungry for more! :yes:
Then none of us are ever young. We fear falling, innately, from birth.
The public is hungry for more! :yes:
"Silence" is most wonderful
Simple... needs nothing more...
As it is...
I enjoyed them immensely! Thank you so much for sharing. I actually got chills reading a few of them
Without You, Tara Lynn, and Whispers to the River.
They were wonderful. The chills were in a good way. It's that feeling you get when a poem or a phrase comes from someone else and strikes a chord in you; it's something I could imagine myself writing (some parts were very close to pieces I have written)...It never ceases to be an odd and enjoyable sensation to read or hear my thoughts coming from another's lips
I've honestly never considered myself more than mediocre when it comes to writing....
It's interesting you've never considered your writing to be more than mediocre. It's not the first time I've heard of someone being too modest. I don't really know how good you are, Stellify, but based on those poems you sent, I know you're above average.
Oh, stop it. You're making me blush and get all flustered.
Sorry, but when it comes to compliments, I tend to blurt out what I'm thinking, and I'm just too darn old to change me. But you can try. Most everyone else does.
Haha I think you're too absolutely sweet to change
And really, I just can't take compliments. I can take the dirtiest, most vulgar jokes and stories without batting an eyelash...but gods forbid someone give me a compliment! Then I turn five different shades of red lol
The pleasure is all mine.Sunstone said:Thank you so much for your very thoughtful and helpful comments!
It sounds like a very beautiful ring! I might have been a little unfair to poor Sarah...I don't know who Sarah lost her virginity to, but she gave a ring to one of her early lovers -- perhaps to her first lover. The ring was part of a pair of silver rings that could be fastened together and worn as a single ring. They were designed so that when fastened together a silver man and a silver woman danced together. She unfastened them and gave the silver woman to her lover, but kept the silver man, who then had to dance alone. The woman was never returned to her.
That is truly an impressive feat! How did you choose which lines? Editting out the superfluous sentences was the hardest part for me in writing papers (as I am naturally verbose ). Were you able to recycle any of the lines for a new poem?Sunstone said:By the way, "Silence" was originally 110 lines long and packed with thundering metaphysics. But somehow that seemed to defeat the meaning of the poem, so I edited it down to four lines.
Quagmire said:Oh Boy! The first ever debate thread in the poetry forum! :clap
The key words here, Falvlun, are "corrupted by", not "fear".