Your Happiness

[Trailblazer]

Taking away freedom to view online porn would be enough to make me wish I lived somewhere else.

How are we supposed to know if you are serious of just joking, if you do not add a ??

 

[Trailblazer]

My house.

My house is not something I would list, it is something I would like to get rid of if I could....

In fact, all three of my houses are the primary source of my suffering, aside from if a cat is sick or worse.
So now maybe you might ask why I do not sell these houses.... I could easily sell the house and run off to an exotic destination and live happily ever after were it not for my husband and the cats.

 

[JustGeorge]

My house is not something I would list, it is something I would like to get rid of if I could....

In fact, all three of my houses are the primary source of my suffering, aside from if a cat is sick or worse.
So now maybe you might ask why I do not sell these houses.... I could easily sell the house and run off to an exotic destination and live happily ever after were it not for my husband and the cats.

Could you sell two of the houses, and keep the third for yourself, your cats, and husband?

 

[Gargovic Malkav]

This discussion comes from the idea that having money, possessions etc. won't make you and keep you happy. The idea that, fundamentally, human happiness cannot be sustained for long. It is with this in mind that I ask this.

What would the state have to take away from you to make you feel as though you could not live your life at the basic level needed for your own sustained happiness (or perhaps comfortability - I'm letting you use your own definition for 'happiness')?

I'm not talking about basics for life such as money or food or taking away your children; I'm talking about something that is so intrinsic to your life that you feel you could not exist or would not want to exist without it.

A situation where I'd feel forced to do something that goes against my integrity but don't feel strong or brave enough to do anything about it.

And also, a lack of acknowledgement for someone's thoughts and feelings.
I tend to react allergically when someone says he or she doesn't understand something or feels scared or whatever, and that the other gets mad for one's ignorance or flat out denies what one is feeling.

 

[Trailblazer]

Am I totally unhappy? No. I still have my family. I enjoy my family. Overall, I'm happy, though I feel there's something out of place. I do feel its messed with my head some... I'm just not meant to be this solitary.

I feel somewhat the same way, but I sure as hell don't know what to do about it. Even pre-covid I only saw people at work and the grocery store, and now I only see them in grocery stores, my great outing!

I am going to tell you a secret and then everyone who reads this will know, because I have to tell somebody besides my husband who already knows... Okay, now I am starting to cry.

The Baha'is have so many social activities I could be attending one every night if I wanted to (pre-covid, now they are on Zoom) but one reason, maybe the primary reason, I never attended any of their gatherings is because I would compare myself to them and then I would be more depressed than I already am.... I guess you could call it jealousy, as they have children and grandchildren, friends and family, and I don't. All I have is my husband and the cats and I have lots of money and assets but that does not make me happy, only secure. Once a counselor told me that most people would be happy if they had all of what I have, a nice husband, a good job and lots of money, but she should have known better that to say that because I was seeing her for PTSD and grief from the loss of cats.

Right now I think the main source of my unhappiness that I am consciously aware of is the houses, the one where we live and the two rentals, but there is nothing I can do about the houses except what I am doing.... But maybe I am just too isolated, home all the time and seeing nobody, maybe that is a big reason for being unhappy. However I have no solution for that even after the lock-downs are over because f the "problem" I described above. Last night I had a dream that the Covid-19 restrictions had been lifted and I can remember being unhappy about it. Maybe misery loves company.

 

[JustGeorge]

I feel somewhat the same way, but I sure as hell don't know what to do about it. Even pre-covid I only saw people at work and the grocery store, and now I only see them in grocery stores, my great outing!

I am going to tell you a secret and then everyone who reads this will know, because I have to tell somebody besides my husband who already knows... Okay, now I am starting to cry.

The Baha'is have so many social activities I could be attending one every night if I wanted to (pre-covid, now they are on Zoom) but one reason, maybe the primary reason, I never attended any of their gatherings is because I would compare myself to them and then I would be more depressed than I already am.... I guess you could call it jealousy, as they have children and grandchildren, friends and family, and I don't. All I have is my husband and the cats and I have lots of money and assets but that does not make me happy, only secure. Once a counselor told me that most people would be happy if they had all of what I have, a nice husband, a good job and lots of money, but she should have known better that to say that because I was seeing her for PTSD and grief from the loss of cats.

Right now I think the main source of my unhappiness that I am consciously aware of is the houses, the one where we live and the two rentals, but there is nothing I can do about the houses except what I am doing.... But maybe I am just too isolated, home all the time and seeing nobody, maybe that is a big reason for being unhappy. However I have no solution for that even after the lock-downs are over because f the "problem" I described above. Last night I had a dream that the Covid-19 restrictions had been lifted and I can remember being unhappy about it. Maybe misery loves company.

Comparing oneself to others is a nasty thing we do to ourselves. It can be so hard not to, though... I am sorry you're struggling with that. Its difficult, though, to do accurately. Some people put on a big grin and a pretty display only to snarl and moan when the people have all gone home. Unless you know someone on a personal level, its almost impossible to see whether or not they are happy.

I think your counselor needs to see a counselor. There is no one 'life' that makes everyone happy. One person needs loads of money. Another may care less and need something else. There is no life that everybody would be happy with.

It sounds like you have a lot of things that could drive one to anxiety, isolated or not. But of course, isolation often makes everything worse(unless its a self chosen one).

 

[Trailblazer]

Could you sell two of the houses, and keep the third for yourself, your cats, and husband?

I could easily sell them and make a good profit because they are worth a lot more than I paid for them and houses like them are in great demand. I have had many offers for one of them that is located in the same area where I live. the other house is three hours away, in a beach town of 630 people, so not many people know about it.

But would I be happier if I sold them, and what would I do with the money? I already have so much money in the bank and in the market and I do not like having more in the market. One rental house is not really a problem anymore, although it was for years, because of repairs needed and tenants not paying rent. The tenants we have now are great and always pay rent on time, but now there is a problem with rats so I have to get a pest company, and it is very bad so I am not sure how they will be able to get rid of them. But I will deal with it and it will probably get resolved since I have the money to pay the pest control company.

The other rental house is a much bigger problem as the tenant owes me over $8600 in back rent and I am not sure how I am ever going to get that money. He owed me a lot of money before the Covid-19 eviction moratorium started in March 2020 but now he owes me a lot more and I cannot evict him until the eviction moratorium is over. Even after that,if I evict him and get a money judgement I will probably never see that money sine he has no employer to garnish wages from and no assets.

As for the third house that we live it, it is such a nightmare, I don't even want to talk abut it! We get more unsolicited offers on this house than any other so we could sell it, but I have no idea how I could ever deal with moving, and where would we go? So here I am standing at my laptop in the computer room whcih is where I spend almost all my waking hours. The laptop sits on top of the cat condo and there is always a cat on the next level down.

All I can hope for is that God is going to help me get out of this mess, when the time is right. Talk about needing faith.

 

[Trailblazer]

It sounds like you have a lot of things that could drive one to anxiety, isolated or not. But of course, isolation often makes everything worse(unless its a self chosen one).

It is self-chosen, but it is the best choice because I know myself well enough to know how I would feel being around all those happy people, since I have been there before. Granted, nobody can really know if other people are happy but if you have ever been to a Baha'i gathering you would understand..... Everyone looks so happy that I want to punch them out...
What are they so happy about, the world is falling apart all around them?
I think it is best that I stay home unless I can either change my feelings or be as happy as they are.

 

[JustGeorge]

I could easily sell them and make a good profit because they are worth a lot more than I paid for them and houses like them are in great demand. I have had many offers for one of them that is located in the same area where I live. the other house is three hours away, in a beach town of 630 people, so not many people know about it.

But would I be happier if I sold them, and what would i do with the money? I already have so much money in the bank and in the market and I do not like having more in the market. One rental house is not really a problem anymore, although it was for years, because of repairs needed and tenants not paying rent. The tenants we have now are great and always pay rent on time, but now there is a problem with rats so I have to get a pest company, and it is very bad so I am not sure how they will be able to get rid of them. But I will deal with it and it will probably get resolved since I have the money to pay the pest control company.

The other rental house is a much bigger problem as the tenant owes me over $8600 in back rent and I am not sure how I am ever going to get that money. He owed me a lot of money before the Covid-19 eviction moratorium started in March 2020 but now he owes me a lot more and I cannot evict him until the eviction moratorium is over. Even after that,if I evict him and get a money judgement I will probably never see that money sine he has no employer to garnish wages from and no assets.

As for the third house that we live it, it is such a nightmare, I don't even want to talk abut it! We get more unsolicited offers on this house than any other so we could sell it, but I have no idea how I could ever deal with moving, and where would we go? So here I am standing at my laptop in the computer room whcih is where I spend almost all my waking hours. The laptop sits on top of the cat condo and there is always a cat on the next level down.

All I can hope for is that God is going to help me get out of this mess, when the time is right. Talk about needing faith. .

If you don't need the money... well, forget it! Use what you have to call pest control and go through the eviction process(when you're able to), and sell the houses. If you don't want or need the money, give it away, make salad out of it, cash it out in two dollar bills(you can get these at most major banks) and throw them out the window as you ride down the interstate. If selling the houses will release you of the stress, that seems priceless. Just wipe the slate clean...

Honestly, I'd worry about the houses you don't need before you worry about the one you're in. You do need a place to stay, but it seems like the extra property is just causing you unnecessary stress.

 

[JustGeorge]

It is self-chosen, but it is the best choice because I know myself well enough to know how I would feel being around all those happy people, since I have been there before. Granted, nobody can really know if other people are happy but if you have ever been to a Baha'i gathering you would understand..... Everyone looks so happy that I want to punch them out... What are they so happy about? I think it is best that I stay home unless I can either change my feelings or be as happy as they are.

No, I haven't ever been to a Baha'i gathering, and from what you say here that's probably a good thing. I tend to have no facial expression and reserved body language, so I probably wouldn't be well liked amongst a very outwardly happy crowd.

Could you socialize somewhere else? Maybe with other cat people? Or even people you have nothing in common with... sometimes that turns out to be the best of all...

 

[Trailblazer]

If selling the houses will release you of the stress, that seems priceless. Just wipe the slate clean...

The problem is that I am not really sure that is my main problem and I know I can deal with the stress of the rentals because I have been doing it for over 10 years. Right now I am just spitting mad because of what the non-paying tenant has been doing for so long and he continues doing it so I am not about to let him off the hook. I let two other tenants who owed me large sums of money off the hook and I cannot do it again.

Honestly, I'd worry about the houses you don't need before you worry about the one you're in. You do need a place to stay, but it seems like the extra property is just causing you unnecessary stress.

That easily said, since you have never seen the house I am living in, or what used to be a yard!
It is downright frightening just to look over the balcony on the deck.

 

[JustGeorge]

The problem is that I am not really sure that is my main problem and I know i can deal with the stress of the rentals because I have been doing it for over 10 years. Right now I am just spitting mad because of what the non-paying tenant has been doing for so long and continues doing it so I am not about to let him off the hook. I let two other tenants who owed me large sums of money off the hook and I cannot do it again.

That easily said, since you have never seen the house I am living in, or what used to be a yard!
It is downright frightening.

That's true. Perhaps you can take some of the money that you don't throw out the window from selling the other two houses and make the house you're in more to your liking. Or, if you have enough to do it now, go ahead and do it.

 

[Trailblazer]

No, I haven't ever been to a Baha'i gathering, and from what you say here that's probably a good thing. I tend to have no facial expression and reserved body language, so I probably wouldn't be well liked amongst a very outwardly happy crowd.

Could you socialize somewhere else? Maybe with other cat people? Or even people you have nothing in common with... sometimes that turns out to be the best of all...

I probably could find other people to socialize with but now with Covid-19 it is a moot point. Our state is still in lock-down.

 

[Trailblazer]

That's true. Perhaps you can take some of the money that you don't throw out the window from selling the other two houses and make the house you're in more to your liking. Or, if you have enough to do it now, go ahead and do it.

Money is not an issue, it has not been an issue for a very long time. Motivation is the issue... I have no motivation. After all, we lost five cats last year, and all we did last year was care for those sick cats. I certainly have not recovered from that yet. Fear is also an issue.... How can I fix up the house when I cannot even go downstairs or in the garage for fear of what I will find? It is just so depressing that I throw up my hands and give up...
Sorry to be such a we blanket, but thanks for listening and giving your advice.

 

[JustGeorge]

Money is not an issue, it has not been an issue for a very long time. Motivation is the issue... I have no motivation. After all, we lost five cats last year, and all we did last year was care for those sick cats. I certainly have not recovered from that yet. Fear is also an issue.... How can I fix up the house when I cannot even go downstairs or in the garage for fear of what I will find? It is just so depressing that I throw up my hands and give up...
Sorry to be such a we blanket, but thanks for listening and giving your advice.

I get that. I lived in a situation that was similar(though not exactly the same). Its miserable. I'm sorry you're having to live with this right now, and I hope you find a way out eventually.

 

[exchemist]

I feel somewhat the same way, but I sure as hell don't know what to do about it. Even pre-covid I only saw people at work and the grocery store, and now I only see them in grocery stores, my great outing!

I am going to tell you a secret and then everyone who reads this will know, because I have to tell somebody besides my husband who already knows... Okay, now I am starting to cry.

The Baha'is have so many social activities I could be attending one every night if I wanted to (pre-covid, now they are on Zoom) but one reason, maybe the primary reason, I never attended any of their gatherings is because I would compare myself to them and then I would be more depressed than I already am.... I guess you could call it jealousy, as they have children and grandchildren, friends and family, and I don't. All I have is my husband and the cats and I have lots of money and assets but that does not make me happy, only secure. Once a counselor told me that most people would be happy if they had all of what I have, a nice husband, a good job and lots of money, but she should have known better that to say that because I was seeing her for PTSD and grief from the loss of cats.

Right now I think the main source of my unhappiness that I am consciously aware of is the houses, the one where we live and the two rentals, but there is nothing I can do about the houses except what I am doing.... But maybe I am just too isolated, home all the time and seeing nobody, maybe that is a big reason for being unhappy. However I have no solution for that even after the lock-downs are over because f the "problem" I described above. Last night I had a dream that the Covid-19 restrictions had been lifted and I can remember being unhappy about it. Maybe misery loves company.

Close your eyes and think of the vaccine. We'll get out of this in a few months.

 

[Spirit of Light]

This discussion comes from the idea that having money, possessions etc. won't make you and keep you happy. The idea that, fundamentally, human happiness cannot be sustained for long. It is with this in mind that I ask this.

What would the state have to take away from you to make you feel as though you could not live your life at the basic level needed for your own sustained happiness (or perhaps comfortability - I'm letting you use your own definition for 'happiness')?

I'm not talking about basics for life such as money or food or taking away your children; I'm talking about something that is so intrinsic to your life that you feel you could not exist or would not want to exist without it.

I am in a part of my life where i have only a minimum of belongings, mostly no money, i eat what i can afford at any given time, mostly bread, coffee, milk.
I live mostly alone ( not living with my gf)

But i have never been more happy in my life.

Mostly my lifestyle is my own choice.
So no government can't make me unhappy by taking the few objects i own

 

[SalixIncendium]

This discussion comes from the idea that having money, possessions etc. won't make you and keep you happy. The idea that, fundamentally, human happiness cannot be sustained for long. It is with this in mind that I ask this.

What would the state have to take away from you to make you feel as though you could not live your life at the basic level needed for your own sustained happiness (or perhaps comfortability - I'm letting you use your own definition for 'happiness')?

I'm not talking about basics for life such as money or food or taking away your children; I'm talking about something that is so intrinsic to your life that you feel you could not exist or would not want to exist without it.

RF

 

[SalixIncendium]

This discussion comes from the idea that having money, possessions etc. won't make you and keep you happy. The idea that, fundamentally, human happiness cannot be sustained for long. It is with this in mind that I ask this.

What would the state have to take away from you to make you feel as though you could not live your life at the basic level needed for your own sustained happiness (or perhaps comfortability - I'm letting you use your own definition for 'happiness')?

I'm not talking about basics for life such as money or food or taking away your children; I'm talking about something that is so intrinsic to your life that you feel you could not exist or would not want to exist without it.

Seriously though, I can't think of anything off the top of my head that could be taken away, beyond the basic necessities you mention, that would have a profound impact on my happiness or comfort.

I suppose "freedom" might be an obvious choice, but there are levels of control I could adapt to. "The state" might be able to apply outward control, but they can't control what happens within.

 

[Trailblazer]

Close your eyes and think of the vaccine. We'll get out of this in a few months.

Thanks, but even if "we" get out of this "I" still won't be out of this, because the Covid-19 restrictions the least of my problems, and in fact they have even made my life much easier since I have been ordered to work at home. I don't think I could ever go back to working in the office an but don't think I will ever have to because my boss will probably allow me to keep working at home, if I keep working. I was going to retire last year when the last of the three houses was paid off, but I could not make such a big decision as retiring with the pandemic and the election going on. I have to think of what I would do differently if I retired and if I cannot think of anything then I might as well continue working, that's how I look at it, even though I don't need the money from working. Maybe all this will change, but not unless God helps me get out of the rut I am in. I have never been afraid of getting Covid-19 and dying, I am more afraid of continuing to live like this....