Your Happiness

[Trailblazer]

I am in a part of my life where i have only a minimum of belongings, mostly no money, i eat what i can afford at any given time, mostly bread, coffee, milk.

That sounds really good... I don't know why I can't live that way, but I think it is related to fate and predestination.
Maybe when I get older I will be able to live more simply, if God wills.

 

[Trailblazer]

I get that. I lived in a situation that was similar(though not exactly the same). Its miserable. I'm sorry you're having to live with this right now, and I hope you find a way out eventually.

Last night, when I thought back to what you said, I remembered that I was living this way long before we moved into this house in 2009. We had been living this way in the older house that is now a rental for the previous 17 years, so it goes back to 1992, and although that house was not so bad in the beginning, it got worse as time went on. When we bought this house and decided to move it took us 9 months to move from that house, we had accumulated so much stuff. Now I worry how I will ever get out of this house, or fix it up, because I worry about having the physical stamina to do all that given my age. I still have it now, but that's no guarantee. Of course I could always pay someone to help... But really this is more about motivation than anything else. I have no motivation to do anything related to the material world, except take care of cats and other outdoor creatures.

 

[exchemist]

Thanks, but even if "we" get out of this "I" still won't be out of this, because the Covid-19 restrictions the least of my problems, and in fact they have even made my life much easier since I have been ordered to work at home. I don't think I could ever go back to working in the office an but don't think I will ever have to because my boss will probably allow me to keep working at home, if I keep working. I was going to retire last year when the last of the three houses was paid off, but I could not make such a big decision as retiring with the pandemic and the election going on. I have to think of what I would do differently if I retired and if I cannot think of anything then I might as well continue working, that's how I look at it, even though I don't need the money from working. Maybe all this will change, but not unless God helps me get out of the rut I am in. I have never been afraid of getting Covid-19 and dying, I am more afraid of continuing to live like this....

Er.....OK.

So you are OK for money, and your boss will let you work from home, which you prefer. You don't need to keep working. So you are free to choose. But you will probably carry on if you can't think of anything better? In that case, my advice, for whatever it is worth, is not to worry about keeping on with your work or feeling that you are in a "rut".

Do you know Larkin's poem "Toads Revisited"? It is an older man's retake of his youthful poem asking "Why should I let the toad Work squat on my life?". In "Toads Revisited", he considers retirement, but in the end thinks to himself no, it is better to carry on working than just becoming aimless, like so many fools. it ends: "Give me your arm, old toad. Help me down cemetery road." A lot of people come to that conclusion. For a while, at least.

 

[Trailblazer]

Er.....OK.

So you are OK for money, and your boss will let you work from home, which you prefer. You don't need to keep working. So you are free to choose. But you will probably carry on if you can't think of anything better? In that case, my advice, for whatever it is worth, is not to worry about keeping on with your work or feeling that you are in a "rut".

Do you know Larkin's poem "Toads Revisited"? It is an older man's retake of his youthful poem asking "Why should I let the toad Work squat on my life?". In "Toads Revisited", he considers retirement, but in the end thinks to himself no, it is better to carry on working than just becoming aimless, like so many fools. it ends: "Give me your arm, old toad. Help me down cemetery road." A lot of people come to that conclusion. For a while, at least.

Thanks again, but the rut is not really related to my continuing to work, it is more about the rest of my lifestyle, mostly related to this house we live in, but maybe it is not as bad as I make it out to be. I think it is that I think I should be doing things I just do not want to do, like fixing up this house, so then I feel guilty and I get depressed because I cannot make myself do it. I am in a kind of Catch-22 situation because I care and I don't care at the same time. But I always take care of the rental houses as soon as I know they need attention, because that is an obligation.

 

[exchemist]

Thanks again, but the rut is not really related to my continuing to work, it is more about the rest of my lifestyle, but maybe it is not as bad as I make it out to be. I think it is that I think I should be doing things I just do not want to do, like fixing up this house, so then I feel guilty and I get depressed because I cannot make myself do it. I am in a kind of Catch-22 situation because I care and I don't care at the same time. But I always take care of the rental houses as soon as I know they need attention, because that is an obligation.

Ah, I see. I have the same feeling about my house actually. One problem is that, since my wife died, there is no one else to encourage me to get on with things like that, or to tell me how much they enjoy the results. Self-motivation can be hard. But I console myself with the thought that in France, where my wife came from, people don't seem to mind living in a house with some cracks in the wall or a crappy old kitchen. Sometimes I think we Anglo-Saxons are too Germanic about all this. Maybe we should just relax, cook a bit better and open a bottle of wine. But I am now making myself do some things on the house, bit by bit.

 

[Secret Chief]

Ah, I see. I have the same feeling about my house actually. One problem is that, since my wife died, there is no one else to encourage me to get on with things like that, or to tell me how much they enjoy the results. Self-motivation can be hard. But I console myself with the thought that in France, where my wife came from, people don't seem to mind living in a house with some cracks in the wall or a crappy old kitchen. Sometimes I think we Anglo-Saxons are too Germanic about all this. Maybe we should just relax, cook a bit better and open a bottle of wine. But I am now making myself do some things on the house, bit by bit.

I must be French then. I don't want to spend my life titivating bricks and mortar. If it works, that's all I want. Others think differently.

 

[JustGeorge]

I've given up on keeping the house nice. The kids have drawn all over the walls, and all our furniture has kitty scratches. There are dings in the walls, and dog chew marks on the stairs. I have enough problems to worry about without having to concern myself with aesthetics. I just try to keep things sanitary and comfortable, and forget the rest.

 

[Trailblazer]

I've given up on keeping the house nice. The kids have drawn all over the walls, and all our furniture has kitty scratches. There are dings in the walls, and dog chew marks on the stairs. I have enough problems to worry about without having to concern myself with aesthetics. I just try to keep things sanitary and comfortable, and forget the rest.

Thanks, I needed that, it made my day.

 

[Spirit of Light]

That sounds really good... I don't know why I can't live that way, but I think it is related to fate and predestination.
Maybe when I get older I will be able to live more simply, if God wills.

It does take strenght in the beginning to live on minimum, but worldly belongings does not attract me any more. Living simple get me closer to Allah

 

[exchemist]

I've given up on keeping the house nice. The kids have drawn all over the walls, and all our furniture has kitty scratches. There are dings in the walls, and dog chew marks on the stairs. I have enough problems to worry about without having to concern myself with aesthetics. I just try to keep things sanitary and comfortable, and forget the rest.

I think that's what many people with a lot of young children do: basically wait until they are all well into their teens before attempting any sort of revamp. It's waste of time doing it earlier, because they just muck it up again.

 

[syo]

Remove paganism from me and i'll die miserable.

 

[JustGeorge]

I think that's what many people with a lot of young children do: basically wait until they are all well into their teens before attempting any sort of revamp. It's waste of time doing it earlier, because they just muck it up again.

I spread mine out so far, I'm looking at that being awhile(oldest is 14, youngest is 2). The middle one is particularly hard on the house; he recently decided he wanted his floor to be green instead of tan, and started tearing the floorboards up.

 

[Martin]

Being near the sea. I miss it when I travel inland

 

[Trailblazer]

Being near the sea. I miss it when I travel inland

I live inland, about three hours from the Pacific Ocean, but we a vacation house on a bluff overlooking the ocean, so now you got me thinking. I would not mind living there, but it is in a very small beach town and my husband does not like being that far away from major medical services, given his age and health condition. We always took our vacations on the Oregon coast, year after year, but owing to life circumstances we stopped taking vacations in 2012. I really miss the ocean.

 

[Trailblazer]

I spread mine out so far, I'm looking at that being awhile(oldest is 14, youngest is 2). The middle one is particularly hard on the house; he recently decided he wanted his floor to be green instead of tan, and started tearing the floorboards up.

You are so lucky to have all those children. I'd much rather have three children than three houses, but that was not my fate.

 

[Trailblazer]

It does take strength in the beginning to live on minimum, but worldly belongings does not attract me any more. Living simple get me closer to Allah

I am not attracted to the belongings, and most of what I have I purchased before by "spiritual period". I have not purchased anything that I do not need to live or that I do not need for the cats and other animals in many, many years. I have not even been into a department store, only grocery stores, because we have to eat. We got the two additional houses before my spiritual period, when I was worried about my future after I lost my good job and retirement was looking grim. Then I got another job like the one I lost after searching for eight years, but by then I had the extra houses and it made more financial sense to keep them as investments.

If I was single and had no cats, I would live in a small beach house on the ocean or in a cabin in the woods in the mountains, off the grid, but my husband would never have it because he likes central heat and watching TV.

So here we are, living one day at a time. I hope for better days but I do not expect them, it will be as God wills.

 

[exchemist]

I spread mine out so far, I'm looking at that being awhile(oldest is 14, youngest is 2). The middle one is particularly hard on the house; he recently decided he wanted his floor to be green instead of tan, and started tearing the floorboards up.

Blimey! That's rather extreme. Is he on the spectrum, or something, or just a bit out of control?

 

[JustGeorge]

Blimey! That's rather extreme. Is he on the spectrum, or something, or just a bit out of control?

Yes, he's autistic. He's also named Ares, and he lives up to the name to the extent I once read a description of the god Ares out of a book and asked my dad(without telling him where the passage came from) to ask who this just described. "Well, your son, of course." His physical strength is quite impressive(he's moved my piano, and pulled me in a wagon while I was pregnant), but he can accomplish acts that other kids his age can't. Sometimes that is helpful, sometimes its detrimental.

My oldest one is also on the spectrum, more on the Asperger's end of things. He wasn't as destructive(at least not intentionally), but he wasn't/isn't always bodily aware, and tended to tear up furniture through his inability to sit. I remember him bouncing on a chair(not being aware he was bouncing) and falling right through the bottom of it.

The youngest is not on the spectrum(how weird for me!), but takes the cues of the 7 year old. He's easier to stop, though.

 

[Rival]

I remember him bouncing on a chair(not being aware he was bouncing) and falling right through the bottom of it.

I've done this since I was 12. I've never gone through a chair but I must have broken at least 4. The legs buckled.

 

[JustGeorge]

I've done this since I was 12. I've never gone through a chair but I must have broken at least 4. The legs buckled.

They just don't make 'em tough enough, do they.