Spirit of Light
Be who ever you want
Thank you @SironaWell, you asked for constructive criticism, so here it goes ...
In another thread which I can't find anymore, you were undecided about which teaching to choose regarding the Self, Buddhist / Muslim or atheist. I think most people can choose on the spot which option to pick because they choose intuitively, "with the heart", rather than making it an intellectual exercice.
You see, at one point in my life, I tried Wicca/witchcraft. I thought I would have trouble learning the rituals, but most of witchcraft is about making mundane things come true, such as health, love, money etc. Through witchcraft, I found that I learned the rituals quickly but in the end, I actually didn't know what to wish for. So, I think, in case one doesn't know what to wish for, covering up the problem with even more "theory" and even more "rituals" might be not so helpful. I think it could be more important to make small wishes for yourself first, and big wishes later.
You also wrote something about "mortifying the Self". My opinion about this goes in the same direction. I would be very cautious about anything meant to harm or subdue the self, and I think you should make a clear distinction between the Self and the ego. Making small wishes won't change you into an egocentric monster all of a sudden.
I don't know much about sufism anyway, but when it comes to asceticism, I would always ask myself whether this has been a decision out of a sincere conviction that all material gain is futile, or whether it's because one doesn't know what to wish for or one may be afraid to make wishes. Even if a faith teaches that "God alone suffices", you always need people and "some things" for your health and well-being.
Anyway, take this with a grain of salt, as I only can make guesses about you based upon what you write, but this is the impression I get when reading your posts.
There have been times this summer that I doubted my own being, my own belief, my own existence. So yes in those moments my writing become confusing (even for me when reading back)
When speaking of mortifying the self, that is to let go of the ego, something that is a lot harder to do than it sounds, it is not to let go of the higher self or soul/spirit If that happen I would truly be dead spiritually too.
Looking at the "goal" or path of the Sufi it is this.
Sufis strive to purify their thoughts and actions through rigorous discipline and prayer. A major goal of Sufism is to let go of all external pleasure that is common to man. Sufis practice long periods of fasting and ritual to attain a state of oneness with God.
This is not an easy path and I noticed with my own being that to find the answers may seem so difficult, but when the answer does appear, it is the easiest thing in the world, but it is hidden for me until the veil is lifted, and one of the reason it becomes difficult is, the ego, there is always a voice in the back of the head telling that just leave it for a moment and do all the things you know is Haram to do, Have some fun.
Fun to me is realizing new wisdom, understanding life in a new way, and so on.
Fun for me is to help others realize their dreams and hopes, unfortunately, it can also lead to lack of energy in my own body ( as I experienced this month)