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would you marry someone of a different faith as yours?

Akivah

Akivah

Well-Known Member
kloth said:
interesting.
so would you say that you follow your religious faith to a T? by the book, if you will?
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No, but then neither does she. People can share the same basic philosophy without being identical on every facet.
 
U

UnderSoul

Heathen
Provided the person is tolerable, absolutely. As long as they aren't antagonistic to my beliefs in any way, I'd go for it. We might even have some nice little fun discussions about it.
 
9-10ths_Penguin

9-10ths_Penguin

1/10 Subway Stalinist
Premium Member
I did marry someone of different beliefs: my ex is Catholic.

Religion wasn't the only factor in our breakup, but it was a big one. I think I could be okay with someone who believes differently from me if that's all it was, but it was her insistence that I should become Catholic myself (while also refusing to answer the difficult questions that stood in the way of me becoming Catholic) and disagreements over how we should raise any kids (which, luckily, we didn't have) that really created a rift.

I think I would be okay with different beliefs as long as there was mutual respect. Unfortunately, disrespect of atheistic points of view seems to be a core tenet of many religions.
 
Akivah

Akivah

Well-Known Member
9-10ths_Penguin said:
I think I could be okay with someone who believes differently from me if that's all it was, but it was her insistence that I should become Catholic myself (while also refusing to answer the difficult questions that stood in the way of me becoming Catholic) and disagreements over how we should raise any kids (which, luckily, we didn't have) that really created a rift.

I think I would be okay with different beliefs as long as there was mutual respect. Unfortunately, disrespect of atheistic points of view seems to be a core tenet of many religions.
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Referring to the raising of your possible kids. She wanted to train them in religion, you didn't. How is mutual respect possible when two seperate courses of action are impossible to carry out together?
 
9-10ths_Penguin

9-10ths_Penguin

1/10 Subway Stalinist
Premium Member
Akivah said:
Referring to the raising of your possible kids. She wanted to train them in religion, you didn't. How is mutual respect possible when two seperate courses of action are impossible to carry out together?
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It wasn't just that she wanted to see to her religious obligations, it was that she wanted to go way beyond these... and violate other important principles I held in the process.

I was willing to let her see to religious obligations like baptism and first communion (though not necessarily confirmation, since that's supposed to be the child's choice - I'd allow it, but not allow my ex to force it). She wanted us to not only do this, but send our kids to a Catholic school... something that is in no way an obligation for a Catholic to do and something that I also had other major problems with:

- Ontario Catholic schools are funded by taxpayer money. As a secularist (and as someone who just values equality under the law; only Catholics get taxpayer-funded schools), I strongly oppose this arrangement. Sending my own kid to a taxpayer-funded Catholic school would be extremely hypocritical.

- Through the strange rules around Ontario Catholic schools, for kids of mixed parents to go to Catholic schools, the parents need to have a "school support lease" in place: effectively, I would have to sign a legal document "leasing" my half of our jointly owned home to her for a dollar a year. I was uncomfortable with signing away my own rights this way. Also, it would've taken me from not merely standing in the way of what she was doing but actively endorsing it.

- Ontario has had major problems at a number of Catholic schools with things like refusal to allow gay-straight alliances and in some cases actual harassment of LGBT students by teachers. I'm very concerned about the mental and potentially physical well-being of LGBT students in Ontario Catholic schools, and I recognized that there's a significant chance that any child I might have could end up being LGBT.

Edit:

Speaking of mutual respect, though: it would be a strange sort of respect on my part if I "respected" her goal of disrespecting our hypothetical kids by imposing her religion on them. IMO, the respectful course of action would be to educate our kids about her faith and allow them to follow it if they choose without coercion. I was willing to do that as long as it was done in a fair and balanced way.
 
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Vinayaka

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
Yesterday was our 39th anniversary. Although we have argued off and on through the years, one thing we never argued about was religion. For me, why would I want to add one more aspect of life that has potential for disharmony, when it is something you can generally find out about before marrying?
 
brokensymmetry

brokensymmetry

ground state
I think it's important people share a fundamental outlook and values. Whether or not that means sharing the same religion depends on the person. For some, this is very important, for others it may be down on their list. Some people can be vaguely religious without it much impacting their values in a special way or lifestyle. It is probably important that spouses have a similar outlook on that too. What happens if you have children? If one spouse is very active religiously and has lifestyle restrictions entailed by that? and so on.
 
HexBomb

HexBomb

Member
I would. I think as long as there is understanding and good communication and respect towards each other's beliefs, then it's fine.

My one cousin is an atheist married to a Jew. So, in their house it is kosher only, and all rituals are followed. He does that for her, and she follows Romany law of marime for him. Neither is asking the other to do anything against their beliefs, so it works. He always says giving up pork and following some extra laws is nothing compared to not having the love of his life.
 
ShivaFan

ShivaFan

Satyameva Jayate
Premium Member
Namaste

It would be easy for me to say I would as if to show how fair I am to all spiritual humans, to demonstrate my congenial, egalitarian and undiscriminating nature ... but I wouldn't and that is the truth.

And the reason I am that way about whom I marry verse my relations in society in general is, honestly I can only be a Hindu and yet that doesn't mean I am a good Hindu. So only another Hindu can, frankly, understand me such to also, literally, save me from myself. Frankly, if it were not for my Hindu Wife, I would probably be dead right now. Because I am essentially wild. So, only a Hindu Lady can tame me. Sort of like it was destined, detined to be a Hindu wife. Destiny.

As for friends, I also prefer Hindus, but I like all sorts of friends.
 
Akivah

Akivah

Well-Known Member
I agree Tumah. A conversion should be done only if the person themselves want it. Doing it for a spouse, isn't a conversion of your own heart.
 
HexBomb

HexBomb

Member
Akivah said:
I agree Tumah. A conversion should be done only if the person themselves want it. Doing it for a spouse, isn't a conversion of your own heart.
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This always raises an interesting question for me, and I hope you don't mind if I ask, but...isn't it possible for someone to fall in love with a Jew, and through seeing the way that Jew lives and believes, fall in love with Judaism, and want to convert for both reasons?
 
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