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Why is it a sin to have sex before marriage?

Discussion in 'General Religious Debates' started by Dezzie, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. Dezzie

    Dezzie New Member

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    1,680
    This is generally speaking of course... but why do some people think that you need to be married before you have sex?

    In my opinion, marriage is just a paper... you can be commited to another person without it. I had sex before marriage and I really don't see how it is a problem... I was fully commited to my Husband when the act occured and I thought nothing bad of it. Why is it a sin to some people?

    (I am sure this topic has been done before but I am looking for answers from all types of Religions... not just Christianity)
     
  2. TJ73

    TJ73 New Member

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    956
    Well for one thing, some people believe, Bibliclly, that sex actually equates to marriage, not popular but a belief.
    I personally believe contractually agreeing to commit to someone under all but the most overwhelming circumstances is the best place for something as extremely personal, physically as well as emotionally, as sex is. It is the ultimate way of letting another person into your life literally and figuratively. We don't allow a physician into our bodies without some kind of documentation, so it should be with another person,IMHO
     
  3. Alex_G

    Alex_G Enlightner of the Senses Staff Member Premium Member

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    1,630

    I agree with you. I do hate the word 'sin' though, i cant use it in conversation and talk as it holds too much religious weight. I much prefer talk in terms of core ethics and morality, good and bad.

    For me the only morally grey areas of sex is when its used in an irresponsible way. It is as physically intimate as you can generally get with someone, and you cannot know or predict how another person understands the act. It isnt something to be presumed. As a result one person behaving as if its a casual, fairly meaningless but enjoyable act could hurt another person who sees differently.

    The only way this correlates with marriage is, assuming you are married, you have that commitment in place already, and so sex can happen without such risk of hurting someone so easily as before marrage.

    Of course the lesson here is not really about sex itself so much, but in how to deal with people in a respectful way, understanding that not all of what makes them individual and unique is on show or readily available, and one shouldnt act as if it is.

    Life is a game of inperfect information for sure.
     
  4. Levite

    Levite Higher and Higher

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    6,250
    Religion:
    Jewish
    The traditional explanation in Judaism has usually been that marriage purifies what is otherwise mere lust. But of course, that was only custom and tradition, it was never Jewish Law. Technically, Jewish Law has never prohibited sex before marriage. As long as the woman was of age and consenting, and as long as she did not claim virginity in her marriage contract after that, it was not against Jewish Law-- not actually a sin.

    Today, most rabbis say that while it is not prohibited before marriage, it is ideally expressed in marriage, because committed, monogamous relationships allow us to use sex as a tool to come to know our partner more deeply and truly, and since all human beings are created in the image of God (spiritually, not physically, of course), this kind of deepening intimacy allows us to better experience the Divine spark in the other.
     
  5. SLAMH

    SLAMH Active Member

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    419
    You are right, marriage is just a paper. As far as I understand the prohibition of adultery is because the negative side impacts of it on the society. Sex before marriage actually creates a sense of social chaos and risk the bonds of families relationship. The meaning of family would go into collapse. People will not have a serious stimulation to invoke them to look for steady relationships as they will be free to satisfy their sexual needs without a commitment to this act. It is like this, sex before marriage doesn't require responsibility and equally sex within marriage demands responsibility.
     
  6. Pegg

    Pegg Well-Known Member

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    Gods standard was for sex to only be carried out between married couples because sex is the means to bring forth children in the world. It is a protection for the unborn, as it ensured the child would have both mother and father to care for it.
     
  7. Breathe

    Breathe Bitter Edgelord :^)

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    17,214
    Religion:
    Complicated but fairly consistent
    I don't think it is a sin, not that I really believe in sin. :D

    I think the idea developed because people wanted a stable home and support for raising children. There are obviously some people out there who are struggling to get by because the male (who was and in many cases still is the "breadwinner") has run off, and there are those who bring a different partner home frequently, that the child develops a bond with, and then is gone, for example. BUT, there are many many people who have children out of wedlock and get married to that person (I'm one) or do not marry them but still have a loving, stable relationship. - That is marriage to me, whether MM, MF, or FF.

    To me, sex before marriage is not a "sin" if there was such a concept for me. Hell, I don't even think sex with other people whilst in marriage would be a sin provided that everyone (both spouses and the other person/people) involved consented voluntarily (not badgered into it - I know a bus driver who did this.. bad ending :D).

    My $0.02. :)
     
  8. Dezzie

    Dezzie New Member

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    1,680
    but why do you need marriage for that commitment? Marriage is merely a ceremony and provides the couple with certain benefits. I agree that sex is technically the act needed to create children, but why do you need a piece of paper to prove your commitment to one another? You can be commited without it... I think some people have taken it the wrong way (in the Bible for example). I don't think anyone NEEDS to be married to have children. Marriage doesn't really prove anything that not being married wouldn't.
     
  9. Dezzie

    Dezzie New Member

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    1,680
    But even if that couple with the children WERE (or not) married, the guy could still abandon his child. He could file for Divorce and leave. Either way there could still be a bad outcome.
     
  10. Breathe

    Breathe Bitter Edgelord :^)

    Messages:
    17,214
    Religion:
    Complicated but fairly consistent
    Yeah, I know that.

    Maybe that's why there's the idea of child support now?

    Maybe that's why in times gone by, they tried to restrict divorce when possible? I dunno.
     
  11. Nerthus

    Nerthus Wanderlust

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    1,459
    Religion:
    LDS
    I don't see sex before marriage as a 'sin'. I am with you on this one. I don't think I will ever have a 'legal, religious wedding'.

    A Christian friend of mine once said that no one can have sex without it leading to feelings of love - so therefore the healthiest place for sex is within a marriage that has been blessed by God.

    I am not the sort to tell another when they can and can't have sex - their sexual lives is down to them. To me, I prefer to be in a committed relationship; I don't like the idea of casual sex.
     
  12. Dezzie

    Dezzie New Member

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    1,680
    I agree... I am not into the whole casual sex thing either. It just wouldn't feel right to me. My Husband is the only person... and I would love to keep it that way. There are no Religious reasons behind it either... it's just how I feel in my heart. It's hard to describe. :)

    I've had Christian friends tell me the same thing too so I can relate there. I don't necessarily agree with all of it though. Plenty of people in this world have sex with random people and don't fall in love. They just move on and are fine with it (I have no clue how they do it :p). It CAN be an unhealthy act though... both physically and emotionally (for some people that is).
     
  13. Penumbra

    Penumbra Well-Known Member Staff Member Premium Member

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    I wager it had to do with human instincts to create social agreements about sustaining life and raising the young that was advantageous to survival.
     
  14. Pegg

    Pegg Well-Known Member

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    the marriage ceremony was a ceremony to ask for Gods permission. That is why the tradition is still to ask who gives permission for the bride to be given away in marriage.

    I agree that people can be committed and have children and live together happily...but for those who seek Gods approval, then they get married in a religious ceremony to request Gods blessing and approval.
     
  15. Rainbow Mage

    Rainbow Mage Dharma Learner

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    11,005
    I don't think it's a sin, and I think the idea that it is came from societies where sex was viewed in a very bad way. The Egyptians didn't even have marriage, so you can guess about where I stand on the issue. I don't really believe in marriage, not because of my Kemetic beliefs, but I see it as a relic that modern society has for the most part moved past.
     
    Dezzie likes this.
  16. ninerbuff

    ninerbuff godless wonder

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    3,054
    Well that standard didn't work for cavemen. And with the divorce rate at 50% (many with children involved) that figure includes many religious.
     
  17. angellous_evangellous

    angellous_evangellous Pater Familias Staff Member Premium Member

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    47,115
    My wife and I waited until we got married, and we regret that. We dated for five years and now have been married for ten. We could have shared such a special part of our lives together for a few years (of college at least, jeez), and when we did get married it caused some major problems for us - for the first three years or more we were basically sexually disfunctional and in some ways we still are. We're still paying the price for the nonsensical teachings of our fundamentalist Christian upbringing.
     
  18. Terrywoodenpic

    Terrywoodenpic Oldest Heretic

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    11,770
    Religion:
    Anglican...heretic
    Sex is not a sin.

    Religious marriage is a Commitment before God
    Civil marriage is a legal commitment, dressed up in ceremony.

    Sex is a normal part of any such partnership, But marriage is not a "licence" to have sex. It is voluntary both before and after.... But preferably not during....the ceremony
     
  19. Dezzie

    Dezzie New Member

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    1,680
    Okay, but how do you know if God approves? It's not like he storms in during the ceremony to say, "NO!". Also, what does God's blessing even give us when we get married?
     
  20. ninerbuff

    ninerbuff godless wonder

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    3,054
    It's only a sin if you believe in religion. Many women complain of dissatisfaction with sex because their partners have no idea what they are doing or how to perform. Lol, this must be the ones that had no sex before marriage.......
     
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