jasonwill2
Well-Known Member
It gives me a rush and makes me feel evil (in the good way) when I go into a Christian Church. They don't know I'm a Theistic Satanist, but ohahahoo! I'm a devil worshiper! It's almost erotic in a sense, just talking about this gives me very weird adrenaline like feelings.
I think it may have to do with how I feared for three years speaking my mind. I went to a Pentecostal "school", and was told at least twice that I would have to leave if I believed x or y. For example I tried once to share how the Star of David was explained as a conjuration of Jupiter and Venus or Mercury, depending on the dating of King Herod's death. I told the teacher that through astronomy that a Biblical even was proven, and that the star of David would of been in the skies for months towards Bethlehem from the perceptive of the wise men. I reasoned that this was a piece of proof for the Bible, apologetics let's call it.
She was all like "well they also say we came from monkeys". I got into a small argument and she shut me down, I went to the Principal later by my own accord, and he totally didn't get that I was saying such a thing would support the Bible, and that denying it is denying a piece of proof FOR the Bible. He said if I believed what I just said that I should resign from the school. Later I talked to a scientifically literate teacher who said "they probably just misunderstood you". yet I was clear as day to them.
Another time I was told by the same Principal after almost being expelled for not leading a Pledge of Alligance to the USA flag (I tried to explain it was the words "and to the Republic" as the reasoning for why I wouldn't say it), that if I "don't believe in everything this school does, you don't belong here." Lot's of former students, students, and a former teacher said it was bs. No one agrees on anything.
Anyway, the purpose of my little stories is to illustrate what kind of environment I was in for three years. I think they are key to this nonsense of going to xian churches. It's like I yearn to scream out "HAIL SATAN! 666! 616! IN NOMINE SATANA! SHEMHAMFORASH!" and quote the Satanic Bible. I get a small rush just typing this and my heart rate is shooting up pretty high.
It would be liberating, breaking a taboo to speak my mind and praise Satan in a Church. Again, it's almost erotic in a sense; the pure liberation.
Damn it! I thought when I Renounced the Trinity this would all be over! That I would be over this dwelling over Christianity and dealings with their churches when I fulfilled [SIZE=-1]Matthew 12:31-32 and [/SIZE][SIZE=-1]Mark 3:28-29.
Maybe I am seeking to free myself from the brain-washing I got when I was younger, and the fear I lived in of saying what I really thought to authority when I was older? I don't know, should I go back to my old school and scream that 666 and Hail Satan and run like Hell? Would they call the police? I feel faint just thinking about it right now and how it would go down. It's all so heavily ingrained in me.
What good is a ritual of blasphemy against a lying and unjust god who said that he was The God, when I can't liberate myself from the humans who used mundane fear? I'm starting to think that it's not a fear of Yahweh anymore, this wanting to scream Hail Satan at a Church, but rather a ingrained and brainwashed fear of the authority figures, those Pentecostals.
but if I go to do this at a night service tonight at a Church, would they kill me, attack me, call the police? What would they do? I know when I say it I will get that wave of numbing shock and a blast of sudden blood pressure in my head. Whenever I get this 'wave' sensation I have found that it is a result of extremely acute anxiety. Whenever that wave hits, the subconscious comes out and I have always said something without it consciously computing; I literally lose control of my mouth. I think once I may of started to do something before it went away. It's very brief typically, only a couple of seconds.
The ultimate rush, to proclaim Satan's glory in the house of "god"! I want to do it, tonight is the night! Only if I left my laptop at home to make me lighter and not risk it getting hurt. It's ok though, if they lay a finger on me I got my trusty knife. 3.5 inch flip out blade for self-defense. As long as they don't start beating me up I won't even let them know I have it.
Would this be a pure form of one of the major aspects of our Left Hand Path, to do the taboo, even though it's benign, so that I can overcome brainwashing and taught fears? Also anything I can tell myself to build up the courage to finally speak my mind at a xian church? To speak frankly and openly?
It would be the most insane liberating thing I have ever done. It will be the ultimate Black Mass of my life!
Please help me here, I only got a couple of hours before most of the Churches start their night service!
HAIL SATAN!
[/SIZE]
I think it may have to do with how I feared for three years speaking my mind. I went to a Pentecostal "school", and was told at least twice that I would have to leave if I believed x or y. For example I tried once to share how the Star of David was explained as a conjuration of Jupiter and Venus or Mercury, depending on the dating of King Herod's death. I told the teacher that through astronomy that a Biblical even was proven, and that the star of David would of been in the skies for months towards Bethlehem from the perceptive of the wise men. I reasoned that this was a piece of proof for the Bible, apologetics let's call it.
She was all like "well they also say we came from monkeys". I got into a small argument and she shut me down, I went to the Principal later by my own accord, and he totally didn't get that I was saying such a thing would support the Bible, and that denying it is denying a piece of proof FOR the Bible. He said if I believed what I just said that I should resign from the school. Later I talked to a scientifically literate teacher who said "they probably just misunderstood you". yet I was clear as day to them.
Another time I was told by the same Principal after almost being expelled for not leading a Pledge of Alligance to the USA flag (I tried to explain it was the words "and to the Republic" as the reasoning for why I wouldn't say it), that if I "don't believe in everything this school does, you don't belong here." Lot's of former students, students, and a former teacher said it was bs. No one agrees on anything.
Anyway, the purpose of my little stories is to illustrate what kind of environment I was in for three years. I think they are key to this nonsense of going to xian churches. It's like I yearn to scream out "HAIL SATAN! 666! 616! IN NOMINE SATANA! SHEMHAMFORASH!" and quote the Satanic Bible. I get a small rush just typing this and my heart rate is shooting up pretty high.
It would be liberating, breaking a taboo to speak my mind and praise Satan in a Church. Again, it's almost erotic in a sense; the pure liberation.
Damn it! I thought when I Renounced the Trinity this would all be over! That I would be over this dwelling over Christianity and dealings with their churches when I fulfilled [SIZE=-1]Matthew 12:31-32 and [/SIZE][SIZE=-1]Mark 3:28-29.
Maybe I am seeking to free myself from the brain-washing I got when I was younger, and the fear I lived in of saying what I really thought to authority when I was older? I don't know, should I go back to my old school and scream that 666 and Hail Satan and run like Hell? Would they call the police? I feel faint just thinking about it right now and how it would go down. It's all so heavily ingrained in me.
What good is a ritual of blasphemy against a lying and unjust god who said that he was The God, when I can't liberate myself from the humans who used mundane fear? I'm starting to think that it's not a fear of Yahweh anymore, this wanting to scream Hail Satan at a Church, but rather a ingrained and brainwashed fear of the authority figures, those Pentecostals.
but if I go to do this at a night service tonight at a Church, would they kill me, attack me, call the police? What would they do? I know when I say it I will get that wave of numbing shock and a blast of sudden blood pressure in my head. Whenever I get this 'wave' sensation I have found that it is a result of extremely acute anxiety. Whenever that wave hits, the subconscious comes out and I have always said something without it consciously computing; I literally lose control of my mouth. I think once I may of started to do something before it went away. It's very brief typically, only a couple of seconds.
The ultimate rush, to proclaim Satan's glory in the house of "god"! I want to do it, tonight is the night! Only if I left my laptop at home to make me lighter and not risk it getting hurt. It's ok though, if they lay a finger on me I got my trusty knife. 3.5 inch flip out blade for self-defense. As long as they don't start beating me up I won't even let them know I have it.
Would this be a pure form of one of the major aspects of our Left Hand Path, to do the taboo, even though it's benign, so that I can overcome brainwashing and taught fears? Also anything I can tell myself to build up the courage to finally speak my mind at a xian church? To speak frankly and openly?
It would be the most insane liberating thing I have ever done. It will be the ultimate Black Mass of my life!
Please help me here, I only got a couple of hours before most of the Churches start their night service!
HAIL SATAN!
[/SIZE]
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That would also be a form of a "Black Mass". And every time the preacher said "can you give me an amen..." I would give'm an "Ave Luciferi". :bat:
