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When is it permissible to divorce?
- Thread starter Sunstone
- Start date
My views are not religiously inspired.
The question of divorce is never an easy question. When is it better to stay together and attempt to work things out rather than give up?
Certainly, if there is abuse, divorce is legitimate (and usually preferred). Unfortunately, this isn't as rare as we might like.
But beyond that, people grow apart. Goals change. Communication can fail. And it can become clear that one or both people involved are unhappy and also unwilling to do the work to get back to happiness. It may simply not be worth it given the changed perspectives of those involved.
Full disclosure: I have been divorced twice. Both of my ex's have gone on to relationships where they are happier, as have I. I am still friends with my second wife and have no bad feelings toward my first one. But what we wanted out of life changed enough that the relationships, as marriages, were no longer viable.
Now, if anything, I see my second wife as more of a sister than anything else. As she likes to say, we divorced because we love each other.
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Divorce is always permissible.
Advisability is a different question, but
the decision is up to the individual wanting it.
Advisability is a different question, but
the decision is up to the individual wanting it.
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Your post strikes me as extraordinarily wise, Polymath. Maybe you should tone it down a bit. I mean, this is RF. We don't do wisdom here.
but then, marriage is (almost) always permissible; as you say, advisability is another matter...
As one who is better versed than most on the subject based on experience, it's permissible, in my opinion, to get a divorce when the relationship deteriorates to a level where it causes harm to either party or to their offspring.
My views are based on my moral values, not the dogma or ideals of any religion.
Well stated.
Your post strikes me as extraordinarily wise, Polymath. Maybe you should tone it down a bit. I mean, this is RF. We don't do wisdom here.
Sorry. I don't want to break any rules.....
In Christianity it is permissible to divorce if you have evidence of infidelity. Or if one partner is abusive to you or the children.
I thought it was only if you have proof of infidelity? Was I wrong?
I wonder why nobody ever asks the corollary question: "when is it permissible to force people who despise one another to stay together and pretend to love each other?"
After all, even if it's "for the children," those wee bairns can feel the conflict from an early age -- and they are harmed by it! Why would it be right to insist on that?
Aye, the parents might not always make the best decisions,
but no one else should be doing it for them. Kids benefit
from parents doing what the need to do.
And you say that to a battered child who spent years in institutions to recover and learn to forgive -- taken away from those very parents who tried, in their mutual hatred, to kill him? You think, then, it would have been better for them to have stayed together and me to have remained with them -- and died?
Nice.
Perhaps I was unclear, or I misunderstand your post, but here it goes an answer....
I favor parents divorcing (or not) if they feel the need.
Staying together when the marriage is dead or dangerous is bad for kids.
Thank you. We are agreed. Perhaps I misread your post, or you left something out, or both, but I think we've cleared that up.
What a relief!
There's enuf disagreement around here already.
Abuse or infidelity.
If one chooses to get officially married, divorce should always be an option. How it is done is another story with all the legal wranglings that can ensue and effects those battles have on children. I'm actually a proponent of non-marriage, and separate bank accounts.