I'm amazed you had another pregnancy and birth after the first one was autistic! Did you realize then that autism is genetic? It used to be at one time that mothers were accused of being "refrigerator mothers", but by the time we had Michael they knew better. We stopped sometime after our son was diagnosed as autistic at 2 1/2. We love Michael, but it is difficult to take care of an autistic child. Then you had another one! Our Michael is less difficult than many children, but still difficult. But we reason sometimes he is better off than children that talk, and get into drugs or other mayhem. Talking autistic children can be a pain sometimes. Michael is now almost 33, and still doesn't talk. What are your autistic children like? People on the spectrum are different from each other, I know. Never mind right now about the Baha'i Faith, I want to connect about our autistic children.
The first famous autistic person I knew was Temple Grandin. It is emphasized in the film about her that she thought in pictures. In what I read about her in real life, that much is true. When I was a teenager I told my father that I thought in pictures, and he didn't believe me. I was astonished. I had no idea what that meant at that time. Later in life I saw a TV movie about an autistic young boy who was supposedly cured who liked to spin plates. I thought hmmm. I'm all the time flipping nickels in the air. In 1991 my son was diagnosed and it wasn't until then that I suspected the truth. I have been informally diagnosed. Someone asked my wife and me questions and I was determined to somewhere on the spectrum. I don't know if I'm high functioning autistic or have Asperger's. Greta Thunberg says Asperger's is her superpower. Did Einstein haver Asperger's? Did Newton have Asperger's? There's no way to know now. From an early age I have been very good at Mathematics and Physics. There is a study where those of the same intelligence have been tested at mathematics between those who are on the spectrum and not on the spectrum and those on the spectrum had significantly higher mathematical intelligence. Furthermore they use a different part of the brain for mathematics.
There is no one gene for autism. What about you? Do you have any autism? I assume not, or you would have said so. But then, you may have a a little of it.
I had my eldest son, LeeAnder, when I was 21; it was an unexpected pregnancy with a person I wouldn't have deliberately chosen to have a child with(he was an angry person, and became abusive over time). We didn't really know anything was up until after age 2. He had some weird quirks; even as an infant, he'd fuss if a button on his clothes was undone, and as soon as he could walk, he ran around making sure all doors and cupboards were shut. He didn't play with toys, he played with spoons and broken phones. He didn't talk much. Occasionally, he'd talk a word or two. I remember hearing him say hello to the cat, and telling his dad this, but he didn't believe me. He could speak, he just chose not to, until about 7, when the wonderful world of politics fascinated him and he fretted to all who would hear it that the government was out to get his money. He's on the Asperger's end of things(though I don't think they use that term anymore). He had some OCD traits that got really messy. He about starved himself because there was always something wrong with his food. He would see bugs in it that wasn't there. He also got stressed over loud noises to the point that he would become violent. I remember he punched me in the back of the head once when I was driving because I was driving in the direction of town that had all the train tracks. He eventually learned to manage this fear, and we had his 12th birthday party at a park right next to the trainyard to celebrate.
I had my second son when LeeAnder was in first grade. I wasn't expecting spectrum issues again. After all, this was with my husband, so different genes. Well, Ares ended up being more profoundly affected, and totally different. While LeeAnder is hypersensitive, Ares is hyposensitive. He also has apraxia of speech. He is 7 now(he will be 8 this month), and still struggles with speech to a degree. He's made huge strides from where he was, but he still has some physical trouble manipulating his mouth and understanding sentence structure.
I remember the night I realized Ares was autistic, too. I told my husband, and he told me I was full of crap. I said some rude things back, and went to bed, and was over all my upset feelings on the topic by morning. I called the doctor so I could put him in the appropriate therapies. But man, did Ares ever put me through the wringer. There was a point where I couldn't take him in public because the meltdowns were so bad. Eventually, I found a few tricks that worked. A difficult part was there was no help and no advice. I could find almost nothing about hyposensitive autistic kids. The doctor ran out of ideas and sent me to a psychiatrist. The first one wanted to drug him up and send him off to a school that didn't perform to his level, simply because it would be easier on me. I left in horror. (Ares does fine academically.) The next one couldn't remember who he was when she saw him, and I wasn't impressed. So, I figured stuff out on my own.
After we figured out Ares was autistic, I kind of started putting together who had it in my family. I have an uncle who absolutely is on the spectrum; we just never really talked about it. I think dad is, too. We talked about it a few times... growing up, he said some of the rudest things. Looking back, I don't think he knew what he was saying was rude. He was just saying what he thought. He wasn't really able to factor in the emotions of others, and seemed surprised when people became upset. He also has a lot of special interests that became obsessions. I suspect he's on the Asperger's end.
I don't know if I am on the spectrum or not. I know most people consider me extremely eccentric. I asked mom if I was always like that, and if they'd considered that I may have been autistic. She said they didn't worry about my quirks because I got good grades. I didn't/don't like being touched by most people(my husband, children and grandmother are exceptions), and my parents hated that. I also have very little body language or facial expression, and this makes it hard for some people to like me very well.
How does your son communicate? Ares had to use a picture book until Covid hit and he got sent home from school. After he started doing his schooling at home, he slowly started talking. (We're not sending him back to public school.)
It was a shock when Yudhi, the youngest didn't have autism. We waited for the signs. THe speech therapist who worked with my other two sons was ready. The speech delay came. He had his appointment, and she said she didn't see a single sign of autism but that she suspected he was tongue tied. And he was! He had corrective surgery and his speech is coming along fine.
I don't really see autism as any great setback. We all have issues and problems somewhere. I actually worry more for LeeAnder than Ares, despite Ares being more profoundly affected. LeeAnder is broody, and he has a very bad temper. This will be a hard thing for him to overcome, though I will say we are seeing outbursts less frequently as he grows and learns to manage his behavior. He threw a computer through a window over the summer and when the gravity of what he did set in, he texted his therapist and set himself up an appointment, saying that he wanted to discuss his anger problem. Ares is extremely hyperactive and can be very hard to control, but he has a great attitude. Once he learns to harness his energy, he'll be fine. He may need speech therapy for a long time to come, but he'll make it work.
What paths has your son taken in life? How did you feel about the diagnosis? How did you feel learning you yourself had it?(If you don't mind me asking).
