Random questions about girls (feel free to post your own questions in the thread too)

[T-Dawg]

(Bold = yet to be answered)

Is there a way I can stop having a crush on a girl besides transfering the crush to another girl?

Is it normal to have a back-up crush in case your crush rejects you?

When you ask a girl out, do you use words like "date" and "girlfriend," or do you pretend you're just friends until the girl starts to call you her boyfriend?

Do you directly ask a girl if it's ok to touch her in a certain spot, or is there some sort of code language women use to tell you those kinds of things?

Does the woman always pick where to have the date, or does the person asking for the date pick where to go?

Does a date have to be something passive like eating or watching a movie, or are you allowed to actually do something fun on a date?

Would a girl be creeped out if you asked her when her period was so you could mark it on your calendar in order to predict her hormone levels (which would of course influence her mood)?

When you ask a girl out, do you say something along the lines of "will you go out with me?" or do you ask her if she wants to hang out at a certain place without using the word "date" or "go out"?

Do I need jewelry on hand in order to ask a girl out, just like I would if I was asking her to marry me, or does jewelry only come later (I already had a little jewelry prepared for the purpose in case I ever got lucky)?

Do girls enjoy cuddling and kissing, or do they just do it because they know the boy likes it?

Am I required to pay for the girl's food on a day to day basis (just like a husband would), or do I just pay for the dates and gifts?

Would a girl rather have a nice guy with lots of spare time (and money) to be head over heels for them, or would they rather date a guy who had a life and wasn't obsessed with them?

Is a girl considered to be a guy's "girlfriend" on the first date, some later date, or whenever she says she is?

After a date, does the girl expect you to drive her home? I can't drive and I don't have a car...

Is it ok to date an average-looking but friendly girl you like, or will a relationship collapse if I don't view the girl as the epitome of beauty?

How early should I plan out my sex life, that is, to make sure the girl has about the same sex drive as me, make sure that she has good genes, and that she would even be willing to have sex once married in the first place, decide how many kids we want to have, etc? When do I decide those kinds of things? Before I ask the girl out? After the first date?

Do most girls understand that dating is preparation for marriage, and therefore the boy views their girlfriend as their future wife? Or do they just think dating is a fun, temporary thing (I've seen people who actually think that, believe it or not)?

 

[Storm]

Would a girl be creeped out if you asked her when her period was so you could mark it on your calendar in order to predict her hormone levels (which would of course influence her mood)?

Are you ******* serious? I would dump your *** before you finished asking!

 

[Green Gaia]

Are you ******* serious? I would dump your *** before you finished asking!

LOL! Yeah, dude seriously, I wouldn't ask that.

 

[T-Dawg]

... I take it that would be creepy then... would it be creepy just to observe her behavior and figure it out myself without asking her?

 

[Storm]

No, not creepy. Chauvanistic and rude as all hell. And no, trying to guess is no better.

 

[England my lionheart]

(Bold = yet to be answered)

Is there a way I can stop having a crush on a girl besides transfering the crush to another girl?

Is it normal to have a back-up crush in case your crush rejects you?

When you ask a girl out, do you use words like "date" and "girlfriend," or do you pretend you're just friends until the girl starts to call you her boyfriend?

Do you directly ask a girl if it's ok to touch her in a certain spot, or is there some sort of code language women use to tell you those kinds of things?

Does the woman always pick where to have the date, or does the person asking for the date pick where to go?

Does a date have to be something passive like eating or watching a movie, or are you allowed to actually do something fun on a date?

Would a girl be creeped out if you asked her when her period was so you could mark it on your calendar in order to predict her hormone levels (which would of course influence her mood)?

When you ask a girl out, do you say something along the lines of "will you go out with me?" or do you ask her if she wants to hang out at a certain place without using the word "date" or "go out"?

Do I need jewelry on hand in order to ask a girl out, just like I would if I was asking her to marry me, or does jewelry only come later (I already had a little jewelry prepared for the purpose in case I ever got lucky)?

Do girls enjoy cuddling and kissing, or do they just do it because they know the boy likes it?

Am I required to pay for the girl's food on a day to day basis (just like a husband would), or do I just pay for the dates and gifts?

Would a girl rather have a nice guy with lots of spare time (and money) to be head over heels for them, or would they rather date a guy who had a life and wasn't obsessed with them?

Is a girl considered to be a guy's "girlfriend" on the first date, some later date, or whenever she says she is?

After a date, does the girl expect you to drive her home? I can't drive and I don't have a car...

Is it ok to date an average-looking but friendly girl you like, or will a relationship collapse if I don't view the girl as the epitome of beauty?

How early should I plan out my sex life, that is, to make sure the girl has about the same sex drive as me, make sure that she has good genes, and that she would even be willing to have sex once married in the first place, decide how many kids we want to have, etc? When do I decide those kinds of things? Before I ask the girl out? After the first date?

Do most girls understand that dating is preparation for marriage, and therefore the boy views their girlfriend as their future wife? Or do they just think dating is a fun, temporary thing (I've seen people who actually think that, believe it or not)?

Oh boy,first thing for you to do is buy a crash helmet

 

[T-Dawg]

A crash helmet? What for?

 

[Zephyr]

(Bold = yet to be answered)

Is there a way I can stop having a crush on a girl besides transfering the crush to another girl? Distract yourself. Find a hobby. Back when I was a little lovesick teenager I just made music all day to distract me. It actually helped me meet my fiancee.

Is it normal to have a back-up crush in case your crush rejects you? Seems kinda weird to me, but you're young so I guess it's not too unusual.

Do you directly ask a girl if it's ok to touch her in a certain spot, or is there some sort of code language women use to tell you those kinds of things? Instinct is a good thing to have. Sorry I can't be more help here, because if there's any code language I sure haven't figured it out. Would you want to be asked directly to be touched? Girls are shockingly like dudes most of the time.

Does the woman always pick where to have the date, or does the person asking for the date pick where to go? If you ask somebody out, have a plan of where to go first. It'll help prevent awkward boring moments.

Does a date have to be something passive like eating or watching a movie, or are you allowed to actually do something fun on a date? On my first date with my fiancee we went to the beach to go surfing. Active fun dates are the best dates. Even if it's just something like playing Rock Band or something at home.

Would a girl be creeped out if you asked her when her period was so you could mark it on your calendar in order to predict her hormone levels (which would of course influence her mood)? This is really creepy. Do not do this. Seriously, if you do don't be surprised if you get slapped.

When you ask a girl out, do you say something along the lines of "will you go out with me?" or do you ask her if she wants to hang out at a certain place without using the word "date" or "go out"? Seems kinda corny to me, but some girls seem to like that. I just act pretty casual. "Hey wanna go for a swim down at the lake?" is a pretty simple way to go.

Do I need jewelry on hand in order to ask a girl out, just like I would if I was asking her to marry me, or does jewelry only come later (I already had a little jewelry prepared for the purpose in case I ever got lucky)? Of course not. Might come off as a bit too aggressive imo.

Do girls enjoy cuddling and kissing, or do they just do it because they know the boy likes it? Some do, some don't. Not all girls are the same. My lady likes it more than I do, but I've had exes that just weren't the cuddly sort.

Am I required to pay for the girl's food on a day to day basis (just like a husband would), or do I just pay for the dates and gifts? If you're out on a date it's pretty courteous to do so, but on a day to day basis? I'm engaged and I don't even do that!

Would a girl rather have a nice guy with lots of spare time (and money) to be head over heels for them, or would they rather date a guy who had a life and wasn't obsessed with them? Don't be clingy. Have your own life first, then fit a relationship into it. You should never define yourself by your relationship. Guys like that...they tend to have sort of an "aura" of creepy.

Is a girl considered to be a guy's "girlfriend" on the first date, some later date, or whenever she says she is? Depends I guess. I didn't consider it to be so till the second or third date, since sometimes things just don't work out.

After a date, does the girl expect you to drive her home? I can't drive and I don't have a car... If you can it's nice, but why not just go for a nice bike ride or walk home if it's close enough?

Is it ok to date an average-looking but friendly girl you like, or will a relationship collapse if I don't view the girl as the epitome of beauty? ...This should be obvious. Looks aren't everything. Not even close.

How early should I plan out my sex life, that is, to make sure the girl has about the same sex drive as me, make sure that she has good genes, and that she would even be willing to have sex once married in the first place, decide how many kids we want to have, etc? When do I decide those kinds of things? Before I ask the girl out? After the first date? Don't plan. That's weird. You are overanalyzing things.

Do most girls understand that dating is preparation for marriage, and therefore the boy views their girlfriend as their future wife? Or do they just think dating is a fun, temporary thing (I've seen people who actually think that, believe it or not)? Dating isn't always preparation for marriage though. Sometimes it's just fun to be with somebody. It wasn't until about 6 months or so with my fiancee that we figured that marriage would be the eventual result.

I've answered in red. You are WAY overanalyzing things, and girls can smell that from a mile away. Think of girls as guys...but prettier (most of the time). Look for somebody you could have fun with even if there was no attraction. The ideal girlfriend is somebody who would just be "one of the guys" if it weren't for the fact that you like each other.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

... I take it that would be creepy then... would it be creepy just to observe her behavior and figure it out myself without asking her?

Don't do that either. Everyone's hormone levels go up and down (guys and girls), but you'd be starting things on a really unhealthy basis if you were to assume that a girl's thought processes are going to be swayed so much by her hormonal cycles that you're going to have to make special plans in advance to take them into account.

I've answered in red. You are WAY overanalyzing things, and girls can smell that from a mile away. Think of girls as guys...but prettier (most of the time). Look for somebody you could have fun with even if there was no attraction. The ideal girlfriend is somebody who would just be "one of the guys" if it weren't for the fact that you like each other.

I agree.

Remember that any relationship is a two-way street: whoever the girl is that you've got your eye on, remember that she's a person, too. She's got her own ideas about what she likes in guys, and she may very well be just as unsure as you are about how to go at the whole "dating" thing.

Don't get too ahead of yourself. Before planning for the wedding and kids, talk to the girl a bit... without putting heavy expectations on it. If a relationship ends up blossoming between you, that's great. If she's not into you that way, then you've acted friendly to someone instead of ignoring them and you may have gained a friend, which isn't bad either.

Basically, just be friendly to people.

Here's something that might put things in perspective: I'm 32 now. Most of my friends are married; none of them are married to their first boyfriend or girlfriend. You don't have to pick your soul mate the first time you ask a girl out. At your age, you're mainly looking for someone to spend time with who you like being around and who likes being around you, too.

Am I required to pay for the girl's food on a day to day basis (just like a husband would), or do I just pay for the dates and gifts? If you're out on a date it's pretty courteous to do so, but on a day to day basis? I'm engaged and I don't even do that!

Heh... I'm married and I don't even do that.

And don't think that you must pay for dates and shower her with gifts. Girls, just like anyone else, usually appreciate it when you do nice things for them (but be sensible - don't creep a girl out by giving her jewelry on the first date or anything like that), but in a real relationship, the girl goes out with you because she wants to have fun with you, not because she gets a free meal or movie tickets out of the deal.

 

[T-Dawg]

Ok, thanks... when I asked about the thing about the girl's appearance, my concern was that my fetish for Indian girls might get in the way of dating a white girl or something like that.

And remember, I'm the male. I HAVE to pay for EVERYTHING, especially when I'm married. If I don't, it either means that we switched roles (which I would love to do), or that I'm a failure of a husband. A family MUST have one person to watch the kids (if there are any), and one person to provide financially. Traditionally, the guy is the one who provides financially, so unless my wife says otherwise, that'll be my position. It's not exactly a fair arrangement (notice that the woman is by far the dominant influence on the kid's personality and life and she gets paid to do it by the husband, who spends his days working at a job that won't really have any importance to the child), but it works. But if I can't even provide financially, then I'm more than useless.

So, since girls like guys who actually have a life, how do I get a life? I have virtually no interests...

EDIT: Oh, and about how much money do you think I would need for my first year? (In the first year of marriage, the husband is supposed to stay and do nothing but bring happiness to his wife, or something like that, which means I'll have no job)

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Ok, thanks... when I asked about the thing about the girl's appearance, my concern was that my fetish for Indian girls might get in the way of dating a white girl or something like that.

Eeesh. That sounds like you're setting yourself up to fail. Dating a white girl (or any girl) while being into someone else probably won't fly. Same thing for dating an Indian girl just because she's Indian and not because you like her as a person.

And remember, I'm the male. I HAVE to pay for EVERYTHING, especially when I'm married. If I don't, it either means that we switched roles (which I would love to do), or that I'm a failure of a husband. A family MUST have one person to watch the kids (if there are any), and one person to provide financially.

That's not the case at all. Who told you that?

Edit: as for taking care of the kids, there are a number of different arrangements:

- Mom stays home and watches them
- Dad stays home and watches them (which is becoming more common)
- both parents split themselves between work and home (part-time or shift work, maybe)
- another relative stays home and watches them (grandma, maybe)
- daycare
- both parents stay home (which my parents did - they had a home-based business together)

And all that's really only to take care of them until they're of an age when they're in school full time. After that, there's no real reason for either parent to sit around in an empty house all day.

Traditionally, the guy is the one who provides financially, so unless my wife says otherwise, that'll be my position. It's not exactly a fair arrangement (notice that the woman is by far the dominant influence on the kid's personality and life and she gets paid to do it by the husband, who spends his days working at a job that won't really have any importance to the child), but it works. But if I can't even provide financially, then I'm more than useless.

Yow. Again, where did you get the idea that you have to do this?

Speaking personally, both my wife and me work. I suppose I make enough that I could support both of us, but we can do better with both of us working. Plus, she wanted to work.

So, since girls like guys who actually have a life, how do I get a life? I have virtually no interests...

Virtually none? What do you like to do?

EDIT: Oh, and about how much money do you think I would need for my first year? (In the first year of marriage, the husband is supposed to stay and do nothing but bring happiness to his wife, or something like that, which means I'll have no job)

I don't know where to begin. You seem to be operating on a whole range of assumptions that are completely off. I can kinda get some of them and where they might've come from, but that whole "take a year off" thing? I've never heard it before in my life.

 

[T-Dawg]

It's not that I don't like the white girl, it's just that it's extremely difficult to register as "beautiful" in my head without being Indian, and most girls like to be constantly told that they're pretty and whatnot.

Yes, the dad could stay home and watch the kids, but why would the wife agree to that? Judging by the fact that that's what my parents did, it seems like a pretty bad recipe. I don't want to imitate my disfunctional family.
Having another relative watch the kids instead of the parents would increase distance and tension between parent in child.
Daycare is even worse. Not only is it separating the kids from their parents even further, it is unpersonalized and heartless as our school system. Not to mention that daycares are irresponsible. My parents once told me of how I was in some daycare (this was when I was too young to have a memory apparently), and they weren't watching me... anyways, I *somehow* managed to get through the child gate, and get all the way outside (with no one noticing), and I ended up falling face first into wet concrete (I'm not sure about this part, there would be some evidence of that left now, even if I was too young to remember it). So yah, I wouldn't want to leave my kid in that kind of environment.
Home-based business? That'd be ideal, actually, although I'm not sure who would run the business.
EDIT: Oh, yes, and public school really sucks, and like I've said in another thread, it is the responsibility of the parents to educate their kids. Is home-schooling still legal, or has Obama already taken that away from us?

I'm the male. Males are only good for their money as far as life is concerned. I'm [supposed to be] emotionally disfunctional, uncaring, and obsessed with money. The woman, on the other hand, is emotional, good with people, and prefers good working conditions over money (which frankly makes a lot more sense, but meh). Everyone else conforms to a stereotype, shouldn't I have to too?

Well, I used to be into video games, but now that it's summer, I just seem to be bored with games. I've been trying to learn how to make games for a while, but I don't seem to be getting very far. I'm Jesusfreak on Indie-Resource.com • Index page if you want to check my progress. Also, I'm interested in hypnotism, but so far I haven't even been able to successfully put myself in trance, and hypnotizing others is probably harder. Oh, yah, and I like girls, but that's not really something I could get a "life" with. I just find life in and of itself to be meaningless and dull, hence why religion is so important to me.

Apparently you've never read through the Bible, or maybe you've forgotten the verse. I can't locate the exact verse, but it's somewhere in the old testament (before or in Judges I think), and I remember my pastor talking about it a while back.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Yes, the dad could stay home and watch the kids, but why would the wife agree to that? Judging by the fact that that's what my parents did, it seems like a pretty bad recipe. I don't want to imitate my disfunctional family.

Lots of reasons. Maybe the husband's better at it. Maybe the husband likes it better. Maybe the wife's at a critical point in her career and would be more set back by the husband if she left the workforce right then. Maybe the wife makes more money.

Having another relative watch the kids instead of the parents would increase distance and tension between parent in child.

Depends. I know a few people who have had grandma come to help out with the baby. In the instances I've seen, it appears to usually work well.

Daycare is even worse. Not only is it separating the kids from their parents even further, it is unpersonalized and heartless as our school system. Not to mention that daycares are irresponsible. My parents once told me of how I was in some daycare (this was when I was too young to have a memory apparently), and they weren't watching me... anyways, I *somehow* managed to get through the child gate, and get all the way outside (with no one noticing), and I ended up falling face first into wet concrete (I'm not sure about this part, there would be some evidence of that left now, even if I was too young to remember it). So yah, I wouldn't want to leave my kid in that kind of environment.

There's variation, I think. From what I can remember, I had a good daycare while I was going (my parents started the business when I was about 5, so prior to that, I was in daycare for a bit).

Home-based business? That'd be ideal, actually, although I'm not sure who would run the business.

If you're working from home, then probably you. Usually the term "home-based business" implies that the person at home runs the business.

In the case of my parents, both ran the business and both looked after the kids.

EDIT: Oh, yes, and public school really sucks, and like I've said in another thread, it is the responsibility of the parents to educate their kids. Is home-schooling still legal, or has Obama already taken that away from us?

It's still legal, but I'd think very hard before going that route. Home-schooling is a ton of work and not everyone is cut out to do it properly.

I'm the male. Males are only good for their money as far as life is concerned. I'm [supposed to be] emotionally disfunctional, uncaring, and obsessed with money. The woman, on the other hand, is emotional, good with people, and prefers good working conditions over money (which frankly makes a lot more sense, but meh). Everyone else conforms to a stereotype, shouldn't I have to too?

Nope. Nobody has to conform to a stereotype. You're you, not some caricature of all men.

Apparently you've never read through the Bible, or maybe you've forgotten the verse. I can't locate the exact verse, but it's somewhere in the old testament (before or in Judges I think), and I remember my pastor talking about it a while back.

I've read the Bible, but I don't ever recall seeing that verse.

Hmm. I just found it: Deutoronomy 24:5. You might want to re-read it; I don't think it says what you're saying it says. It talks about how newly married men shouldn't be sent away to war; AFAICT, it doesn't prohibit them from working. Also, you're also getting into the "Old Law vs. New Covenant" issue... but this is all getting off topic. In any case, I don't think it's clear that the Bible demands that men take a year off from work when they get married. It's certainly not common practice among any Christian group I've ever heard of.

Edit: it's also nothing you need to worry about while dating right now.

 

[T-Dawg]

Gah, I must suck... I'm 16 and I haven't ever got a girl to date me, and I don't know what I'm going to do for a career, I'm still living with my parents (well I'll be in college this school year but after that? Who knows what I'll do...)...

Ok, so I can still work in my first year? Ok, good...

And yes, home schooling is supposed to be tough, but it's better than leaving your child in the public education system, at least for the first several years while you still have the information that the child needs to learn (constantly keeping a high school level teaching ability in every subject might be difficult). Trust me, the public education in America is horrific... even here in the Bible Belt, it's all about money and power instead of actually learning...

 

[whereismynotecard]

You're going to be in college this year and you're only 16?

 

[T-Dawg]

Yes, the American education system is that unchallenging to the students. It amazes me that most people take 4 years to get through high school.

 

[3.14]

wel does the frase "going dutch" mean anything to you?,

ps
just find a girl that smile's nice,
if a girl smile's nice they usualy are (there are exeptions) and use your wit to make her smile, then when she's alone you ask her out, (don't wait to long or you will end up friend zoned) she will remember you made her smile and will be less reluctant to go out with you (no garantie)

(its just sneaky manipulation of her memory of you but it works every time)

 

[T-Dawg]

Going dutch? Well, I've recently learned that the Dutch are a very anti-religious country, and I know that they're a small country in Europe, I've heard that they've actually legalized drugs...
Also, I think the phrase "going dutch" means that the man and woman each pay for their part of the date... and that's just WRONG... the man ALWAYS has to pay for the woman's part, just like the husband has to support the woman...

How do I know if a girl has a nice smile? How do I use my wit to make a girl smile?

Anyways the girl I had in mind I've known for well over a year (nearly 2 years I think if not more), I think she knows that I like her, she lets me cuddle with her while we're at church on Sundays... I've asked her out a couple times without much success, she just doesn't seem to be interested in the entire concept of dating. She's a good, Christian girl, and I know she loves books and I think she's into music too (makes me wonder how I got to like her, I hate novels and most music is uninteresting/offensive to me). She's also good at drawing, or at least, she is as far as I can tell.
How would I ask out this kind of girl?

 

[Nanda]

And remember, I'm the male. I HAVE to pay for EVERYTHING, especially when I'm married.

No, you don't. This is 2009, not 1952.

If I don't, it either means that we switched roles (which I would love to do), or that I'm a failure of a husband.

No, it doesn't. Again, 2009.

A family MUST have one person to watch the kids (if there are any), and one person to provide financially. Traditionally, the guy is the one who provides financially, so unless my wife says otherwise, that'll be my position. It's not exactly a fair arrangement (notice that the woman is by far the dominant influence on the kid's personality and life and she gets paid to do it by the husband, who spends his days working at a job that won't really have any importance to the child), but it works. But if I can't even provide financially, then I'm more than useless.

Why don't you start with dating, and worry about all this other crap much, much later.

Oh, and about how much money do you think I would need for my first year? (In the first year of marriage, the husband is supposed to stay and do nothing but bring happiness to his wife, or something like that, which means I'll have no job)

No, that's not how it works. You should both be working, that way you can work toward a future together. But again, you're putting the cart before the horse - worry about getting a date first, not all this other crap.

 

[Nanda]

I can tell that you mean well, and these are genuine concerns, but you have to realize that a lot of what you're saying is incredibly sexist, and will offend many women a great deal. Chivalry, while a nice concept, is not a good strategy if it keeps you both firmly confined to outdated gender roles - you'll just end up making yourselves miserable. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be a certain way.