Polygamy Immoral?

[Elessar]

All relationships between two or more consenting adults should be legal; anything else is an infraction against rights, in my opinion. If one man and two women, or one woman and three men, or, even (why not?), eight men and ten women, wish to enter a legal, equal partnership under the law, they should not be prevented from doing so.

I, of course, will remain a monogamist - I'm not sure how I'm going to afford the first diamond engagement and wedding ring, much less multiple ones

 

[ChristineES]

Actually, you can have as many men and women as you want, you just can't marry all of them.

 

[Karl R]

Is polygamy [polyandry, polyamory] fundamentally immoral/wrong/harmful?

I don't think it's fundamentally immoral. However, I believe that a polyamorous relationship creates additional issues without a corresponding degree of benefit.

A polyamorous relationship will have more conflicts.
I grew up in a family with four kids (for simplicity, A B C D). My father once commented that as we grew up and left home, the number of conflicts dropped off dramatically. He explained it in terms of a mathematical model.

When only D was left, she couldn't get into fights with any of us.

When C and D were left, we would get into fights with each other (C v. D).

When B, C and D were left, there could be the following conflicts:
B v. C, B v. D, C v. D
B&C v. D, B&D v. C, C&D v. B

When all of us were in the home, there could be the following conflicts:
A v. B, A v. C, A v. D, B v. C, B v. D, C v. D
A&B v. C, A&B v. D, A&C v. B, A&C v. D, A&D v. B, A&D v. C, B&C v. A, B&C v. D, B&D v. A, B&D v. C, C&D v. A, C&D v. B
A&B v. C&D, A&C v. B&D, A&D v. B&C
ABC v. D, ABD v. C, ACD v. B, BCD v. A

1 kid = 0 conflicts, 2 kids = 1 conflict, 3 kids = 6 conflicts, 4 kids = 26 conflicts.
(Having lived in the situation, the dynamics were a bit more complicated than this description, but the basic principle is reasonably sound.)

Now imagine the same pattern with adults. Imagine being in a relationship with 3 other consenting adults, getting into a disagreement with them, and having all 3 arguing against you. Do you think you might feel a little ganged-up on? Or imagine being in a relationship with 2 other consenting adults; they're arguing, and both of them are trying to get you to side with them. Do you think you might feel a bit torn in that situation?


I know someone who grew up in a polyamorous relationship. From comments he's made, it did not sound like a stable family environment. Some of the men in his life weren't particularly good role models (including his biological father). But it's possible that any of these problems would have existed if he'd grown up in a typical family.

One extremely complex problem exists inside of polyamorous relationships. What happens in the case of divorce? Who gets the kids? How is the property divided? Who pays alimony to whom? Who pays child support to whom?

The historical model of polygamy got around these problems. The man was the breadwinner. The man owned all the property. The man was the authority. If any of the wives divorced, she would leave with nothing, and the children would stay with him. It's a simpler model ... but it's inherently unequal.

Apart from religious rules/laws, is there any moral reason why polygamy should be illegal.

It may be a bad idea and an unworkable family model in the modern world, but that doesn't mean that it's immoral or illegal. (There are plenty of other stupid things that are legal and moral, so I don't see why this should be an exception.)

 

[Trey of Diamonds]

It may be a bad idea and an unworkable family model in the modern world,

And yet the Ancient Celts were able to make it work. I know I'm repeating myself but the Celts did have a working model for polygamy that addressed the very issues you raised in your post. See the article for the details.

Ancient Celts: Celtic Marriage

 

[Beaudreaux]

Actually, you can have as many men and women as you want, you just can't marry all of them.

I CAN?!?!?!? :woohoo:

 

[Elessar]

I CAN?!?!?!? :woohoo:

If you can convince them to live and sleep with you, then all power to you

 

[tumbleweed41]

Polyamory- The defining characteristic of polyamory is belief in the possibility of, and value of, multiple romantic loving relationships carried out "with the knowledge and consent of all partners concerned."

Since this form of polygamy involves love and consent from all concerned, it seem more moral to me as the possibility of hurting, or restricting either partner is reduced.

 

[J Bryson]

Is polygamy fundamentally immoral/wrong/harmful?

No. If you actually mean polyamory, then not at all. I haven't seen it work all that often, but that had more to do with the mentality of the people involved. They'd read way too much Heinlein, then talked themselves into it without double-checking their own issues and hangups.

Apart from religious rules/laws, is there any moral reason why polygamy should be illegal.

Not that I can think of.

Is polygamy legal or illegal within your religion?

Hell, as long as it wasn't limited by gender (and all were giving informed consent), they'd probably ask a practitioner to teach a class on it, and organize for polyamorous rights after a committee gave the thumbs up.

Do you agree or disagree with your religion on this issue?

Agree. Informed consent between people who are of age goes a long way with me.

Does polygamy have any benefits?

Safety net, if all or most of the people involved are employed and earning a paycheck. If one person loses a job, there are cutbacks, but you're not spreading it quite as thin. Since it's likely that not all people will be working the same days and/or hours, it's easier to have someone at home with the children at almost all times. I'm sure that there are others that I'm not thinking of, but I just woke up, so....

 

[tomspug]

Is polygamy fundamentally immoral/wrong/harmful? Apart from religious rules/laws, is there any moral reason why polygamy should be illegal. Is polygamy legal or illegal within your religion? Do you agree or disagree with your religion on this issue? Does polygamy have any benefits?

I don't know. Why don't you marry two women and see how equally you can love them both and equally fulfill your vows to them?

 

[tomspug]

Polyamory- The defining characteristic of polyamory is belief in the possibility of, and value of, multiple romantic loving relationships carried out "with the knowledge and consent of all partners concerned."

Since this form of polygamy involves love and consent from all concerned, it seem more moral to me as the possibility of hurting, or restricting either partner is reduced.

It calls into question, in my mind, the quality of the "love" we're talking about. Doesn't the fact that love can be contractual automatically diminish its potency? Romance =/= Love.

 

[Storm]

It calls into question, in my mind, the quality of the "love" we're talking about.

Every love is different, and I think it's a mistake to try to compare them.

Doesn't the fact that love can be contractual automatically diminish its potency?

1) What do you mean by "contractual?"
2) What makes poly love more or less contractual than monogamous?

Romance =/= Love.

ITA.

 

[tomspug]

Every love is different, and I think it's a mistake to try to compare them.

Every love is different, but not every relationship is love.

1) What do you mean by "contractual?"
2) What makes poly love more or less contractual than monogamous?

1) If you put limits to love, in my opinion, it reveals weakness from fear. Take a wedding vow as an example... What if, at the end of your vow (and people do this, in their minds) you added the words "... but only if..." Contractual relationship.

2) No, it's not a matter of one more than the other. Monogamous relationships can be just as contractual. My question is whether or not a polygamous relationship can NOT be contractual...

I mean, to me, it just sounds like your purchasing a rider with your insurance policy, a back-up plan. You can't possibly love two people equally, so why would you want to be in a relationship with one that you love less than the other? All the answers to this question I can come up with are contractual in nature: "you obviously love this person more, so I will allow you to be in a relationship with that person" or "I am okay with you having another relationship, as long as you fullfill these obligations", etc. etc.

 

[J Bryson]

Can a parent love each of his or her children equally, or at least close to equally? Why would the love of a husband for multiple wives, a wife for multiple husbands, or any variation thereof be less likely? As I read somewhere, "Love does not divide. It multiplies."

 

[Storm]

Every love is different, but not every relationship is love.

Agreed, but I don't think it's anyone's place to... judge is too strong a word... evaluate other people's relationships. If it works for them, I live and let live.

1) If you put limits to love, in my opinion, it reveals weakness from fear. Take a wedding vow as an example... What if, at the end of your vow (and people do this, in their minds) you added the words "... but only if..." Contractual relationship.

OK, I mostly agree. But it strikes me that every marriage is at least a little contractual. If my future spose doesn't keep their vows, all bets are off. For instance, if they cheat on me. If you don't have boundaries, you're just begging for abuse, imo.

2) No, it's not a matter of one more than the other. Monogamous relationships can be just as contractual. My question is whether or not a polygamous relationship can NOT be contractual...

I don't see why they'd be inherently more contractual than monogamy.

I mean, to me, it just sounds like your purchasing a rider with your insurance policy, a back-up plan. You can't possibly love two people equally, so why would you want to be in a relationship with one that you love less than the other?

Can a parent love each of his or her children equally, or at least close to equally? Why would the love of a husband for multiple wives, a wife for multiple husbands, or any variation thereof be less likely? As I read somewhere, "Love does not divide. It multiplies."

What J said.

I couldn't love two mates equally. From what you've said, I'm guessing you can't, either. Nanda says she can, and it's not my place to contradict her. So long as everyone involved is happy and healthy, I actually admire them.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

I think my feelings about polygamy have changed recently. I used to be somewhat opposed to the idea of legalizing or institutionalizing polyamorous unions. Thinking about it, though, I realized that this mainly had to do with concerns about what might happen to one member of a polyamourous union when their rights and status weren't respected by one or more other members of the union... but I realized that monogamous relationships are just as vulnerable to these sorts of problems: a person who disrespects his or her spouse will cause harm whether he or she has one spouse or four.

I do think that there are some problems that need to be addressed with polygamous marriages where current law doesn't necessarily point to a clear path, like who gets to make medical decisions when a woman with two husbands and no explicit power of attorney is incapactiated in hospital, or what legal relationship should exist between partner 'A' and the children of partners 'B' and 'C'... but I don't think any of these issues are insurmountable.

 

[DallasApple]

Quote:
Originally Posted by ProudMuslim
Anyway i don't think the nature of the woman will allow her emotionally or pyschologically to be shared between several men.

LOL
Your kidding right?

Maybe its mostly "men" that dont have the ability emotionally or psycologically to share one woman with several men.

Love

Dallas

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Maybe its mostly "men" that dont have the ability emotionally or psycologically to share one woman with several men.

I don't think I have that... but there's no reason why every man has to feel the same way I do.

 

[DallasApple]

I do think that there are some problems that need to be addressed with polygamous marriages where current law doesn't necessarily point to a clear path, like who gets to make medical decisions when a woman with two husbands and no explicit power of attorney is incapactiated in hospital, or what legal relationship should exist between partner 'A' and the children of partners 'B' and 'C'... but I don't think any of these issues are insurmountable.

This is where I get stumped..It seems you would almost have to have a "chain of power" that could get really complicated..The legal aspects of it spin my mind into never never land.

Love

Dallas

 

[tomspug]

I just can't get past the fact that it sounds similarly convenient to "friends, with benefits": a phrase I despise.

 

[Storm]

"Friends with benefits" is essetially casual sex. A true poly relationship is committed.