It's official: I'm coming out!

[Renji]

No, it's not what you think!

You may not know it, but I don't have a girlfriend since birth (poor boy!), mostly because I get busted even before proposing in a date, thinking that I'm not serious and they just want me to be their friends or if not that, it's because I usually prefer those who are a bit older than me. In that case, I'm being treated as simply their younger bro. Those were the past and I don't care anymore.

I recently dated a girl. She used to be my playmate when we're still young. Who could have though that I'll fall to someone who I usually tease and splash with a water gun. To cut the story short, I dated her recently but, I haven't proposed to her yet. I don't know but there's something that's "twisting my tongue" that I can't say it.. She's now away from where I leave, but we're still texting and chatting each other.

I really need your sympathies, err, support folks. I need it now.:angel2:

 

[Breathe]

DO IT NOW!

I'm not very good at dating support..

 

[Renji]

DO IT NOW!

I'm not very good at dating support..

Seriously, I don't know how to propose to her, even through text or chat. It makes me feel uncomfy and I don't know why (I'm not used to be like this). Gawd!

 

[Breathe]

Seriously, I don't know how to propose to her, even through text or chat. It makes me feel uncomfy and I don't know why (I'm not used to be like this). Gawd!

Type it out on the phone/computer.
Ask someone to send it.

Done.

 

[Renji]

What I just did the last time we had a date is telling her that I like her... But asking her to be my gf, not yet. Hmp. What's wrong with me? I used to propose to many girls before, though I end up being rejected, it does not bother me that much... Now, I wonder why I can't do it.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Seriously, I don't know how to propose to her, even through text or chat. It makes me feel uncomfy and I don't know why (I'm not used to be like this). Gawd!

Don't propose by chat or text. If you're going to do it, do it in person and make it special for her.

If you find that you don't have any opportunity to propose to her in person, then IMO this is a sign that it's not the right time to propose - for a marriage to work, you'll probably need to see each other on a regular basis.

 

[Breathe]

What I just did the last time we had a date is telling her that I like her... But asking her to be my gf, not yet. Hmp. What's wrong with me? I used to propose to many girls before, though I end up being rejected, it does not bother me that much... Now, I wonder why I can't do it.

It's natural.
Just do it. It'll save you the stress if you do it than it would you not doing it.

I'd prefer you doing it by phone or in person or something though.

 

[Renji]

Type it out on the phone/computer.
Ask someone to send it.

Done.

I don't want it that way you silly.:angel2: I want to tell/send her personally, but my confidence is still low.

 

[Breathe]

I don't want it that way you silly.:angel2: I want to tell/send her personally, but my confidence is still low.

That's the best way to do it. I asked my wife out in person, so it's better to do it that way.

Easier said than done, but you need to get some confidence to. I'd suggest if your confidence is low, speak with her a lot until you feel more comfortable. It may take a while though.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

What I just did the last time we had a date is telling her that I like her... But asking her to be my gf, not yet. Hmp. What's wrong with me? I used to propose to many girls before, though I end up being rejected, it does not bother me that much... Now, I wonder why I can't do it.

This might be an example of a cultural difference, but the way I'm used to things happening, "wanna be my girlfriend" usually comes before "will you marry me?"

 

[blackout]

Hey Lawrence,

I can only go by what you post,
but you've said she's the first girl who ever dated you/you've ever dated.
Also it sounds like you only dated a short time (in person).
Now she lives farther away, and you text.
Does chatting mean the telephone?

Do you visit her?
Public transportation? Do you drive?

Now marriage.
We're talking lifetime commitment.
As a catholic, you're talking children
(and no birth control, so probably sooner than later).

Do you have a suitable job?
Does she have a suitable job?
Can you both afford this together?

And for all of the things you mentioned in your post,
I noted one major thing lacking.

You never expressed what you have in common,
You never expressed how much you love her,
or why,
or even said that you love her at all.

I say these things only because I would wish that If I were in your situation
someone older and more experienced in life
would say these things to me.

If I have misunderstood/don't understand the situation
feel free to disregard my comments.

I do wish you the best though,
and AM happy that you have started dating!
I'm sure she's a very nice young woman,
because I don't think you would date otherwise.
:hug:

 

[Renji]

Don't propose by chat or text. If you're going to do it, do it in person and make it special for her.

Which was the thing that I originally planned... And failed to do. But I too think that it's the best way.

If you find that you don't have any opportunity to propose to her in person, then IMO this is a sign that it's not the right time to propose - for a marriage to work, you'll probably need to see each other on a regular basis.

Penguin, it's not a marriage proposal just yet , but just a simple, "can you be my gf?"

 

[blackout]

One extra thought,

Why not move out to the new area where she lives,
get a job there, get to know each other better,
date for a while,
and see how that goes.
If you're right for a long term partnership
this will help you both to know.
And in the mean time,
you can establish yourself somewhat
in an adult role.
Support yourSelf, live on your own and all that.
It will make you a more confident and stronger person.

 

[Magic Man]

Penguin, it's not a marriage proposal just yet , but just a simple, "can you be my gf?"

Ah, I was wondering whether this was the case. Just so you know, when you use the word "propose" as in "propose to a girl/woman", it means you're proposing marriage. If you're just asking her to be your GF, then you'd have to say you're asking her to be your GF.

And I think the same goes for asking her to be your GF. I think it should be something you do in person. However, you're the one in the situation, so you know the nuances better. If you think texting her would work, then go for it.

 

[blackout]

Which was the thing that I originally planned... And failed to do. But I too think that it's the best way.



Penguin, it's not a marriage proposal just yet , but just a simple, "can you be my gf?"

ahhhh.... your OP was not clear.

Still, plenty of good advice all around anyway.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Penguin, it's not a marriage proposal just yet , but just a simple, "can you be my gf?"

Ooohhhh... okay.

I guess this is another example of a cultural difference: I'm used to "propose" meaning "propose marriage" specifically.

Yeah... that changes things.

 

[blackout]

Yeah, out here "propose" means "propose marriage".

 

[doppelganger]

How far apart are the two you, geographically? And for how long will that be the case?

As others have noted, do it in person for sure. Body language and facial expression and tone and vocal inflection are more than half of what we communicate when we talk in person. That's a big part of why online discussions are such a bog of misunderstandings.

Have you considered getting her a small token of your affection to carry with her? It doesn't have to be anything expensive - a beaded bracelet, a polished stone, anything really - but just a little icon she can have as a piece of "you" to be with her - especially if you are parted.

 

[Renji]

Hey Lawrence,

I can only go by what you post,
but you've said she's the first girl who ever dated you/you've ever dated.
Also it sounds like you only dated a short time (in person).
Now she lives farther away, and you text.

I've dated many girls before, but end up getting rejected for some reasons (they think that I'm not serious, etc)

Does chatting mean the telephone?

Through texting and YM.

Do you visit her?
Public transportation? Do you drive?

She's now in Korea. She just visited here in Philippines last month.

Now marriage.
We're talking lifetime commitment.
As a catholic, you're talking children
(and no birth control, so probably sooner than later).

Being a Filipino- Korean, asking "can you be my gf?" does not necessarily follow "will you marry me?". Both the Filipino and Korean culture are "strict" in terms of marriage.

Do you have a suitable job?
Does she have a suitable job?
Can you both afford this together?

Just as bf-gf, I think we can, but as a married couple, no.

And for all of the things you mentioned in your post,
I noted one major thing lacking.

You never expressed what you have in common,

There's just something on her that words in English, Filipino and Korean can't express. That factor is something that made me love her. Maybe because I feel that we're different in terms of attitude but still, we don't quarrel and we understand each other

You never expressed how much you love her,
or why,
or even said that you love her at all.

I failed on that, I admit. I did say that I like her, but I failed to say that I love her.

I say these things only because I would wish that If I were in your situation
someone older and more experienced in life
would say these things to me.

If I have misunderstood/don't understand the situation
feel free to disregard my comments.

I really need some advice right now, so I opened up about it. Your comment did help.

I do wish you the best though,
and AM happy that you have started dating!
I'm sure she's a very nice young woman,
because I don't think you would date otherwise.
:hug:

Not only that. She's also a beauty and brains type of girl...

 

[Renji]

How far apart are the two you, geographically?

I'm in Philippines, she's in Korea.

And for how long will that be the case?

Not sure, I'm contacting her mom so that I'll know when they'll visit us. Both our mom are friends.

As others have noted, do it in person for sure. Body language and facial expression and tone and vocal inflection are more than half of what we communicate when we talk in person. That's a big part of why online discussions are such a bog of misunderstandings.

I wanted to. But, how can I boost up my "confidence"? I feel a bit weird about why I failed to tell her actually.

Have you considered getting her a small token of your affection to carry with her? It doesn't have to be anything expensive - a beaded bracelet, a polished stone, anything really - but just a little icon she can have as a piece of "you" to be with her - especially if you are parted.

I gave her a necklace with our pics (our pictures when we're still kids) inside the pendant or whatever it's called. But the thing is, I think that she is thinking that it's just a friendship gift.