It's all pointless.

[T-Dawg]

Dallas, did the resperdol (risperdal? resperdal? Are they all different, or just different spellings?) have any long-term effects on you?

Did you notice any hit on your brain cells, major changes in political/religious thinking, or attitude towards life in general after taking it (and after the temporary anti-psychosis effect wore off)?

 

[monta]

Dallas, did the resperdol (risperdal? resperdal? Are they all different, or just different spellings?) have any long-term effects on you?

Did you notice any hit on your brain cells, major changes in political/religious thinking, or attitude towards life in general after taking it (and after the temporary anti-psychosis effect wore off)?

If you are taking an anti psychotic when you are not suffering from a psychosis the effects will not be the same as if you were suffering from a psychosis. You need to get advice from someone with the same diagnosis. What Dallas's doctor did , I would consider to be criminally negligent.

 

[Alceste]

AL, you've got to stop thinking that girls you have a crush on who don't feel the same are sent by the devil to torment you. They simply are not physically attracted to you. If they're being nice to you, it's because they're nice, not because they're leading you on, pretending they want to be your girlfriend so they can rip out your heart. If things get ugly, it's because you persist after they've made it clear they are not interested (or they feel they have). It's going to keep happening until you find someone who wants to be with you, so you need to develop some coping skills. You can "survive another rejection" by getting some perspective. It's not a supernatural battle between good and evil, with your soul as the prize. It's just a crush. Everybody gets them, and most of them don't work out. You shouldn't judge the spiritual significance of an event by the intensity of the emotions involved. Genuine, useful spiritual insights have a deep sense of clarity and lucidity.

Other than the above, everything you're going through is normal, and it'll pass. Actually, I've even come across the "sent by the devil" thing a couple times too when I've dated Christian fundamentalists. So maybe that's "normal" for people with a certain religious upbringing, but it's still deeply unhealthy, and it will bring you nothing but unhappiness to see love and sex through that twisted religious filter.

 

[T-Dawg]

you've got to stop thinking that girls you have a crush on who don't feel the same are sent by the devil to torment you.

If they weren't sent by The Evil, then why didn't they feel the same way I did? If their hormones were compatible with mine, how were my hormones not compatible with theirs?

If things get ugly, it's because you persist after they've made it clear they are not interested (or they feel they have).

But it's never clear that they're not interested. In fact, usually the heart ripping comes shortly after giving a sign that things will be ok.

It's not a supernatural battle between good and evil, with your soul as the prize. It's just a crush.

Isn't that what a crush is? Or is that real love I'm thinking of?

Actually, I've even come across the "sent by the devil" thing a couple times too when I've dated Christian fundamentalists.

You mean you felt that, or they told you that? (Why were you dating christian fundies anyway? )


Why can't girls just put more effort into making sense? If they aren't tools used by The Evil, then why can't they just tell me plainly that they don't want to date me (and not give any hints suggesting to the contrary later)?

 

[DallasApple]

Dallas, did the resperdol (risperdal? resperdal? Are they all different, or just different spellings?) have any long-term effects on you?

Did you notice any hit on your brain cells, major changes in political/religious thinking, or attitude towards life in general after taking it (and after the temporary anti-psychosis effect wore off)?

No its the same drug I spelled it wrong I still have the samples he threw at me.

I didnt notice that I had any "permenent changing" of any views in life excpet I realized I was probably smarter than my PHD doctor.(actually this came on gradually after over the years he put me on at least 20 different meds some of which did have horrible side affects).

What happened was I took it to "help me sleep" and I was zombified ...I thought well it will "wear off' so I tried it again and I was absolutley stupified.My body felt like it was weighed down in chains or something.

It was one of those things that if someone asked you a question you would try and think and coudl only come up with.."I dont know"..Or someone woudl tell you something that normally you could engage in a rational/intelligent response and have some input and all I could think to say is "wow..really"?..Hmm...

As far as "long term affects"..Im sure all the drugs they have thrown at me happhazzardly(IMHO) had to of affected me .

And yes Monta after about 6 years I quit going to my doctor.He even admitted to me one time he got "over zealous" with a (then new drug) callled Topmax and after "learning more" about it woudl only prescribe a max dose of about 1/4 of what he prescribed to me.The result was I turned into an anorexic.I weighed 88lbs..From 117 ..Im 5'2..Im the one that had to tell him "doctor..Im worried ..Im too thin..I dont know what Im supposed to do ..I have to force myslef to eat..and now when I do my stomach has sharp pains in it....pieces of my gums are falling out"..He siad for me to start "drinking ensure".I tried that..Then I told him..I guess I should just go to the hospital and be hooked up to an I',V next to keep me alive?

This was supposedly to treat me for "bi-polar".

Oddly and not surpisngly I saw on the cover of a magazine about a year later that they were trying to approve that drug to prescribe to people for weight loss.

Anyway with Risperdal at least I only took it 2 or 3 times..(I mean litterally 2 or 3 pills).

God only knows what kind of brain damage I have.

Love

Dallas

 

[Storm]

If they weren't sent by The Evil, then why didn't they feel the same way I did?

Maybe your rampaging misogyny had something to do with it.

If their hormones were compatible with mine, how were my hormones not compatible with theirs?

There's more to attraction than hormones. Little things like personality.

 

[Alceste]

If they weren't sent by The Evil, then why didn't they feel the same way I did?

If the devil is responsible for this, then the devil is responsible for the creation of the world and every living thing in it.

Go sit in a park and watch some pigeons for a while. Note how the boy pigeons fluff themselves up and try to mount the girl pigeons, while the girl pigeons look irritable and scurry away from them.

You could perceive it as an example of the creator's wisdom that female animals (including humans) are pickier about mating than males. The female is usually the primary caregiver for any resulting offspring, so if she wants her offspring to be [___ insert quality here___] she has to pick a mate that has those qualities. Male animals, on the other hand, need to be "good to go" any time they have the good fortune to be picked by a female, or there won't be any mating, or offspring.

So, when you fluff yourself up and take a run at a female and she gets irritable and scurries away, do as the pigeons do and just pick another female. Eventually you'll find one who is willing.

If their hormones were compatible with mine, how were my hormones not compatible with theirs?

What's with all this talk about hormones? If it was all hormones, the boy pigeons wouldn't need to fluff themselves up and chase girl pigeons. They could just sit quietly on the head of a statue and wait for a female to turn up, irresistibly drawn by the power of boy pigeon hormones.

But it's never clear that they're not interested. In fact, usually the heart ripping comes shortly after giving a sign that things will be ok.

I think the fact it's never clear to you might come down to the Aspergers. They might feel they've been very clear with body language or subtle hints that you have not understood or interpreted correctly. The fact is, body language and subtle hints would usually be enough to make it pretty obvious. They are probably surprised to discover their strategy for showing "not interested" - one that always works, except with drunks and idiots (and especially drunken idiots) - doesn't communicate that message to sober, intelligent you.

I don't know what you can do about that, to be honest. Maybe enlist the help of a friend who is better at reading body language and subtle hints so he can tell you whether he thinks you've got a clear shot before you lay your heart on the line. (Actually, a girl friend would be better).

Isn't that what a crush is? Or is that real love I'm thinking of?

You don't know real love yet. All you know is crushes, and the whirlwind of emotional intensity and melodrama that goes with being a teenager.

You mean you felt that, or they told you that? (Why were you dating christian fundies anyway? )

Yeh, I've been told the devil sent me to tempt a guy. I didn't know they were fundies when I started dating them, and by then I couldn't say "Oh, you're a Christian? Never mind then."

Why can't girls just put more effort into making sense? If they aren't tools used by The Evil, then why can't they just tell me plainly that they don't want to date me (and not give any hints suggesting to the contrary later)?

Sweetie, they're probably not giving you "hints to the contrary". They probably like you as a person. They just don't want to be your girlfriend.

BTW, I would never consider being the girlfriend of any guy who thinks girls are tools of the Devil. (Not again, anyway). No girl ever would. You need to work that out, and soon.

 

[Quagmire]

What am I living for?"

For a little while, just like the rest of us. So stop taking it so seriously.

Are these thoughts normal?

"Normal" is just another word for typical, and I don't know how reliable a yardstick for measuring value typical is.

We're all just learning how to do this life thing. Best thing to do is just be you until somebody tells you to stop (that's how you find out about "limits" and "bounderies" and all that useful info), and on the side pick out someone who has the kind of life you want and try to figure out what they're doing.

 

[Runewolf1973]

Friend, TheAmazingLoser, I think you should consider having your user-name changed to something a bit more positive. I for one, do not think you are a loser at all. It is not the mark of a man how many times he gets knocked down. It is how many times you are able to get back up that shows your true strength.

 

[Papersock]

Positive thinking does help. I wish I hadn't spent most of my life reinforcing my negative thoughts. I am still struggling with my own negativity.

And I would like to point out that average sex lasts around 20 minutes

 

[DallasApple]

Friend, TheAmazingLoser, I think you should consider having your user-name changed to something a bit more positive. I for one, do not think you are a loser at all. It is not the mark of a man how many times he gets knocked down. It is how many times you are able to get back up that shows your true strength.

I agree..Unless he is trying to use "irony" I wouldnt name my self a loser.

Also Amazing..I dotn think taking that "risperdal" for a few months as a kid could cause you to have "certain life views" rergarding things such as "politicts"

Love

Dallas

 

[T-Dawg]

I think the fact it's never clear to you might come down to the Aspergers. They might feel they've been very clear with body language or subtle hints that you have not understood or interpreted correctly. The fact is, body language and subtle hints would usually be enough to make it pretty obvious. They are probably surprised to discover their strategy for showing "not interested" - one that always works, except with drunks and idiots (and especially drunken idiots) - doesn't communicate that message to sober, intelligent you.

Why would they do that instead of just telling a boy? Why can't they see after the first week or so that I'm clearly not getting it?

Sweetie, they're probably not giving you "hints to the contrary". They probably like you as a person. They just don't want to be your girlfriend.

Maybe I wasn't clear - they were lying to me (presumably to give me false hope). For example, one girl I liked (The Second Voice) a few months ago noticed that I liked her, and like a mature, responsible woman, she told me plainly that she didn't date and I couldn't go out with her. The next monday, I asked her why she didn't date, and she said that she didn't want to date until she got to college. Well gee, she's a senior, and I was headed to an early college program. What do you think THAT told me? It told me that her not wanting to date me was not a result of not wanting to date me, but rather, a result of not wanting to date until a certain time, and her other actions suggested that she liked me, so... (eventually we worked it out. It turned out that her real reason for not wanting to date was that she was a conservative muslim and was only willing to date muslims from Pakistan. We were just fine after that, and we were still friends... until the next day she told me that she never wanted to see me again and to forget about her. No reason or anything, she just wanted to rip my heart out.)

Best thing to do is just be you until somebody tells you to stop (that's how you find out about "limits" and "bounderies" and all that useful info),

But that's exactly what got me into trouble before... the thing is, when I'm being myself, no one tells me to stop, they just rant about it after the fact and pretend it was so obvious that I'm a stalker and blah blah blah. =/

Friend, TheAmazingLoser, I think you should consider having your user-name changed to something a bit more positive. I for one, do not think you are a loser at all. It is not the mark of a man how many times he gets knocked down. It is how many times you are able to get back up that shows your true strength.

I disagree, but I know I'm going to have to change my name before next summer. I'm planning on changing to TheAmazingLover once I get a girlfriend.

 

[Quagmire]

Best thing to do is just be you until somebody tells you to stop (that's how you find out about "limits" and "bounderies" and all that useful info),

But that's exactly what got me into trouble before... the thing is, when I'm being myself, no one tells me to stop, they just rant about it after the fact and pretend it was so obvious that I'm a stalker and blah blah blah. =/

Ok, so there's your first lesson about bounderies.

 

[Smoke]

Maybe I wasn't clear - they were lying to me (presumably to give me false hope). For example, one girl I liked (The Second Voice) a few months ago noticed that I liked her, and like a mature, responsible woman, she told me plainly that she didn't date and I couldn't go out with her. The next monday, I asked her why she didn't date, and she said that she didn't want to date until she got to college. Well gee, she's a senior, and I was headed to an early college program. What do you think THAT told me? It told me that her not wanting to date me was not a result of not wanting to date me, but rather, a result of not wanting to date until a certain time, and her other actions suggested that she liked me, so... (eventually we worked it out. It turned out that her real reason for not wanting to date was that she was a conservative muslim and was only willing to date muslims from Pakistan. We were just fine after that, and we were still friends... until the next day she told me that she never wanted to see me again and to forget about her. No reason or anything, she just wanted to rip my heart out.)

It sounds to me like you have a lot of hostility and rage. If you do, and you manage to barely suppress it and then approach girls in what they take to be an overly-eager manner, I wouldn't be surprised if you're scaring the crap out of them.

It's unfortunate but true that eagerness and neediness are not attractive. And rage is only attractive to self-destructive types. You've got to find a way to be happy with yourself.

I'm not real clear on exactly how old you are, but I think it would be a good idea to put the idea of finding a relationship on the back burner for a while and try to find help to deal with your rage. I don't think anybody here can really advise you on medications and pyschological problems. You need to get some professional help -- and I do mean professional help, not just counseling with a pastor, guidance counselor, or youth advisor, and not just some new pills, either.

You may have medical issues that need to be addressed. You certainly have some psychological issues that need to be addressed. There's no shame in that. It doesn't mean you're crazy. We all need help sometimes, and when we don't get it, it can really mess us up.

I had a lot of rage when I was a teenager. I was awkward in social situations, too. What I did was to take to drink. It seemed like a decent fix. It made me more relaxed, more confident. It was fun. But in the final analysis, it just put my problems on the back burner, where they continued simmering away for years, poisoning not just my relationships but my whole life. I was 30 years old before I ever had sex while sober. I was 40 before I really figured out where some of my pain and anger and confusion were coming from. Believe me, you don't want to be that guy.

I'm gay, and a lot of my problems had to do with homophobia, including internalized homophobia. You presumably have different problems. The point is, you have to deal with them and you're probably not going to have a healthy relationship until you do.

I don't think you really trust authority figures, including doctors, and I don't either. I almost hate to recommend seeking help because I'm afraid you'll get the wrong kind of help, and they'll just try to pump you up with drugs or with Jesus -- and drugs and Jesus might be a big part of your problem. But I really think you have to try. It's just too hard to sort things out on your own, with no resources but what you can find on the internet.

 

[Alceste]

Positive thinking does help. I wish I hadn't spent most of my life reinforcing my negative thoughts. I am still struggling with my own negativity.

And I would like to point out that average sex lasts around 20 minutes

Not including preamble, which is also enjoyable.

 

[T-Dawg]

You need to get some professional help -- and I do mean professional help, not just counseling with a pastor, guidance counselor, or youth advisor, and not just some new pills, either.

So they can put me in an assylum, right? That's what "professionals" do, they tell people that they're insane, and therefore are not human enough to have rights. Or did you mean someone like my therapist I had during the summer? She was a real nice lady, but she obviously didn't help much in the long term.

You may have medical issues that need to be addressed. You certainly have some psychological issues that need to be addressed. There's no shame in that. It doesn't mean you're crazy.

They think it does. It's not MY medical issue, it's THEIR medical issue. I feel sorry for people without Asperger's, who have to use half or more of their brain interpretting body movements that really shouldn't mean anything, and for pointless "conversations" that consist of programmed phrases (like "How are you?" "Fine." They don't think about it, they're just robots). It's the people around me - the girls who can't tell others what they're feeling, the people who think something's wrong with me - that need "help."

We all need help sometimes, and when we don't get it, it can really mess us up.

"Help" is the "politically correct" word for "assylum," right? (or sometimes "jail")

I KNOW what "help" is like. It's scary. They force me to undergo expensive, unnecessary tests, and they have strangers ask me questions that they should already know the answers to, because they dragged me in there based off the answers to those questions. It's sort of like an interogation room, except they have tubes putting drugs into you and they collect urine samples instead of using a polygraph.

I don't want "help." I'm much happier dying emotionally and having my conscience ripped to shreds than getting "help."

The point is, you have to deal with them and you're probably not going to have a healthy relationship until you do.

But to get through these issues, I need a healthy relationship... so I'm in a rut =/.

I don't think you really trust authority figures, including doctors, and I don't either.

Of course I don't trust doctors. They stand to make a profit when I'm sick. Remember, it was a DOCTOR that prescribed Resperdol to Dallas, and me.
Plus, they value the law over morals and common sense. They think that since I'm depressed, I must be suicidal, and therefore (according to the law), I'm a worthless criminal that deserves to be interogated and jailed to purge me of this moral deficiency (suicidalness). Gee, is it any wonder that I'm scared to talk to people?

 

[Alceste]

Why would they do that instead of just telling a boy? Why can't they see after the first week or so that I'm clearly not getting it?

Look, Al, out of all the guys they're going to meet in their lives, you may very well be the only one that needs it to be spelled out in complete, unambiguous detail. Unless they're dealing with a lot of guys who have Aspergers, there's no way they could guess you aren't going to "get it" unless they just say directly to your face "I am not, never have been, and never will be interested in being your girlfriend".

They are not LYING to you. They're being pretty clear, but you have trouble spotting a hint. There's nothing wrong with that - it's part of who you are - but you can't go around blaming women for it and calling them evil. It's not them, it's you. If you don't want to get into those situations any more, you're going to have to work on how you react to rejection.

Here's my advice: whatever she says, if it starts with "I don't want to date...", just assume she means she doesn't want to date YOU. Even if it's followed by "... until I get to college", or "...anyone who isn't a Muslim", or "...until I've had my hair cut", or anything. Whatever she says to you, if it starts with "I don't want to..." take it to mean she is not interested in you, romantically. So just accept it, and move on. Tough luck. It happens to all of us. You'll get over it.

The reason nobody makes a big point of saying "I am not attracted to YOU" is that nobody wants to hurt somebody else's feelings any more than necessary. If a girl says they aren't interested in dating generally, and you keep pushing the matter, you're going to get a lot more hurt in the end than is necessary because she's going to panic and blurt out something overly harsh.

Maybe I wasn't clear - they were lying to me (presumably to give me false hope). For example, one girl I liked (The Second Voice) a few months ago noticed that I liked her, and like a mature, responsible woman, she told me plainly that she didn't date and I couldn't go out with her. The next monday, I asked her why she didn't date, and she said that she didn't want to date until she got to college. Well gee, she's a senior, and I was headed to an early college program. What do you think THAT told me?

I know what it SHOULD HAVE told you: She didn't want to date you, just like she said. Why were you still pushing the issue? That's what cost you her friendship, I think.

It's not "no reason". "I don't want to date you" wasn't enough, you wanted to know why, so she had to make something up, and then another thing, and then another thing, and keep explaining herself - that tells me you kept pushing and pushing and pushing. That's a reason. You weren't happy to be just friends, and you wouldn't drop it. So she ended your friendship.

At least that's how it seems to me.

 

[T-Dawg]

I know what it SHOULD HAVE told you: She didn't want to date you, just like she said.

Except that she didn't say that, she just said she didn't date.

Why were you still pushing the issue?

I wasn't. My thoughts weren't even brought up until a couple of her friends kept harassing me over her (without her consent or knowledge, to my knowledge).

"I don't want to date you" wasn't enough,

Once again, she never said that.

so she had to make something up,

What was stopping her from telling the truth?

You weren't happy to be just friends, and you wouldn't drop it. So she ended your friendship.

Not what happened. She told me that she didn't date, so later I asked her why, and she gave me a bogus reason that told me I had a chance with her in the future. Later, a couple of her friends decide that they didn't like me talking to her in the mornings, so they decided to harass me over it, pretending to represent her (even though I knew that she would have told me herself if she had a concern, just like the last time). I decided to inform her of what her friends were doing, explaining how I knew they were lying. The girl and I talked it over and cleared it up, and we were fine. The next day... well, I already told you what happened (and no, it wasn't something I did that day, because I didn't see her throughout that entire day).

At least that's how it seems to me.

Knowing you, you probably aren't intentionally making fun of me, but that's what it's feeling like. How did you come to this interpretation?

 

[Smoke]

Gee, is it any wonder that I'm scared to talk to people?

No, it's not any wonder. Like I said, I'm reluctant even to suggest it. But what's the alternative?

I really don't think these girls are setting out deliberately to "rip your heart out." I think you're scaring them, and this feeling you have that they were sent from the evil one is really not healthy. You've got to get past that rage, and I don't know how to help you. You've got to find somebody who does.

 

[T-Dawg]

But what's the alternative?

Sit there tormenting myself until the hormones finally go away sometime in my 20s or 30s. Only option I see.

I think you're scaring them, and this feeling you have that they were sent from the evil one is really not healthy.

Why would I be scaring them? They're scaring me more than I could possibly be scaring them... even if I was a psychopathic loony, I'd end up beaten into a bloody pulp if I tried anything (I'm sorta a wimp)...
And of course it's not healthy, but what other explanation? If there isn't a supernatural force controlling them, then it means they did it off their own free will. And that's even worse. Besides, The Evil needs to exist. I would have no other explanation as to why God never talks to me (he's too busy holding The Evil at bay). I would have no explanation as to why people like Rush Limbaugh exist (Limbaugh was sent by The Evil to act as a demagogue for conservatives and to drive all the intellectuals towards the Democrat party. Both sides are owned by The Evil.). I would have no explanation as to why people do incredibly stupid things and work against their own benefit. I would have no explanation as to why most people choose capitalism over communism.

You've got to find somebody who does.

I know. I already know that it's going to be a girl, not a "professional." The only way to change my attitude towards girls I like is to be a girl I like and set an example.