I don't know what to do

[Zeta]

*WARNING the following post is very long and is basically me telling you my life story. If you are not prepared for this you may leave this thread.

First I would like someone to verify for me that this forum is not run or moderated by any specific religion. I want honest answers.

Well first I'll give you guys some background info. I'm fourteen years old and have always been very skeptical (and a bit pessimistic at times) . I was the first to doubt Santa clause and I am the youngest child.

I always thought that the whole santa BS was cruel and takes advantage of young children and raises their hopes for nothing.

My skepticalness (or whatever the heck it's called) tends to leak into my dreams at times and causes me to discover that it was infact a dream.

Both of my parents are catholic converts (from before I was born) and are very religious. I have spent an average of two hours at church every week for almost my whole life.(that's like 1000 hours )

I have never enjoyed mass. The only parts that ever change are the homily and the litergy. (And even the litergy goes through a cycle). i always feel stressed on saterday nights because I know I will get woken up to go to church in the morning.
I spent over five hours at church this week. My parents believe if I miss mass on purpose and don't confess it to a catholic priest I will undergo indescribable suffering for all eternity.


Every teacher I have ever had is christian.

For the most part I have been kept out of school and have been 100% homeschooled up until the last two years or so (now I take a few online classes as well as homeschool catholic coop)

I thought it was all pretty legit. However one day I had a thought that may seem pretty simple to you but later caused me extreme anxiety and depression. "What if Heaven is not real?" At first I dismissed it as the devil playing with my mind but a seed of doubt had been planted in me and slowly began to take root over the next decade.

By the time I was eleven I was begining to have my first glimpses of the Internet.(under heavy monitoring) And mind you I hadn't had... that talk..... So my dad gave me a catholic book on sexuality. If my faith was like a block tower this wild be like pulling a block from the foundation causing the whole tower to become wobly. Suddenly God diddnt create babies anymore. I didn't lose faith all at once of course. But the seed that had taken route when i was a small child began to grow. This was when My parents took me to an apologetics class (not because of doubt.)
I thought this would be the end to my questions. But it didn't really prove anything. It just refuted a few arguments people have made trying to disprove catholism over the years but most of the refuting just felt like the said a bunch of barely coherent vague stuff and apparently that means that catholism is true and everything else is made up.

I began to slip into denial and didn't say anything or do anything about it.

Eventually I started to ocasionally drop hints or beat around the bush to try an get my parents to answer my rapidly growing number of questions. But they never said anything that i found useful.

as my access to the world grew and my knoulege of it increased I began to take my doubts more seriously. I started to freak out. I wasn't sure if I was going to heaven anymore. The cross of Christ couldn't help me cope with suffering anymore. I became extremely paraniod. When I first heard about Ebola I was absoulutly sure I was going to get it and suffer and die without knowing what would happen to me.

Then my unconditioned belief finally broke. I didn't believe anything I saw anymore. I kinda freaked out. I felt like my sanity was hanging by a thread and I held on for dear life. I became convinced at one point that my life was just a good dream in the midst of some eternal hell that I could wake to at any moment.

This eventually wore off over the course of a month or two. I think it had to do with the trauma of your entire life being turned upside down. I had LIVED for going to heaven. My whole life was based around it.

Now I have kind of settled into some form of agnosticism. My parents have know idea. I just don't really know what to believe. I have tried reading articles for both religious and non religious points. But I can't make any sense of it. Its like I'm a judge and all of the witnesses are claiming different things.

I really want to make the right decision but I don't know how. I don't want to waste anymore time worshiping a God who doesn't excist but I'm scared that if I just blindly become an athiest I will suffer for ever.

Also what should I do about my parents. I feel really bad going to confession and receiving communion and I'm bored in church and want to express myself but if I do my parents may not trust me anymore.

What should I do?

 

[Bunyip]

*WARNING the following post is very long and is basically me telling you my life story. If you are not prepared for this you may leave this thread.

First I would like someone to verify for me that this forum is not run or moderated by any specific religion. I want honest answers.

Well first I'll give you guys some background info. I'm fourteen years old and have always been very skeptical (and a bit pessimistic at times) . I was the first to doubt Santa clause and I am the youngest child.

I always thought that the whole santa BS was cruel and takes advantage of young children and raises their hopes for nothing.

My skepticalness (or whatever the heck it's called) tends to leak into my dreams at times and causes me to discover that it was infact a dream.

Both of my parents are catholic converts (from before I was born) and are very religious. I have spent an average of two hours at church every week for almost my whole life.(that's like 1000 hours )

I have never enjoyed mass. The only parts that ever change are the homily and the litergy. (And even the litergy goes through a cycle). i always feel stressed on saterday nights because I know I will get woken up to go to church in the morning.
I spent over five hours at church this week. My parents believe if I miss mass on purpose and don't confess it to a catholic priest I will undergo indescribable suffering for all eternity.


Every teacher I have ever had is christian.

For the most part I have been kept out of school and have been 100% homeschooled up until the last two years or so (now I take a few online classes as well as homeschool catholic coop)

I thought it was all pretty legit. However one day I had a thought that may seem pretty simple to you but later caused me extreme anxiety and depression. "What if Heaven is not real?" At first I dismissed it as the devil playing with my mind but a seed of doubt had been planted in me and slowly began to take root over the next decade.

By the time I was eleven I was begining to have my first glimpses of the Internet.(under heavy monitoring) And mind you I hadn't had... that talk..... So my dad gave me a catholic book on sexuality. If my faith was like a block tower this wild be like pulling a block from the foundation causing the whole tower to become wobly. Suddenly God diddnt create babies anymore. I didn't lose faith all at once of course. But the seed that had taken route when i was a small child began to grow. This was when My parents took me to an apologetics class (not because of doubt.)
I thought this would be the end to my questions. But it didn't really prove anything. It just refuted a few arguments people have made trying to disprove catholism over the years but most of the refuting just felt like the said a bunch of barely coherent vague stuff and apparently that means that catholism is true and everything else is made up.

I began to slip into denial and didn't say anything or do anything about it.

Eventually I started to ocasionally drop hints or beat around the bush to try an get my parents to answer my rapidly growing number of questions. But they never said anything that i found useful.

as my access to the world grew and my knoulege of it increased I began to take my doubts more seriously. I started to freak out. I wasn't sure if I was going to heaven anymore. The cross of Christ couldn't help me cope with suffering anymore. I became extremely paraniod. When I first heard about Ebola I was absoulutly sure I was going to get it and suffer and die without knowing what would happen to me.

Then my unconditioned belief finally broke. I didn't believe anything I saw anymore. I kinda freaked out. I felt like my sanity was hanging by a thread and I held on for dear life. I became convinced at one point that my life was just a good dream in the midst of some eternal hell that I could wake to at any moment.

This eventually wore off over the course of a month or two. I think it had to do with the trauma of your entire life being turned upside down. I had LIVED for going to heaven. My whole life was based around it.

Now I have kind of settled into some form of agnosticism. My parents have know idea. I just don't really know what to believe. I have tried reading articles for both religious and non religious points. But I can't make any sense of it. Its like I'm a judge and all of the witnesses are claiming different things.

I really want to make the right decision but I don't know how. I don't want to waste anymore time worshiping a God who doesn't excist but I'm scared that if I just blindly become an athiest I will suffer for ever.

Also what should I do about my parents. I feel really bad going to confession and receiving communion and I'm bored in church and want to express myself but if I do my parents may not trust me anymore.

What should I do?

Accept your atheism. Then there is nothing to fear.

 

[columbus]

Welcome to RF Zeta.
I can very much sympathise. I also grew up in a very Catholic home, and figured out early that it didn't really make sense. It was like Santa Claus for grownups

I have no immediate response, no magic wand to wave. But relax and get to know yourself and what does make sense to you before you take on the world.

RF could be a big help. I hope so.
Again Greetings!
Tom

 

[LuisDantas]

First I would like someone to verify for me that this forum is not run or moderated by any specific religion. I want honest answers.

It isn't. The staff members are intentionally chosen to represent as wide a variety of belief stances as reasonably possible.

As for your tale, it seems to me that you have been taught very insistently that you must feel responsible for the beliefs of other people.

I don't think that was at all fair to you.

Unfortunately, there is no way for me to reassure you on what you should do. It would definitely be ideal for your parents to learn and accept your beliefs, doubts and disbeliefs as they are, but you seem to hint that you don't find that very likely, and I don't dare to attempt to know better from where I stand.

I will however tell you that self-acceptance is in my personal experience very much a prerequisite for actual acceptance by others, even loved ones.

And that I sincerely believe that if there is a God, it is just not at all possible or even reasonable to believe that he is so disapproving of atheism as to punish it. Atheism arises out of questioning, and would we even have that capability if God disapproved of it?

If you can, I advise you to seek the company of people who you feel that know you and are capable of accepting you as you are, as opposed to simply expecting obedience and conforming to their expectations

Alas, it is entirely too possible that your parents won't be those people, as I know all too well from my own personal experience. Which is very unfortunate if true, but it is still far better to learn that it is so than to attempt to deny it no matter what.

You have my sympathy. It is dangerous to assume that I got a good grasp of your plight, but it sure seems to a situation full of difficult anxieties. I truly hope that you find ways of nurturing self-acceptance and of dealing as best as possible with the expectations of others. That is inherently tricky, and at fourteen you will probably have a lot more doubts than certainties anyway. Which, I guess, is yet another reason to take it easy with yourself and just accept that you will indeed not have all the answers and all the certainties. Since you can't trust your knowledge or your life experience (pretty much no one can at 14), trust your intent and your sincerity instead. Simply do your best and be warned that people will not always realize that you did. That is unfortunately something we have to accept as well.

 

[Thana]

The thing about Christianity is there are so many answers. If Catholicism isn't for you, then maybe Orthodoxy. If Orthodoxy isn't for you, then maybe some form of Protestantism. If Protestantism isn't for you then maybe a completely different religion altogether.

It seems to me that your faith is a taught faith. So find your own, Grab a bible and read it. Let go of everything you know about Christianity and start from there. Build your own faith, your own religion, your own understanding.

Some people are just so set on one understanding, on one denomination, on one religion that when they become disillusioned they feel that there are no other options but honestly, there are thousands of options. You don't have to be Atheist, Or agnostic and you don't have to be Christian right now. In my experience, Theism is a journey.

Don't give up just because you haven't found what you're looking for yet. You're so young, It takes years to gain experience and understanding. You'll find your way, I'm sure of it

 

[DawudTalut]

................
What should I do?

Peace be on you. Thanks for sharing. I can humbly suggest:
1-Please pray to God in your own words for guidance.
2-Please study various sections (especially the book section) in IslamAhmadiyya - Ahmadiyya Muslim Community - Al Islam Online - Official Website ; Ahmadiyya Muslims believe God still speaks, guides and shows His existence (e.g. latest friday-sermon by Ahmadiyya Khalifah).
3-While you are seeking, no need for heated arguments with dear ones. It will keep you peace.

Good wishes for your success.

 

[Laika]

I think that your Fourteen years old and starting to find out who you are; that can be a scarey process. I realize that right now you probably still feel very small and that what your parents say about things is what you accept. They are your parents after all. The difficulty will be accepting a healthy desire for independence from your parents and from their beliefs as you grow up.
you're right when you say that all the different accounts can make you (and me) feel like a judge presented with loads of witnesses. there is a huge diversity of opinions and as you will probably find, when you look deeper, it is really hard to say which one is right or is the "true" faith. part of coming to accept this diversity and not feeling threatened by it is to learn to accept other people as different from yourself. it is rare that you will find someone whom you will agree with on most issues and those who insist on it are generally not people we would voluntarily choose to be friends with.
I am an Atheist, but I can honestly say that it does involve some measure of 'faith'. a lot of the problems with atheism come from the way it is assumed to be as self-evident as religious belief. Science is the best ideas we have and involve a great deal of uncertainty; and this uncertainty can be difficult when we feel that we are not in control. So, as an atheist I find that 'faith' is the most appropriate word to describe it even though I would say it is not wholly or even primarily based on faith. this is not necessarily faith in some higher power though science would suggest that the universe is governed by laws independent of our control and there is some 'order' in what may at first appear to be chaos.
Mainly I would say it is the faith in yourself to be the judge in finding your place in that chaos and to believe that your decision represents an attempt to be part of such an order. it is easier to find peace with yourself than it is to find peace with the world. I find it is important to accept that I cannot have absolute truth or control over reality and this can be very frightening when we are faced with death and the question of the afterlife. But really it is up to you to trust yourself and to decide what you believe and forgive yourself for your mistakes when you get it wrong. Christianity can cripple that ability with the concept that knowledge of good and evil is our original sin and this makes it very difficult to be truly free. That is mainly why I am an atheist, but I cannot tell you what is right for you and it is for you to find and love yourself and to arrive at your own beliefs. chose to do what makes you most happy and eventually things will start to make sense.

Welcome to RF.

 

[BSM1]

Hey, Z. We all have to find our own truth.

 

[Mycroft]

Read the Bible, study it. You will realise that it is the work of Human Men, and that 'god' is a fabrication of Human Men with the values of Human Men, and that his 'divine' solutions are those of Human Men.

 

[JayJayDee]

Thana's advice is good. Religious belief has to be tried on sort of like a pair of shoes. If they give you 'blisters', you need to take them off and give your feet a rest. Then try the next pair. At fourteen, you will still be under your parent's watchful eye, as it should be. You are at an impressionable age, so be careful and don't rush into anything. Things can seem like a good idea until the next idea comes along. Weigh everything carefully.

You know that your parents have your best interests at heart. But no one can force anyone to believe in God or to believe that a certain religious system is right for them. When you are old enough, you will be free to make your own choices, but for now, just quietly do your research and ask all the questions you need to get the answers that you seek. Compare what you are learning and be aware that your parents will be very upset that you have chosen to go in a different spiritual direction. Please take their feelings into consideration and acknowledge them.

By all means, examine the beliefs of different churches and see how they fit but keep your mind open as you examine the beliefs of different faiths.

In the meantime, you might like to check out this little book that answers the questions most people ask about the Bible.

What Does the Bible Really Teach? | Bible Teach

All the best....and take your time.

Jay

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

A belief in God is not synonymous with a belief in heaven.

A majority of religions Believe in some form of God or God's.
It is the what happens "next" that is the major differentiation between them.

Some believe in an almost perpetual reincarnation.
Some believe in a paradise for those that toe the line.
Others that there is a Heaven or new earth.
The other side of the coin is the belief in some form of perpetual punishment or oblivion.

These things can not all be true............

I am a Christian but I believe in neither Heaven nor Hell as places.
I believe our souls/spirits come from and return to God.

There is absolutely no point in going through this life for the sole purpose of enjoying the next.
All the founders of the great religions including Jesus spent their lives teaching us how we should live this one.
They did it for a purpose.

God In his wisdom knows that if we live our lives with love for the world, and for all that is in it, and for our fellow man.
Then his purpose, and ours, will be fulfilled.
What we as individuals can do, is mostly a very small part indeed,
But if we all lived our lives as we have been taught, the cumulative effect would be fantastic.

God is love and truth....
we shall share both when we return to him.

 

[Tumah]

You're only 14. You still have a few years of inner growth and searching ahead of you before you find a path that will suit who you are. Don't waste brain time with this inner toil. It is all temporary and not worth focusing on. You should embrace this time period of searching for yourself and finding where you belong, this is what being a teenager is all about.

 

[Jumi]

I had the same kind of feeling in Church whenever I had to go. I just made up my mind that when I become an legally adult I'm leaving the religion. If you have to go to Church think of something you can think about that takes effort like doing multiplication in your head.

 

[GoodbyeDave]

Now I have kind of settled into some form of agnosticism.

My parents have know idea. I just don't really know what to believe. I have tried reading articles for both religious and non religious points. But I can't make any sense of it. Its like I'm a judge and all of the witnesses are claiming different things.

I really want to make the right decision but I don't know how. I don't want to waste anymore time worshiping a God who doesn't exist but I'm scared that if I just blindly become an athiest I will suffer for ever.

Also what should I do about my parents. I feel really bad going to confession and receiving communion and I'm bored in church and want to express myself but if I do my parents may not trust me anymore.

What should I do?

Welcome to the forum!

Firstly, don't panic. It's natural for teenagers to question ideas and form their own. I certainly did it. Sometimes you end up somewhere very different to where you started from, and sometimes you wind up coming back: you never can tell. You can't tell how long it will take to sort out your ideas, either. That's life (and it beats the alternative).

Attending church is not going to do you any harm. On the other hand, telling your parents you don't want to go will upset them. They may feel, rightly or wrongly, that you are too young to have made a decision. There are even more likely to feel that it's somehow their fault that you've made what they think is the wrong decision. They've cared for you since you born, and now you have the chance to care for them. Stick with it for a few more years for their sake.

The philosophical arguments for the existence of a god are strong (if tough to follow -- one of my books on the subject is full on things like "In such an argument from c to h, P(h|c & k) > P(h*|k)". Eek!). And between 80% and 90% of the world's inhabitants practice a religion, and they can't all be idiots. Someone once defined atheists as "people who can't imagine that the universe could contain anything superior to themselves." Just keep an open mind: there's nothing wrong with being an agnostic when you really don't know.

 

[YmirGF]

Hi Zeta,

I too have no magic answer for you. Due to your age, your options are somewhat limited. Unlike others, I would not advise looking over the various religions to see what you like best. Your parents may not actually like that and it could aggravate an awkward situation. More to the point, don't worry about this kind of stuff. Enjoy what is perhaps the most amazing time of your life and try to keep an upbeat, positive attitude. Don't let it bring you down, it is seriously not worth it.

You're only 14. You still have a few years of inner growth and searching ahead of you before you find a path that will suit who you are. Don't waste brain time with this inner toil. It is all temporary and not worth focusing on. You should embrace this time period of searching for yourself and finding where you belong, this is what being a teenager is all about.

^THIS!^


Oh, and welcome to the nuthouse known as RF.

 

[Pavank]

*WARNING the following post is very long and is basically me telling you my life story. If you are not prepared for this you may leave this thread.

First I would like someone to verify for me that this forum is not run or moderated by any specific religion. I want honest answers.

Well first I'll give you guys some background info. I'm fourteen years old and have always been very skeptical (and a bit pessimistic at times) . I was the first to doubt Santa clause and I am the youngest child.

I always thought that the whole santa BS was cruel and takes advantage of young children and raises their hopes for nothing.

My skepticalness (or whatever the heck it's called) tends to leak into my dreams at times and causes me to discover that it was infact a dream.

Both of my parents are catholic converts (from before I was born) and are very religious. I have spent an average of two hours at church every week for almost my whole life.(that's like 1000 hours )

I have never enjoyed mass. The only parts that ever change are the homily and the litergy. (And even the litergy goes through a cycle). i always feel stressed on saterday nights because I know I will get woken up to go to church in the morning.
I spent over five hours at church this week. My parents believe if I miss mass on purpose and don't confess it to a catholic priest I will undergo indescribable suffering for all eternity.


Every teacher I have ever had is christian.

For the most part I have been kept out of school and have been 100% homeschooled up until the last two years or so (now I take a few online classes as well as homeschool catholic coop)

I thought it was all pretty legit. However one day I had a thought that may seem pretty simple to you but later caused me extreme anxiety and depression. "What if Heaven is not real?" At first I dismissed it as the devil playing with my mind but a seed of doubt had been planted in me and slowly began to take root over the next decade.

By the time I was eleven I was begining to have my first glimpses of the Internet.(under heavy monitoring) And mind you I hadn't had... that talk..... So my dad gave me a catholic book on sexuality. If my faith was like a block tower this wild be like pulling a block from the foundation causing the whole tower to become wobly. Suddenly God diddnt create babies anymore. I didn't lose faith all at once of course. But the seed that had taken route when i was a small child began to grow. This was when My parents took me to an apologetics class (not because of doubt.)
I thought this would be the end to my questions. But it didn't really prove anything. It just refuted a few arguments people have made trying to disprove catholism over the years but most of the refuting just felt like the said a bunch of barely coherent vague stuff and apparently that means that catholism is true and everything else is made up.

I began to slip into denial and didn't say anything or do anything about it.

Eventually I started to ocasionally drop hints or beat around the bush to try an get my parents to answer my rapidly growing number of questions. But they never said anything that i found useful.

as my access to the world grew and my knoulege of it increased I began to take my doubts more seriously. I started to freak out. I wasn't sure if I was going to heaven anymore. The cross of Christ couldn't help me cope with suffering anymore. I became extremely paraniod. When I first heard about Ebola I was absoulutly sure I was going to get it and suffer and die without knowing what would happen to me.

Then my unconditioned belief finally broke. I didn't believe anything I saw anymore. I kinda freaked out. I felt like my sanity was hanging by a thread and I held on for dear life. I became convinced at one point that my life was just a good dream in the midst of some eternal hell that I could wake to at any moment.

This eventually wore off over the course of a month or two. I think it had to do with the trauma of your entire life being turned upside down. I had LIVED for going to heaven. My whole life was based around it.

Now I have kind of settled into some form of agnosticism. My parents have know idea. I just don't really know what to believe. I have tried reading articles for both religious and non religious points. But I can't make any sense of it. Its like I'm a judge and all of the witnesses are claiming different things.

I really want to make the right decision but I don't know how. I don't want to waste anymore time worshiping a God who doesn't excist but I'm scared that if I just blindly become an athiest I will suffer for ever.

Also what should I do about my parents. I feel really bad going to confession and receiving communion and I'm bored in church and want to express myself but if I do my parents may not trust me anymore.

What should I do?

follow your heart... it always guides you on the right path