Rational Agnostic
Well-Known Member
I will try to make this story as concise as possible. I became friends with a particular woman about a year and a half ago, and we did various platonic activities together over the course of last year. I asked her out a few months later and we saw each other casually but never had sex. It seemed as though things were going well and she was excited to see me, however, she suddenly started coming up with reasons as to why we could no longer spend time together. Nevertheless, I asked a few more times, but there was always some reason why she was too busy, and occasionally she did not respond to my messages. Now, I like to be direct, so I asked her explicitly if I was annoying her, making her uncomfortable, or if she did not want to see me, so I asked her to tell me to leave her alone if she did not want to see me. However, she made it clear that I was not annoying her at all, but that she simply was extremely busy with work and school (as a college student) but that eventually she would have time to see me. So, I waited a bit and asked again and she was still too busy.
Now, I am not socially inept, and it is quite clear to me that she did not want a relationship at the time, so I dropped it. I texted with her about casual topics on occasion, but we never saw each other, and gradually stopped communicating altogether.
Now fast forward to today. It has now been 2-3 months since I last had any communication with her, and nearly 9 months since we saw each other. She has since graduated from college, and I did not attend her graduation, nor did I think about her until recently because a thought disturbed me. If I do not contact her again, it is likely that I will never see her again in my life. This saddens me, because I saw her as a good friend, even if a relationship was not in the cards, and we talked for hours, and had many things in common. However, I also do not want to be seen as being a creepy stalker with an ulterior motive by contacting her again and attempting to arrange meeting up with her. I worry about being perceived in this way because I already asked her out and received several "implicit" rejections (aka non-responses), and perhaps kept asking a few times too many.
At this point, I do not even want a relationship of a romantic kind with her. I have moved on from her in that regard entirely. I just cannot bear the thought of never seeing her again, in the same sense that I would be saddened if I did not see any friend or relative that I was close to again.
Thoughts? Advice? Or am I just an overthinking, sappy, socially inept moron?
Now, I am not socially inept, and it is quite clear to me that she did not want a relationship at the time, so I dropped it. I texted with her about casual topics on occasion, but we never saw each other, and gradually stopped communicating altogether.
Now fast forward to today. It has now been 2-3 months since I last had any communication with her, and nearly 9 months since we saw each other. She has since graduated from college, and I did not attend her graduation, nor did I think about her until recently because a thought disturbed me. If I do not contact her again, it is likely that I will never see her again in my life. This saddens me, because I saw her as a good friend, even if a relationship was not in the cards, and we talked for hours, and had many things in common. However, I also do not want to be seen as being a creepy stalker with an ulterior motive by contacting her again and attempting to arrange meeting up with her. I worry about being perceived in this way because I already asked her out and received several "implicit" rejections (aka non-responses), and perhaps kept asking a few times too many.
At this point, I do not even want a relationship of a romantic kind with her. I have moved on from her in that regard entirely. I just cannot bear the thought of never seeing her again, in the same sense that I would be saddened if I did not see any friend or relative that I was close to again.
Thoughts? Advice? Or am I just an overthinking, sappy, socially inept moron?