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I Could Use Some Advice

Rational Agnostic

Well-Known Member
Let her go. Trust me, if she had any interest into maintaining even a platonic friendship, she would've put forth some effort to keep in touch. She wasn't honest or strait forward with you because she wanted to be "polite" and spare your feelings, which is course is bull**** because it's misleading and in the long run more painful than upfront rejection.

This is probably the best assessment I've gotten so far, and it's something that has occurred to me before. Honestly, I was 100% over her (including platonically) until I, for no reason (since I never thought of her for months), started dreaming about her every friggin night. So annoying lol. In fact it occurred about 5-7 nights in a row. Of course I am rational enough to segregate dreams/emotions from reality, but when it happens that often your mind starts playing tricks on you. But I think you are correct. It's something to just move on from, and I'm sure dating other women will help.
 

Enoch07

It's all a sick freaking joke.
Premium Member
Thoughts? Advice? Or am I just an overthinking, sappy, socially inept moron?

Well you are not a socially inept moron.

It's just dating nowadays. This is an instant gratification world now. So unless you are able to entertain someone 24/7 and not get old/repetitive/boring, you don't really stand much of a chance.

From your post I'm guessing she's young.

She probably saw a kindred spirit in you and did enjoy talking to you. But shes young and wanted to explore her options and play the field a bit.

In all honesty it's her loss as far as I'm concerned. Best thing you can do, if you haven't already, is to erase her contact and make it a clean cut separation. Go on about your life, date, have fun, and try not to think of her ever again.

The reason I say this is. One day, y'alls paths may cross again. With a clean cut separation, a chance to rekindle is possible. But holding on will only make you look bad/desperate. And women can smell desperation a mile away and is indeed one of their biggest turn offs.

To sum it up.

Not your fault.

Not her fault.

Timing sucks is all.
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
Well you are not a socially inept moron.

It's just dating nowadays. This is an instant gratification world now. So unless you are able to entertain someone 24/7 and not get old/repetitive/boring, you don't really stand much of a chance.

From your post I'm guessing she's young.

She probably saw a kindred spirit in you and did enjoy talking to you. But shes young and wanted to explore her options and play the field a bit.

In all honesty it's her loss as far as I'm concerned. Best thing you can do, if you haven't already, is to erase her contact and make it a clean cut separation. Go on about your life, date, have fun, and try not to think of her ever again.

The reason I say this is. One day, y'alls paths may cross again. With a clean cut separation, a chance to rekindle is possible. But holding on will only make you look bad/desperate. And women can smell desperation a mile away and is indeed one of their biggest turn offs.

To sum it up.

Not your fault.

Not her fault.

Timing sucks is all.

Women are attracted to men with semi-full lives, I feel. And sometimes, men who make themselves scarce.
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
This may just be me being delusional, but I feel upon the first few dates, people often have a two-strike rule. If you lack the ability to pick up on their signals once, it is usually forgiven. Twice is usually the point when you get ghosted. I feel the first few dates are 50% a game.

Picking up on signals is a learned skill. Which makes it hard for people new to the dating world.
 

Enoch07

It's all a sick freaking joke.
Premium Member
Women are attracted to men with semi-full lives, I feel. And sometimes, men who make themselves scarce.

Women are far too chaotic by nature to fall into any one particular mold.

I can't say for sure what women want. If I did I'd have a bunch of em rip me a new one here on RF right before your very eyes.

I can say what I found most women dislike in men.

Dislikes:

Desperation

Insecurity (even though women themselves are by far more insecure on avg)

Stubbornness (if you can't be trained you are useless other than for sexual activities)

And not sure how to quantify this. Boring? Women don't like guys with nothing going on, or if the guy is to easy to read/to plain. Gotta keep an air of mystery about ya, keep me guessing, keep em surprised!


Selfishness (in and out of the bed)

And others as well but that's probably the biggest ones most woman have in common.

My problem is my stubbornness. But it's because I don't bend the knee to any woman or man, any human. So since I can't be controlled I am useless to them.
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
Women are far too chaotic by nature to fall into any one particular mold.

I can't say for sure what women want. If I did I'd have a bunch of em rip me a new one here on RF right before your very eyes.

I can say what I found most women dislike in men.

Dislikes:

Desperation

Insecurity (even though women themselves are by far more insecure on avg)

Stubbornness (if you can't be trained you are useless other than for sexual activities)

And not sure how to quantify this. Boring? Women don't like guys with nothing going on, or if the guy is to easy to read/to plain. Gotta keep an air of mystery about ya, keep me guessing, keep em surprised!


Selfishness (in and out of the bed)

And others as well but that's probably the biggest ones most woman have in common.

My problem is my stubbornness. But it's because I don't bend the knee to any woman or man, any human. So since I can't be controlled I am useless to them.

I agree 100%.
 

Skwim

Veteran Member
You may very well be right. And yet, if I had misinterpreted the signals, she may have viewed me as a perverted creep.
No female ever regards a friend's interest in her as creepy, much less perverted creepy. Like everyone else, women appreciate it when others compliment them by showing a personal interest, It's up to them to put limits, if any, on that interest.

.
 

SomeRandom

Still learning to be wise
Staff member
Premium Member
As a woman, it’s a little frustrating to see the responses. Because to me, it’s like we women are expected to play mind games, using hints and emotional reactions to communicate what we want. And the man is simply expected to know what we want and when they don’t, they get into trouble.
How about instead everyone just talks to one and other like adults?
I have always been upfront and honest with the guys I have dated. Not pushy, but just expressed my thoughts without playing any games. They found it refreshing (one was a little weirded out though.)

As to my advice. Rejoice for the time you had together and hold onto the good memories. That’s what life is.
 
I will try to make this story as concise as possible. I became friends with a particular woman about a year and a half ago, and we did various platonic activities together over the course of last year. I asked her out a few months later and we saw each other casually but never had sex. It seemed as though things were going well and she was excited to see me, however, she suddenly started coming up with reasons as to why we could no longer spend time together. Nevertheless, I asked a few more times, but there was always some reason why she was too busy, and occasionally she did not respond to my messages. Now, I like to be direct, so I asked her explicitly if I was annoying her, making her uncomfortable, or if she did not want to see me, so I asked her to tell me to leave her alone if she did not want to see me. However, she made it clear that I was not annoying her at all, but that she simply was extremely busy with work and school (as a college student) but that eventually she would have time to see me. So, I waited a bit and asked again and she was still too busy.

Now, I am not socially inept, and it is quite clear to me that she did not want a relationship at the time, so I dropped it. I texted with her about casual topics on occasion, but we never saw each other, and gradually stopped communicating altogether.

Now fast forward to today. It has now been 2-3 months since I last had any communication with her, and nearly 9 months since we saw each other. She has since graduated from college, and I did not attend her graduation, nor did I think about her until recently because a thought disturbed me. If I do not contact her again, it is likely that I will never see her again in my life. This saddens me, because I saw her as a good friend, even if a relationship was not in the cards, and we talked for hours, and had many things in common. However, I also do not want to be seen as being a creepy stalker with an ulterior motive by contacting her again and attempting to arrange meeting up with her. I worry about being perceived in this way because I already asked her out and received several "implicit" rejections (aka non-responses), and perhaps kept asking a few times too many.

At this point, I do not even want a relationship of a romantic kind with her. I have moved on from her in that regard entirely. I just cannot bear the thought of never seeing her again, in the same sense that I would be saddened if I did not see any friend or relative that I was close to again.

Thoughts? Advice? Or am I just an overthinking, sappy, socially inept moron?;)

Say hi, ask if she fancies a drink. Better than wondering.

If she doesn't, move on.
 

PureX

Veteran Member
Perhaps. However, as I stated, I have already moved on entirely as far as a romantic relationship is concerned. Would you give me the same advice if I were referring to any other platonic friend whom I had not seen in awhile? Or can a truly platonic friendship not exist between a heterosexual man and heterosexual woman? Sometimes I wonder about this.
Yes, it's the same.
 
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