Well then, why don't you try composing her resume? Sunstone seems to be cornering this particular market! Unleash your inner free-market libertarian and get some competition into this market!
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Hot, Sexy, Sexual Resumes! Get Yours Before They Melt!
- Thread starter Sunstone
- Start date
Horrorble
Well-Known Member
Oh boy....
- Whore
- Whip expert (among other weapons)
- Proficient in both the vanilla and dark sexual arts
- Possesses a sense of humor and laughs at herself and the absurdities that come with sexual situations
- Tough as nails and can drive people crazy. Keep up or have a nice life.
- Easy, but never cheap. Bring your best and pay with your ego.
- You will either be liberated or destroyed. Your choice.
--------------------------
I haven't asked Sunstone to write mine because I fear I will want to remind him of paying me the money he owes me, which will derail the thread further. But, I suck at writing, so this is the best I can do for now.
Now now Mystic we both know you are holding back!
I think Sunstone will help you out, right Sunstone?
Well, well, well. Just got a bit of recognition and we're already getting picky.
How pathetic. How disgusting. I knew you were an egotistical maniac deep down.
It would be inappropriate for me to co-opt his thread.Well then, why don't you try composing her resume? Sunstone seems to be cornering this particular market! Unleash your inner free-market libertarian and get some competition into this market!
Also, I'm too lazy.
- Lost count of how many orgasms she has had and given. Applicants and subs will lose count too.
What more needs to be said?
- Lost count of how many orgasms she has had and given. Applicants and subs will lose count too.
What more needs to be said?
Good enough for me! You're hired! You can start your dance studio as a front to my blissful mystic/itinerant Tibetan yak herders bordello/Zen garden. (After all, what's a bordello without an exotic dance studio as a front?)
You can screen all of the sexually inept morons who reply to my resume and reject them, since after meeting you, they would not longer be sexually inept!
It would be really kewl if you could teach the yaks to dance, as well.
You will be crushed to know the pickiness might be over. I think it's possible I've come up with a doable approach to Becky's resume. The well of my awe inspiring creativity was already deep, but I dug it even deeper, just for her.
What would I ever do without your frank and generous concern for my ego? How would I ever manage to get a hold on it without your neighborly obsession with it, without your friendly cynicism towards it, and without your rabid kindness to me? Gee, I just don't know how I could even possibly manage things alone again. The happiness I felt during the fifty or so years of my life before I had the misfortune of meeting you seems to me now to have been an illusion. I must have been dreaming!
In truth, I strongly suspect you are still feeling humiliated that I pointed out to RF and the whole world your shameful secret: That you waste your days obsessively imagining yourself in public without your trousers.
For I happen to know you have been telling every woman who will listen that you work in the animal husbandry industry as an artificial inseminater. How pathetic of you to imagine those women would fawn over you for that!
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I haven't asked Sunstone to write mine because I fear I will want to remind him of paying me the money he owes me, which will derail the thread further. But, I suck at writing, so this is the best I can do for now.
Don't think you will get off so easy! I have been saving yours for if and when I have a super burst of creativity that has some chance of doing you justice. No guarantees that will happen, though. I have no control over creativity. She is a fickle muse.
RESUME OF BECKYROSE
JOB OBJECTIVE: Sixteen year old future Goddess of Enduring Love and Happiness unwisely hungers for incompetent partner to round out her sexual education by treating her to the absurd and pathetic side of human sexuality. Ideal partner will be exceptionally heavy user of internet porn, as well as much too inexperienced to know of any differences between what he's watching and genuinely considerate sex. Partner absolutely must be "kiss and tell" type. Carries months-old condom in his wallet a plus!
QUALIFICATIONS: Future Goddess has already gained awards and recognition on one of the internet's foremost forums for her kind, appreciative, and loving treatment of others. Her wide ranging and varied interests in life include love, love, and love. She combines an emotional nature with emotional resilience, is generally upbeat about her life and environment, while yet in full possession of amazing teenage powers to perpetrate awkward acts and social gaffs.
WORK HISTORY:
Currently self-employed in the Homework Avoidance Industry as one of its foremost practitioners of theoretical and applied reasons why she really should and must put off doing her homework. Has won high praise and accolades for her ability to focus intently on recalling what boys said to her at school that day whenever she is faced with the necessity of practicing algebra. Looks forward to soon competing at the varsity level in the California State Homework Deferment Games.
Simultaneous with her self-employment, she is also employed by her mother as an excellent and outstanding daughter. Her inborn warm and loving respect for her mother is fortunately balanced by her natural teen inclination to see her as a hopelessly out-dated and impossibly demanding authority figure from whom she is naturally desperate to differentiate herself in every way possible, right down to the color of the socks she wears. Especially, the color of her socks!
EDUCATION:
Currently attending the California State School for the Hopelessly Shy.
Graduate with honors from The San Diego Academy for the Socially Blind.
REFERENCES:
Mr. Schmidt (Algebra teacher who has never yet seen her awake in his class)
Sunstone (Insufferably snarky internet acquaintance and full time fool)
JOB OBJECTIVE: Sixteen year old future Goddess of Enduring Love and Happiness unwisely hungers for incompetent partner to round out her sexual education by treating her to the absurd and pathetic side of human sexuality. Ideal partner will be exceptionally heavy user of internet porn, as well as much too inexperienced to know of any differences between what he's watching and genuinely considerate sex. Partner absolutely must be "kiss and tell" type. Carries months-old condom in his wallet a plus!
QUALIFICATIONS: Future Goddess has already gained awards and recognition on one of the internet's foremost forums for her kind, appreciative, and loving treatment of others. Her wide ranging and varied interests in life include love, love, and love. She combines an emotional nature with emotional resilience, is generally upbeat about her life and environment, while yet in full possession of amazing teenage powers to perpetrate awkward acts and social gaffs.
WORK HISTORY:
Currently self-employed in the Homework Avoidance Industry as one of its foremost practitioners of theoretical and applied reasons why she really should and must put off doing her homework. Has won high praise and accolades for her ability to focus intently on recalling what boys said to her at school that day whenever she is faced with the necessity of practicing algebra. Looks forward to soon competing at the varsity level in the California State Homework Deferment Games.
Simultaneous with her self-employment, she is also employed by her mother as an excellent and outstanding daughter. Her inborn warm and loving respect for her mother is fortunately balanced by her natural teen inclination to see her as a hopelessly out-dated and impossibly demanding authority figure from whom she is naturally desperate to differentiate herself in every way possible, right down to the color of the socks she wears. Especially, the color of her socks!
EDUCATION:
Currently attending the California State School for the Hopelessly Shy.
Graduate with honors from The San Diego Academy for the Socially Blind.
REFERENCES:
Mr. Schmidt (Algebra teacher who has never yet seen her awake in his class)
Sunstone (Insufferably snarky internet acquaintance and full time fool)
I'm glad you could recognize my well meaning intentions. I worry about you, that's all. I saw you were becoming mad with fame and power, and it was my duty to step in.
You can always count on me in that regard.
That's unacceptable.
I don't even know what my lower body looks like, i always close my eyes when it's time to change or shower. How could you formulate such a wicked lie about me?
I have yet to see myself naked, in reality or in imagination.
... get some competition into this market!
Competition would be good! I've been especially hopeful Badran will try his hand at this. But so far, that insufferable coward has left defending the pride of the Egyptian people to Debater Slayer (who, by the way, has done an outstanding job!).
Why do I suddenly feel old and sick?
Your hopes for me are always an honor, but i must say that getting my hands dirty in this case would be quite the task. On the other hand, it's easy to just sit back and judge you instead.
Thus, i choose the easy task.
Perhaps you've developed a longing for our once customary late night conversations, and your yearning for it has taken it's toll on you?
That's all i could think of, and in which case, worry not, my friend. For i have plans for us to pick up on that habit once again.
I think it would be very interesting if we got a few more serious resumes. Who wants to help out?
I would love that! Honestly! Not only are you an interesting and stimulating conversationalist whom I've missed, but I have also missed having the golden opportunity to crush all egoism out of you!
What are you up to tonight (my time)?
Horrorble
Well-Known Member
By serious resumes do you mean true?
RESUME OF HUEY
JOB OBJECTIVE: The last intellectual left in the American State of Georgia is in forlorn search of a compatible friend to explore with him the exciting possibilities inherent in passing low voltage electrical currents through a common pair of nipple clamps while having passages of Baudelaire's poetry read aloud to her in his most earnest fake French accent. The ideal companion will be sexually open and unusually inquisitive, patient with his lack of experience, and exceptionally able to recover her composure when he eagerly shows up at her door wearing only his favorite chain mail thong.
QUALIFICATIONS: The applicant is a shy loner who nevertheless displays remarkable consideration for others. His passions include reading manga, playing video games, and inventing ever more creative excuses for why he should put off organizing his vast and strangely cherished collection of out-of-date college textbooks. Although physically inexperienced in the sexual arts, the applicant has intrepidly forged an exciting fantasy sex life that he habitually indulges in during spare moments or while taking academic tests.
WORK HISTORY:
University of Georgia Student Work Program for Indigent Perverts: In addition to successfully building up exciting levels of student debt, the applicant works part-time to pay for his personal needs, which include his manga addiction, his blind passion for wearing out-of-fashion clothing, and the liberal sums of money he desperately gives to the Athen's State Girl's Orphanage in the fervent hope that someday one of its more compassionate graduates will consent to date him.
The applicant once held a summer job as a Tree Bark Remover for a sawmill, which he found emotionally engaging work after his warped mind strangely seized upon the idea that striping bark from trees would significantly help him overcome his constant and miserable failures at mentally undressing undergraduate women.
EDUCATION:
Currently pursuing a double major in the Physics of Strange Particle Attractions and Socially Dysfunctional French Literature at the University of Georgia, Athens.
Graduate with distinctions from the California Mail Order Institute for the Advancement of Impractical Fantasies.
REFERENCES:
Professor Clem Birder, Department of Physics, Faculty Adviser to Hopelessly Troubled Students.
Jens Lowenmeyer, Bouncer, Fernstein's Ice Cream Emporium and Body Lotion Shop.
JOB OBJECTIVE: The last intellectual left in the American State of Georgia is in forlorn search of a compatible friend to explore with him the exciting possibilities inherent in passing low voltage electrical currents through a common pair of nipple clamps while having passages of Baudelaire's poetry read aloud to her in his most earnest fake French accent. The ideal companion will be sexually open and unusually inquisitive, patient with his lack of experience, and exceptionally able to recover her composure when he eagerly shows up at her door wearing only his favorite chain mail thong.
QUALIFICATIONS: The applicant is a shy loner who nevertheless displays remarkable consideration for others. His passions include reading manga, playing video games, and inventing ever more creative excuses for why he should put off organizing his vast and strangely cherished collection of out-of-date college textbooks. Although physically inexperienced in the sexual arts, the applicant has intrepidly forged an exciting fantasy sex life that he habitually indulges in during spare moments or while taking academic tests.
WORK HISTORY:
University of Georgia Student Work Program for Indigent Perverts: In addition to successfully building up exciting levels of student debt, the applicant works part-time to pay for his personal needs, which include his manga addiction, his blind passion for wearing out-of-fashion clothing, and the liberal sums of money he desperately gives to the Athen's State Girl's Orphanage in the fervent hope that someday one of its more compassionate graduates will consent to date him.
The applicant once held a summer job as a Tree Bark Remover for a sawmill, which he found emotionally engaging work after his warped mind strangely seized upon the idea that striping bark from trees would significantly help him overcome his constant and miserable failures at mentally undressing undergraduate women.
EDUCATION:
Currently pursuing a double major in the Physics of Strange Particle Attractions and Socially Dysfunctional French Literature at the University of Georgia, Athens.
Graduate with distinctions from the California Mail Order Institute for the Advancement of Impractical Fantasies.
REFERENCES:
Professor Clem Birder, Department of Physics, Faculty Adviser to Hopelessly Troubled Students.
Jens Lowenmeyer, Bouncer, Fernstein's Ice Cream Emporium and Body Lotion Shop.