"Extended Adolescence" or "Emerging Adulthood" - a positive or negative trend?

[DallasApple]

Look I dont want anyone to get the wrong idea..Im not saying "now you are grown get out"..Its DO SOMETHING to help yoru self and work TOWARDS getting out..

I too Alceste can know at 42 if something happened I could move into my parents house..or my sisters..or my husbands parents..Im of extended family..We have ALL helped each other out at times..

And Im not sayign its "easy" to go from 18 graduated highschool to completely independent includign getting higher educated..

Im saying don't just sit there and work a part time low end job and spend every penny you make for "fun" while drivign my car ..while we pay for his health insurance car insurance..food..water ..staples..

its hard? YEAH its hard ..its hard to support GROWN people that are young and whole life ahead of them to party and "chill"..While eatign our FOOD..We at our age by the way have to also be concerned with being able to care for OURSELVES if we become disabled and eventually one day???RETIRE!

Im not talking about throwing a kid out on the street..thats scratching around doing everything he can..Im talking about kids that seem to think they can sit back and "chill" on the mother and the fathers back..

Wandering around thinking time is apparently endless..

Im "chill"..Im in no rush..Im also more of a "spontaneous" gal..But this is beyond that..this is going on 3 years of living at my house..workign to earn enough money to buy gas to put in MY car to go to work to earn the money to go out to eat with friends..buy pot..GIVE his broke *** frinends RIDES to there suck *** jobs in MY car..Because guess what? THEY dont have a car!

ARGHH!!

Love

Dallas

 

[Sunstone]

Overall, it's probably not a good thing to be forced to live with ones parents past one's late teens or early twenties. But this seems to be a growing trend as well paying jobs are shipped overseas.

 

[DallasApple]

Right. I think that eventually the individualism of the US is going to have to come to grips with living in closer quarters with each other. Or, start to control the population better.

Or start colonizing space.

This isnt about "space"..there is plenty of "space" around where I live..this is about for me ADULT kids sponging off and living off their parents..and I dont mean "I need a place to sleep and something to eat".

This is about (for me) the parents beign expected to keep the adult kids standard of living in par with what standard of living you can provide MINOR children..because apparently what? Its "hard to find a job" at that age to have those things at 20?

No kidding sherlock..

My parents live in a 3,000 sqaure ft house with 5 bedrooms and a pool...That doesnt mean if I cant afford to live in a house like that they OWE me that I can live there with them at their expense and inconvenience.If I cant afofrd a car? Does that mean my PARENTS are supposed to buy me one?

How far do we spread this out? My sister lives in a 5,000 square ft house..She buys dresses by the dozen that cost $400 a piece..she flies all over the world on trips..So should I tell her she owes that lifelstyle to me?No wait ..her children once they are grown?

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Overall, it's probably not a good thing to be forced to live with ones parents past one's late teens or early twenties. But this seems to be a growing trend as well paying jobs are shipped overseas.

Its also probably not a good thing to be forced to live with ones adult children either.And it does seem to be a growing thing..I dont know why..but it seems so.

Love

Dallas

 

[Alceste]

Right. I think that eventually the individualism of the US is going to have to come to grips with living in closer quarters with each other. Or, start to control the population better.

Or start colonizing space.

Or start providing affordable housing on a massive scale where mortgage payments are fixed at a reasonable percentage of income, like about 30%. There's still lots of elbow room in North America. The property prices in BC don't make any sense at all. There are hundreds of square kilometers of completely undeveloped forest in nearly every direction, but if I wanted to buy even half an acre - even without a house on it - I'd have to go deep, deep, deep into the middle of nowhere and have my supplies airlifted in or load them into a canoe. But then of course I wouldn't be able to get to work or pay my mortgage. It's just stupid. We pretty much gave up. We're waiting for the bubble to burst. That should bring a pretty dramatic discount. In the meantime, my gran appreciates the company and the help around the house.

 

[Alceste]

Overall, it's probably not a good thing to be forced to live with ones parents past one's late teens or early twenties. But this seems to be a growing trend as well paying jobs are shipped overseas.

Absolutely. Wampus tells me studies show that living with your parents into adulthood greatly exacerbates neuroses and mental illness. The trend will continue to grow until the housing and employment crisis facing young people is taken seriously and effectively addressed. Of course, as long as the previous generations are blaming the young for their predictably burnt-out reaction to their economic situation this will never happen.

 

[Alceste]

This isnt about "space"..there is plenty of "space" around where I live..this is about for me ADULT kids sponging off and living off their parents..and I dont mean "I need a place to sleep and something to eat".

This is about (for me) the parents beign expected to keep the adult kids standard of living in par with what standard of living you can provide MINOR children..because apparently what? Its "hard to find a job" at that age to have those things at 20?

No s.h.i.t sherlock..

My parents live in a 3,000 sqaure ft house with 5 bedrooms and a pool...That doesnt mean if I cant afford to live in a house like that they OWE me that I can live there with them at their expense and inconvenience.If I cant afofrd a car? Does that mean my PARENTS are supposed to buy me one?

How far do we spread this out? My sister lives in a 5,000 square ft house..She buys dresses by the dozen that cost $400 a piece..she flies all over the world on trips..So should I tell her she owes that lifelstyle to me?No wait ..her children once they are grown?

Love

Dallas

It's pretty typical here for our grandparents to live in massive houses, our parents to live in modest houses, my generation to live in apartments and the upcoming generation to live in crowded, shared rented houses or with relatives. While I recognize it took a lifetime of effort for my grandparents to get to where they ended up, my parents worked even harder and can not get there. We work almost constantly and can't get on the property ladder at all. Many of my younger cousins don't even bother to think about buying property or saving money, spending most of their income on travel or other hobbies. And why not? It is clear that they will work much harder than their parents and grandparents for a greatly reduced standard of living. Inflation-adjusted wages have been in decline since the 70s for everyone except the top 5 % of income earners. Meanwhile the inflation-adjusted cost of living has been steadily increasing. Now we are seeing what happens when trends like these are ignored by policy makers due to the considerable influence of the top 5 % of income earners.

Now, I'm not saying your own kid isn't a lazy good-for-nothing. Maybe he is. I don't know him. But as a widespread cultural phenomenon that is affecting many families and growing from one year to the next, I believe this explanation generally applies, at least on a subconscious level.

 

[Sunstone]

Absolutely. Wampus tells me studies show that living with your parents into adulthood greatly exacerbates neuroses and mental illness. The trend will continue to grow until the housing and employment crisis facing young people is taken seriously and effectively addressed. Of course, as long as the previous generations are blaming the young for their predictably burnt-out reaction to their economic situation this will never happen.

This is just another way we are now paying the price of allowing our elites to kick the **** out of our economies in their greedy race for profit above all else.

 

[cynic2005]

YES Mam..Im like GET out what the HELL are you doing here???




Yes MAM thats even if they GO to college and dont "hunker down" sponging off mommy and daddy like INFANTS!!!\




Yes WHAT are you still DOING here?? GET out!!!Didnt you "threaten to "leave" once you were 17 when you were 15 ???LEAVE!I can DEFINATELY use your bedroom for something other than YOU sleeping in it till you are what? 30?



YOu are NOT off target..I agree..If you want to have kids these days apparrently that means you support them..till they are at least 25..And in worse case scenerios basically till you die.

Something is NOT normal..!!!Im raising my grandchild while still raisign my own "children" one is fixing to turn 21..

So I have a 21 (almost in the house) a 14 year old..(he should be here) ..AND Im keeping a 2 and almost 1/2 year old grandbaby 3 to 4 days a week for my grown 27 year old..

I've been raising kids now for 27 years..And it wont be over apparently EVER>I guesse maybe once I break my hip or somethign and say "I've fallen and I cant get up" on that little recorder device I will be of no use anymore ..then I can live in a hospital and get some peace..

I am 42 years old and I dance to "Barney " or whatever..with a toddler..AND Im still "raising" my own kids..

Im TIRED!!

WAHH!!!

Love

Dallas

:ignore:

I'm 26, I happen to be living with my parents. Its through no real fault of my own however. I have a disability from the military which the government doesn't want to recognize (I was medically discharged). I spent 9 months in a wheel chair. I just started walking again but not without pain. I lost my job as a salesman. I do have the G.I. bill, which is a good thing. I will be finished with my B.S. degree in 2012. Hopefully, I will be able to find a job by then.

BTW, I am not suffering from neurosis or any mental disorder. Yes, it does feel a bit lonely at times and I feel that I should already be on my own. However, its either this, or I live on the streets and starve to death because I can't support myself. I'll take my chances with my parents.

 

[Alceste]

This is just another way we are now paying the price of allowing our elites to kick the **** out of our economies in their greedy race for profit above all else.

Testify! You know how I swoon for that pinko talk, sunstone. :hugkiss:

 

[Sunstone]

Testify! You know how I swoon for that pinko talk, sunstone. :hugkiss:

The problem is I didn't see this stuff in my twenties or thirties. I had too much invested in the system to be objective about it. for instance: I owned a business and so I had a vested interest in believing certain false ideas of how things worked.

 

[Panda]

Things sure have changed in one generation.

In most western societies, kids hit puberty earlier than they did a generation ago, and yet the trend is that they are more dependent on their parents for longer than ever.

Back in the day, just one or two generations ago, kids graduated from high school, got married in their early twenties, and had most of their children before they were thirty. I remember distinctly when my mom got pregnant with my brother at age 32, she was considered a "aged" mom by the medical community (this was 38 years ago).

My mum was in her 30s when she had me, that was 20 years ago. My friends have parents ageing from there 40s to their 60s with late 40s early 50s seeming most common.

Back in the day, the student parking lot on campus (high school and college) was full of junkers, while the teacher's parking lot was filled with big station wagons. Now it's reversed - the student's parking lot is filled with shiny, late model vehicles and the teacher's lot is full of junkers. Seems a lot of these teachers are working so that they can pay their kids' car note off.

At school some of my friends drove nice cars and some drove beat up old things, in general the girls seemed liked they had nicer cars than the guys now that I think about it.

Back in the day, it was a common expectation of kids to graduate from high school, and simply MOVE OUT on their own, at their own expense - taking on the mantle of adulthood as simply a matter of course rather than a burden. Most kids I graduated with in 1980 fully expected to pay for some or even all of their college, while working nearly full time to also pay their own rent and other expenses.

How can you work a full time job whilst in full time education? My parents pay for my rent for uni but that is it. I don't get any other money from them. (Though university is free over here so that takes lots of the expense out)

We never would have even considered the possibility of "taking a sabbatical" between jobs in our late twenties or thirties - or moving home as an adult in order to find ourselves and clarify our direction.

Why? What is wrong with doing something like that? If you have no attachments what is wrong with taking time out of your career or changing it?

Now, when parents have to choose between saving for retirement and saving for their kids' education, they save for the education. They often don't start saving seriously for retirement till AFTER they pay for 6 years of college for their 2.5 kids.

We don't have a lot of the expenses you have and get more government help so don't think this is really an issue over here.

Many of the kids don't expect to have to work during school, they carry their parents' credit card, and drive a nicer car than their parents do. As a mom of teens and young adults, I am constantly amazed at the pattern of pandering to every adolescent desire that so many of my friends fall into. In addition to footing most or all of the bill for a four year degree (often earned in six years because of changes in majors, "time off" between semesters, less than full class schedule because "the load is really hard," etc.) many of these same parents allow their grown kids to move BACK home after graduation, where they flounder about in the comfort of their parents' home, paying for next to nothing (except their cell phone bill if the parents are lucky), lackadaisically "job searching," and often even moving their significant others into the house as well.

I don't really have time to work when I am at uni. In classes 9 until 5 most days and normally need to do another 10-15 hours study in my own time a week. Depending on the particular load that week. Though as for moving back into my mum or dads house after uni, no way. I personally love living away from home (I am aware I don't fully support myself).

So many of these parents are stressed by this direction their lives are taking. They expected to be kid-free and living in a quieter, cleaner house - maybe traveling more with their spouse, redecorating the spare bedroom or making it an office or media room - in other words, moving into the next phase of their lives. Instead they are faced with a grown kid who for whatever reason is not moving into the next phase of THEIR life.

Don't know anything about this so can't comment.

There's ten years' difference between my brother and me, and the difference in the age groups is striking. My age group tended to pay for most of their own education, marry younger, have kids in their 20s (usually at least 2 kids and often 3 or more), and, well, become adults in mind, body, and spirit pretty much straight out of high school, or at least by the time they were around 21.

You seem to be suggesting marrying younger and having kids in your 20s is a good thing. Why?

When I became single in my early 40s, I dated a wide age range of men (woohooo, and had a blast while I was at it!). It didn't take me long to realize that generally speaking, there was a huge disconnect between me and men in their early 30s. I had GRANDCHILDREN - most of these guys didn't even have KIDS. By the time I was in my 30s, I had my career clicking right along, and I expected men in their 30s to at least have a good career underway. Instead, many of these guys had only graduated a few years earlier and were still wallowing around in rather entry level positions, still not sure of clearly defined career goals. A lot of them had never been married.

Again can't comment though I don't see how getting married and having kids equals growing up.

 

[cynic2005]

If anything, I think marrying and having children young is a bad thing, actually an aweful thing.

When I was 20, I was still exploring myself. At 26, I am still doing just that, however the things that I have learned in the past 6 years, I would consider integral to becoming a parent. At 20, I would have had kids because that was the American dream, because many other people were doing it, because I wanted it and felt lonely, and because I thought this would make me happy. At 26, I understand that having kids for selfish reasons is an extremely bad idea. It requires utmost responsibility, selflessness, and patience. If I had a child at 20, my naivety, selfishness, egocentricity, and stupidity would have been at his or her expense.

How on earth can a person raise a child, when he himself still has (in various ways) the mind of a child? How can a person raise a child when he or she has false expectations for that child? To me, it is extremely irresponsible, it is extremely immoral to have a child out of such naivety. It is an outrage. Its not hard to find out why I feel this way... Because in applied psychology, you find that most of the clients you see (especially young clients), are there partly because of their parents.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

Or start providing affordable housing on a massive scale where mortgage payments are fixed at a reasonable percentage of income, like about 30%. There's still lots of elbow room in North America. The property prices in BC don't make any sense at all. There are hundreds of square kilometers of completely undeveloped forest in nearly every direction...

Myself, I'd rather keep the forest and do something about the population.

Then, I'm a tree-hugger.

 

[Alceste]

Myself, I'd rather keep the forest and do something about the population.

Then, I'm a tree-hugger.

Well if I ever do get my ten acres I'll be leaving most of the forest intact.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

Well if I ever do get my ten acres I'll be leaving most of the forest intact.

Nice! If I get my parent's land, I'm making sure it's protected. It may eventually be surrounded by Wal-marts, but it'll be there.

 

[Kathryn]

I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with multiple generations sharing homes, responsibilities, etc. That's not what I'm talking about here.

What I'm talking about is grown kids who don't help with the bills, who kick back in their twenties and thirties and remain either under employed or unemployed BY CHOICE -and expecting their parents to continue to let them live there like they were still in high school.

I see a lot of that. Instead of kids moving in to HELP their mom and dad, they're moving in expecting mom and dad to continue to take care of THEM. I see adults living at home, paying no rent, but they manage to have the money to party, to drive a nicer car than their parents (or worse yet - drive their PARENTS' car), go on vacations to Cancun and Cozumel and Jamaica, etc. while living off their parents in order to "save money."

THAT's the scenario I'm talking about - not scenarios of need or mutual help.

Grown kids living at home - if you're not paying rent, I sure hope you are working your *** off around the house.

 

[linwood]

But this is just my perspective. Maybe I'm way off target, or maybe I'm not seeing the positives of "extended adolescence" or "emerging adulthood." I'd appreciate some feedback from others from a variety of perspectives.

Not off target at all.
My life is evidence of the truth you speak.

 

[Panda]

I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with multiple generations sharing homes, responsibilities, etc. That's not what I'm talking about here.

What I'm talking about is grown kids who don't help with the bills, who kick back in their twenties and thirties and remain either under employed or unemployed BY CHOICE -and expecting their parents to continue to let them live there like they were still in high school.

I see a lot of that. Instead of kids moving in to HELP their mom and dad, they're moving in expecting mom and dad to continue to take care of THEM. I see adults living at home, paying no rent, but they manage to have the money to party, to drive a nicer car than their parents (or worse yet - drive their PARENTS' car), go on vacations to Cancun and Cozumel and Jamaica, etc. while living off their parents in order to "save money."

THAT's the scenario I'm talking about - not scenarios of need or mutual help.

Grown kids living at home - if you're not paying rent, I sure hope you are working your *** off around the house.

Ahh yea, I do see a problem with that. Though I think the parents are just as much at fault as their kids in allowing that to happen.

 

[Sunstone]

Ahh yea, I do see a problem with that. Though I think the parents are just as much at fault as their kids in allowing that to happen.

Parents aren't for the most part responsible for the quality of jobs that are out there nowadays.