Kathryn
It was on fire when I laid down on it.
Things sure have changed in one generation.
In most western societies, kids hit puberty earlier than they did a generation ago, and yet the trend is that they are more dependent on their parents for longer than ever.
Back in the day, just one or two generations ago, kids graduated from high school, got married in their early twenties, and had most of their children before they were thirty. I remember distinctly when my mom got pregnant with my brother at age 32, she was considered a "aged" mom by the medical community (this was 38 years ago).
Back in the day, the student parking lot on campus (high school and college) was full of junkers, while the teacher's parking lot was filled with big station wagons. Now it's reversed - the student's parking lot is filled with shiny, late model vehicles and the teacher's lot is full of junkers. Seems a lot of these teachers are working so that they can pay their kids' car note off.
Back in the day, it was a common expectation of kids to graduate from high school, and simply MOVE OUT on their own, at their own expense - taking on the mantle of adulthood as simply a matter of course rather than a burden. Most kids I graduated with in 1980 fully expected to pay for some or even all of their college, while working nearly full time to also pay their own rent and other expenses.
We never would have even considered the possibility of "taking a sabbatical" between jobs in our late twenties or thirties - or moving home as an adult in order to find ourselves and clarify our direction.
Now, when parents have to choose between saving for retirement and saving for their kids' education, they save for the education. They often don't start saving seriously for retirement till AFTER they pay for 6 years of college for their 2.5 kids.
Many of the kids don't expect to have to work during school, they carry their parents' credit card, and drive a nicer car than their parents do. As a mom of teens and young adults, I am constantly amazed at the pattern of pandering to every adolescent desire that so many of my friends fall into. In addition to footing most or all of the bill for a four year degree (often earned in six years because of changes in majors, "time off" between semesters, less than full class schedule because "the load is really hard," etc.) many of these same parents allow their grown kids to move BACK home after graduation, where they flounder about in the comfort of their parents' home, paying for next to nothing (except their cell phone bill if the parents are lucky), lackadaisically "job searching," and often even moving their significant others into the house as well.
So many of these parents are stressed by this direction their lives are taking. They expected to be kid-free and living in a quieter, cleaner house - maybe traveling more with their spouse, redecorating the spare bedroom or making it an office or media room - in other words, moving into the next phase of their lives. Instead they are faced with a grown kid who for whatever reason is not moving into the next phase of THEIR life.
There's ten years' difference between my brother and me, and the difference in the age groups is striking. My age group tended to pay for most of their own education, marry younger, have kids in their 20s (usually at least 2 kids and often 3 or more), and, well, become adults in mind, body, and spirit pretty much straight out of high school, or at least by the time they were around 21.
When I became single in my early 40s, I dated a wide age range of men (woohooo, and had a blast while I was at it!). It didn't take me long to realize that generally speaking, there was a huge disconnect between me and men in their early 30s. I had GRANDCHILDREN - most of these guys didn't even have KIDS. By the time I was in my 30s, I had my career clicking right along, and I expected men in their 30s to at least have a good career underway. Instead, many of these guys had only graduated a few years earlier and were still wallowing around in rather entry level positions, still not sure of clearly defined career goals. A lot of them had never been married.
Guys in my age range had generally been married - often for a long time before getting divorced. They had kids, grandkids, full fledged careers - and I can't imagine all that happening within a ten year span for those thirty something party animal hotties that I dated - fun boy toys but definitely not keepers.
But this is just my perspective. Maybe I'm way off target, or maybe I'm not seeing the positives of "extended adolescence" or "emerging adulthood." I'd appreciate some feedback from others from a variety of perspectives.
Carry on!
In most western societies, kids hit puberty earlier than they did a generation ago, and yet the trend is that they are more dependent on their parents for longer than ever.
Back in the day, just one or two generations ago, kids graduated from high school, got married in their early twenties, and had most of their children before they were thirty. I remember distinctly when my mom got pregnant with my brother at age 32, she was considered a "aged" mom by the medical community (this was 38 years ago).
Back in the day, the student parking lot on campus (high school and college) was full of junkers, while the teacher's parking lot was filled with big station wagons. Now it's reversed - the student's parking lot is filled with shiny, late model vehicles and the teacher's lot is full of junkers. Seems a lot of these teachers are working so that they can pay their kids' car note off.
Back in the day, it was a common expectation of kids to graduate from high school, and simply MOVE OUT on their own, at their own expense - taking on the mantle of adulthood as simply a matter of course rather than a burden. Most kids I graduated with in 1980 fully expected to pay for some or even all of their college, while working nearly full time to also pay their own rent and other expenses.
We never would have even considered the possibility of "taking a sabbatical" between jobs in our late twenties or thirties - or moving home as an adult in order to find ourselves and clarify our direction.
Now, when parents have to choose between saving for retirement and saving for their kids' education, they save for the education. They often don't start saving seriously for retirement till AFTER they pay for 6 years of college for their 2.5 kids.
Many of the kids don't expect to have to work during school, they carry their parents' credit card, and drive a nicer car than their parents do. As a mom of teens and young adults, I am constantly amazed at the pattern of pandering to every adolescent desire that so many of my friends fall into. In addition to footing most or all of the bill for a four year degree (often earned in six years because of changes in majors, "time off" between semesters, less than full class schedule because "the load is really hard," etc.) many of these same parents allow their grown kids to move BACK home after graduation, where they flounder about in the comfort of their parents' home, paying for next to nothing (except their cell phone bill if the parents are lucky), lackadaisically "job searching," and often even moving their significant others into the house as well.
So many of these parents are stressed by this direction their lives are taking. They expected to be kid-free and living in a quieter, cleaner house - maybe traveling more with their spouse, redecorating the spare bedroom or making it an office or media room - in other words, moving into the next phase of their lives. Instead they are faced with a grown kid who for whatever reason is not moving into the next phase of THEIR life.
There's ten years' difference between my brother and me, and the difference in the age groups is striking. My age group tended to pay for most of their own education, marry younger, have kids in their 20s (usually at least 2 kids and often 3 or more), and, well, become adults in mind, body, and spirit pretty much straight out of high school, or at least by the time they were around 21.
When I became single in my early 40s, I dated a wide age range of men (woohooo, and had a blast while I was at it!). It didn't take me long to realize that generally speaking, there was a huge disconnect between me and men in their early 30s. I had GRANDCHILDREN - most of these guys didn't even have KIDS. By the time I was in my 30s, I had my career clicking right along, and I expected men in their 30s to at least have a good career underway. Instead, many of these guys had only graduated a few years earlier and were still wallowing around in rather entry level positions, still not sure of clearly defined career goals. A lot of them had never been married.
Guys in my age range had generally been married - often for a long time before getting divorced. They had kids, grandkids, full fledged careers - and I can't imagine all that happening within a ten year span for those thirty something party animal hotties that I dated - fun boy toys but definitely not keepers.
But this is just my perspective. Maybe I'm way off target, or maybe I'm not seeing the positives of "extended adolescence" or "emerging adulthood." I'd appreciate some feedback from others from a variety of perspectives.
Carry on!
