Beyond discouraged

[IndigoChild5559]

For those of you who do not know me, I'm a Jewish member of the forum. I attend a conservative synagogue via zoom, and I aspire to keeping Jewish law, the covenant between Israel and Hashem.

I'm writing because my discouragement is reaching the point where it is affecting my spiritual walk.

They say that it rains in every life, but some people live in Seattle. I live in Seattle. WIthout going into detail of the many tragedies and problems my life has had, let's just say that I it's been more than I can really deal with -- I've ended up in the hospital more than once from a nervous breakdown.

For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life. No religion really seems to offer an explanation. My response has always been, "God sees the whole picture, so it makes sense from his POV. Trust him, know that he loves and hurts with me."

But somehow, that understanding is simply not carrying me anymore. The pain has been too long and too much. And not just my personal suffering. I'm so discouraged by the downturn in the world and in my country. I'm afraid that the US is on the brink of fascism. Workers who in the 50s could buy their own homes, today cannot even afford apartment houses. I emotionally am unable to handle what seems to be the proliferation of violent crimes, especially rape, molestation, and human trafficking. When I was young, I could trust society to provide reasonable opportunities for people -- that is no longer the case. Workers are once again surfs for the rich and powerful. And its not just these big things -- the cultural decay can be seen in day to day rudeness, such as yelling at service workers at food drive throughs.

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way.

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Psalm 13

1To the conductor, a song of David. אלַֽ֜מְנַצֵּ֗חַ מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד:
2How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? בעַד־אָ֣נָה יְ֖הֹוָה תִּשְׁכָּחֵ֣נִי נֶ֑צַח עַד־אָ֓נָה | תַּסְתִּ֖יר אֶת־פָּנֶ֣יךָ מִמֶּֽנִּי:
3How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart by day; how long will my enemy have the upper hand over me? געַד־אָ֨נָה אָשִׁ֪ית עֵצ֡וֹת בְּנַפְשִׁ֗י יָג֣וֹן בִּלְבָבִ֣י יוֹמָ֑ם עַד־אָ֓נָה | יָר֖וּם אֹֽיְבִ֣י עָלָֽי:
4Look and answer me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. דהַבִּ֣יטָֽה עֲ֖נֵנִי יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהָ֑י הָאִ֥ירָה עֵ֜ינַ֗י פֶּן־אִישַׁ֥ן הַמָּֽוֶת:
5Lest my enemy say, "I have overwhelmed him"; my adversaries will rejoice when I totter.

 

[Hold]

In your post, you write about where you live. You mention your family. You mention Hashem. You write of your bewilderment, 'why good people suffer'. You don't mention the one thing that you seems to be evident, depression. The human brain functions only under the correct level of good health. Brain chemistry is very important to your frame of mind.....Please, seek the help of a Medical doctor and stress your state of mind......There are non narcotic medications that can change your attitude after a few weeks of administration....It's not a matter of Hashem not loving you....If I can feel your pain and you believe in a higher power, that higher power feels your pain also.....

 

[IndigoChild5559]

In your post, you write about where you live. You mention your family. You mention Hashem. You write of your bewilderment, 'why good people suffer'. You don't mention the one thing that you seem to demonstrate, depression. The human brain functions only under the correct level of good health.

It has occurred to me that there may be a mental health component in this. I am seeing a doctor, and am taking Trintellix. But it doesn't seem to be helping. I'm thinking that maybe depression is a sane reaction to what is going on, rather than the other way around.

 

[Hold]

It has occurred to me that there may be a mental health component in this. I am seeing a doctor, and am taking Trintellix. But it doesn't seem to be helping. I'm thinking that maybe depression is a sane reaction to what is going on, rather than the other way around.

I'm on medication for my state of mind.....My mother didn't have good results on one medication but another effort to find a medication that worked for her was successful....It may take some time to find the right medication. Please do not be discouraged....

 

[IndigoChild5559]

I'm on medication for my state of mind.....My mother didn't have good results on one medication but another effort to find a medication that worked for her was successful....It may take some time to find the right medication. Please do not be discouraged....

When do we simply admit that depression is not due to some sort of chemical imbalance, but is a sensible reaction to the terrible things in life.

 

[Dawnofhope]

You sound depressed. I wonder if your problem is medical rather than spiritual. It may be worth consulting with a component physician. Just sayin...

That being said, I really like the book of Job. He went through a great deal of suffering and became depressed along the way. His friends tried to comfort him and make sense of his suffering, but ultimately were examples of what not to say.

Have I said enough?

 

[Hold]

When do we simply admit that depression is not due to some sort of chemical imbalance, but is a sensible reaction to the terrible things in life.

It is a sensible reaction....we are not all spirit....we are body and soul. If you are sad, your body reacts to that sadness....It reacts in biochemical ways....I am not a professional doctor. I do know repeated depressive states can cause chemical imbalances in the brain.

 

[IndigoChild5559]

You sound depressed. I wonder if your problem is medical rather than spiritual. It may be worth consulting with a component physician. Just sayin...

That being said, I really like the book of Job. He went through a great deal of suffering and became depressed along the way. His friends tried to comfort him and make sense of his suffering, but ultimately were examples of what not to say.

Have I said enough?

Thank you for your concern. You are doing fine. I'm seeing a doctor and taking Trintellix, but it doesn't seem to be helping. As I asked in a previous post, when do we stop saying that depression is due to a chemical imbalance, and start acknowledging that it is sane response to tragedy.

 

[IndigoChild5559]

It is a sensible reaction....we are not all spirit....we are body and soul. If you are sad, your body reacts to that sadness....It reacts in biochemical ways....I am not a professional doctor. I do know repeated depressive states can cause chemical imbalances in the brain.

Thank you for an honest response.

 

[Aštra’el]

Deny this “depression”. It is a pathetic thing. Give it no power over you. It is a natural but unacceptable weakness. Do not tolerate it. Command your body how to feel, and how not to feel. Command your emotions. Go into your mind, where you have the power of a god. Explore it, and think. Train it. Operate it. Discipline it. Take command. Imagine. Choose what to feel, and choose what to think. Choose to be strong. Direct your focus towards something better. Your body is a magnificent machine and it is yours. Your mind is yours. Control it.

Convince yourself you have the ability to do these things, until you do. Believe it, fully. Commit to victory. Stop waiting on the world to fix you, and fix yourself. Become the sun that you require, and feel it’s invigorating warmth throughout yourself, empowering you.

 

[Quagmire]

It's possible to have a clear vision of what's going on around you and still not give into despair.

The world's always been a terrible place compared to what we think it "should" be.

 

[Dawnofhope]

Thank you for your concern. You are doing fine. I'm seeing a doctor and taking Trintellix, but it doesn't seem to be helping. As I asked in a previous post, when do we stop saying that depression is due to a chemical imbalance, and start acknowledging that it is sane response to tragedy.

Thanks.

I think it was the psychiatrist R D Laing who spoke of insanity as being an sane response to living in an insane world.

I must agree that the world is a dark place at the moment, and there's a lot to be depressed about in the USA and the world as a whole.

I've had my struggles of late but there's a few things that I personally find helpful.

Take life one day at a time.

Practice gratitude for the things that are good in life.

Spend time with people who lift my spirits.

Turn towards God each day in prayer.

Read something uplifting at least daily.

Be of service to others.

Spend time walking and being around nature.

What do you find helpful?

 

[PureX]

Perhaps it's time to learn that the environment you live in doesn't own you. You can choose to separate yourself from it and be at peace. The way to do that is to just do what's in front of you that needs doing, and when that's done, do the next thing. And leave the outcomes to God. Leave the problems to God. Leave the world to God. Just live your own life one chore at a time. Get a good nights sleep, eat right, have a little fun here and there, and leave everything else to God. It's not for you to understand, or for you to fix.

 

[Twilight Hue]

Thank you for your concern. You are doing fine. I'm seeing a doctor and taking Trintellix, but it doesn't seem to be helping. As I asked in a previous post, when do we stop saying that depression is due to a chemical imbalance, and start acknowledging that it is sane response to tragedy.

I view those things, like tragedy, as an act or force of nature. It's a storm of the mind and it's best to be cognizant of that in addition to the fact that those things are not of your doing.

What got me out of my depression personally was the Indigenous saying that it's not us who control the land, but rather its the land that controls us.

It made it much easier to approach the less appealing side of life and living with that approach.

 

[muhammad_isa]

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way..

I'm the same..
It's a sad world.
Civilisation is becoming unravelled and it is tough for believers.

Keep fighting [ the bad thoughts, I mean ]
Keep going out .. Keep posting

I just see no evidence that God loves anyone.

I know.. "When will God's help come?"
..but it will !
Hashem caused Pharaoh to be drowned, didn't He?

 

[Brian2]

It has occurred to me that there may be a mental health component in this. I am seeing a doctor, and am taking Trintellix. But it doesn't seem to be helping. I'm thinking that maybe depression is a sane reaction to what is going on, rather than the other way around.

If the Trintellix is not helping then there is probably no reason to continue taking it, unless you stop and realise it had been helping.
Sometimes depression can be helped by diet and exercise and sleep.
I hear that if you go to a psychologist it is good to go to one who has similar or who understands your beliefs and can work in and even with the beliefs as a parameter.

 

[muhammad_isa]

Sometimes depression can be helped by diet and exercise and sleep.

Mmm .. and shutting the window, if there is a busy road outside !

 

[wizanda]

For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life.

I've been signed off depressed for the last 20 years, as the world didn't add up...

Something that has helped me, is to realize the religious texts declare here is the top floor of Hell, and we're down here practising to be angelic.

So why do the good die young? They got off on good behaviour.

Why do bad things happen to good people? As the biggest demons run the show in this world.

Then when we realize we're already at the bottom, the only way is up, and then we truly start striving to help others spiritually evolve.

In my opinion.

 

[Brian2]

For those of you who do not know me, I'm a Jewish member of the forum. I attend a conservative synagogue via zoom, and I aspire to keeping Jewish law, the covenant between Israel and Hashem.

I'm writing because my discouragement is reaching the point where it is affecting my spiritual walk.

They say that it rains in every life, but some people live in Seattle. I live in Seattle. WIthout going into detail of the many tragedies and problems my life has had, let's just say that I it's been more than I can really deal with -- I've ended up in the hospital more than once from a nervous breakdown.

For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life. No religion really seems to offer an explanation. My response has always been, "God sees the whole picture, so it makes sense from his POV. Trust him, know that he loves and hurts with me."

But somehow, that understanding is simply not carrying me anymore. The pain has been too long and too much. And not just my personal suffering. I'm so discouraged by the downturn in the world and in my country. I'm afraid that the US is on the brink of fascism. Workers who in the 50s could buy their own homes, today cannot even afford apartment houses. I emotionally am unable to handle what seems to be the proliferation of violent crimes, especially rape, molestation, and human trafficking. When I was young, I could trust society to provide reasonable opportunities for people -- that is no longer the case. Workers are once again surfs for the rich and powerful. And its not just these big things -- the cultural decay can be seen in day to day rudeness, such as yelling at service workers at food drive throughs.

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way.

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Psalm 13

1To the conductor, a song of David. אלַֽ֜מְנַצֵּ֗חַ מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד:
2How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? בעַד־אָ֣נָה יְ֖הֹוָה תִּשְׁכָּחֵ֣נִי נֶ֑צַח עַד־אָ֓נָה | תַּסְתִּ֖יר אֶת־פָּנֶ֣יךָ מִמֶּֽנִּי:
3How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart by day; how long will my enemy have the upper hand over me? געַד־אָ֨נָה אָשִׁ֪ית עֵצ֡וֹת בְּנַפְשִׁ֗י יָג֣וֹן בִּלְבָבִ֣י יוֹמָ֑ם עַד־אָ֓נָה | יָר֖וּם אֹֽיְבִ֣י עָלָֽי:
4Look and answer me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. דהַבִּ֣יטָֽה עֲ֖נֵנִי יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהָ֑י הָאִ֥ירָה עֵ֜ינַ֗י פֶּן־אִישַׁ֥ן הַמָּֽוֶת:
5Lest my enemy say, "I have overwhelmed him"; my adversaries will rejoice when I totter.

There is only so much that a person can take and too many problems can be an overload and then worry, grief, depression etc can become a downward spiral which affects the way you look at your whole life and the world.
Some things it is hard to pull yourself out of and so you need the support of others just to let them know what you are going through, to download onto them can help. Downloading onto God can help too and I imagine you do that.
There are many passages like this one below in the Bible but when we are in the midst of depression we don't really want to know about them, they are too positive. Nevertheless actually doing what is said in such passages can make a difference.
Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the LORD,
and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
the righteous to be moved.

I truly believe God wants us to be honest with Him about all things.
It's certainly nice to come out the other end and actually see what the LORD has given us and be truly grateful but in the meantime we can still look for those things in life that He has given us and act in faith and praise and thank God.
I hope that soon you will be able to say the end of Psalm 13 and mean it.

 

[Colt]

For those of you who do not know me, I'm a Jewish member of the forum. I attend a conservative synagogue via zoom, and I aspire to keeping Jewish law, the covenant between Israel and Hashem.

I'm writing because my discouragement is reaching the point where it is affecting my spiritual walk.

They say that it rains in every life, but some people live in Seattle. I live in Seattle. WIthout going into detail of the many tragedies and problems my life has had, let's just say that I it's been more than I can really deal with -- I've ended up in the hospital more than once from a nervous breakdown.

For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life. No religion really seems to offer an explanation. My response has always been, "God sees the whole picture, so it makes sense from his POV. Trust him, know that he loves and hurts with me."

But somehow, that understanding is simply not carrying me anymore. The pain has been too long and too much. And not just my personal suffering. I'm so discouraged by the downturn in the world and in my country. I'm afraid that the US is on the brink of fascism. Workers who in the 50s could buy their own homes, today cannot even afford apartment houses. I emotionally am unable to handle what seems to be the proliferation of violent crimes, especially rape, molestation, and human trafficking. When I was young, I could trust society to provide reasonable opportunities for people -- that is no longer the case. Workers are once again surfs for the rich and powerful. And its not just these big things -- the cultural decay can be seen in day to day rudeness, such as yelling at service workers at food drive throughs.

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way.

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Psalm 13

1To the conductor, a song of David. אלַֽ֜מְנַצֵּ֗חַ מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד:
2How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? בעַד־אָ֣נָה יְ֖הֹוָה תִּשְׁכָּחֵ֣נִי נֶ֑צַח עַד־אָ֓נָה | תַּסְתִּ֖יר אֶת־פָּנֶ֣יךָ מִמֶּֽנִּי:
3How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart by day; how long will my enemy have the upper hand over me? געַד־אָ֨נָה אָשִׁ֪ית עֵצ֡וֹת בְּנַפְשִׁ֗י יָג֣וֹן בִּלְבָבִ֣י יוֹמָ֑ם עַד־אָ֓נָה | יָר֖וּם אֹֽיְבִ֣י עָלָֽי:
4Look and answer me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. דהַבִּ֣יטָֽה עֲ֖נֵנִי יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהָ֑י הָאִ֥ירָה עֵ֜ינַ֗י פֶּן־אִישַׁ֥ן הַמָּֽוֶת:
5Lest my enemy say, "I have overwhelmed him"; my adversaries will rejoice when I totter.

Good and bad things happen to both good and bad people. The false expectation of divine providence has plagued religious people for ages! Expectations are the foundation of disappointment.

You are depressed about something! Disappointed expectations and observations about the world that have been true for mankind in every age. Drugging depression just treats the symptoms not the problem.

Serve others instead of waiting for a Santa Clause like God to fix every minute problem. Maybe make a gratitude list for the things you have to be grateful for? The one-time golden age really wasn't!