Beyond discouraged

[Brickjectivity]

@IndigoChild5559

I am fortunate to have met several Jewish people in my life, some striving like you and some I do not know if they were. These have all challenged me to think bigger. Some have deeply impressed me in only a short amount of time. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.

I want you to try and remember times when you went through some difficulties and then things got better. This is important to do, and may help you hang on and reach the next good times. Watch out for anger, because it can derail you. I wish I had always watched out against anger. Its always in there trying to find some excuse to come out, and when it does it brings all of its friends. Its comes to you as a rational thought, but its in disguise. You think "I have good reason to be angry!" Don't fall for it. Be sad all you like. Sadness you can handle. It is relatable and connects you. Anger makes you withdrawn and disagreeable. Sadness cleans you. Anger corrupts you.

Here is a story about my first backpacking trip with the Boy Scouts. I was fourteen and not particularly strong or weak. My parents noticed that I was lacking in the social graces and decided to put me into something: a scout pack that was attached to my church. It looked interesting, and they were planning to go 'Backpacking'. We got me a (a really ill fitting) backpack, and I went for a painful and enjoyable journey lasting for an entire weekend in the Blue Ridge Mountains on a trail called The Heartbreak Trail. We had all kinds of adventures, killed a rattlesnake, swam in an icy natural pool, camped in the valley of Bambi (straight out of the cartoon film). The hiking was unbearable. My feet were killing me, and so were the feet of all the others.

Some of us cried. My backpack waist strap never worked properly, as no belt has ever properly fit me. My pack sat upon my shoulders for three days. We hiked upwards for a long time, but the most difficult times were when we had to go down only to go back up again. Those were the times like what you are experiencing, going down in order to go back up. Mountains come in a chains. They rarely stand alone, so you go down sometimes in order to reach the next one.

On the third day we saw a sign that we were a few hundred yards from the parking lot where the autos were. Some of us younger men had a sudden burst of energy and ran to the autos for joy. The adults (who were much more tired) laughed at our energy.

Best wishes! I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

It has occurred to me that there may be a mental health component in this. I am seeing a doctor, and am taking Trintellix. But it doesn't seem to be helping. I'm thinking that maybe depression is a sane reaction to what is going on, rather than the other way around.

There is absolutely no reason that the state of your world, and the state of the wider world, can not be linked to your depression. Our mental states are always linked in some way to our environment.
However if we are fit and strong both mentally and physically we soon overcome the ups and downs of our daily lives.

Clinical Depression can be very different, and its causes can be very obscure. fortunately a vast majority of people do come out the other side of this dark and hurtful tunnel. medication usually helps as does talking.
My late wife went though a period of depression lasting over twenty years, with its severity varying over that period from total inability to do anything to mild unhappiness. She did recover but remained somewhat fearful that it might return, which it never did. We never did discover its cause.

Through most this peri0d she managed to live a relatively normal life and she remained faithful to our church and was even able to serve as Church Warden during the latter part of her illness and beyond.

Just like any other illness, healing takes time. and while some people do have a quick and complete recovery. it is more often than not that progress is slow and uneven and may require help both medically and Psychologically.

It is certain that keeping involved with other people and with the routine of daily life, and especially having someone who will listen to your problems helps enormously. It is this ability to communicate your feelings that helps most. but at the beginning is hardest to do. With my wife, at the worst time, I would sit for hours just supporting her and waiting for her to have the strength to speak. slowly by slowly it worked. I have no Idea how it felt to her, but equally slowly she recovered. and the dark tunnel opened up.

Clearly different people have different depths of despair and different levels of illness. and I only have experience of the course of one persons progress.
But I am certain that your depressive view of the world is mainly a symptom of your illness. were it not so we would all be clinically depressed.

The world certainly is going though bad time and many countries far worse than the USA or the UK.
God is no more and no less interested than he has ever been, the world has gone though both good and bad times many times before. and we shall reach good time again. It would seem to me that God works through his people. but to do so they must listen. It is through people, that things are achieved and progress made. This seems to0 be unrelated to any of their particular religious beliefs. but is more effective when they cooperate in peace and good will.

The balance will change again. the greedy, power seekers will be replaced by those who understand that more is to be gained by cooperation and sharing. The present trend towards extremism and out of control power, will fail, it always does.

There is always hope in God For the future.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

@IndigoChild5559

*hugs*

 

[Revoltingest]

When do we simply admit that depression is not due to some sort of chemical imbalance, but is a sensible reaction to the terrible things in life.

It's the opposite of sensible. No one is served by
depression...neither you nor society. It's just useless
pain. Seek help. What kind? I've no idea what's best
for you. But don't just accept it & live with it.

I'm an authority on mental health. I once managed
buildings full of shrinks. (Learned by osmosis.)

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

@IndigoChild5559,

My two favorite sections of the Tanakh are (a) Job, and (b) that portion of the Leviticus sometimes called the Holiness Code - think of it as my Bad Happens - Do Good dictum. I'm not a big fan of the first, and I too often fail at the second, but it is what it is.

In my opinion, anyone fixating on dying should seek effective professional intervention.

It's not simply a question of talking to a doctor, taking a medicine, and checking off a box. It's the necessity to persistently seek effective professional help, with the emphasis on persistent and effective.​

By way of example (poor though it may be), my right shoulder has no rotator cuff -- a condition resulting in much pain and constant frustration. Fortunately, I've found a good team of physical therapists and go to PT three times a week. You deserve lo less an effort.

One final note: Conservative rabbi Harold Kushner's When Bad Things Happen To Good People is excellent. (My rabbi likes to note that the title begins whit "When," not "Why.")

L'shalom.

 

[mangalavara]

But somehow, that understanding is simply not carrying me anymore.

What you feel about that is perfectly acceptable and valid. I used to depend on that same understanding until I found that I no longer could. Back then, I was of a different religion. Today, I am a Hindu, and I think many things occur due to karmic merits and demerits. To me, it wonderfully makes sense yet there is still something a bit unsatisfactory about that view. Personally, I don’t think any one spiritual explanation will be totally satisfactory to us. Nonetheless, we can still hold to one to some extent, or maybe not hold to any at all.

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way.

You are feeling what some of the kindest and most righteous souls feel. HaShem is looking upon you with much sympathy, favor, and affection.

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I haven’t read too much of the Nevi’im, but I think that what they have in common is this message: HaShem cares... and the whole world will eventually observe that he does.

@IndigoChild5559

*hugs*

I second that!

———

Namaste.

 

[Nakosis]

For those of you who do not know me, I'm a Jewish member of the forum. I attend a conservative synagogue via zoom, and I aspire to keeping Jewish law, the covenant between Israel and Hashem.

I'm writing because my discouragement is reaching the point where it is affecting my spiritual walk.

They say that it rains in every life, but some people live in Seattle. I live in Seattle. WIthout going into detail of the many tragedies and problems my life has had, let's just say that I it's been more than I can really deal with -- I've ended up in the hospital more than once from a nervous breakdown.

For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life. No religion really seems to offer an explanation. My response has always been, "God sees the whole picture, so it makes sense from his POV. Trust him, know that he loves and hurts with me."

But somehow, that understanding is simply not carrying me anymore. The pain has been too long and too much. And not just my personal suffering. I'm so discouraged by the downturn in the world and in my country. I'm afraid that the US is on the brink of fascism. Workers who in the 50s could buy their own homes, today cannot even afford apartment houses. I emotionally am unable to handle what seems to be the proliferation of violent crimes, especially rape, molestation, and human trafficking. When I was young, I could trust society to provide reasonable opportunities for people -- that is no longer the case. Workers are once again surfs for the rich and powerful. And its not just these big things -- the cultural decay can be seen in day to day rudeness, such as yelling at service workers at food drive throughs.

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way.

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Psalm 13

1To the conductor, a song of David. אלַֽ֜מְנַצֵּ֗חַ מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד:
2How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? בעַד־אָ֣נָה יְ֖הֹוָה תִּשְׁכָּחֵ֣נִי נֶ֑צַח עַד־אָ֓נָה | תַּסְתִּ֖יר אֶת־פָּנֶ֣יךָ מִמֶּֽנִּי:
3How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart by day; how long will my enemy have the upper hand over me? געַד־אָ֨נָה אָשִׁ֪ית עֵצ֡וֹת בְּנַפְשִׁ֗י יָג֣וֹן בִּלְבָבִ֣י יוֹמָ֑ם עַד־אָ֓נָה | יָר֖וּם אֹֽיְבִ֣י עָלָֽי:
4Look and answer me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. דהַבִּ֣יטָֽה עֲ֖נֵנִי יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהָ֑י הָאִ֥ירָה עֵ֜ינַ֗י פֶּן־אִישַׁ֥ן הַמָּֽוֶת:
5Lest my enemy say, "I have overwhelmed him"; my adversaries will rejoice when I totter.

Me being an atheist, don't know if what I say will help.
I'm an atheist not because I disbelieve in God but because I've accepted that I don't know anything about God. What God wants, What God's behavior is supposed to be etc...

First thing I'd say is if you're looking for evidence that God cares, you're not going to find it.
Maybe though God has a hands off approach. Like with my kids, when they first wanted to be able to climb and sit on the couch. I wouldn't assist. I'd let them try/fail get upset but eventually they'd figure out on their own how to climb on the couch. I could see they'd then be very pleased with themselves. Something they wouldn't have experienced if they hadn't figured it out on their own.

Second, I've accept it is not my job to fix the world. Maybe at one time I thought "I" could make the world a better place but people just wouldn't cooperate.
If they'd listen, but everyone has their own ideas about what the right thing to do.

Still, I can fix myself. As you get older, your health starts failing. I ignored it at first. Didn't work out so well. So I started working with doctors, listened to what they said and maybe it's not 100% perfect but things have improved so now there's hope.

Exercise as recommended by the doctor has always been my nemesis. I found something I like doing and made a habit of doing it at the same time everyday. So now I don't have to think about it. I just let my body/subconscious mind deal with it. Since I don't directly think about it, I'm not coming up with excuses as to why I should avoid it.

This all gives me hope for improvement in my life. That hope carries me along and sometimes gives me the opportunity to help others with something I am capable of doing. Not something I go looking for I just find myself in the right place at the right time.

So with the little steps I can make to improve life I see hope in the future.

 

[BilliardsBall]

For those of you who do not know me, I'm a Jewish member of the forum. I attend a conservative synagogue via zoom, and I aspire to keeping Jewish law, the covenant between Israel and Hashem.

I'm writing because my discouragement is reaching the point where it is affecting my spiritual walk.

They say that it rains in every life, but some people live in Seattle. I live in Seattle. WIthout going into detail of the many tragedies and problems my life has had, let's just say that I it's been more than I can really deal with -- I've ended up in the hospital more than once from a nervous breakdown.

For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life. No religion really seems to offer an explanation. My response has always been, "God sees the whole picture, so it makes sense from his POV. Trust him, know that he loves and hurts with me."

But somehow, that understanding is simply not carrying me anymore. The pain has been too long and too much. And not just my personal suffering. I'm so discouraged by the downturn in the world and in my country. I'm afraid that the US is on the brink of fascism. Workers who in the 50s could buy their own homes, today cannot even afford apartment houses. I emotionally am unable to handle what seems to be the proliferation of violent crimes, especially rape, molestation, and human trafficking. When I was young, I could trust society to provide reasonable opportunities for people -- that is no longer the case. Workers are once again surfs for the rich and powerful. And its not just these big things -- the cultural decay can be seen in day to day rudeness, such as yelling at service workers at food drive throughs.

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way.

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Psalm 13

1To the conductor, a song of David. אלַֽ֜מְנַצֵּ֗חַ מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד:
2How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? בעַד־אָ֣נָה יְ֖הֹוָה תִּשְׁכָּחֵ֣נִי נֶ֑צַח עַד־אָ֓נָה | תַּסְתִּ֖יר אֶת־פָּנֶ֣יךָ מִמֶּֽנִּי:
3How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart by day; how long will my enemy have the upper hand over me? געַד־אָ֨נָה אָשִׁ֪ית עֵצ֡וֹת בְּנַפְשִׁ֗י יָג֣וֹן בִּלְבָבִ֣י יוֹמָ֑ם עַד־אָ֓נָה | יָר֖וּם אֹֽיְבִ֣י עָלָֽי:
4Look and answer me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. דהַבִּ֣יטָֽה עֲ֖נֵנִי יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהָ֑י הָאִ֥ירָה עֵ֜ינַ֗י פֶּן־אִישַׁ֥ן הַמָּֽוֶת:
5Lest my enemy say, "I have overwhelmed him"; my adversaries will rejoice when I totter.

Immediately pursue professional help.

Mods, please do all you can to get help to the OP author who is mentioning suicide in this post.

 

[Ben Dhyan]

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Since God is your source, there is no real separation of your soul from God. If you conceive there is a separation, there lies the reason you tend to presently fear you may be forsaken. Continue your devotion to God and there will come a realization the there is no separation even though your body is mortal and God is eternal.

 

[Goldemar]

For those of you who do not know me, I'm a Jewish member of the forum. I attend a conservative synagogue via zoom, and I aspire to keeping Jewish law, the covenant between Israel and Hashem.

I'm writing because my discouragement is reaching the point where it is affecting my spiritual walk.

They say that it rains in every life, but some people live in Seattle. I live in Seattle. WIthout going into detail of the many tragedies and problems my life has had, let's just say that I it's been more than I can really deal with -- I've ended up in the hospital more than once from a nervous breakdown.

For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life. No religion really seems to offer an explanation. My response has always been, "God sees the whole picture, so it makes sense from his POV. Trust him, know that he loves and hurts with me."

But somehow, that understanding is simply not carrying me anymore. The pain has been too long and too much. And not just my personal suffering. I'm so discouraged by the downturn in the world and in my country. I'm afraid that the US is on the brink of fascism. Workers who in the 50s could buy their own homes, today cannot even afford apartment houses. I emotionally am unable to handle what seems to be the proliferation of violent crimes, especially rape, molestation, and human trafficking. When I was young, I could trust society to provide reasonable opportunities for people -- that is no longer the case. Workers are once again surfs for the rich and powerful. And its not just these big things -- the cultural decay can be seen in day to day rudeness, such as yelling at service workers at food drive throughs.

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way.

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Psalm 13

1To the conductor, a song of David. אלַֽ֜מְנַצֵּ֗חַ מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד:
2How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? בעַד־אָ֣נָה יְ֖הֹוָה תִּשְׁכָּחֵ֣נִי נֶ֑צַח עַד־אָ֓נָה | תַּסְתִּ֖יר אֶת־פָּנֶ֣יךָ מִמֶּֽנִּי:
3How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart by day; how long will my enemy have the upper hand over me? געַד־אָ֨נָה אָשִׁ֪ית עֵצ֡וֹת בְּנַפְשִׁ֗י יָג֣וֹן בִּלְבָבִ֣י יוֹמָ֑ם עַד־אָ֓נָה | יָר֖וּם אֹֽיְבִ֣י עָלָֽי:
4Look and answer me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. דהַבִּ֣יטָֽה עֲ֖נֵנִי יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהָ֑י הָאִ֥ירָה עֵ֜ינַ֗י פֶּן־אִישַׁ֥ן הַמָּֽוֶת:
5Lest my enemy say, "I have overwhelmed him"; my adversaries will rejoice when I totter.

I can only second what @Stonetree has said. If clinical depression is a factor here, which it certainly sounds like to me, you may have to try a number of different medications before you find the right one for you - I found that to be the case for me. I would also recommend talking to a psychotherapist. Not as an either/or but as well as taking medication. I can't remember the source but I believe there is some evidence that a combination of medication and psychotherapy is effective for a good number of people. It certainly helped me.

 

[Ella S.]

The world is a horrifying place. I've had to do content moderation, and the sick things that so many people get away with are quite shocking.

I've also noticed the growing division and cultural disrespect of one another, too. While I thought that could just be a subjective anecdote caused by the usual cynicism that grows with age, I have found some footage of people walking around in public in the 90's shot with a home camcorder and it really does seem like it was a dramatically different, kinder climate.

I'm uncomfortably aware, every day, of not just the preventable mass starvation and health issues going on throughout the world, but widespread oppression. Not just the slaves in Dubai, but the people growing up in the ghettos here in the US, too, and many other places.

I struggle with survivor's guilt due to getting out of homelessness and knowing that many of the people I knew on the street are probably dead now.

I get the desire to want to just retire from the insanity of this decadent rock. I look forward to the day that death brings permanent peace to the anguish.

However, I can't let myself give up. My awareness of these problems is a strength, even if it's burdensome and painful. I know that I have the power to make the lives of the few people I meet a little bit better.

I'm not going to save the world. It's not my responsibility and, honestly, I think it would be unethical and tyrannical for me to try. However, suffering from empathy is exactly how I should be feeling, because it motivates me to do what I can to improve things wherever I'm able.

Because this pain isn't wholly mine. It's all of humanity's to bear, and I have my part to play in that. I know that I'm strong enough to hold it now, and that's what matters. It's not about living without discomfort, but finding meaning in our hardship.

 

[Truth in love]

For those of you who do not know me, I'm a Jewish member of the forum. I attend a conservative synagogue via zoom, and I aspire to keeping Jewish law, the covenant between Israel and Hashem.

I'm writing because my discouragement is reaching the point where it is affecting my spiritual walk.

They say that it rains in every life, but some people live in Seattle. I live in Seattle. WIthout going into detail of the many tragedies and problems my life has had, let's just say that I it's been more than I can really deal with -- I've ended up in the hospital more than once from a nervous breakdown.

For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life. No religion really seems to offer an explanation. My response has always been, "God sees the whole picture, so it makes sense from his POV. Trust him, know that he loves and hurts with me."

But somehow, that understanding is simply not carrying me anymore. The pain has been too long and too much. And not just my personal suffering. I'm so discouraged by the downturn in the world and in my country. I'm afraid that the US is on the brink of fascism. Workers who in the 50s could buy their own homes, today cannot even afford apartment houses. I emotionally am unable to handle what seems to be the proliferation of violent crimes, especially rape, molestation, and human trafficking. When I was young, I could trust society to provide reasonable opportunities for people -- that is no longer the case. Workers are once again surfs for the rich and powerful. And its not just these big things -- the cultural decay can be seen in day to day rudeness, such as yelling at service workers at food drive throughs.

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way.

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Psalm 13

1To the conductor, a song of David. אלַֽ֜מְנַצֵּ֗חַ מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד:
2How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? בעַד־אָ֣נָה יְ֖הֹוָה תִּשְׁכָּחֵ֣נִי נֶ֑צַח עַד־אָ֓נָה | תַּסְתִּ֖יר אֶת־פָּנֶ֣יךָ מִמֶּֽנִּי:
3How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart by day; how long will my enemy have the upper hand over me? געַד־אָ֨נָה אָשִׁ֪ית עֵצ֡וֹת בְּנַפְשִׁ֗י יָג֣וֹן בִּלְבָבִ֣י יוֹמָ֑ם עַד־אָ֓נָה | יָר֖וּם אֹֽיְבִ֣י עָלָֽי:
4Look and answer me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. דהַבִּ֣יטָֽה עֲ֖נֵנִי יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהָ֑י הָאִ֥ירָה עֵ֜ינַ֗י פֶּן־אִישַׁ֥ן הַמָּֽוֶת:
5Lest my enemy say, "I have overwhelmed him"; my adversaries will rejoice when I totter.

Sorry things are going so badly. Checking in with a doctor and therapist might be a good idea. I’m posting a few links to some advice that had been helpful to me. It’s Christian based, but as they say it’s the thought that counts.

Be Ye Therefore Perfect—Eventually

“An High Priest of Good Things to Come”

Anyhow, I’ve found his mindset helpful to me over the last several years. Hope things get better.

 

[Sand Dancer]

It has occurred to me that there may be a mental health component in this. I am seeing a doctor, and am taking Trintellix. But it doesn't seem to be helping. I'm thinking that maybe depression is a sane reaction to what is going on, rather than the other way around.

Things are very sad nowadays in many ways. Are you getting any talk therapy? That and meds tend to do the most good. See if your doctor can find a different medication. There are many and sometimes it takes a while to find the right one and/or the right dosage. Sunshine is very good for our mindset too.

 

[Sand Dancer]

When do we simply admit that depression is not due to some sort of chemical imbalance, but is a sensible reaction to the terrible things in life.

Depression and clinical depression are two different things. It is discouraging that things are not working well in the US right now, and personally I don't see it getting better anytime soon. I hope that you have supportive friends and family nearby.

 

[loverofhumanity]

For those of you who do not know me, I'm a Jewish member of the forum. I attend a conservative synagogue via zoom, and I aspire to keeping Jewish law, the covenant between Israel and Hashem.

I'm writing because my discouragement is reaching the point where it is affecting my spiritual walk.

They say that it rains in every life, but some people live in Seattle. I live in Seattle. WIthout going into detail of the many tragedies and problems my life has had, let's just say that I it's been more than I can really deal with -- I've ended up in the hospital more than once from a nervous breakdown.

For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life. No religion really seems to offer an explanation. My response has always been, "God sees the whole picture, so it makes sense from his POV. Trust him, know that he loves and hurts with me."

But somehow, that understanding is simply not carrying me anymore. The pain has been too long and too much. And not just my personal suffering. I'm so discouraged by the downturn in the world and in my country. I'm afraid that the US is on the brink of fascism. Workers who in the 50s could buy their own homes, today cannot even afford apartment houses. I emotionally am unable to handle what seems to be the proliferation of violent crimes, especially rape, molestation, and human trafficking. When I was young, I could trust society to provide reasonable opportunities for people -- that is no longer the case. Workers are once again surfs for the rich and powerful. And its not just these big things -- the cultural decay can be seen in day to day rudeness, such as yelling at service workers at food drive throughs.

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way.

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Psalm 13

1To the conductor, a song of David. אלַֽ֜מְנַצֵּ֗חַ מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד:
2How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? בעַד־אָ֣נָה יְ֖הֹוָה תִּשְׁכָּחֵ֣נִי נֶ֑צַח עַד־אָ֓נָה | תַּסְתִּ֖יר אֶת־פָּנֶ֣יךָ מִמֶּֽנִּי:
3How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart by day; how long will my enemy have the upper hand over me? געַד־אָ֨נָה אָשִׁ֪ית עֵצ֡וֹת בְּנַפְשִׁ֗י יָג֣וֹן בִּלְבָבִ֣י יוֹמָ֑ם עַד־אָ֓נָה | יָר֖וּם אֹֽיְבִ֣י עָלָֽי:
4Look and answer me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. דהַבִּ֣יטָֽה עֲ֖נֵנִי יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהָ֑י הָאִ֥ירָה עֵ֜ינַ֗י פֶּן־אִישַׁ֥ן הַמָּֽוֶת:
5Lest my enemy say, "I have overwhelmed him"; my adversaries will rejoice when I totter.

Hi my friend. I think what you are going through is a very normal reaction to a decadent world and society. Let me share with you my story. I don’t know if this will help or not but I feel compelled to share it with you so you know that you are not alone and that there is light at the end of this very dark tunnel. I am sorry you are going through such a torturous time but I firmly believe that you are experiencing a rejection of types, like organ rejection of this decadent world we live in. That makes you in reality very healthy for you discern things are far from normal. The world is indeed in need of renewal and rejuvenation. You are not wrong there, just don’t take it out on yourself as we can do something about it.

One of complete and utter despair and hopelessness at the condition to which society and the world had sunk.

One day, in my young adulthood I could no longer bear this cruel, loveless world and lost all hope that it could ever change. I visited the different sects and asked why they didn’t love each other and they replied that the other was from Satan and their enemy. Then I visited the homeless and asked why? Where has love gone? There were wars going on and violent crime but no answers as to what happened to our humanity. Having come to the conclusion that it was unbearable I slashed my wrists and was saved from death but ended up in a mental institution. There they pumped me with drugs. When I got to see the psychiatrist we talked. But as soon as I mentioned and cried there was no love in the world, he called for a nurse and had me injected with a drug to knock me out instantly. I was released but a further 5 suicide attempts had me locked up in a strait jacket. I asked again, where is love? Eventually, when none of their medications helped, I was given a course of six electric shock treatments to make me forget. The last suicide attempt almost killed me. I took 50 largactil tablets. I had double vision for a week or more. At that time my mother refused to take me home for fear of further attempts. A friend I worked with said he had friends who would put me up. And so I went to stay with them.

It was not long after through these new friends I heard about love but the love that accepts all and cares for all. I had searched everywhere for it but never found my deepest wish come true until then. I began to become alive, almost as if a thrill ran through the depths of my heart. After near death, could this be true? I experienced joy and finally at peace with myself. All I did was cling to an atom of hope that was all. Be patient with yourself and you will overcome this ordeal.

All I can say is to continue your treatment but to counteract this feeling of helplessness, powerlessness and despair, you need to become involved with people who are working to positively rehabilitate society. That would give you a sense of purpose and meaning as well as hope that we can make a difference. Don’t bow down to your depression but use it as a catalyst to launch you into finding ways to better the world.

Society needs people like you who care about its fortunes and who’s burning desire is the betterment of world so my humble suggestion is to look at ways and groups where you can channel your fervent desire to create a better society.

 

[RestlessSoul]

It has occurred to me that there may be a mental health component in this. I am seeing a doctor, and am taking Trintellix. But it doesn't seem to be helping. I'm thinking that maybe depression is a sane reaction to what is going on, rather than the other way around.

Depression may very well be a sane (sane as in rational) reaction to what we see going on around us, but it isn’t a healthy one. Sometimes - often, actually - it seems to me that people with mental health issues, addiction issues etc, have a perspective on life which is in many ways saner than that of society at large. But if that perspective affects one’s ability to function, or if life begins to feel like an intolerable burden, then it’s time to take positive action. Which could be something as simple as regular exercise, even better if is exercise which involves interaction with others (like a hiking club, etc).

Another observation, if I may be so intrusive; you say you attend your synagogue on zoom. My old mum attends Sunday mass on zoom, because she’s pretty much housebound. But she’s so much happier on those occasions when she’s managed to totter up the street to the church. Human beings are meant to connect with each other directly, we are social creatures. Is there not a synagogue nearby that you could attend in person? Even if you don’t like the set up there, you’d still be sharing your faith and your heritage directly with other people.

 

[sun rise]

maybe depression is a sane reaction to what is going on, rather than the other way around.

I don't know you well at all so I'm speculating but given what is going on in the world today, what you wrote is a distinct possibility. How you deal with it is critical.

I've got to go out but will have more to write when I return.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

When do we simply admit that depression is not due to some sort of chemical imbalance, but is a sensible reaction to the terrible things in life.

I fully get that. Granted such events can lead to clinical depression, but depression is also a normal response to certain things. And, indeed, for some things meds won't help. They can't, for example, change the things in life that lead to depression. They can't make your mind focus on other things. A lot of them don't even work nearly as well as boasted once scrutinized with proper studies.
Sometimes it's more about where the mind is at than the chemicals in the brain.

 

[IndigoChild5559]

Thanks.

I think it was the psychiatrist R D Laing who spoke of insanity as being an sane response to living in an insane world.

I must agree that the world is a dark place at the moment, and there's a lot to be depressed about in the USA and the world as a whole.

I've had my struggles of late but there's a few things that I personally find helpful.

Take life one day at a time.

Practice gratitude for the things that are good in life.

Spend time with people who lift my spirits.

Turn towards God each day in prayer.

Read something uplifting at least daily.

Be of service to others.

Spend time walking and being around nature.

What do you find helpful?

All very good suggestions. Thank you.

 

[IndigoChild5559]

Perhaps it's time to learn that the environment you live in doesn't own you. You can choose to separate yourself from it and be at peace. The way to do that is to just do what's in front of you that needs doing, and when that's done, do the next thing. And leave the outcomes to God. Leave the problems to God. Leave the world to God. Just live your own life one chore at a time. Get a good nights sleep, eat right, have a little fun here and there, and leave everything else to God. It's not for you to understand, or for you to fix.

Thank you. That is basically my working strategy. But it doesn't stop me from wondering if God really loves me in those moments of quiet reflection.