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Beyond discouraged

PureX

Veteran Member
Thank you. That is basically my working strategy. But it doesn't stop me from wondering if God really loves me in those moments of quiet reflection.
The purpose of God is as a focus for faith, I think. There is no point in "wondering" if God loves you. The point is to simply trust that it is so, and go with it. Even when (and especially when) you can't see it or feel it in the world around you.

Also, I have had to learn to look for the good in life, because it IS there, too. Sometimes we don't see it because we become so focused on the bad things. We expect the bad things and when we see it, it just confirms our pessimism and makes us even more pessimistic. But we can do that in reverse, too. We can expect the good, and look for it, and when we see it (because it IS there) we can use it to justify our being optimistic. And the more we do this, the more easily doing it becomes.
 

IndigoChild5559

Loving God and my neighbor as myself.
Through most this peri0d she managed to live a relatively normal life and she remained faithful to our church and was even able to serve as Church Warden during the latter part of her illness and beyond.
This is exactly the area that I have my concerns. I realize that my religious community, and God, are sources of strength. Yet I see my faith in God's love unraveling. I'm worried that I will gradually become less and less active, until I drop out. I don't think this is a groundless worry.
 

IndigoChild5559

Loving God and my neighbor as myself.
@IndigoChild5559,

My two favorite sections of the Tanakh are (a) Job, and (b) that portion of the Leviticus sometimes called the Holiness Code - think of it as my Bad Happens - Do Good dictum. I'm not a big fan of the first, and I too often fail at the second, but it is what it is.

In my opinion, anyone fixating on dying should seek effective professional intervention.

It's not simply a question of talking to a doctor, taking a medicine, and checking off a box. It's the necessity to persistently seek effective professional help, with the emphasis on persistent and effective.​

By way of example (poor though it may be), my right shoulder has no rotator cuff -- a condition resulting in much pain and constant frustration. Fortunately, I've found a good team of physical therapists and go to PT three times a week. You deserve lo less an effort.

One final note: Conservative rabbi Harold Kushner's When Bad Things Happen To Good People is excellent. (My rabbi likes to note that the title begins whit "When," not "Why.")

L'shalom.
Thank you for your response. Yes, I agree that's a good book.
 

IndigoChild5559

Loving God and my neighbor as myself.
The world is a horrifying place. I've had to do content moderation, and the sick things that so many people get away with are quite shocking.

I've also noticed the growing division and cultural disrespect of one another, too. While I thought that could just be a subjective anecdote caused by the usual cynicism that grows with age, I have found some footage of people walking around in public in the 90's shot with a home camcorder and it really does seem like it was a dramatically different, kinder climate.

I'm uncomfortably aware, every day, of not just the preventable mass starvation and health issues going on throughout the world, but widespread oppression. Not just the slaves in Dubai, but the people growing up in the ghettos here in the US, too, and many other places.

I struggle with survivor's guilt due to getting out of homelessness and knowing that many of the people I knew on the street are probably dead now.

I get the desire to want to just retire from the insanity of this decadent rock. I look forward to the day that death brings permanent peace to the anguish.

However, I can't let myself give up. My awareness of these problems is a strength, even if it's burdensome and painful. I know that I have the power to make the lives of the few people I meet a little bit better.

I'm not going to save the world. It's not my responsibility and, honestly, I think it would be unethical and tyrannical for me to try. However, suffering from empathy is exactly how I should be feeling, because it motivates me to do what I can to improve things wherever I'm able.

Because this pain isn't wholly mine. It's all of humanity's to bear, and I have my part to play in that. I know that I'm strong enough to hold it now, and that's what matters. It's not about living without discomfort, but finding meaning in our hardship.
You are speaking my language. :) Can I ask you where you think your drive to keep going comes from?
 

amorphous_constellation

Well-Known Member
I would have to acknowledge what you're seeing, and I myself do often feel like the walls are closing in, on multiple fronts. But I do not allow myself to be depressed for too long, and am convinced that I should stoically carry myself through whatever is coming down the pike. I always seem insistent on not adding any fantasy to hard reality, while remaining as productive as I can be

I can give some reasons why I think Judaism is one of the great religions, from what I can observe as a non-Jew. From what I can tell, it is a religion that is focused on combating the anti-social behavior of humans on the earth, generally. The old testament books are filled with people who act poorly, and need correction, and sometimes fail altogether. And Jews study hard to understand what the people did wrong in those books, and become filled with introspection and understanding about how to live. And so they are taught not to act like that.

As well, their reputation is to contribute useful things to the world, and that is great, and probably has something to do with the lessons they learn from their particular religious upbringing. They go to college, get useful degrees, and value intellect, and the great utility it brings. They contribute inventions, philosophies, and positive cultural material to broader western culture, because they value education and staying on the straight track. Even the ones who convert to atheism later usually do well with this

I can't say the same for my family line. For the past thousand years, my english/irish descendants were probably horrible alcoholics. My grandfather ran away from the farm, from his dad, to fight world war 2. (which is good, but I think he got heavy into alcohol later) And my dad was estranged from him for a long while, and became a bad alcoholic, before getting comas and strokes. Now he has quit, but he seems like he has brain damage. My youngest brother does not seem to want to work consistently, and hangs out with the wrong crowd, and he drinks. He needs to change, and it gives me a lot of anxiety watching him

Adding value to the world is tangible and it matters, we all need to do it, I think. I try to do what I can, and we all should. I think it matters
 
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IndigoChild5559

Loving God and my neighbor as myself.
Hi my friend. I think what you are going through is a very normal reaction to a decadent world and society. Let me share with you my story. I don’t know if this will help or not but I feel compelled to share it with you so you know that you are not alone and that there is light at the end of this very dark tunnel. I am sorry you are going through such a torturous time but I firmly believe that you are experiencing a rejection of types, like organ rejection of this decadent world we live in. That makes you in reality very healthy for you discern things are far from normal. The world is indeed in need of renewal and rejuvenation. You are not wrong there, just don’t take it out on yourself as we can do something about it.

One of complete and utter despair and hopelessness at the condition to which society and the world had sunk.

One day, in my young adulthood I could no longer bear this cruel, loveless world and lost all hope that it could ever change. I visited the different sects and asked why they didn’t love each other and they replied that the other was from Satan and their enemy. Then I visited the homeless and asked why? Where has love gone? There were wars going on and violent crime but no answers as to what happened to our humanity. Having come to the conclusion that it was unbearable I slashed my wrists and was saved from death but ended up in a mental institution. There they pumped me with drugs. When I got to see the psychiatrist we talked. But as soon as I mentioned and cried there was no love in the world, he called for a nurse and had me injected with a drug to knock me out instantly. I was released but a further 5 suicide attempts had me locked up in a strait jacket. I asked again, where is love? Eventually, when none of their medications helped, I was given a course of six electric shock treatments to make me forget. The last suicide attempt almost killed me. I took 50 largactil tablets. I had double vision for a week or more. At that time my mother refused to take me home for fear of further attempts. A friend I worked with said he had friends who would put me up. And so I went to stay with them.

It was not long after through these new friends I heard about love but the love that accepts all and cares for all. I had searched everywhere for it but never found my deepest wish come true until then. I began to become alive, almost as if a thrill ran through the depths of my heart. After near death, could this be true? I experienced joy and finally at peace with myself. All I did was cling to an atom of hope that was all. Be patient with yourself and you will overcome this ordeal.

All I can say is to continue your treatment but to counteract this feeling of helplessness, powerlessness and despair, you need to become involved with people who are working to positively rehabilitate society. That would give you a sense of purpose and meaning as well as hope that we can make a difference. Don’t bow down to your depression but use it as a catalyst to launch you into finding ways to better the world.

Society needs people like you who care about its fortunes and who’s burning desire is the betterment of world so my humble suggestion is to look at ways and groups where you can channel your fervent desire to create a better society.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
For those of you who do not know me, I'm a Jewish member of the forum. I attend a conservative synagogue via zoom, and I aspire to keeping Jewish law, the covenant between Israel and Hashem.

I'm writing because my discouragement is reaching the point where it is affecting my spiritual walk.

They say that it rains in every life, but some people live in Seattle. :) I live in Seattle. WIthout going into detail of the many tragedies and problems my life has had, let's just say that I it's been more than I can really deal with -- I've ended up in the hospital more than once from a nervous breakdown.

For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life. No religion really seems to offer an explanation. My response has always been, "God sees the whole picture, so it makes sense from his POV. Trust him, know that he loves and hurts with me."

But somehow, that understanding is simply not carrying me anymore. The pain has been too long and too much. And not just my personal suffering. I'm so discouraged by the downturn in the world and in my country. I'm afraid that the US is on the brink of fascism. Workers who in the 50s could buy their own homes, today cannot even afford apartment houses. I emotionally am unable to handle what seems to be the proliferation of violent crimes, especially rape, molestation, and human trafficking. When I was young, I could trust society to provide reasonable opportunities for people -- that is no longer the case. Workers are once again surfs for the rich and powerful. And its not just these big things -- the cultural decay can be seen in day to day rudeness, such as yelling at service workers at food drive throughs.

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way.

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Psalm 13

1To the conductor, a song of David. אלַֽ֜מְנַצֵּ֗חַ מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד:
2How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? בעַד־אָ֣נָה יְ֖הֹוָה תִּשְׁכָּחֵ֣נִי נֶ֑צַח עַד־אָ֓נָה | תַּסְתִּ֖יר אֶת־פָּנֶ֣יךָ מִמֶּֽנִּי:
3How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart by day; how long will my enemy have the upper hand over me? געַד־אָ֨נָה אָשִׁ֪ית עֵצ֡וֹת בְּנַפְשִׁ֗י יָג֣וֹן בִּלְבָבִ֣י יוֹמָ֑ם עַד־אָ֓נָה | יָר֖וּם אֹֽיְבִ֣י עָלָֽי:
4Look and answer me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. דהַבִּ֣יטָֽה עֲ֖נֵנִי יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהָ֑י הָאִ֥ירָה עֵ֜ינַ֗י פֶּן־אִישַׁ֥ן הַמָּֽוֶת:
5Lest my enemy say, "I have overwhelmed him"; my adversaries will rejoice when I totter.

I'm so sorry you're hurting so badly. And I'm sorry the pain has gotten you to a point where its interfered with your faith.

I know we come from very different religious traditions, so I'm not sure if my words will help, but its become my strong opinion that God mourns with us. I'm not sure to the extent God can change things or interfere. Rather than dwelling on it anymore, I assume that when bad things happen, its upsetting to the divine and myself.

Its said that if one always does what one has always done, one will always get what one has always got. I don't know how you've handled this in the past, but I would suggest doing something different now. If you haven't before, question. Why do you do as you do? Why do you feel as you do? Why do you practice as you do? If you have friends or family you can discuss this with, do so(if you think it will be helpful).


This is exactly the area that I have my concerns. I realize that my religious community, and God, are sources of strength. Yet I see my faith in God's love unraveling. I'm worried that I will gradually become less and less active, until I drop out. I don't think this is a groundless worry.

Don't give up that community. But be open while you're there. Share your doubts. Share your anger. I'm not sure what religious services look like for you, but if you can simply sit on the sidelines and observe for awhile, that may be refreshing as opposed to full participation. But when you're hurting like this, you need your community(and I know from previous posts of yours how much your community means to you).

I believe that God wants all of our being, not just the pleasant parts. Don't hold back your anger and pain from him. Sometimes it is in these moments of desperation that some of the most profound spiritual growth happens.
 

pearl

Well-Known Member
Trust him, know that he loves and hurts with me."

I think that is most important. That God is not going to change things, other than to know we are always in His presence. There is a book, 'Why Bad Things Happen to Good People', in which the Rabbi finds God is not all powerful in the way many define it. While we would like God to intervene, in reality best to believe He is present with you. We often make the mistake of thanking God for little favors He is not responsible for. Cute story of a man who left his bicycle outside the store only find it was stolen. He prayed and prayed for God to find his bicycle and he did find it. So grateful was he that he rode to the temple to thank God for finding his bike. When he left the temple, he found his bike had been stolen.
 

sun rise

The world is on fire
Premium Member
For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life. No religion really seems to offer an explanation.

As part of my moving away from being an atheist, I had to answer that fundamental question to my own satisfaction. My personal answer was from an Eastern religion perspective and included advaita: we are God as drops in the ocean are part of the ocean and that at some point we wake up from this dream. Also that in our dream, we experience joy and sorrow, happiness and sadness, up and down but that when we "wake up", we realize it's a dream.

Another element can be expressed in sports terms - someone who is training in gymnastics, for example, puts up with a lot of deprivation and suffering to hopefully stand on an awards platform to receive a gold medal. The great joy of that accomplishment can wipe away everything that the winner suffered along the way.

This of course is my personal take but all together it is an explanation I can accept.
 

Heyo

Veteran Member
For those of you who do not know me, I'm a Jewish member of the forum. I attend a conservative synagogue via zoom, and I aspire to keeping Jewish law, the covenant between Israel and Hashem.

I'm writing because my discouragement is reaching the point where it is affecting my spiritual walk.

They say that it rains in every life, but some people live in Seattle. :) I live in Seattle. WIthout going into detail of the many tragedies and problems my life has had, let's just say that I it's been more than I can really deal with -- I've ended up in the hospital more than once from a nervous breakdown.

For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life. No religion really seems to offer an explanation. My response has always been, "God sees the whole picture, so it makes sense from his POV. Trust him, know that he loves and hurts with me."

But somehow, that understanding is simply not carrying me anymore. The pain has been too long and too much. And not just my personal suffering. I'm so discouraged by the downturn in the world and in my country. I'm afraid that the US is on the brink of fascism. Workers who in the 50s could buy their own homes, today cannot even afford apartment houses. I emotionally am unable to handle what seems to be the proliferation of violent crimes, especially rape, molestation, and human trafficking. When I was young, I could trust society to provide reasonable opportunities for people -- that is no longer the case. Workers are once again surfs for the rich and powerful. And its not just these big things -- the cultural decay can be seen in day to day rudeness, such as yelling at service workers at food drive throughs.

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way.

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Psalm 13

1To the conductor, a song of David. אלַֽ֜מְנַצֵּ֗חַ מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד:
2How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? בעַד־אָ֣נָה יְ֖הֹוָה תִּשְׁכָּחֵ֣נִי נֶ֑צַח עַד־אָ֓נָה | תַּסְתִּ֖יר אֶת־פָּנֶ֣יךָ מִמֶּֽנִּי:
3How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart by day; how long will my enemy have the upper hand over me? געַד־אָ֨נָה אָשִׁ֪ית עֵצ֡וֹת בְּנַפְשִׁ֗י יָג֣וֹן בִּלְבָבִ֣י יוֹמָ֑ם עַד־אָ֓נָה | יָר֖וּם אֹֽיְבִ֣י עָלָֽי:
4Look and answer me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. דהַבִּ֣יטָֽה עֲ֖נֵנִי יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהָ֑י הָאִ֥ירָה עֵ֜ינַ֗י פֶּן־אִישַׁ֥ן הַמָּֽוֶת:
5Lest my enemy say, "I have overwhelmed him"; my adversaries will rejoice when I totter.
While I, as an Agnostic, am probably not helpful on your spiritual way, I have some experience with depression (as a sufferer not a doctor). I agree with you and Abramson/Alloy that depressive realism is a thing. I disagree with your doctor on Trintellix if that is the first medicament he tried. Maybe get a better one. If you want to PM me, feel free to do so. I'm in early retirement because of my depression so I have time - just sometimes not the energy.
 

metis

aged ecumenical anthropologist
This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?
You & I are much closer than you might think as I also went through this as well. My "solution" is that I believe there was a Creator(s), we're only here for a short while, so let the light of love shine forth.

To me, the basic drift of halacha and the Gospel is love with respect for our fellow man [includes women & kids], and to act on that with the attitude of "Whatever happens, happens", which Gandhi called "disinterested action". IOW, do that which is right and let the chips fall where they may.

Anyhow, that's my approach, so I wish you only the best as you work through what you decide is best for you and for others. Maybe doing charitable work is good for you and those around you and those you help.
 

Spiderman

Veteran Member
I think Jews need a different Messiah than Jesus, and that is what I pray for, but one thing that is irrefutably clear, Jesus was the most famous influential Jew that ever existed, and what made him so successful was being born in total poverty, born in a barn like an animal, being stripped down naked and flogged, wearing a crown of thorns, the crown of a King, and being nailed to a cross.

Christian theologians have to agree, that crucifying Jesus, was the best thing for him and the whole world, because they believe his blood atones for sin, as a sacrificial lamb, now billions believe the guy rose from the dead.

He can't rise from the dead unless he dies, and it had to be violent, like the Israelites putting blood of the lamb on doorposts in Egypt to save their first born, or levitical priesthood violently slaying an unblemished lamb.

Let me share something a little more Jewish. Joseph of Egypt essentially told his brothers that it was good they acted like psychopaths, wanted to kill him, decided to sell him as a slave instead, drenched his coat in blood, broke Jacob's heart by saying he is dead, and it was even good Joseph was in prison as a falsely accused sexual predator, because it caused the Hebrew slave and convicted sex offender criminal in prison, to rise from total miserable status, to controlling the most powerful Empire on earth.

So much control did he have over Pharaoh, his house, all his possession me (when Egyptians normally didn't eat with Hebrews, because of a superiority complex) that when anyone went to Pharaoh, he said "go to Joseph".

Also, Joseph told his brothers that their vicious hatred for him, to the point of selling an innocent blood brother into slavery, a completely sick move, that most criminals wouldn't do to a blood brother, who hadn't even wronged them, he said "it's okay, what you meant for evil, God meant for good".

My point being, sometimes the most terrible things happening to people, especially Jews, (just read the book of Job), is what gives them rich exaltation, Messiah type status, power, influence, glory in the next life, a legacy that endures, even when the suffering is so much that it kills them, it can actually make them very powerful.

Anne Frank, if she hadn't died in the Holocaust would not be an extremely successful author, with a name probably almost everyone knows.

Franz Werful, a Jewish author, wrote the song of Bernadette, that became a movie that won many awards, only because of the Holocaust, because he never became Christian, but believed a Jewish woman, a dead one at that, "Lady of Lourdes", saved his life from the Nazis, so he promised her he would "sing the song of Bernadette".

Victor Frankl became an extremely influential Jew, largely because of the Holocaust. Let's not forget, Israeli Prime ministers have declared that the Jews would not have their nation in the holy land, were it not for so many Jews dying in the Holocaust.

In fact, the Holocaust has stirred up so much unflinching American support for Israel, that Jews could throw hand grenades through random Arab houses in the west bank, killing women and children, and America will still support them, because I saw an even pro Israel PBS documentary, where Israeli soldiers interviewed said that was actually the orders Israeli officers gave their soldiers, and politicians have said America can be on her knees, poor and crumbling, and we will support Israel no matter what. That is largely the result of the Holocaust.

Also, the quantity of Jews dying in the Holocaust, had permanently done more to end antisemitism, make antisemitism unacceptable and ugly in more people's eyes, and stir up more love for the Jewish people, than anything, because nobody wants to say something antisemitic and be associated with something so ugly as Nazi Germany and the death camps.

Even among Christians, who believe accepting Jesus is necessary for salvation, countless of them support Israel regardless of what Israel does, and they believe they have to, to be blessed by God. That is also not a phenomenon we would see from so many Christians, were it not for the Holocaust.

So, actually, in many ways, the worst thing to ever happen to massive quantities of Jews, in the history of the world, actually has raised up countless Jews, who are benefiting from it immensely, in many ways.

I'm telling you, the Bible, even the one that only contains Jewish scriptures, gives many examples, of extremely ugly , terrible agony afflicting God's chosen people, and it actually turns out to their advantage.

I can give many examples of very evil things in my life, including my jump off a three story building onto concrete in a suicide attempt, putting me in a wheelchair for ten weeks, it actually turned into something so positive, I don't regret my permanent handicaps from it.

Hang in there. :)
 

Terrywoodenpic

Oldest Heretic
Thank you. That is basically my working strategy. But it doesn't stop me from wondering if God really loves me in those moments of quiet reflection.

There is no doubt that God loves the world, and that includes you. However he expresses it though people who love and serve him and open themselves to him. And that sometimes seems to be too few to make a difference to us personally.
There is no doubt at all, that there is an almost overwhelming amount that needs doing. May be God is calling you by showing you, all that needs doing in this sick world. It is not a matter of what he can do for you, it is what you can do for him, that will bring joy.
 

Spiderman

Veteran Member
When you say you are a conservative Jew, and you mentioned us becoming Fascist, are you saying that such a form of government and policies is coming from liberals (leftists) or conservatives (right wingers)?

No doubt, we are losing certain freedoms that the constitution protects, but because it is coming so much from the leftists and liberals, it far more resembles communism, because the form of government you mentioned is the opposite of liberal, and is right wing.

The FBI has actually shown up at houses of people with guns, saying they received a call that the person was participating in the siege on the Capitol Hill years prior, and people have actually proven that they were not even at Capitol Hill those dates, so it was entirely nonsense or some phone call.

I'm not defending Trump, but leftist politicians , including our President and vice president, have stated that the threat within, from the republican party, is worse than the threat that caused 09/11, which was an attack on civilians that killed thousands of Americans. They have severely demonized an entire political party in America, as if republicans are all a threat for being Republican. Their words really suggest that!

America is not a single party state, which actually resembles moves towards communism, because the government is sending police to people who are just promoting the former president on Facebook, and many policies are socialist.

The form of government you mentioned in the OP, is very religious and conservative, and created what is today Independant Vatican City states, and put prayer in public schools in Italy.

Communism on the other hand is very secular, liberal, leftist, and socialist, so resembles the Democratic party currently in power, and what we are more headed towards as a nation.

But I am with you. Things are ugly enough I would rather not have been born, and crime is terrible, so is poverty, then there is the threat from China and Russia, and increasing division and hatred in general.

It is heartbreaking. We definitely need a Messiah. :(
 

IndigoChild5559

Loving God and my neighbor as myself.
When you say you are a conservative Jew, and you mentioned us becoming Fascist, are you saying that such a form of government and policies is coming from liberals (leftists) or conservatives (right wingers)?\
The threat is coming from the demagogue and traitor, Trump.
 

Sedim Haba

Outa here... bye-bye!
...

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Welcome to the club of 'G-d has checked out'.
 

Redemptionsong

Well-Known Member
For those of you who do not know me, I'm a Jewish member of the forum. I attend a conservative synagogue via zoom, and I aspire to keeping Jewish law, the covenant between Israel and Hashem.

I'm writing because my discouragement is reaching the point where it is affecting my spiritual walk.

They say that it rains in every life, but some people live in Seattle. :) I live in Seattle. WIthout going into detail of the many tragedies and problems my life has had, let's just say that I it's been more than I can really deal with -- I've ended up in the hospital more than once from a nervous breakdown.

For many years now, I've been of the mind that I cannot explain why bad things happen to good people, whether to me or to the many other innocent people I see who get bashed by life. No religion really seems to offer an explanation. My response has always been, "God sees the whole picture, so it makes sense from his POV. Trust him, know that he loves and hurts with me."

But somehow, that understanding is simply not carrying me anymore. The pain has been too long and too much. And not just my personal suffering. I'm so discouraged by the downturn in the world and in my country. I'm afraid that the US is on the brink of fascism. Workers who in the 50s could buy their own homes, today cannot even afford apartment houses. I emotionally am unable to handle what seems to be the proliferation of violent crimes, especially rape, molestation, and human trafficking. When I was young, I could trust society to provide reasonable opportunities for people -- that is no longer the case. Workers are once again surfs for the rich and powerful. And its not just these big things -- the cultural decay can be seen in day to day rudeness, such as yelling at service workers at food drive throughs.

I basically just no longer want to live in this world anymore. I'm still here because it would hurt my kids if I left. But I think about death a lot, wishing it came my way.

This effects me religiously -- I just see no evidence that God loves anyone. Sure, I still think there is a creator, it's not like I'm going to curse God and die... but what eveidence is there that he cares about any of this?

I'm just so tired.

Psalm 13

1To the conductor, a song of David. אלַֽ֜מְנַצֵּ֗חַ מִזְמ֥וֹר לְדָוִֽד:
2How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? בעַד־אָ֣נָה יְ֖הֹוָה תִּשְׁכָּחֵ֣נִי נֶ֑צַח עַד־אָ֓נָה | תַּסְתִּ֖יר אֶת־פָּנֶ֣יךָ מִמֶּֽנִּי:
3How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart by day; how long will my enemy have the upper hand over me? געַד־אָ֨נָה אָשִׁ֪ית עֵצ֡וֹת בְּנַפְשִׁ֗י יָג֣וֹן בִּלְבָבִ֣י יוֹמָ֑ם עַד־אָ֓נָה | יָר֖וּם אֹֽיְבִ֣י עָלָֽי:
4Look and answer me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. דהַבִּ֣יטָֽה עֲ֖נֵנִי יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהָ֑י הָאִ֥ירָה עֵ֜ינַ֗י פֶּן־אִישַׁ֥ן הַמָּֽוֶת:
5Lest my enemy say, "I have overwhelmed him"; my adversaries will rejoice when I totter.
How can you hope to experience, in your own heart, the love and healing of God if you don't know him?

If you claim to know the Lord then Jeremiah 31:31-34 cannot be true.

Have you ever listened to Sid Roth?
 

Spiderman

Veteran Member
Welcome to the club of 'G-d has checked out'.
Hey, I like your avatar. I have Vikings ancestors , and the football team here is called the Vikings, George Washington was a descendant of someone named Odin, Dan is short for Odin, Odin is also the Viking God, Washington rode a white horse, white horse is a symbol for the serpent dragon tribe of Dan, but Dan, was the tribe of Israel that were the best sailors, who the Hercules Samson comes from, who killed 1,000 giant philistines with the jaw bone of a donkey, killed more people than both world trade center attacks, when he pushed over the temple of Dagon with his bare hands.

There is no human in history, that billions believe actually existed, who comes remotely close to having a fraction of his dragon reptilian strength.

Well, Dan was represented by a serpent and a dragon and lion, and Vikings put serpents on their sails and dragons on their ships:
Foto-fra-Drakehodesereminien.-John-Terje-Bjornerund.jpg

Also, the tribe of Dan in scripture always named cities , rivers , and places after their Father Dan. Denmark means "Dan's Mark", or "the Danes, the Danish, the mark of the beast some say, and to this day, there are an enormous amount of Scandinavian businesses and firms that have Dan's name, or an alternative for Dan.

Jacob the Father of Dan had a Twin in his mother's womb , who grew up covered in red hair, so even a middle Eastern child of Jacob could have had red hair, and Danite would have bred with the natives of Scandinavia.

Dan and Judah had the most people of the twelve tribes, and they both were the two who built the Temple and tabernacle. Dan was the rear guard of Israel, the protector, the best warriors , the most frightening of the Israelites, that were placed on the contested lands, the battlefields where the dreaded giant philistines warriors constantly attacked.
Tribe-of-Dan (2).jpg

The name Dan means "Judge", and back then, Judges were Dictators and extremely militant, with total Dictatorial power to overrule anyone in the government , as an absolute Theocracy, single party state. There was no voting, it wasn't a Democracy, so he is Dictator Danny the Dragon.

There is supposed to be more than one Messiah, because even the old testament calls Cyrus the great the Messiah, and the anointed one, who ended Babylonian captivity, created Israel, and built the temple.

The prophecies about the coming Messiah totally contradict each other, because they are talking about more than one Messiah, not the same person.
Dan is supposed to have an end time warrior Messiah, because one of his symbols is a lion like Judah the Messiah tribe, and the other Danite symbol is a griffin, a body of a lion, a head of eagle, a huge creature with wings. That would be scary.:eek:

The American Eagle is also a symbol for Dan, a great bird of prey.
877042c336efad8828525eefa70db300.jpg

And the dragon, spider, wolf, and scorpion, is also their symbol, because the Scorpio zodiac is assigned to them. More animals and mythical creatures are assigned to Dan than any tribe of Israel, and many of those creatures are top phobias people are petrified of:
92559-banner-with-design-of-five-clawed-dragon-flaming-pearl-and-multicolored-clouds.jpg
download (4).jpeg

Anyway, I thought your avatar is Cool. I didn't know if the tribe of Dan was what you had in mind. :p
 
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