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Anyone ever had a failed suicide attempt?
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doppelganger
Through the Looking Glass
"Failed" would be redundant in this question.
I haven't attempted it, but a close family member did (twice) many years ago.
I haven't attempted it, but a close family member did (twice) many years ago.
I don't know if cutting oneself would qualify, but when I was 14 I used to run razor blades over my fingertips and my ankles for "practice" to get ready for the real thing across my wrists or my neck.
I simply wanted to know what the pain would feel like so that I wouldn't be scared of it. As it was, though, I never eventually had the guts to follow through with my plan.
That's why I'm still here.
Peace,
Mystic
I simply wanted to know what the pain would feel like so that I wouldn't be scared of it. As it was, though, I never eventually had the guts to follow through with my plan.
That's why I'm still here.
Peace,
Mystic
No, but if it weren't for my belief in God I would have probably tried already...
darkpenguin
Charismatic Enigma
Not sure if kinda very scary thoughts before being able to get to sleep at night counts, I've often contemplated the consequences of my actions and who would feel what if I did do it, it's the only thing stopping me from trying. Kinda scary huh?
fullyveiled muslimah
Evil incarnate!
Yep I tried it thrice. Obviously I failed all three times. It was really bad time in my life, but you know what? I just was determined not to let what was going on around me ruin me for the rest of my natural and/or afterlife. After the third time failed, cuz I really tried, I just made up my mind that even though I was so depressed, I just couldn't let it defeat me. No psych needed, just damned stubborn I guess. I just barrel through hard times because they don't last. Just as I went from good to bad times, I will go from bad to good times if I live long enough.
I viewed myself as a weakling for wanting to and actually attempting suicide. What was it happening that I, FVM, couldn't conquer? Surely not this can keep me down. I had to start thinking like that, in the midst of severe low self-esteem, deep depression, and constant ridicule. I just refused to be borken, and I triumphed over that.
I still have remnants of those things inme, hence I am severely introverted, but I'll take that over depression any day.
I viewed myself as a weakling for wanting to and actually attempting suicide. What was it happening that I, FVM, couldn't conquer? Surely not this can keep me down. I had to start thinking like that, in the midst of severe low self-esteem, deep depression, and constant ridicule. I just refused to be borken, and I triumphed over that.
I still have remnants of those things inme, hence I am severely introverted, but I'll take that over depression any day.
Lemon
The shy lurker
I've never attempted suicide, but I have planned it several times. I made a mental list of what household/over the counter medicines would kill me, I even looked up how much I would have to take. A few times I started my good-bye letter to my family. This "dark" period of my life was only a couple months ago, I could probably slip back into it any time. The only thing that kept me here was the fact that my mom and dad would have died, emotionally, if I were to kill myself. That's something that I couldn't cause, I wouldn't want them to go through that pain.
gnomon
Well-Known Member
Nope.
I've suffered suicidal ideations enough to where I actually loaded a gun and put the barrel in my mouth. I didn't pull the trigger so it didn't qualify as an attempt. There were several other build ups to an actual attempt but no...I never did quite go through with one.
Disturbing no matter what.
I've suffered suicidal ideations enough to where I actually loaded a gun and put the barrel in my mouth. I didn't pull the trigger so it didn't qualify as an attempt. There were several other build ups to an actual attempt but no...I never did quite go through with one.
Disturbing no matter what.
Draka
Wonder Woman
I have seriously contemplated it in the past. Never went through with trying to do it, though at times I felt like I really wanted to, but was too chicken to do it. That made me feel even worse than the reason I wanted to end it. A kind of like "how dare I go on without them? I should be dead. Why can't I just do it?" thing.
I'm willing to bet that while you may get both men and women on here that might say that they have thought about it, the majority that have actually attempted will be women. The reason isn't because more women than men are suicidal, but the methods that are typically employed. Men commit more suicide than women because they tend to use more definite and messy methods. Women tend to look for the quiet out. Pills, bleeding, car exhaust (any type of poisoning really). The thing is those methods aren't as definite as hanging or a gun (which men mostly use), so more women survive attempts than men do.
I'm willing to bet that while you may get both men and women on here that might say that they have thought about it, the majority that have actually attempted will be women. The reason isn't because more women than men are suicidal, but the methods that are typically employed. Men commit more suicide than women because they tend to use more definite and messy methods. Women tend to look for the quiet out. Pills, bleeding, car exhaust (any type of poisoning really). The thing is those methods aren't as definite as hanging or a gun (which men mostly use), so more women survive attempts than men do.
Booko
Deviled Hen
No, but there have been periods of depression in my life. For 2 months after the birth of each of my children, I had post-partum depression, along with some seriously suicidal thoughts. Fortunately, I had a loving husband, actually wanted the child, and I had some truly excellent friends who at times were literally guarding me.
When I read stories like Andrea Yates, who drowned her kids in the bathtub, all I can think is "there but for the grace of God go I." If my situation were different, I might have gone from thought into action. It's not difficult to imagine.
For the past few years I've been sick, and part of the physical ailment manifests as periods of depression. There have been several occasions where the pain was so severe and moving nearly impossible that I was thankful the one firearm we had in the house would've require too much effort to dig out of the closet, reassemble, and find the ammo. Also, if I didn't have kids I suspect I'd have been more inclined during those times to move toward some action. But I know what it's like to have a parent die when you're barely a teenager, and I couldn't bring myself to do that to my kids.
I've experienced periods of depression, but still I can't imagine what it's like to spend a lifetime battling it, and especially where there's not any foreseeable end to it.
At least in my case, as I continue to dump toxins and the body has a chance to heal, the depression goes away. Whatever I've had to deal with, at least somewhere there I had the intellectual knowledge that it was temporary, even though during a bout of depression you still don't really...believe it.
Booko
Deviled Hen
Honestly, I don't know if men or women have more of a tendency to be suicidal.
It is true that women's endocrine systems seem not to be as sturdy as men's (it's the same reason women find it harder to lose weight than men).
Certainly that's what was going on in my suicidal periods. It was all physiological, and when the hormones (not sex hormones -- the thyroid and adrenal kind) were balanced out, the thoughts went away. Weird.
