When any person in the marriage no longer wants to continue it.
No; they're based on my ethics.
-
Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.
Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:- Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
- Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
- Access to private conversations with other members.
We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!
When is it permissible to divorce?
- Thread starter Sunstone
- Start date
Akivah
Well-Known Member
Divorce has always been accepted in Judaism. Our religion states that it is better for a couple to divorce than to remain together in a state of constant bitterness and strife. In addition, generally a man who divorces his wife is required to pay her substantial sums of money, as specified in the marriage contract. And Jewish law prohibits a man from remarrying his ex-wife after she has married another man.
When a couple splits up, we don't ask "Why did they get divorced?", but rather "Why did they ever get married in the first place?" In many cases, people are getting divorced for the right reasons, and married for the wrong reasons. High divorce rates should not scare people away from getting married, but rather strengthen their resolve to take marriage seriously, and ensure that we are choosing our partners for the right reasons.
When a couple splits up, we don't ask "Why did they get divorced?", but rather "Why did they ever get married in the first place?" In many cases, people are getting divorced for the right reasons, and married for the wrong reasons. High divorce rates should not scare people away from getting married, but rather strengthen their resolve to take marriage seriously, and ensure that we are choosing our partners for the right reasons.
Scott C.
Just one guy
Yes my views on divorce are influenced by my religion. I believe that divorce is justified in cases where a spouse is being abused or demeaned in a way that has a serious negative impact on that spouses physical, psychological, and/or emotional well being. There should also be a pattern of this behavoir which does not seem likely to change. As strongly as I feel about marriage and avoiding divorce, if one of my own married children were in this type of negative relationship, I would have no hesitation to give my view that divorce might be a good option. But "growing apart", "falling out of love", not sharing common interests, being tired of your spouse, or too many disagreements is not good justification. IMO the LDS church teaches that marriage is very important, but doesn't say that under no circustances should someone walk away from a bad marriage. Divorced people can also remarry. It's a very personal decision not to be taken lightly.
Serious is a pretty subjective term and leaves quite a bit to interpretation.
What, in your opinion, is a 'serious' negative impact?
Is divorce not justified 'substantial' negative impact on a spouse's physical, psychological, and/or emotional well being? If not, why not?
Only adultery, as per Jesus.
In extreme circumstances, separation is allowable.
Needless to say....for JW's, it's a serious thing, to say "I do"!
Sorry, but I have to say it...I just have to.... if a spouse treats their mate according to how the Bible admonishes for Christians in displaying love -- both working at being selfless, putting your spouse's interest ahead of your own, and viewing your spouse as your only source for intimate relations....you can make a go of it. Oh, you'll have issues come up, but both growing and working together can succeed.
The opposite of love is not really hate, but selfishness.
Grandliseur
Well-Known Member
When in a marriage, a person commits adultery, the innocent may divorce if so desired. Also, serious abuse is another reason in scripture though the wording is different.
Buddha Dharma
Dharma Practitioner
Marriage can be a good thing for a lay Buddhist, in that it curtails lust. Not that lust is necessarily a bad thing, but the old libido can control a person and drive them as much as anything. Where lust and related passions drive an individual- there can be problems.
Keeping in mind what I just said- the reasons for opposing divorce in a traditional Buddhist context are probably more cultural and related to family. Divorce creates great chaos within families and the relations of all parties involved. It can be chaotic and painful for young children. It shouldn't be undertaken lightly- though there are ways to obtain a divorce in most Buddhist cultures if one absolutely must.
As Buddhists, we're to always think about how our actions touch others and cause good or bad in a broader scope.
That being said- I think anyone could hardly be blamed for wanting to get out of an abusive situation, as an example of when divorce is without a doubt permissible.
However, since Buddhism only encourages marriage/relations for lay persons, it has little to say on these matters beyond considerations I just mentioned.
Keeping in mind what I just said- the reasons for opposing divorce in a traditional Buddhist context are probably more cultural and related to family. Divorce creates great chaos within families and the relations of all parties involved. It can be chaotic and painful for young children. It shouldn't be undertaken lightly- though there are ways to obtain a divorce in most Buddhist cultures if one absolutely must.
As Buddhists, we're to always think about how our actions touch others and cause good or bad in a broader scope.
That being said- I think anyone could hardly be blamed for wanting to get out of an abusive situation, as an example of when divorce is without a doubt permissible.
However, since Buddhism only encourages marriage/relations for lay persons, it has little to say on these matters beyond considerations I just mentioned.
Last edited:
Scott C.
Just one guy
I can give some examples of what I think is serious. A husband who beats his wife. She's not safe at home and is justified in getting a divorce. But that's the easy one to identify. There are other forms of psychological abuse, disrepect or demeaning behavior which may justify divorce. It's a very personal question.
I know a few Mormons from my wards over the years who had affairs and yet they stayed married. There was a lot of forgiveness going on there. I'm glad they made it work and seem happy together. I've also seen cases of repeated infidelity where the victimized spouse gets out of the marriage. That makes perfect sense to me.
I was married for 30 years when my wife told me she wanted a divorce. I was floored by it. She feels it was justified based on her perspecitive of our life together, yet I was clueless as to there even being a problem. It was the most gut wrenching, soul searching, heart breaking experience I have ever been through. To this day, I don't fully understand what happened. We share the same religion and the same view of the family. We came to dramatically different conclusions on our marriage. Go figure.
Last edited:
TheBannerofHomuraAkemi
Active Member
Not attacking, but where in the bible does it say that?
Jeremiah 3:8
8 And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.
God says it's ok to divorce if you have proof of adultery or abuse.
TheBannerofHomuraAkemi
Active Member
I see adulatory, but I don't see abuse in it.
You raise an important point. From a purely Biblical perspective, I see marriage as God's "yoking" of a man and woman in a legally binding, life-long contract.
The fact that sexual relations were forbidden outside of marriage and adulterers were given the death penalty, it is clear that it is a serious business, so God's recommendation is to choose a mate wisely, NOT based on sexual compatibility but on the more important things that cement long term relationships once the intimate rosy glow wears off (as it inevitably does)....like shared interests and goals, similar world views and religious ideals. Shared views on raising children is also important. Mutual respect is more important than physical attraction.
All of the things that keep couples together should be in evidence BEFORE entering into something as important as marriage. If children are born to a couple whose union is not based on the right foundation, and there is constant conflict, then they will live their parents' role modelling and are often doomed to repeat their mistakes in their own choice of a mate. Attitudes are molded by life experience, so we owe it to our children to be the best role models we can possibly be.
It is true that people can change over time....but if all the right criteria are in place at the beginning, then a couple is more likely to grow together, than to grow apart.
Just my two cents worth.....
Last edited:
Subduction Zone
Veteran Member
Not based upon my religion, but taking a cue from our current president. It is okay when one can turn in a fifty year old wife for two twentyfive year olds.
Subduction Zone
Veteran Member
That was largely due to the belief that women are property. As a woman do you believe that you are property? Things are bit different these days.
It amounts to the same. Either way it's a broken promise to treat other well.
In many cultures, both past and current, marriage partners were and are not someone the individual chooses, but are someone chosen by the elders of the families.
The following wikipedia article discusses the causes and types of such marriages
Arranged marriage - Wikipedia
Put into today's context, of course it sounds archaic...it was. The system that operated in Israel at the time meant that women did not expect to be equal with men in the headship arrangement. In any company, a manager or CEO is the one who makes the final decisions and the buck stops with them. In ancient times, a woman depended largely on the man to earn the money or to tend the fields to make sure that there was bread on the table. A woman was expected to be married and to have children and to do her share in the arrangement. She did not see herself as second class, but as a support for her husband. If you remember, that Eve was not created as Adam's equal but as a support for him. She complemented him in every way and there was great scope in her accomplishments. (Proverbs 31: 10-31)
If everyone knows their assigned role and keeps their place, there is no room for conflict. The conflict comes when someone is out of place or tries to usurp the role of someone placed in higher authority. I am no one's "property" but I had a real sense of 'belonging' to my husband as he 'belonged' to me.....not in the sense of 'ownership' like property, but of something that was a precious gift that I valued more than anything in this world. We saw our children as gifts as well....not property.
Marriage is God's arrangement and everything works well if all are content just do their assigned job.
Arranged marriages have their pros and cons. In the Bible some marriages were arranged and others chose their own mates.
The Bible warns us to be "past the bloom of youth" before considering marriage. Only when you have lived as an adult, can you make adult decisions. Maturity helps us to be wiser in the reasons for our choices. Being 'infatuated' or 'in lust' is not the same as being able to make decisions about a life long partnership based on many other more important factors. The old saying..."marry in haste.....repent at leisure" still applies. It takes time and effort to blend two lives.
In arranged marriages, often the parents choose a mate based on more important factors than just physical attraction. In those cultures that favor such marriages, a prospective husband has to be a good provider and moderate in his habits......the woman has to have the qualities that will make for a good companion for their son and a good mother for their children. Many of them have turned out well.
William Milverton
Member
.
.
At the beginning of his ministry, at the sermon on the mount, Jesus laid out his entire teaching in the form of 40 commandments
He did it then because he was far from sure that he would be able to complete his ministry
If it had not been for Roman military rule the Jews would have stoned Jesus to death within months if not weeks
The sermon on the mount was Jesus’ first big rally and he was not even sure he would get to the end of it alive, so he gave the most important commandments first
Jesus’ 40 commandments at the sermon on the mount are in order of importance
Jesus’ commandment on divorce was number 20
That means the 19 commandments before it were more important
Jesus said it is a sin to get a divorce for any reason other than adultery
But then commandment one is; ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven‘
and commandment three is; ‘Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth’
Commandment eleven is; ‘Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven’
How are you getting on with those?
When you’ve got your life on track with commandments 1 – 19, then come and ask about No 20
The Word Worshippers of the Protestant church deliberately confuse ‘The Word’ which was the bible’s term for Lord Jesus, with words in the bible
This allows them to present the propaganda that everything in the bible is an equality – the writing of Paul is equal to the commandments of Jesus, and those are equal in authority to the smallest prophet of the Old Testament
They obsess about Paul’s letters to his church in order to avoid having to implement Jesus’ 40 commandments into their lives
They also teach the nonsense that ‘faith in Jesus’ simple means believing he existed
Word Worshippers stand in pulpits and actually tell people that all you have to do to get your sins forgiven is to simply believe that Jesus existed
Faith in Jesus requires that you get on with incorporating his 40 commandments into your life and nothing less will do.
The forgiveness that he promised is aimed at those who do their best with these commandments but who don’t quite make the grade
That forgiveness extends to commandment 20 which is less important than the 19 before it and more important than the 20 after it
.
.
.
At the beginning of his ministry, at the sermon on the mount, Jesus laid out his entire teaching in the form of 40 commandments
He did it then because he was far from sure that he would be able to complete his ministry
If it had not been for Roman military rule the Jews would have stoned Jesus to death within months if not weeks
The sermon on the mount was Jesus’ first big rally and he was not even sure he would get to the end of it alive, so he gave the most important commandments first
Jesus’ 40 commandments at the sermon on the mount are in order of importance
Jesus’ commandment on divorce was number 20
That means the 19 commandments before it were more important
Jesus said it is a sin to get a divorce for any reason other than adultery
But then commandment one is; ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven‘
and commandment three is; ‘Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth’
Commandment eleven is; ‘Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven’
How are you getting on with those?
When you’ve got your life on track with commandments 1 – 19, then come and ask about No 20
The Word Worshippers of the Protestant church deliberately confuse ‘The Word’ which was the bible’s term for Lord Jesus, with words in the bible
This allows them to present the propaganda that everything in the bible is an equality – the writing of Paul is equal to the commandments of Jesus, and those are equal in authority to the smallest prophet of the Old Testament
They obsess about Paul’s letters to his church in order to avoid having to implement Jesus’ 40 commandments into their lives
They also teach the nonsense that ‘faith in Jesus’ simple means believing he existed
Word Worshippers stand in pulpits and actually tell people that all you have to do to get your sins forgiven is to simply believe that Jesus existed
Faith in Jesus requires that you get on with incorporating his 40 commandments into your life and nothing less will do.
The forgiveness that he promised is aimed at those who do their best with these commandments but who don’t quite make the grade
That forgiveness extends to commandment 20 which is less important than the 19 before it and more important than the 20 after it
.
.
Last edited:
Akivah
Well-Known Member
The link mentions that the marriage you refer to in your first sentence is a forced arranged marriage.
FYI, in Judaism, marriages were never forced. They may be introduced by their families, but the man and the woman have to both give their consent to be married.