Your Opinion on Raising Kids?

[Rainbow Mage]

What is your opinion on how to raise a child? Should they be taught a certain religion, or not? How would you teach them right from wrong? Is spanking acceptable, or is punishment better? Would you want them to be brains or brawn? Books or teach them physical labor?

I will begin. I don't believe I would raise my child to share my beliefs. I might get them rootnamed (a ceremony in which a newborn is given a Kemetic name in Kemetic Orthodoxy), but that would be it. I wouldn't raise them to be Kemetic or Buddhist. I'd let them decide for themselves when they got older. I would teach them right from wrong, not with religion, but by example. I would explain to them that certain actions hurt people, and therefore they shouldn't do them, rather then teaching them the ideas of sin and hell. I would only punish my child, and only if I absolutely had to, and if I punished them a certain length of time I wouldn't take it back later, because I'd want my kids to know they can take me at my word. I think that's important, that your kids see you mean what you say. I would raise my child to be a bookworm like me. I might ask them to do little chores, but nothing too physical. I don't want my kids to turn out to be macho, bad*ss types. What about you? What's your approach to raising kids? Or how would you raise them if you had them?

 

[blackout]

I want my children to be the very best,
very freest WHO THEY ARE.

I always share my own experience and outlooks,
as friend, mentor and matron
but their path is their own,
something I both respect and encourage.

But then, mine IS the path of the Individual.

 

[Breathe]

What is your opinion on how to raise a child? Should they be taught a certain religion, or not?

I think so. I will teach my children my faith, regardless of what other people think. If my wife and I are not of the same religion (I don't expect her to convert to the religion I do, but she still may) then she will teach them hers. I've been wondering about raising children in mixed-faith households for some time, so I might make a thread on it sometime.

I will take them to my holy place occasionally and have them learn their faith. I will not turn them into zealous fanatics, and since I won't join an exclusive religion, I would also encourage them to accept people who are different. My wife and I will let them join their own faith if they so desire, though.

How would you teach them right from wrong?

I'd expect them to adhere to the golden (and silver) rule, ahimsa, compassion and just general decency. Hopefully they'll learn from their awesome parents. ... what?

Is spanking acceptable, or is punishment better?

Spanking should be a last resort. I do not support prohibiting spanking (and if anyone doesn't agree with me, tough), but I think it should be used very sparingly as there are better techniques. I've encountered someone who bashed her kid on the arse for every slight thing, and someone else who would never punish her kid in case it stifled his free spirit.

Would you want them to be brains or brawn? Books or teach them physical labor?

Brains and books, definitely. I still expect them to pitch in and tidy their rooms and wash up and stuff though.

 

[Kathryn]

I believe that children should be raised to be strong and independent. I also think that it's the parents' responsibility to teach them social skills which are rooted in the concept of "loving your neighbor as you love yourself." In order to understand that though, kids need to love themselves - to understand their own self worth and the sanctity of their lives and the lives of others.

Kids need to be taught to think objectively and to be able to process concepts. In order to do that, I think they need a moral compass. It's the parents' responsibility to instill that moral compass, regardless of whether they call it religion or just common sense.

We have to guide our kids but we also have to give them the tools to be able to sort out their own ideas and beliefs.

We need to lead by example and give them a role model to follow. But we also need to give them access to other role models and ideas.

I firmly believe that we need to teach them to respect truth from ANY source. But in order to be able to identify truth, they need good analytical skills. We can encourage those skills by engaging our kids in spirited discussions about right and wrong, by filling our homes with good books and good movies, and by stimulating their minds with a wide variety of experiences.

As for discipline - I'm a proponent of tough love and teaching them healthy boundaries. Most wrongs that kids commit are transgressions of other peoples' boundaries - so they need a clear idea of what that concept is. I also think we've GOT to follow through and discipline them fairly and firmly.

As for household chores - I think everyone ought to pitch in. Even the smallest toddler can put their toys up in a toy basket. Chores ought to be divided fairly and age appropriately. And good results should be rewarded.

As for brains or brawn - why can't a kid have both? I think television and video games and, yes, even computers, can be very detrimental to a kid's intellectual and physical development, and should be allowed very sparingly. Get those kids outside and let them get dirty! Let them play in the rain, let them stay outside and run after fireflies till way after dark, let them experience a hot summer afternoon by finding the solace of a cool porch and a big glass of lemonade rather than simply diving for the air conditioning and sitcoms. Set up the sprinkler and then sit outside with them and laugh as they jump and scream and show off. Drag a stool up to the counter and let them punch down the yeast bread dough.

If you don't have time to do this sort of thing, consider re-arranging your life.

 

[DallasApple]

My opinion on raising kids is pretty much dont have any pre-concieved notions..Do not live through them live with them..

Love

Dallas

 

[sandandfoam]

My opinion on raising kids it pretty much dont have any pre-concieved notions..Do not live through them live with them..

Love

Dallas

I like that a lot.

 

[Ganymede]

What is your opinion on how to raise a child? Should they be taught a certain religion, or not? How would you teach them right from wrong? Is spanking acceptable, or is punishment better? Would you want them to be brains or brawn? Books or teach them physical labor?

Choices and consequences. That's the name of the game. I never tell my children they are bad, I tell them they made a bad choice, and "this" is the consequence. (whatever "this" might be). The consequence should fit the choice in worth. I praise them when they make good choices, and I tell them about it, and sometimes there's a reward. I don't mix praise with love. I tell them I love them when there is no reason to. I would go as far as to say I wouldn't even try to assure them I love them when they are "doing time" (Timeout, a chore) for making a bad choice, unless it seemed relevant. It is important that the love you show for a child is as unconditional as possible. When they are old enough (around 3) you can have family meetings where they get to participate in making family rules, and consequences for breaking them. This way, they know the rules in advance, and don't feel cheated when they are disciplined. Another trick is to enforce the rule in a certain way: "You chose to do this so you chose to go to your room and think about it. We never lock the door. We stay right there and sometimes give them less time if they can tell us why their actions were not a good choice. Sometimes you can play "I'll bet you can't (whatever it is you're trying to get them to do), or what we call "beat the clock": I'll bet you can't clean up this stuff by the time this ringer goes off (an egg timer). I know all of this sounds like a lot of work, but give it 2-3 weeks, and you'll be amazed. The parents should be united, and not argue about rules in front of the kids - and the parents are subject to the rules as well. I have actually sat in the corner because I made a bad choice. :yes:

I don't want my kids to turn out to be macho, bad*ss types. What about you? What's your approach to raising kids? Or how would you raise them if you had them?

My belief is somewhat answered by the answer to another question you asked. My wife and I took an excellent course on parenting, and it was explained quite clearly that if you spank your children, you are teaching them violence. Not necessarily extreme violence, but, ask yourself this question: If your child hits another sibling, or another parent's child, would you spank them to tell them it's wrong to hit others?

 

[Kathryn]

What some people call pre-conceived notions, other people call values. Whether we mean to or not, we all have a value system that our children cannot HELP but absorb. That's why we better be sure we lead by example.

Good leadership doesn't mean that we're not involved WITH our children. Sometimes leadership simply means being the first one to run through the sprinkler.

 

[Rainbow Mage]

I think with kids it's important to mean what you say, and say what you mean. Young kids don't see falsehood, they believe that when an adult, especially their parents speak, it's the gospel truth. When a parent says they're going to do something for good or bad behaviour, and then they don't do it, it teaches the kid not to believe anything the parent says.

 

[DallasApple]

What some people call pre-conceived notions, other people call values. Whether we mean to or not, we all have a value system that our children cannot HELP but absorb. That's why we better be sure we lead by example.

Good leadership doesn't mean that we're not involved WITH our children. Sometimes leadership simply means being the first one to run through the sprinkler.

Love

Dallas

 

[enchanted_one1975]

I believe a spanking, when warranted, is a good think. It helps a child be disciplined. I know of children that have never been spanked. Most are out of control, and as teens it is difficult, if not impossible, to start disciplining now. As far as religion, StarChaser and I agreed that when we have our child together that we will let them decide on their own religion when the time is right. She said she doesn't mind if I want to read to him from The Pyramid Texts before bed (much like some Christians do with a bible).

 

[Rainbow Mage]

Like I said, the only length I'd be willing to go to with my child as far as Kemeticism goes, is having him rootnamed. Giving him a Kemetic birth name

 

[Kathryn]

Dallas, for the record, I think you are full of good advice nearly all the time and I HATE it when we disagree!

Which is sort of funny to me because I don't mind disagreeing with a lot of people on this forum. But I do have a select few whose opinion of me does matter to me.

 

[DallasApple]

Dallas, for the record, I think you are full of good advice nearly all the time and I HATE it when we disagree!

Which is sort of funny to me because I don't mind disagreeing with a lot of people on this forum. But I do have a select few whose opinion of me does matter to me.

I hate it too..

But I guess Im jaded because I believe its bound to happen in any meaningful relationship..

So dont even worry about it...I'm not mad at you I think you are pretty awesome..

I have high respect for you..We just dont agree on every single nit picking thing...Or on some big things..Thats O.K with me..Thats life..

Love

Dallas

 

[ChristineES]

Raising kids is a tough job and it doesn't come with any instructions. I don't spank my children as I was excessively spanked as a child (several minutes with a belt). There are plenty of alternative options when it comes to discipline.
Parents are naturally going to teach their children their faith (if they have a faith). It would be hard to raise children without them knowing about your faith. We certainly want to share our knowledge with our children. I taught my kids to say "please" and "thank you" and other niceties by using them myself to my children.
I am not the perfect parent but my kids do love me and I love them, too.

A little riddle: Q: What is the best place to raise kids? A: In an elevator.

 

[Ganymede]

I believe a spanking, when warranted, is a good think. It helps a child be disciplined. I know of children that have never been spanked. Most are out of control, and as teens it is difficult, if not impossible, to start disciplining now.

I will repeat this one time, and add an explanation:

My wife and I took an excellent course on parenting, and it was explained quite clearly that if you spank your children, you are teaching them violence. Not necessarily extreme violence, but, ask yourself this question:

If your child hits another sibling, or another parent's child, would you spank them to tell them it's wrong to hit others?

Now you say, those who are not spanked are "out of control". I can't know what that means without more description, but it is likely that these are 2 extremes. The ones who are spanked only appear to be "in control", but are harboring deep resentment toward the parent(s) about it. The others don't have a replacement for spanking which is the choices and consequences method I described earlier.

:angel2:

 

[Storm]

I don't believe I would raise my child to share my beliefs. I might get them rootnamed (a ceremony in which a newborn is given a Kemetic name in Kemetic Orthodoxy), but that would be it. I wouldn't raise them to be Kemetic or Buddhist. I'd let them decide for themselves when they got older.

This is easier said than done. I said much the same, and tried to implement it. I realize now that I didn't give my son enough guidance.

 

[dawny0826]

I hate spanking my girls but sometimes, it's necessary. Both hubby and I prefer a discipline system, using non-physical, positive and negative reinforcement, but there have been times when a quick pop was the best way to get the attention of one or both of my girls. Fortunately, we don't find ourselves in the position where we have to do this often. They're at the age where grounding and suspension of favorite things works wonders.

Regarding religion, my husband and I are Christian, so yes, we're raising our children as we believe Christian parents should. I'm not an unrealistic person, though. I know that Em and Roo will reach an age where they're going to question religion and when that time comes, I understand that I have the responsibility to give them the room they need to grow and find a comfortable space with religion.

Naturally, I hope they will remember that which they've learned because we are trying to raise them to be loving, caring people who place trust in Christ.

My husband and I do not claim to be perfect but we're doing the best that we can and we feel that we have two awesome kids! They're happy and thriving, so I dare anyone to say that we've wronged them in some way by sharing our faith with them.

Edit: There's so much more to raising kids, you know. The most important thing, in my opinion, is to be loving...to provide for your children and to listen to them.

 

[DallasApple]

I will repeat this one time, and add an explanation:

My wife and I took an excellent course on parenting, and it was explained quite clearly that if you spank your children, you are teaching them violence. Not necessarily extreme violence, but, ask yourself this question:

If your child hits another sibling, or another parent's child, would you spank them to tell them it's wrong to hit others?

Now you say, those who are not spanked are "out of control". I can't know what that means without more description, but it is likely that these are 2 extremes. The ones who are spanked only appear to be "in control", but are harboring deep resentment toward the parent(s) about it. The others don't have a replacement for spanking which is the choices and consequences method I described earlier.

:angel2:

I dont know why its so difficult to admit or acknowledge what all the new evidence from the studies being completed that showing negative affects on children from spankings.

And how people dispute it is by giving examples of people who were spanked including themselves and they "turned out fine'..Or examples of kids or grown ups that werent spanked that have issues.

Most parents spank IMHO opinion out of ignorance..

I dont see where anyone is trying to put forth that spankings ruins a persons life or causes them to grow up to become mass murderers...

Or that not spanking should equate to "no discipline".

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Many studies come out that reveal that did you know ounce for ounce apple juice has more sugar and calories than a soda.That one glass a day increases your risk for dabetes x %....

Would you say...NO..apple juice has vtiamins in it.. and soda doesnt so its good for you have a glass a day?

And besides that..I know people that never drank apple juice and are obese and have diabetes.

Love

Dallas