What I mean by the question is. Why do people get angry at something outside of themselves after the situation is already over?
An example can be, someone speaks to you in a wicked way, and you get upset and fire back at them with something even worse, and again the other person maybe get up to you and pushes you.
Already here both you and the other person have started to suffer, from words and action (and probably your thoughts that getting you angry)
So you hold on to this anger and next time you see this person, you want to punch him, because you remember the wicked wors he tossed at you, Again, you suffer because your own ego has been hurt by his words.
Why do people get angry?
My opinion is that people get angry because anger is a natural and inevitable response to frustration or stress. We all feel angry at times – it's part of being human.
Anger is a normal, healthy emotion, which we might experience if we feel:
- attacked
- deceived
- frustrated
- invalidated or unfairly treated
Anger isn't necessarily a 'bad' emotion; in fact it can sometimes be useful. For example, feeling angry about something can:
- help us identify problems or things that are hurting us
- motivate us to create change, achieve our goals and move on
- help us stay safe and defend ourselves in dangerous situations by giving us a burst of energy as part of our fight, flight or freeze response
Anger only becomes a problem when it gets out of control and harms you or people around you. This can happen when:
- you regularly express your anger through unhelpful or destructive behaviour
- your anger is having a negative impact on your overall mental and physical health
- anger becomes your go-to emotion, blocking out your ability to feel other emotions
- you haven't developed healthy ways to express your anger
Learning healthy ways to recognise, express and deal with anger is important for our mental and physical health. When we
shy away from our angry emotions, they tend to become somaticized, causing varying degrees of harm to the body. Holding back angry feelings creates tension, and this stress reaction plays a part in a wide range of psychosomatic ailments, such as headaches, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and cancer. As reported by the
College of Nursing, University of Tennessee: "Extremely low anger scores have been noted in numerous studies of patients with cancer. Such low scores suggest suppression, repression, or restraint of anger. There is evidence to show that suppressed anger can be a precursor to the development of cancer, and also a factor in its progression after diagnosis."
It is essential, in terms of our mental health and well-being, to give all of our feelings free reign in conscious awareness and experience; whereas, in relation to our actions, we must make a rational decision about how to express our anger that involves both moral concerns and reality issues.
There're two salient points in relation to acting on our anger: Is it consistent with our values and would it be in our own best interest? Regarding the latter, it would be foolhardy, for example, for a person who values his or her job to blow up at the boss; instead, it would be more productive to simply acknowledge and feel the hostile feelings without acting them out.
It is crucial to be able to express anger, and at times it can have a remarkably positive effect in personal, vocational or political situations. It is generally best to state one’s anger directly and in a calm tone of voice, rather than in an angry or rageful manner. For example, saying “I felt angry at you when you did thus and so,” matter-of-factly is more effective than expressing it angrily, which will usually provoke an immediate angry retort. However, if you are further annoyed by the response to your anger, or it fails to achieve your purpose, you can always state things more strongly and forcefully. In general, this escalation should be gradual and controlled to achieve the best results.
In summary, when we deny or suppress hostile emotions, our anger is likely to be internalized, turned against our bodies or our selves, or externalized, distorting the world around us. In addition, we are more likely to lose control and act in ways that are detrimental or destructive to ourselves and to others.
What can you do to manage your anger?
It can be frightening when your anger overwhelms you. But there are ways you can learn to manage your anger when you find yourself in difficult situations. You can:
(1)
Look out for warning signs
Anger can cause a rush of adrenaline through your body, so before you recognise the emotion you're feeling you might notice:
- your heart is beating faster
- your breathing is quicker
- your body is becoming tense
- your feet are tapping
- you're clenching your jaw or fists
Recognising these signs gives you the chance to think about how you want to react to a situation before doing anything. This can be difficult in the heat of the moment, but the earlier you notice how you're feeling, the easier it can be to choose how to manage your anger.
(2) buy yourself time to think
(3) try some calming techniques
Try some techniques to manage your feelings:
- Breathe slowly
- Relax your body
- Exercise
- Use up your energy safely in other ways
- Do something to distract yourself mentally or physically
But the idea behind this thread is to say. It has already happened, those things are in the past, let it go. it does not matter in the present moment, because if people keep holding on to the past experiences and the anger they experienced within themself at that time. How are they thinking te suffering will end?
"Let it go" takes time and efforts.
Source where i get my opinion:
(1) Causes of anger
(2) About anger
(3) The Simple Truth about Anger - Suppressing angry feelings inevitably has destructive consequences.
(4) Managing outbursts - What can I do to manage my anger?
