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Why Can't You Just Be Nice?

Discussion in 'General Debates' started by SalixIncendium, Jan 18, 2020.

  1. SalixIncendium

    SalixIncendium सच्चिदानन्द
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    In the heat of debate, why do some of you feel the need to behave like a jerk or be disrespectful to get your point across?

    I've been in heated debates, while I occasionally resort to sarcasm or snark either to get my point across or to inject humor, I do my best to maintain a level of respect for the person with which I'm engaged.

    I wonder why others here struggle to do the same. Would you walk up to someone on the street and speak with someone the way you do here? I'm sure some of you would have your bell rung for the lack of respect you display here if you displayed such in real life.

    Is it because you have a degree of anonymity here?

    Does behaving like a jerk to others somehow make you feel better about yourself?
     
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  2. Landon Caeli

    Landon Caeli ~◇~

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    As one of the meanest, toughest guys around, I compare the experience of debating here with shooting fish in a barrel with a sawed off shotgun.

    ...Most people would probably choose something a little more challenging... Not me. :cool:
     
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  3. Rival

    Rival Noahide
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    I think insult serves the same purpose as swearing: it allows us to vent our frustration, in this case at another, without violence or pain, and use our preferred state of emoting rather than thinking, which is hard and energy consuming.
     
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  4. SalixIncendium

    SalixIncendium सच्चिदानन्द
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    But would one react this way if they were actually in the same room with the person?

    To me, it kind of reminds me of road rage. I see people flipping the bird to someone else and shouting expletives at others all the time on the freeway. I somehow doubt they would get right up in someone's face just as readily, put up their middle finger, and yell, "**** you!!"
     
  5. Landon Caeli

    Landon Caeli ~◇~

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    It beats kicking the dog everytime you come home from a long day at work. Just sayin'.
     
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  6. wizanda

    wizanda One Accepts All Religious Texts
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    I'll rephrase so many times to make it as none personal as possible; yet due to us being down near Hell, many people will always misread things, even if we're trying to be a diplomat.

    In my opinion. :innocent:
     
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  7. Rival

    Rival Noahide
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    Yep. Only most grownups do it in private and we call it 'gossip'. Slightly more complex but at heart still insulting folks.
     
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  8. Landon Caeli

    Landon Caeli ~◇~

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    I lost it yesterday... Bank of America refused to cash my check because I forgot to bring a 2nd form of ID, and I had a 2 hour commute that turned into 3 and a half due to traffic.

    Well, a pedestrian was cussing at someone who pulled too close to the crosswalk, and I unleashed on him, even though I wasn't involved, because people who aren't merciful to other people's honest mistakes really infuriate me to no end... So I snapped, and threatened him, and told him he was the perfect opportunity for me because I wanted to hurt someone... And then I felt stupid afterwards. :oops:
     
    #8 Landon Caeli, Jan 18, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2020
  9. sun rise

    sun rise "Let there be peace and love among all"
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    My weakness is that I'm a counter-puncher. My instinct is to try to finish it if someone else starts.

    So if someone else uses "moose face" to use a neutral example, I'll be tempted to use "moose face" in return and think the other is trying to project their own problem onto me.
     
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  10. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man Bompu Zen Man with a little bit of Bushido.

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    What's a good debate without some awesome smack?

    Think of it as the hot spice that people come in droves to watch and even participate by jumping fearlessly into the fray with the yell of blood!

    It keeps forums alive ,popular, and well, and who doesn't love a good match between two charging Bushido warriors fighting for the honor of the topic at heart?

    Ever wonder why debate is the most popular forum of choice out of all the directives?

    Nothing beats the crucible baby! What comes out of the fire is tempered pure steel!


    ;0)
     
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  11. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man Bompu Zen Man with a little bit of Bushido.

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    Lodge brother!

     
  12. Israel Khan

    Israel Khan Well-Known Member

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    The funniest thing about people resorting to insults is that it discredits their own argument in the eyes of the person they are arguing with. So it is actually counter productive.

    I think it is best to just be to the point and be neutral. It gives the opposition less ammunition.

    I do know one or two people who are sarcastic and mocking off the bat but for some reason when they are called out for it they can't see where they have been rude. It is like they are wearing tinted lenses. Then they go on to accuse others of doing the same.
     
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  13. Vinayaka

    Vinayaka devotee
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    I find overly nice annoying. When someone just continues to agree with you, it seems that they don't have a stance. The opposite is true too as with some folks, it seems like will always disagree with you, no matter what you say.

    Then there is the lack of facial expression, lack of body language. sensitivity variances, and all that other hard to read vague stuff that we're limited to by simple words on a screen. For example, how many times is sarcasm taken for real here, and in a later post the person has to say "I was being sarcastic"?

    I think many of us (me, for sure) are actually surprised when somebody accuses us of being rude. Really? Just because you disagree or put forward an alternate view doesn't mean you're rude.
     
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  14. Darkforbid

    Darkforbid Well-Known Member

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    Well over the last few days I've had to explain the meaning of 'being' to you. And on you're last post you're struggling with state of mind. Thinking it means the Texas/Washington, of mind
     
  15. SalixIncendium

    SalixIncendium सच्चिदानन्द
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    Now you’re putting words in my mouth.

    I said Illinois. :)
     
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  16. lewisnotmiller

    lewisnotmiller Grand Hat
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    I'm lovely.

    *bats eyelashes*
     
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  17. dybmh

    dybmh Terminal Optimist
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    I can only speak for myself:

    I'm immature, emotional, and impatient.
     
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  18. Landon Caeli

    Landon Caeli ~◇~

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    What, those are good qualities.
     
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  19. Darkforbid

    Darkforbid Well-Known Member

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    Stop creeping and grow a full set!
     
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  20. stvdv

    stvdv Well-Known Member

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    Great post.

    I think I understand why.

    Some people had such a horrible youth (abandoned, raped, abused, beaten etc), that they are filled to the brim with anger and hate (I have my fair share of suppressed emotions; so I speak here from my experience).

    Every word just triggers their "being abused memories + added hate".

    They don't have Self Control yet, hence it happens. They are not even aware they do it. But telling them won't even work as their trauma is too big. As defense mechanism they put up a huge arrogant Ego, which makes it even more impossible to get through to them.

    Once a woman said something very mean to me and I went into coma. I could not help it (a deep emotional trauma was triggered).

    With them it's the same, only the other way around, they send people into 'coma'. Not on purpose, just unaware.

    I believe it's as simple as that.
    Though simple to understand, it's almost impossible to reverse (both ways; though the pleaser is curable of 'behaving too nice', for the narcissist it's more difficult to cure of 'behaving too bad').

    Note:
    Make each other aware is the way to go IMO. RF Rules are good (and the report option is a good last resort) . Frubals are also good (and good you don't have hate frubals that would put more oil on the fire). Narcissists won't easily give likes. Pleasers give plenty likes.

    Indian Scriptures even say "Ego is hard to conquer, Spiritual Ego is almost impossible to overcome".

    Hence they advice "No Contact is the best contact to have with narcissists". Silence is the best treatment some experts advise.
     
    #20 stvdv, Jan 18, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2020
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