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Which Is Better To You?

ChristineES

ChristineES

Tiggerism
Premium Member
Which of these would you rather have- Someone who hates you and tells you to your face that he/she hates --or-- someone who hates you but acts as though he/she likes to your face?
I would rather have the former- if someone doesn't like me, I would not like it if that person pretended to like me.
 
3.14

3.14

Well-Known Member
would rather have the lather, they can't fool me so rather have them atleast pretend to b friendly
 
Caladan

Caladan

Agnostic Pantheist
ChristineES said:
Which of these would you rather have- Someone who hates you and tells you to your face that he/she hates --or-- someone who hates you but acts as though he/she likes to your face?
I would rather have the former- if someone doesn't like me, I would not like it if that person pretended to like me.
Click to expand...
It all depends on the context. even with people I 'dislike' Im doing more than the minimum not to succumb to ill communication. sometimes its easier and better for everyone to deal nicely even with those you dont like. its exhausting for everyone when people are bickering because they dont transmit on the same frequency. the minimum we can do is play adults with each other.
 
Quagmire

Quagmire

Imaginary talking monkey
Staff member
Premium Member
I'd rather know where I stand up front. The worst kind of enemy is a phony friend (they always have the built in advantage of the element of surprise).
 
Nanda

Nanda

Polyanna
This is the exact reason why I love New England - the way I've heard it told, down South, they're very sweet to your face, but tear you up behind your back. Here, we're ******** to your face, which may seem less pleasant initially, but at least you know where you stand.
 
Buttercup

Buttercup

Veteran Member
Caladan said:
It all depends on the context. even with people I 'dislike' Im doing more than the minimum not to succumb to ill communication. sometimes its easier and better for everyone to deal nicely even with those you dont like. its exhausting for everyone when people are bickering because they dont transmit on the same frequency. the minimum we can do is play adults with each other.
Click to expand...
Very true, especially with online acquaintances or coworkers. It's much better to keep the peace.

However, if a person is not a friend in real life, I don't care to know if they don't like me...I mean, why? I already know how my close friends and family feel and don't care about how the rest view me. :shrug:
 
3.14

3.14

Well-Known Member
same here in holland, brutal honesty, pot, and windmills is a commen stereotype

here if you see your friend behaving like an ---hole you can call him out on it and still remain friends,
 
B

blm2007

Member
I would like the one who comes to me and tell me face to face that he/she doesn't like me or hate me because it would be then all over at once.
 
Katzpur

Katzpur

Not your average Mormon
ChristineES said:
Which of these would you rather have- Someone who hates you and tells you to your face that he/she hates --or-- someone who hates you but acts as though he/she likes to your face?
I would rather have the former- if someone doesn't like me, I would not like it if that person pretended to like me.
Click to expand...
I'm with you, Christine. I really detest hypocrisy, especially when it comes to how someone treats me.
 
YmirGF

YmirGF

Bodhisattva in Recovery
I don't really care as in either case as my inner radar would alert me that something peculiar was afoot. I read non-verbal clues very well, so it isn't likely that such a thing would escape my notice. That being said, I do find honesty, even if brutal, to be the best policy.
 
ChristineES

ChristineES

Tiggerism
Premium Member
I would hope that if someone had a problem with me they would come to me and discuss it and not talk about it to everyone except me. :)
 
I

Inky

Active Member
ChristineES said:
Which of these would you rather have- Someone who hates you and tells you to your face that he/she hates --or-- someone who hates you but acts as though he/she likes to your face?
I would rather have the former- if someone doesn't like me, I would not like it if that person pretended to like me.
Click to expand...

It depends on the situation. If someone hates me because of something specific I did, I'd rather them let me know so we could try to work through it or I could have a chance to apologize, if I did something wrong and didn't realize it at the time. If they've just decided they hate me for no reason, that's not my problem, so they can deal with it however they want as long as they don't let it affect my life.

I think the best thing to do if you really dislike someone and it can't be fixed is to avoid them in social situations when you can, and be polite when you can't. A mature adult can be polite to someone without acting like their best friend. What counts as "polite" varies depending on where you are and who you're with.
 
Kathryn

Kathryn

It was on fire when I laid down on it.
Hate is such a strong word and such a visceral emotion. Are we really talking about HATE here or just dislike or disrespect for my opinions or lifestyle?

If someone HATED me, I would probably know it pretty quickly - I have a well-tuned BS monitor. If they DISLIKE me, then I'm with some of the other posters here - whether I want to know it or not depends on the situation.

For instance, when I meet with clients, they may not like my advice. They may not like my haircut. They may not like it when I tell them that the error is their's and not the bank's. But frankly, I don't care. I'd prefer they be civil in that context, just as I will be polite and kind toward them, even if inwardly I'm screaming, "You are a freaking idiot!!!!!"

Same with a co-worker - I prefer a polite and respectful workplace, even if it means we can't be brutally honest with each other. What's the point of making everything personal? There are ways to be honest about OPINIONS and IDEAS, POLICY and PROCEDURE without making such topics a personal slam.

I think that the route one takes in those situations is an indicator of maturity level.

As for friends and family - usually if someone is twofaced, it becomes apparent pretty quickly. I doubt that I would be able to change that trait in them. So I guess whether or not I call them out on it depends on whether or not it would make a significant difference for the better in anyone's life or situation.

If not, then I just let it slide and avoid getting my emotions tangled up in their personal drama.

Southerners call this GOOD MANNERS by the way.
 
BucephalusBB

BucephalusBB

ABACABB
ChristineES said:
Which of these would you rather have- Someone who hates you and tells you to your face that he/she hates --or-- someone who hates you but acts as though he/she likes to your face?
I would rather have the former- if someone doesn't like me, I would not like it if that person pretended to like me.
Click to expand...

Hate me? What did I do?? :eek:

If he/she allready hates me, I don't want them to trouble themselves more by pretending to be someone else around me. They can tell me once and I'll leave them alone. Better for the 2 of us..
 
Delilah Roo

Delilah Roo

Member
Hmmmm. I would rather someone just like me. BUt I would prefer someone to openly hate me. I usualy pretend to like people. honestly, it is easier and funny to make fun of them behind their back.
 
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