What is your opinion on internet privacy?

[Archer]

There is no real privacy anymore and the internet makes it that way. Now more directly related to the OP.

I will check my wife's email and I check her Facebook (to keep her up to date); she does not check mine because it is either business related, something she already saw or none of her business at the time (she can).

I don't hide anything because every time I do; I get busted and she gets her feelings hurt☻

I like to surprise her with things and she has ruined that before and that is why she does not check.

So on to privacy. You are dealing with someones life in a lot of relationships. In relationships that are long term and sexual I say it is a tough call. Is he/she taking my life into their hands?

If you don't want to get caught don't do it.

My opinion of the case in the OP is that she should have kept her nose out of it and if she did look she should have asked.

 

[lunamoth]

I would not put anything on the internet in any form that I would not let my mother, my husband, or my employer read.

 

[McBell]

I would not put anything on the internet in any form that I would not let my mother, my husband, or my employer to read.

That is a good way to judge what not to put on/over the internet.

I have seen people fired over their Facebook status...

 

[Vendetta]

Computer, cell phone, bank statements, underwear drawer, mailbox - all the same thing in my opinion.

The access to these which others have should be based on the level of the relationship. I believe that if we are hiding ANYTHING from a committed partner, we're probably in the wrong. And by hiding things, I don't mean hiding Christmas presents - you know what I mean.

I think in marriage or committed partnerships, you should consider your cell phone or your computer to be about the same level of privacy as your underwear drawer. I mean, you wouldn't expect to come home and find your partner digging around in your underwear drawer, but at the same time, you gotta kinda know that they MIGHT do so.

I often leave my computer "open" while I'm piddling around the house. My husband could go over and start poking around if he wanted. I don't have anything to hide. But if he had done so when we were casually dating, I would have had a problem with that. In fact, I wouldn't have left it up and running.

I have no idea if my husband has ever picked up my phone and gone through my calls. I've done so with his a few times - but it wasn't because I didn't trust him - I was looking for a number. Anyway - he didn't blink an eye - and I wouldn't either.

My ex husband left his email open and minimized on the screen at the office, and I went into his office to print something - and when I moved the mouse, his email popped up. Lo and behold - HE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR. So - I busted him via his email - and I wasn't even looking. I sure am glad I found out though. Wow, that was some email....drama, drama, drama...

Even so, I'm not overly paranoid - because I'm not married to the same man. But I do think that husbands and wives should not HIDE things from each other - either in their drawers or in their computers. I think that if a spouse is suspicious, and the others' behavior is also suspicious - all bets are off. Hack the computer, hide a GPS in the car, hire a private investigator, do what you need to do. Just be prepared to take responsibility for your actions - whether your suspicions were justified or not.

I disagree...on a dating basis I don't care if I wasnt having a monogamous relationship. If a woman tells me "do you trust me to change your password?" Only for her to utilize this to see if I a, dating other women is a violation of trust period!

 

[Kathryn]

I disagree...on a dating basis I don't care if I wasnt having a monogamous relationship. If a woman tells me "do you trust me to change your password?" Only for her to utilize this to see if I a, dating other women is a violation of trust period!

I guess I'm not clear on this. Did she ASK you to LET HER change your password? I'm not sure what you're talking about.

So you were in a monogamous relationship - or at least that was the agreement - but you were still in contact in a romantic or flirting way with other women? And she found this out by getting into your computer? Is that the way this went down?

If so - I'd say your protestations about trust being broken are hypocritical.

 

[Archer]

I guess I'm not clear on this. Did she ASK you to LET HER change your password? I'm not sure what you're talking about.

So you were in a monogamous relationship - or at least that was the agreement - but you were still in contact in a romantic or flirting way with other women? And she found this out by getting into your computer? Is that the way this went down?

If so - I'd say your protestations about trust being broken are hypocritical.

Yes! Trust works both ways. I do not know the situation and it sounds as if she misinterpreted what was being said in the messages.

If in the OP you (or anyone) were (is) messing around then this is not really a violation of privacy it is a violation of trust. She was not an outsider looking in she was on the inside and saw something that concerned her. This was nothing to do with privacy and everything to do with trust.

In a case where there was cheating I say good for her because there are way too many diseases out there that can kill or dramatically alter lifestyle. Trust works both ways and if it was cheating then it is even.

 

[Kathryn]

Let me put it this way - as Archer says, it's not just a matter of trust - it's also a matter of self preservation.

When people are in a monogamous relationship, and expect to be the only sexual partner of THEIR partner, they have every right to safeguard and monitor that alleged monogamy. As for flirting and having relationships online - many of those online relationships eventually manifest themselves as sexual relationships. And even if they aren't at that point - there's the emotional factor as well. If you claim to be monogamous, and expect your partner to be so as well, why are you continuing flirtatious relationships with other women?

Vendetta, here's my question to you - if you found out that she was having the same sort of relationships with other men that you were having with other women, would you feel as if that was OK? If so, then apparently the two of you didn't do a thorough job of laying out your expectations and parameters in the relationship. If not, then wouldn't you think you had the right to know about her relationships which didn't comply with your expectations and trust level?

Just what do you think would be an appropriate way to discover this? And in what sort of timeline?

By the time I found out that my ex husband was having an affair (well, actually several affairs - he was meeting women online and then hooking up with them at hotels two hours away), my health was already at risk. In fact, when I hightailed it to my doctor, he ran a lot of tests, but even before the results were back, he prescribed everything that he would normally prescribe for several venereal diseases - he was so alarmed at the level of risk my partner had levied on me - without my knowledge. It's only by the grace of God that I escaped something like herpes (or worse) - something that I would have to carry with me for the rest of my life.

When it comes to personal health and infidelity, all bets are off. Do what you have to do to protect yourself. That's my stand.

 

[Koldo]

I disagree...on a dating basis I don't care if I wasnt having a monogamous relationship. If a woman tells me "do you trust me to change your password?" Only for her to utilize this to see if I a, dating other women is a violation of trust period!

You could have misunderstood her.
The question could have nothing to do with privacy.
She probably meant to say :"Do you trust me that i won't impersonate you making use of your facebook account ( or even delete it/change to another random password so you will never have access to it again )?".

 

[Storm]

Well there are two things to this:

Was she wrong to invade his privacy?

Yes. Regardless whether he was cheating, she had no right picking up his phone and scrolling through his messages.

See, I disagree. He gave her cause for suspicion, and she acted to protect herself.

 

[Storm]

I think this comes down to a case by case basis.

If someone has a feeling that their partner is doing something wrong to them, and they investigate and find out that their feelings are correct, I think it can be justified. If someone cheats or something similar, then they are more in the wrong than someone investigating them.

Privacy is a useful thing, because sometimes people want to say stuff without certain people knowing, but if people are routinely hiding stuff from their partner, and going behind their back to either cheat on them or flirt in ways they wouldn't appreciate, then it's all pretty messed up to start with.

Computer, cell phone, bank statements, underwear drawer, mailbox - all the same thing in my opinion.

The access to these which others have should be based on the level of the relationship. I believe that if we are hiding ANYTHING from a committed partner, we're probably in the wrong. And by hiding things, I don't mean hiding Christmas presents - you know what I mean.

I think in marriage or committed partnerships, you should consider your cell phone or your computer to be about the same level of privacy as your underwear drawer. I mean, you wouldn't expect to come home and find your partner digging around in your underwear drawer, but at the same time, you gotta kinda know that they MIGHT do so.

I often leave my computer "open" while I'm piddling around the house. My husband could go over and start poking around if he wanted. I don't have anything to hide. But if he had done so when we were casually dating, I would have had a problem with that. In fact, I wouldn't have left it up and running.

I have no idea if my husband has ever picked up my phone and gone through my calls. I've done so with his a few times - but it wasn't because I didn't trust him - I was looking for a number. Anyway - he didn't blink an eye - and I wouldn't either.

My ex husband left his email open and minimized on the screen at the office, and I went into his office to print something - and when I moved the mouse, his email popped up. Lo and behold - HE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR. So - I busted him via his email - and I wasn't even looking. I sure am glad I found out though. Wow, that was some email....drama, drama, drama...

Even so, I'm not overly paranoid - because I'm not married to the same man. But I do think that husbands and wives should not HIDE things from each other - either in their drawers or in their computers. I think that if a spouse is suspicious, and the others' behavior is also suspicious - all bets are off. Hack the computer, hide a GPS in the car, hire a private investigator, do what you need to do. Just be prepared to take responsibility for your actions - whether your suspicions were justified or not.

I agree with these.

 

[Archer]

See, I disagree. He gave her cause for suspicion, and she acted to protect herself.

I hate to do this:sorry1: but I agree 100% and here is why:

"My best friend was hanging out with her boyfriend watching a movie. Unusually, he kept texting, and wouldn't tell her what was up beyond "nothing important." When he went to the bathroom, she read his texts and found out he was cheating on her. Kicked him to the curb.

His stupidity aside, was she in the wrong?"

They ware at a move and it was her time but he was sharing it with another. When confronted he lied; unless no woman is important to him.

I am sure she wanted to see what the hell was so important that it interrupted their time together. She found out that she was not important. Good for her and it was not an invasion of privacy either because he opened the door that she went through. If she had been checking with no reason that would be different but she had just cause. I suppose she should have waited around for VD, AIDS or having children to get curious.

 

[Storm]

I hate to do this:sorry1: but I agree 100% and here is why:

Why are you apologizing for saying I'm right? LOL.

 

[Archer]

Why are you apologizing for saying I'm right? LOL.

We almost never agree on things. I just wanted to apologize for breaking the mold

 

[Storm]

:biglaugh:

 

[Vendetta]

I guess I'm not clear on this. Did she ASK you to LET HER change your password? I'm not sure what you're talking about.

So you were in a monogamous relationship - or at least that was the agreement - but you were still in contact in a romantic or flirting way with other women? And she found this out by getting into your computer? Is that the way this went down?

If so - I'd say your protestations about trust being broken are hypocritical.

No we weren't in a monogamous relationship. I was dating only her yet I had a potential individual whom I was interested in, but kept it at a plutonic level. Because she and I had history since the early 90's I trusted her unlike most women. When the hacker got into my account I wasn't at base to gain access to a computer to assess the threat, I could only see from my phone. Because she is on my facebook as one of my friends she told me what this guy was doing along with my navy buddies. So she suggested changing my password. In her exact words

"Do you trust me?" Now, if I had something to hide why the hell am I dumb enough to expose myself, so since I didn't I said "yes." Now from there it went to another level because past discussions of women I was with who had contacted privately, those discussions I never deleted because they were discussions that we brief messages sent to me.

For example an ex girlfriend of mine who just finished her tour in Iraq decided to contact me and wanted to "catch up on old times." Another female from florida I had met some time ago she and I were discussing some intimate things, and another girl I knew she and I were talking about some other personal stuff. So all these.messages were never deleted.

My ex friend who Snooped in my account we hung out for a week. Did everything together but on the day in question the day I wanted to hang with some of my navy buddies, she wanted to hang out the whole day. I told her we could hangout but wanted to see my friends. I guess she wanted to come along (my guess) but since ta all guys going out drinking I was hesitant because these are guys I haven't seen and since she and I aren't on that level I really didn't want to.

So when it was decided that I would see her after I was done with them she decided to Snoop through my facebook using my new password (I learned after the fact that she immediately checked my private messages even when she changed my password) and saw my ex from the navy (remember her?) Who wanted to see me and hook up. She mistook that message as if that was the person who I was seeing. Does it make sense now? So she got all upset over an old message. If she cared to look at the date it wasn't even on the same day. Better now?

 

[Vendetta]

See, I disagree. He gave her cause for suspicion, and she acted to protect herself.

Storm read my response to Kathryn that should contradict and own everything you disagree with BAM!

 

[Vendetta]

Archer btw readbmy response to Kathryn.........You and Storm are laughable.

By the way she has since then apologized and saw what she did was wrong. There is no such thing as self preservation when

A) I gave you no reason to preserve your feelings
B) There was no agreement to be monogamous in the first place
C)My facebook, myspace, email are my personal stuff, my commander may want to send me some information she has no business reading it.

In my opinion she was insecure to begin with. I normally don't date heavy set women so when I dated her she became even super insecure. I wont lie, because I lift weights and have a decent looking physique I do attract attention but in reality I don't care for attention. I am about being in shape. However it was hard to convince her that I don't juggle women anymore like that because I am way more mature and educated. Besides my days are too busy to engage in that kind of activity

 

[Archer]

No we weren't in a monogamous relationship. I was dating only her yet I had a potential individual whom I was interested in, but kept it at a plutonic level. Because she and I had history since the early 90's I trusted her unlike most women. When the hacker got into my account I wasn't at base to gain access to a computer to assess the threat, I could only see from my phone. Because she is on my facebook as one of my friends she told me what this guy was doing along with my navy buddies. So she suggested changing my password. In her exact words

"Do you trust me?" Now, if I had something to hide why the hell am I dumb enough to expose myself, so since I didn't I said "yes." Now from there it went to another level because past discussions of women I was with who had contacted privately, those discussions I never deleted because they were discussions that we brief messages sent to me.

For example an ex girlfriend of mine who just finished her tour in Iraq decided to contact me and wanted to "catch up on old times." Another female from florida I had met some time ago she and I were discussing some intimate things, and another girl I knew she and I were talking about some other personal stuff. So all these.messages were never deleted.

My ex friend who Snooped in my account we hung out for a week. Did everything together but on the day in question the day I wanted to hang with some of my navy buddies, she wanted to hang out the whole day. I told her we could hangout but wanted to see my friends. I guess she wanted to come along (my guess) but since ta all guys going out drinking I was hesitant because these are guys I haven't seen and since she and I aren't on that level I really didn't want to.

So when it was decided that I would see her after I was done with them she decided to Snoop through my facebook using my new password (I learned after the fact that she immediately checked my private messages even when she changed my password) and saw my ex from the navy (remember her?) Who wanted to see me and hook up. She mistook that message as if that was the person who I was seeing. Does it make sense now? So she got all upset over an old message. If she cared to look at the date it wasn't even on the same day. Better now?

She should have talked with you then. Perhaps she had a different view of your relationship.

 

[Vendetta]

You could have misunderstood her.
The question could have nothing to do with privacy.
She probably meant to say :"Do you trust me that i won't impersonate you making use of your facebook account ( or even delete it/change to another random password so you will never have access to it again )?".

No. The basis of her making that comment was about privacy. In other words it was about do you trust me with your private information? e.g. password account info

 

[Vendetta]

She should have talked with you then. Perhaps she had a different view of your relationship.

Doesn't matter she violated my trust. She plastered profanities about me on her facebook and found out she got upset over an old message