Tough times, really just venting (long read)

[Jainarayan]

I’ve been going through some tough times. We’ve had problems that are taxing my sanity and will and desire to go on. When one problem is resolved and we think we’re getting ahead, the rug gets pulled out from under me. Many people lose their faith and turn against their God(s) but they’re the ones helping me and keeping me afloat. But I am human and often despair and get depressed.

We’re supposed to move into a new condo this month, finally getting out of this house that is falling apart and beyond my abilities to maintain. Financial and other problems, including my husband having gone off the deep end and spent thousands of dollars before I knew it caused it to go into sheriff’s sale last year. He was diagnosed bipolar and was on manic spending sprees. We’ve had an agreement with the new owners to pay rent and stay on for a while. Only because the real estate market has tanked, with this quarantine putting the brakes on it even further. The eviction courts are closed, so there’s another respite. But we’re getting out anyway. The condo is very nice, clean, move-in ready. We made the security deposit and first month’s rent payments.

Sounds like a good fresh start, yes? Well yes and no. Last week I was furloughed from my job of almost 23 years due to this coronavirus business (I won’t go into what I think of it), along with hundreds of other employees all over the country. Our stores are almost all closed. Our only sales are through the internet. I filed for unemployment benefits but I have no idea when they will start. Fortunately a furlough is not a termination, it’s an involuntary unpaid leave of absence. I still have health benefits, but only for so long. Hopefully I’ll be back to work soon.

I haven’t ask anyone for help, and I won’t. So I sit at home not having much desire to do anything, often crying, though I know many people are worse off.. I put off my daily puja because I never have the right emotion for it. Better to not do it than do it half-***ed [self-edited due to filter failure].

And yeah, that thought crosses my mind frequently. I have the means to check out quietly but I have my husband and dogs to be concerned about... not necessarily in that order. If I survive this I know I will never retire and stay home.

I’m not looking for pity or sympathy, or to bring anyone down, but this is the main reason I’ve been scarce. I’m also afraid I’ll lash out at people that don’t deserve it. On Facebook the ones who definitely deserve it get it.

So yeah... tough times.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Yep, tough times.

I've been stuck indoors. I have a birthday in a few days, but it won't be celebrated much, can't even find a cake with the coronavirus going around.

 

[metis]

I’ve been going through some tough times. We’ve had problems that are taxing my sanity and will and desire to go on. When one problem is resolved and we think we’re getting ahead, the rug gets pulled out from under me. Many people lose their faith and turn against their God(s) but they’re the ones helping me and keeping me afloat. But I am human and often despair and get depressed.

We’re supposed to move into a new condo this month, finally getting out of this house that is falling apart and beyond my abilities to maintain. Financial and other problems, including my husband having gone off the deep end and spent thousands of dollars before I knew it caused it to go into sheriff’s sale last year. He was diagnosed bipolar and was on manic spending sprees. We’ve had an agreement with the new owners to pay rent and stay on for a while. Only because the real estate market has tanked, with this quarantine putting the brakes on it even further. The eviction courts are closed, so there’s another respite. But we’re getting out anyway. The condo is very nice, clean, move-in ready. We made the security deposit and first month’s rent payments.

Sounds like a good fresh start, yes? Well yes and no. Last week I was furloughed from my job of almost 23 years due to this coronavirus business (I won’t go into what I think of it), along with hundreds of other employees all over the country. Our stores are almost all closed. Our only sales are through the internet. I filed for unemployment benefits but I have no idea when they will start. Fortunately a furlough is not a termination, it’s an involuntary unpaid leave of absence. I still have health benefits, but only for so long. Hopefully I’ll be back to work soon.

I haven’t ask anyone for help, and I won’t. So I sit at home not having much desire to do anything, often crying, though I know many people are worse off.. I put off my daily puja because I never have the right emotion for it. Better to not do it than do it half-assed.

And yeah, that thought crosses my mind frequently. I have the means to check out quietly but I have my husband and dogs to be concerned about... not necessarily in that order. If I survive this I know I will never retire and stay home.

I’m not looking for pity or sympathy, or to bring anyone down, but this is the main reason I’ve been scarce. I’m also afraid I’ll lash out at people that don’t deserve it. On Facebook the ones who definitely deserve it get it.

So yeah... tough times.

Please, just remember, you and your family need only three things in reality: food, water, & a roof over your heads. Don't let materialism get in the way of knuckling, keeping the family together, and doing what you can do versus worrying about what you may lose materially. As generations have seen many times before, we eventually will get through this, although we may have to make some serious changes in order to do that. I know, "easier said than done", but this is what the "bottom line" is right now for billions of people worldwide-- so you ain't in it alone.

And finally, use your power of prayful meditation to help carry you through this, both as an individual and as a family, and may Brahma bless you all.

 

[Vee]

Hi Jainarayan,

I'm really sorry for all the difficulties you are enduring at the moment. That's a lot in a short period of time and it's understandable that you feel sad and depressed. It's not fair.
I hope you'll be able to get your job back once life goes gradually back to normal, but meanwhile, don't you guys have some sort of government aid program over there? People need to eat and pay their bills during the lock-down. How does that work?
I hope you can keep your house for now and that you can move to the new place soon. Take care of yourself.

 

[Jainarayan]

Hi Jainarayan,

I'm really sorry for all the difficulties you are enduring at the moment. That's a lot in a short period of time and it's understandable that you feel sad and depressed. It's not fair.
I hope you'll be able to get your job back once life goes gradually back to normal, but meanwhile, don't you guys have some sort of government aid program over there? People need to eat and pay their bills during the lock-down. How does that work?
I hope you can keep your house for now and that you can move to the new place soon. Take care of yourself.

Thanks. We are supposed to get $1200 per person from the federal government, and an additional $600 per week in unemployment benefits. That would put me close to what I bring home weekly. I’m grateful for this, but we don’t know when it’s coming. You feel like your hands are slipping and you’re about to fall. You know help will come but you hope it’s before you do fall.

I’ll tell you one thing: when (if?) I go back to work, things will be different. After 23 years I’ve become fat, dumb and happy, complacent, and taking things for granted. Never again. Things at home have already begun changing. I’m watching things like a hawk.

 

[Jainarayan]

Btw, I do keep in mind the saying in my signature. I have had a lot of help and blessings come my way for which I am grateful.

 

[atanu]

Btw, I do keep in mind the saying in my signature. I have had a lot of help and blessings come my way for which I am grateful.

ॐ नमो भगवते वासुदेवाय

 

[MNoBody]

it seems a common plight....with unique differences for every person
I hope you get insight that helps you navigate these circumstances
and may you find the meaning behind it all you are looking for
you know, insights that actually work out for the good as everyone hopes for
and not more religious powerlessness
I may be a random nobody....but as they say...nobody really cares.

 

[Twilight Hue]

I’ve been going through some tough times. We’ve had problems that are taxing my sanity and will and desire to go on. When one problem is resolved and we think we’re getting ahead, the rug gets pulled out from under me. Many people lose their faith and turn against their God(s) but they’re the ones helping me and keeping me afloat. But I am human and often despair and get depressed.

We’re supposed to move into a new condo this month, finally getting out of this house that is falling apart and beyond my abilities to maintain. Financial and other problems, including my husband having gone off the deep end and spent thousands of dollars before I knew it caused it to go into sheriff’s sale last year. He was diagnosed bipolar and was on manic spending sprees. We’ve had an agreement with the new owners to pay rent and stay on for a while. Only because the real estate market has tanked, with this quarantine putting the brakes on it even further. The eviction courts are closed, so there’s another respite. But we’re getting out anyway. The condo is very nice, clean, move-in ready. We made the security deposit and first month’s rent payments.

Sounds like a good fresh start, yes? Well yes and no. Last week I was furloughed from my job of almost 23 years due to this coronavirus business (I won’t go into what I think of it), along with hundreds of other employees all over the country. Our stores are almost all closed. Our only sales are through the internet. I filed for unemployment benefits but I have no idea when they will start. Fortunately a furlough is not a termination, it’s an involuntary unpaid leave of absence. I still have health benefits, but only for so long. Hopefully I’ll be back to work soon.

I haven’t ask anyone for help, and I won’t. So I sit at home not having much desire to do anything, often crying, though I know many people are worse off.. I put off my daily puja because I never have the right emotion for it. Better to not do it than do it half-assed.

And yeah, that thought crosses my mind frequently. I have the means to check out quietly but I have my husband and dogs to be concerned about... not necessarily in that order. If I survive this I know I will never retire and stay home.

I’m not looking for pity or sympathy, or to bring anyone down, but this is the main reason I’ve been scarce. I’m also afraid I’ll lash out at people that don’t deserve it. On Facebook the ones who definitely deserve it get it.

So yeah... tough times.

Just so you know, there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. You have every right to.

I tend to have similar feelings with the craziness, but I adapted a certain methodology in order to get through tough times and tight situations where are you just continue on in spite of yourself.

I take that from nature. Ever seen an ant hill get kicked they don't throw their arms up in frustration but rather stay proactive and continue with whatever immediate task is at hand.

I find emotions while beneficial, can also be destructive when unchecked so I strive to be sensitive, yet indifferent in regards just about anything in any type of situation.

I find maintaining a sense of neutrality can go a long way in preventing those wheels in your head from driving you to a form of insanity.

Hang in there and be aware of the value of concentration. Remember you're not alone in this, we're all in it together. ;0)

 

[Jainarayan]

Just so you know, there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. You have every right to.

I tend to have similar feelings with the craziness, but I adapted a certain methodology in order to get through tough times and tight situations where are you just continue on in spite of yourself.

I take that from nature. Ever seen an ant hill get kicked they don't throw their arms up in frustration but rather stay proactive and continue with whatever immediate task is at hand.

I find emotions while beneficial, can also be destructive when unchecked so I strive to be sensitive, yet indifferent in regards just about anything in any type of situation.

I find maintaining a sense of neutrality can go a long way in preventing those wheels in your head from driving you to a form of insanity.

Hang in there and be aware of the value of concentration. Remember you're not alone in this, we're all in it together. ;0)

Thanks, that makes sense. Despite my whining and despair I do push through. I like to consider myself a survivor. I was in a bad spot in 1993, but here I am. I know this will pass. I just keep asking when.

 

[Jainarayan]

ॐ नमो भगवते वासुदेवाय

Yeah, I need to start doing japa regularly. God knows I have enough tulsi malas. I wear one around my neck. It helps keep me mindful.

I finally did puja, and it made me feel good. Afterward I just stayed at my shrine for a few minutes, not saying anything, just having darshan. That makes me feel good.