lunamoth
Will to love
Depends on the situation. If you stop enabling a person and cut them off from allowing them to do what it is that they are doing wrong, then you force a change. Whether that change is just that they don't take advantage of you anymore or if that wake up call forces them to start to either think or act for themselves, it IS a change brought about by a force.
My ex-brother-in-law was notoriously lazy and always found a way to mooch off of others. He would never clean up after himself, and why should he when he could always manipulate someone into doing it for him. I had the chance to live with him for a while and during that time I not only would not let him mooch off me, but made it quite clear to others not to let him do it to them. I forced the issue of if he didn't go out and look for a job and start pulling his own weight then he couldn't partake in anything for which anyone else paid ( and yes, that included food after a while since he was quite a glutton). He had to show an effort at the very least. When he realized that he couldn't have his way anymore and the only way to get anything was by my rules, he DID go searching for a job, he DID find one, turned out he was not only good at it, but liked it. He realized he was intelligent and could make do for himself without having to rely on anyone else. He grew up significantly and even started pitching in around the house to clean and do dishes without being asked. He turned completely around and, dare I say it, I can't help but feel responsible for the change in his direction and maturity. I'm proud of him, and what's more, he's proud of himself now.
I think what you did was refuse to take on his problem as yours, and to make a very clear boundary about what behaviors of his you were not going to allow to ruin your life. Yes, people can change in response to how we make our choices and what we allow them to do...but I think this is still about us setting our own boundaries, including not enabling bad behaviors. Eh, perhaps the distinction is not all that crucial.
But we do need to love people the way they are, even if we don't accept some (or many) of their behaviors. I love Booko's line for this: sometimes the best way to love someone is from a distance. You can't allow them to drag you down.