Should We Accept Others As They Are?

[Sunstone]

To what extent, if any, should we accept people as they are without trying to change them?

Is it more important to accept people who are close to you as they are than it is to accept people who are distant from you as they are?

To what extent, if any, should you accept your son or daughter as they are, without trying to change them?

If a person is being true to themselves in such a way they do not infringe on the rights of others, are there any circumstances in which you should try to change them?

 

[blackout]

Not only accept others as they are...
but encourage them...
and treasure their uniqueness...
and love them...
even when we don't understand them at all.

The uniqueness of the human individual
is the KEY factor the whole world is hinging on.

Now get out there and be your true selves everyone!

 

[Buttercup]

To what extent, if any, should we accept people as they are without trying to change them?

If you want to have true friendships and genuine love, the best method of gathering that up for yourself is to heartily embrace people as they are. There is no better compliment than when someone tells you they can be themselves around you. My husband still says that after almost 10 years together and I treasure that compliment more than most others.

Is it more important to accept people who are close to you as they are than it is to accept people who are distant from you as they are?

Definitely more important to accept those closest to you. These are the allies by your side throughout life and unless something they do is harmful to others, it's best to not sweat the small stuff or nag about it.

To what extent, if any, should you accept your son or daughter as they are, without trying to change them?

Pretty much the same as above. As long as they are living an honest and good life, I don't see any reason to try to make changes. I might offer occasional advice on money, love or giving to others though.

If a person is being true to themselves in such a way they do not infringe on the rights of others, are there any circumstances in which you should try to change them?

If I had a very good friend whom I thought would benefit from hearing some suggestions on how to be happier or feel better physically or get out of a self induced rut I'd probably take a chance and give tips out of concern. If you care about somebody, often you can visualize helpful changes they just can't see.

 

[ChristineES]

Sure, as long as the person isn't harming any one else or themselves, I have no trouble accepting them.

I am not sure that could change someone, even if they are harming themselves and others. For instance, my brother is an alcoholic- I can tell him I wish he would not drink because he has cirrhosis of the liver and being drunk makes him unpleasant to be around, but I can't take the bottle away from him if he chooses not to stop (he has stopped, at temporarily). We can stop people who harm others by putting them in jail. But then again, there are people who hurt others feelings and that is not against the law. For instance, gossiping about others is very hurtful to the person being gossiped about.

 

[eudaimonia]

Not as they are, but who they are.

I think one needs to realize that other people operate according to their own mental rules. They grow "organically", according to their own complex patterns, and cannot be programmed like a computer. This should be respected and accepted.

However, this does not mean that one shouldn't have concern for their growth. One may still be a positive influence on someone, e.g. by sharing wisdom or nurturing love with them. You can't make a plant grow exactly the way you want it to, but you can certainly influence it by shedding a little light or watering it.

So one should accept others for the unique individuals they are, but one can still strive to be a positive influence on them.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[lillitruthseeker]

Its amazing how many people didnt respond

You should always accept people for who they are, trying to change people and their lifestyle or decisions or beliefs is wrong. Every person has to take their own path in life and interferring with that is wrong. Even if you disagree, you should always let people just be themselves. Isnt that what we all want? Unconditional love and acceptance? Shame that it is never found in religion.

 

[Valjean]

People should be accepted as long as they are morally acceptable. If they're evil and immoral they are not acceptable. If you can correct such a person, great, but most people are quite resistant to change.
Sometimes it's best to shun them.

 

[ChristineES]

You should always accept people for who they are, trying to change people and their lifestyle or decisions or beliefs is wrong

I hate to contradictory, but it isn't always healthy to accept every thing about a person. If the person was an addict or something else, wouldn't that make you an enabler? I am not saying try to change the person, but let them know that there is something about them that is unacceptable to you.

For the most part, however, I do agree with you. People should be accepted for who they are if you love them. If your friend has a habit that you may find annoying yet hurts no one then it is always right to just grin and bear it.

 

[blackout]

Not as they are, but who they are.

Yes. That is an important distinction,
and one I didn't catch until after I posted my reply.

Of course we are, who we are at any given moment.
As we are, we are this very moment.
So still, in every moment we should embrace one another.
This can only encourage the more vital and dynamic person within
to come on out and live life alive in a more personally unique way.

 

[Ozzie]

To what extent, if any, should we accept people as they are without trying to change them?

You should never try to change someone. Accepting them is easier.

Is it more important to accept people who are close to you as they are than it is to accept people who are distant from you as they are?

Accepting people who are close is easy. Accepting those farther away requires more effort.

To what extent, if any, should you accept your son or daughter as they are, without trying to change them?

An easy response would be to say always. But we can't do that and be good parents. Children need parents who have accepted themselves as they are as role models to follow. Children are autonomous. Our role is to lead them to be able to find their inner strength.

If a person is being true to themselves in such a way they do not infringe on the rights of others, are there any circumstances in which you should try to change them?

No.

 

[dawny0826]

To what extent, if any, should we accept people as they are without trying to change them?

We should love others and attempt to understand others, even when we'd like to change them.

Is it more important to accept people who are close to you as they are than it is to accept people who are distant from you as they are?

As a Christian, I'd say it's more important to witness to those you don't know than those you do know (who already know of Christ).

I believe that respect is important. It's important for me to be as respectful as feasible with everyone I come in contact with.

To what extent, if any, should you accept your son or daughter as they are, without trying to change them?

I will always love my daughters. And I will always do what I can to be here for them...to guide them and direct them. I may not be accepting of ideas and behaviors that they might have/display but I will always love them.

If a person is being true to themselves in such a way they do not infringe on the rights of others, are there any circumstances in which you should try to change them?

Not really.

 

[YmirGF]

To what extent, if any, should we accept people as they are without trying to change them?

Always. The simple reality is that you cannot, I stress cannot change another person unless they are willing and ready to change themselves. If you attempt to enforce change on an individual who is unready to change for whatever reason you will only succeed in frustrating yourself.

Is it more important to accept people who are close to you as they are than it is to accept people who are distant from you as they are?

Good leadership is demonstrated through example. If you feel a need to change those around you I would suggest that you take a hard long cold look at yourself and try to determine why people do not measure up. It is probably simply the way you are looking at them and fortunately you can change your mistaken viewpoints much more easily that you can transform a rock into a kitten.

To what extent, if any, should you accept your son or daughter as they are, without trying to change them?

A good gardener simply lets a plant grow. Yes, you need to prune and nurture from time to time, but the rest is just better left to nature... unless you are making a Bonsai tree that sharply mirrors your expectations.

If a person is being true to themselves in such a way they do not infringe on the rights of others, are there any circumstances in which you should try to change them?

Nope. I am not here to change people. Are you? I can only change myself and that is what the whole game would seem to be about. Perhaps others should try this instead of getting stuck in moralistic molds that nobody really fits. It's just a thought however.

 

[Draka]

So PC here. So "nice". .......bullhockey.

We change people all the time. We all do little things to play another person into doing what we want in small changes. If you see a good friend or relation of yours that you know is intelligent and capable of much more than being a slacker with no direction and no purpose, do you just let them flail through life? What kind of friend is that? You encourage them, reprimand them if necessary, make them realize what they are doing to themselves and what they could be. You support them in getting off the ground and running in a new direction. You help to "change' that person into a more capable and responsible person. Is it wrong to change a person in such a way? No. At least not in my opinion as I have done that before.

I find that I am more accepting of people I don't know than the ones I do know. Why? Because I know them. I may know that someone I care about is having a rough time with their love life, or they have no care as to how they live their life and bum off people. Do I accept that? No. I try to help them become better than they are. I am there for them to learn from as much as they can learn from me.

Do you let your alcoholic sister drink herself into a stupor or do you have an intervention and try to get her to realize what she's doing to herself and support her in going to AA? Do you sit by and watch your best friend cut herself when she's had a fight with her boyfriend or do you push her to stop and try everything you can to get her professional help? Do you stand idly by while your cousin gets routinely beat on by his wife and he won't do anything about it or get help because he has such low self-esteem that he doesn't either doesn't care much about himself anymore or doesn't think he deserves to be treated any better?

There are tons of reasons out there to try to change a person. None of which have to do with political affiliation, sexual orientation, or whether they leave the toilet seat up or down. But to say that you should just accept people however they are is just wrong. Especially when there are so many things you can do to help.

People change all the time. Sometimes change is warranted and just needs a little help. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Buttercup]

So PC here. So "nice". .......bullhockey.

We change people all the time. We all do little things to play another person into doing what we want in small changes. If you see a good friend or relation of yours that you know is intelligent and capable of much more than being a slacker with no direction and no purpose, do you just let them flail through life? What kind of friend is that? You encourage them, reprimand them if necessary, make them realize what they are doing to themselves and what they could be. You support them in getting off the ground and running in a new direction. You help to "change' that person into a more capable and responsible person. Is it wrong to change a person in such a way? No. At least not in my opinion as I have done that before.

I know I mentioned this in my comments. But, you cannot 'make' someone change. And, I don't know about you but after being someone's moral cheerleader for months or even years, the job gets tiring.

Do you let your alcoholic sister drink herself into a stupor or do you have an intervention and try to get her to realize what she's doing to herself and support her in going to AA? Do you sit by and watch your best friend cut herself when she's had a fight with her boyfriend or do you push her to stop and try everything you can to get her professional help? Do you stand idly by while your cousin gets routinely beat on by his wife and he won't do anything about it or get help because he has such low self-esteem that he doesn't either doesn't care much about himself anymore or doesn't think he deserves to be treated any better?

Can't imagine anyone disagreeing with those points.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

We accept people as they are...
However we all interact and we do all change as a result of this interaction.

Trying to change some one on the other hand rarely works, it encourages them to resist
and usually make them more intractable than before.
In this you have changed them, but not in the intended way.:slap:

 

[ChristineES]

As I said earlier, it isn't always a kindness to accept everyone the way they are. There are some things you need to not accept! It can sometimes even be cruel to accept certain traits or habits of a person.

 

[Draka]

I know I mentioned this in my comments. But, you cannot 'make' someone change. And, I don't know about you but after being someone's moral cheerleader for months or even years, the job gets tiring.

Depends on the situation. If you stop enabling a person and cut them off from allowing them to do what it is that they are doing wrong, then you force a change. Whether that change is just that they don't take advantage of you anymore or if that wake up call forces them to start to either think or act for themselves, it IS a change brought about by a force.

My ex-brother-in-law was notoriously lazy and always found a way to mooch off of others. He would never clean up after himself, and why should he when he could always manipulate someone into doing it for him. I had the chance to live with him for a while and during that time I not only would not let him mooch off me, but made it quite clear to others not to let him do it to them. I forced the issue of if he didn't go out and look for a job and start pulling his own weight then he couldn't partake in anything for which anyone else paid ( and yes, that included food after a while since he was quite a glutton). He had to show an effort at the very least. When he realized that he couldn't have his way anymore and the only way to get anything was by my rules, he DID go searching for a job, he DID find one, turned out he was not only good at it, but liked it. He realized he was intelligent and could make do for himself without having to rely on anyone else. He grew up significantly and even started pitching in around the house to clean and do dishes without being asked. He turned completely around and, dare I say it, I can't help but feel responsible for the change in his direction and maturity. I'm proud of him, and what's more, he's proud of himself now.

 

[Scuba Pete]

Amen sister Draka: Bull hockey!

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

I come here to be challenged and not molly coddled. If you are not impacting how I see the world, then I am merely wasting my time. After all, once you stop changing: you are dead.

Unfortunately, some take this as license to be mean. There is no need to try and change something that is impossible to change.

 

[Willamena]

Should We Accept Others As They Are?

No. I think we should accept them as someone else. Maybe as John Gegenhuber.

 

[Random]

No. I think we should accept them as someone else. Maybe as John Gegenhuber.

I think I'll remain being my-self.