Selfish or wise?

[Vee]

A long time ago I decided not to have children (long before I had a religion, nothing to do with that). It’s not because I don’t like kids, on the contrary, I think a family is the most beautiful thing a person can have.

I decided not to have kids because I know I don’t have the time or financial resources to be a good mother. The idea that 4 or 5 months after having a baby I would have to give him to strangers to look after him all day so that I go back to work to have a salary, half of which I would spend in child care, makes me sick.

The idea that I would spend the formative years of my children working 40 hours a week because I need the money, and having very little time and energy for them makes me want to scream to the top of my lungs.

Raising a kid is the biggest, most important task a person can have and I know I can’t do a good job because I don’t have the conditions. I don’t want my children to grow up with their faces on the screen of a phone or tablet because I can’t give them the attention they need and to be deprived of a good education because I can’t afford it and above all, I don’t want my children to suffer everything I see coming: health issues, economic woes, social unrest and climate change are only a few on the list. Things are going to get much worse before they get any better and I’m going to have live with that reality, since I’m already here, but I don’t want to put my children through that.

If I can’t do something right I rather not do it at all, especially when it impacts someone else’s life.

I’m not in any way criticizing parents. Having a child is a personal choice and I have nothing to do with the decisions other people make. If anything, I admire their courage.

I’ve been called selfish, wise, and a few things in between. This is something I thought about over the years and the more I see the conditions of the world deteriorating, the more I’m convinced that I made the right choice for myself. Not having a family is a sacrifice I’m willing to make because the other option is worse.

 

[Kemosloby]

A long time ago I decided not to have children (long before I had a religion, nothing to do with that). It’s not because I don’t like kids, on the contrary, I think a family is the most beautiful thing a person can have.

I decided not to have kids because I know I don’t have the time or financial resources to be a good mother. The idea that 4 or 5 months after having a baby I would have to give him to strangers to look after him all day so that I go back to work to have a salary, half of which I would spend in child care, makes me sick.

The idea that I would spend the formative years of my children working 40 hours a week because I need the money, and having very little time and energy for them makes me want to scream to the top of my lungs.

Raising a kid is the biggest, most important task a person can have and I know I can’t do a good job because I don’t have the conditions. I don’t want my children to grow up with their faces on the screen of a phone or tablet because I can’t give them the attention they need and to be deprived of a good education because I can’t afford it and above all, I don’t want my children to suffer everything I see coming: health issues, economic woes, social unrest and climate change are only a few on the list. Things are going to get much worse before they get any better and I’m going to have live with that reality, since I’m already here, but I don’t want to put my children through that.

If I can’t do something right I rather not do it at all, especially when it impacts someone else’s life.

I’m not in any way criticizing parents. Having a child is a personal choice and I have nothing to do with the decisions other people make. If anything, I admire their courage.

I’ve been called selfish, wise, and a few things in between. This is something I thought about over the years and the more I see the conditions of the world deteriorating, the more I’m convinced that I made the right choice for myself. Not having a family is a sacrifice I’m willing to make because the other option is worse.

I did the same thing for pretty much the same reasons except climate change..let the little buggers freeze. Looking back its probably somewhere between selfish, wise and overthinking it. But it takes all kinds and I guess I wasn't meant for it.

 

[Rival]

My mom was a stay at home mom and my step dad worked an office job. My mom worked from home fixing computers now and then. We had an outdoor pool, three cars and three dogs.

I, also, was one of three.


My aunt has two children and she is a stay at home mom, as well as their father who also works from home.


It can be done if you want to do it.

 

[bobhikes]

I going to say selfish because your justifying it in a way that makes most parents look bad for having kids.

No parent can give children all the attention they need.
No parent can be with their children all the time and have to rely on babysitters or Day Cares
No parent will always have the time and energy for their child.
We all live in the same world so if its that bad for you, you are indicating it is that bad for everyone.

As a parent it comes off as a criticism to me.

I have struggled at times with what to do with my children, when work required me and I had no one. I have been sick or just worn out from work and come home to children abound with energy and had to find a way to cope. The only difference I have from you is that I don't see the world as bad, I also understand that independence and struggle is good for both children and adults. The many struggles I have had because of my children have taught me a lot, combined with the struggles they have overcome has made me more optimistic about the future.

 

[Vee]

[QUOTE="bobhikes, post: 5428471, member: 17214"

As a parent it comes off as a criticism to me.

[/QUOTE]

I didn't mean it as a criticism. I believe you do the best you can.

 

[Vee]

It can be done if you want to do it.

That might be true in some cases, but not in most. You don't do what you want, you do what your circumstances allow and hope for the best.
I can spend all night telling myself that I should follow my dreams and they will come true and I'll get to live like I want but I'll wake up tomorrow to the exact same life I have today. I can work hard and I do, but I know my limitations and I have to accept the things that don't depend on me.

 

[sun rise]

My wife and I never had children. So my vote is that it's a perfectly good choice to make. And your OP makes perfect sense to me.

 

[Rival]

That might be true in some cases, but not in most. You don't do what you want, you do what your circumstances allow and hope for the best.
I can spend all night telling myself that I should follow my dreams and they will come true and I'll get to live like I want but I'll wake up tomorrow to the exact same life I have today. I can work hard and I do, but I know my limitations and I have to accept the things that don't depend on me.

Yes but there were families living in the war period who had to scrimp and scrape and they still raised their kids. There are families much poorer than you who are raising kids. Kids don't need fancy things. They need food, water, a roof and love. If you can put food on the table and have a place to live, you can raise kids. It won't be easy but you can do it.

 

[Nous]

A long time ago I decided not to have children (long before I had a religion, nothing to do with that). It’s not because I don’t like kids, on the contrary, I think a family is the most beautiful thing a person can have.

I decided not to have kids because I know I don’t have the time or financial resources to be a good mother. The idea that 4 or 5 months after having a baby I would have to give him to strangers to look after him all day so that I go back to work to have a salary, half of which I would spend in child care, makes me sick.

The idea that I would spend the formative years of my children working 40 hours a week because I need the money, and having very little time and energy for them makes me want to scream to the top of my lungs.

Raising a kid is the biggest, most important task a person can have and I know I can’t do a good job because I don’t have the conditions. I don’t want my children to grow up with their faces on the screen of a phone or tablet because I can’t give them the attention they need and to be deprived of a good education because I can’t afford it and above all, I don’t want my children to suffer everything I see coming: health issues, economic woes, social unrest and climate change are only a few on the list. Things are going to get much worse before they get any better and I’m going to have live with that reality, since I’m already here, but I don’t want to put my children through that.

If I can’t do something right I rather not do it at all, especially when it impacts someone else’s life.

I’m not in any way criticizing parents. Having a child is a personal choice and I have nothing to do with the decisions other people make. If anything, I admire their courage.

I’ve been called selfish, wise, and a few things in between. This is something I thought about over the years and the more I see the conditions of the world deteriorating, the more I’m convinced that I made the right choice for myself. Not having a family is a sacrifice I’m willing to make because the other option is worse.

The world has more than enough unwanted and uncared-for children. Actually the world has more than enough wanted and cared-for children. I say it is the height of responsible behavior to understand that one will not be a good parent and choose to not have children.

 

[Nakosis]

I’ve been called selfish, wise, and a few things in between. This is something I thought about over the years and the more I see the conditions of the world deteriorating, the more I’m convinced that I made the right choice for myself. Not having a family is a sacrifice I’m willing to make because the other option is worse.

Not my judgement to make. However, I'll say one is never ready for the first kid. By the third kid, it's old hat.

Maybe just as selfish to have children. Maybe it's silly but I feel it a way to immortality. My DNA/genetic makeup will continue into the future. Maybe not forever, but I did my part. My children are a part of me. Perhaps not the same consciousness but physically, materially, part of me continues on.

Like there's one fella, 10 thousand years ago most of us came from. He still lives, in all of us. Just how I look at it. So maybe in 10 thousand years, I'll still be around in a way.

 

[Quintessence]

Congrats. I always deeply appreciate anyone who refuses to be a breeder, regardless of the reason. Such choices are at last becoming less taboo, but there's still a long way to go on dispelling those taboos entirely.

 

[Nous]

Not my judgement to make. However, I'll say one is never ready for the first kid. By the third kid, it's old hat.

Maybe just as selfish to have children. Maybe it's silly but I feel it a way to immortality. My DNA/genetic makeup will continue into the future. Maybe not forever, but I did my part. My children are a part of me. Perhaps not the same consciousness but physically, materially, part of me continues on.

Like there's one fella, 10 thousand years ago most of us came from. He still lives, in all of us. Just how I look at it. So maybe in 10 thousand years, I'll still be around in a way.

Overpopulation of humans is what is literally killing the planet. Find a different way to become immortal.

 

[Quintessence]

Overpopulation of humans is what is literally killing the planet. Find a different way to become immortal.

In fairness, it's more complicated than that. While simplistic, the I=PAT formula conveys the three most important metrics quite well. Human impact is a function of population (P), affluence (A), and technology (T). Population by itself isn't the whole story, but it multiplicatively exacerbates the impacts caused by the other two factors. I find it important to remember, for example, that the United States is a relatively small country population-wise, but due to very high affluence and technology, contributes disproportionately to global impacts of humans on the world. This also means, however, that one child born in the United States contributes significantly more to global impacts than a child born into one of the few cultures left that still practices subsistence living.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

Imo having no children at all is less selfish than feeling the need to have your own biological children before helping the millions of unwanted children that already exist.
#supportadoption

 

[Nakosis]

Overpopulation of humans is what is literally killing the planet. Find a different way to become immortal.

I assume a successful species will eventually use up all the resources on a planet and eventually have to move onto other planets.

 

[bobhikes]

Imo having no children at all is less selfish than feeling the need to have your own biological children before helping the millions of unwanted children that already exist.
#supportadoption

If only they made it easy to adopt. If you want to adopt a baby in the US it is a formidable task. You can of course have an easier time adopting an older child that's been in the system a while but that has its own challenges.

 

[Nous]

In fairness, it's more complicated than that. While simplistic, the I=PAT formula conveys the three most important metrics quite well. Human impact is a function of population (P), affluence (A), and technology (T). Population by itself isn't the whole story, but it multiplicatively exacerbates the impacts caused by the other two factors. I find it important to remember, for example, that the United States is a relatively small country population-wise, but due to very high affluence and technology, contributes disproportionately to global impacts of humans on the world. This also means, however, that one child born in the United States contributes significantly more to global impacts than a child born into one of the few cultures left that still practices subsistence living.

I agree with these important points . . . except I do question your claim that the US is "a relatively small country population-wise". The US is the third most populous country in the world.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

I assume a successful species will eventually use up all the resources on a planet and eventually have to move onto other planets.

Assuming we will have enough Rare Earth minerals and Plastics in order to even make the necessary materials to jump to other planets by then. </darkthoughts>

 

[Nous]

I assume a successful species will eventually use up all the resources on a planet and eventually have to move onto other planets.

Geez, how nice to destroy earth and move on to a new barren planet.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

If only they made it easy to adopt. If you want to adopt a baby in the US it is a formidable task. You can of course have an easier time adopting an older child that's been in the system a while but that has its own challenges.

I agree, compared to having your own biological children, it is ridiculously stressful and expensive and time-consuming to adopt newborns domestically. I just wish more people would try, and we can try at the same time to make it more available by updating policy.
In the meantime, adopting internationally is far easier and less expensive, as is adopting something other than a newborn.