No, these are people I trust, and it sounds about right, knowing girls. They weren't ridiculing me any more than you guys are.
And relationships ARE a chess game
. And whatever the mathematical equation for girls is... it's not a function :sad4:.
Amazing - this response of yours crystalizes (to me anyway) the very reasons you are having these troubles with women.
1. You take advice from people who are not qualified to give it (do you honestly think your dorm buddies are wiser about women than a WOMAN and the mother of five grown children?). Take a look at the responses here to your OP as well. The kind and sincere responses are from more mature people.
2. You seem to be a bit hypersensitive, which is probably bleeding through in your interactions with women. You leave yourself wide open (for instance, your OP - in a public forum - was absolutely BOUND TO generate some unfortunately sarcastic responses) and then you seem surprised by immature, sarcastic, but predictable responses.
3. You insist that relationships ARE like a chess game - here is your biggest problem, in my opinion. If you take this approach, this reduces the relationships in your life to a winner/loser scenario. Healthy relationships are not about strategy, getting something over on someone else, bluffing, thinking three or four moves ahead, and overtaking an enemy.
When your energy is focused on strategy and manipulation, you can't relax - you've always got to be on guard. Romance shouldn't be a war. If it is, you're not in the right one. Does relaxing and simply allowing things to develop involve risk? Yes, of course it does. I can almost assure you that if you allow yourself to be open, you are going to be hurt. But you will also at some point be actually able to accept and revel in a profound and delightful relationship (probably more than one over your lifetime). This is impossible when you're in guarded, strategy mode.
I mean, you have to use some common sense. NOW, before your head and heart are all jacked up with emotion about some woman, you should sit down and objectively identify some red flags that would absolutely make you shut down a relationship before you were too far into it. I recommend a book by Dr Laura Schlessinger called "Ten Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives." But here would be some common sense rules to apply:
a. Don't date a woman you wouldn't marry.
b. Substance abuse problems tend to only get worse, not better. If you see evidence of this, confront it head on. If she continues, I recommend getting out earlier rather than later.
c. How is her relationship with her dad? The better it is, the more stable she will probably be in relationships with men. Not to say that if her relationship with her dad is BAD, she isn't a good match - it's just something to pay attention to.
d. If she sleeps with you too soon, she's probably slept with others too soon too. Are you OK with that?
e. The first lie - call her hand. The second lie - there may be a pattern developing. The third lie - you're dating a liar. Big issue. Get out.
f. Your love will not change her. Accept her for who she is. Don't look at potential - look at reality. If you start thinking, "She just needs someone to treat her right...my love will bring out the best in her," wow, I can't stress this enough - GET OUT. It is what it is. If you don't like her exactly as she is, then I promise you that the little things that bother you now will balloon into HUGE issues that will push you right over the edge later down the road.
You seem to be too focused on "what should I do next?" In other words, frankly, you seem to be too focused on YOURSELF. It's like you're watching yourself rather than BEING yourself. This is a very unhealthy way to live. Get off the sidelines and just BE. Quit being an observer of life and be a participant.
Somewhere out there is a fresh-faced, sweet natured, smart, warm girl with good values and good intentions. You may meet her tomorrow - you may meet her five years from now - you may already know her. But you aren't ready for her until you balance yourself out.
Remember, I have nothing to gain by saying all this to you. I am genuinely trying to help you avoid disaster and experience something happy and good.
