Marriage

[Melody]

But it seems that in this generation, it doesn't seem to last that long anymore. Why is that? Anyone know? People get married and it may last more then 10 years but less then 25.

There was a time when "until death us do part" was taken literally. Marriages in my grandmother's generation lasted for 50+ years. I believe this is due to the fact that women did not have too many other options beyond marriage *and* they were raised with the view that normal women wanted husband and family. The downside was that there was no "respectable" out for abused women. I'm going to make a guess that there was also a stigma in some social classes attached to men who left their wives and children.

In my mother's generation, divorce was still uncommon but we began to see more cases...probably because there were more options for women outside the home. An abused woman could leave her husband and find a job to support herself, although many times this still led to poverty. This generation still believed that normal women married and had children.

In my generation, the door was open to just about anything I wanted although the preferred occupation for a woman was still to get married and raise a family. If you didn't want to though, it was possible to gain the education necessary to find a good paying job and people didn't look at you funny when you told them you had no interested in marrying or having children.

I did a study in college on marriage and, after interviewing over 75 couples, found that the longest lasting marriages were based on a combination of need and mutual respect. Sometimes it was financial need. Sometimes it was emotional need. In either case, the partners also respected their spouses and while someone else might possibly have come along (and did in a couple cases) who could also fulfill that need, the respect they had for their partner kept them from moving on to that other person.

When they went through difficulties in their marriage...or reached a point in their marriage when they wondered if life wouldn't be better apart, their mutual need and respect kept them together.

Perhaps I'm old fashioned, but I also wanted the ring and marriage license and taught my boys that if they truly loved someone, then they wouldn't settle for anything less. If the girl doesn't want the license and ring, then perhaps she's already looking for a possible way out....just in case. My .02.

 

[Ceridwen018]

Why marry? Why not just live together? If we love someone, do we need to marry them for the piece of paper and the title of Mr. & Mrs.?

Well, I would never have children unless I was married to the father....so having kids would be one reason. Also, if you're living with someone and you truly love them....for me, getting married wouldn't equal "getting tied down", it would just be the ultimate way to show the ultimate level of commitment and love I feel for that person. Plus, aren't there tax breaks and stuff like that that come with marriage? ...Not that thats a good reason to get married, hehe, but you know.

....Plus, I would get a diamond ring, I'd get to wear a pretty white dress, I'd get to play "princess for a day", and I'd have a reasonable excuse to go to Bermuda for a week.

 

[Yerda]

Well, I would never have children unless I was married to the father....so having kids would be one reason.

Why?

Also, if you're living with someone and you truly love them....for me, getting married wouldn't equal "getting tied down", it would just be the ultimate way to show the ultimate level of commitment and love I feel for that person.

Getting tied down begins with a steady relationship. If you give your time, your love, and ultimately your self to another person I'd say that you've given all the commitment possible. You love someone, or you don't, full stop (or so I've heard).

Plus, aren't there tax breaks and stuff like that that come with marriage? ...Not that thats a good reason to get married, hehe, but you know.

Apart from the party, it's the best reason I can think of.

....Plus, I would get a diamond ring, I'd get to wear a pretty white dress, I'd get to play "princess for a day", and I'd have a reasonable excuse to go to Bermuda for a week.

I don't wear jewellry, and as much as I'm sure I'd enjoy it I get the feeling the dress and playing princess would get me some strange looks.

The week in Bermuda sounds sweet though, and to be honest I'd marry Mr. Spinkles for a bit of sunshine.

 

[mrscardero]

Well, I would never have children unless I was married to the father....so having kids would be one reason.

That's what my bestfriend told herself. Marry first then start a family. Things happen and so carrdero will be performing the ceremony in May and I will be in a dress (but I will wear a dress for her). She will be walking down the isle in a maternity wedding gown. She wants to marry for the sake of the child even though the father is not very supportive of the whole situation. She wants to marry so the child will not have to be bounced from one parent to the other.

Also, if you're living with someone and you truly love them....for me, getting married wouldn't equal "getting tied down", it would just be the ultimate way to show the ultimate level of commitment and love I feel for that person. Plus, aren't there tax breaks and stuff like that that come with marriage?...Not that thats a good reason to get married, hehe, but you know.

Ultimate level of commitment and love you feel for that person is not a written exam, it's emotional.

You are right about the tax break. Lowered my car insurance . But there is the married and filling joint when the income tax comes into place on the 15th of April.
Sometimes there is the, when you get married you are responsible for your spouses debts. (Prenup )

Plus, I would get a diamond ring, I'd get to wear a pretty white dress, I'd get to play "princess for a day", and I'd have a reasonable excuse to go to Bermuda for a week.

The value of marriage differs from person to person. Shouldn't you be a princess everyday? Bermuda...where the ocean is blue and the sun is shinning.

 

[Ceridwen018]

Shouldn't you be a princess everyday?

Hehe, true dat.

 

[Sunstone]

Let's return to old fashioned family values! Marriages should be arranged by parents or professional matchmakers. And they should be for the joint purposes of procreation and uniting the economic interests of families. No divorce, of course. Three cheers for the way of our ancestors!

 

[mrscardero]

Let's return to old fashioned family values! Marriages should be arranged by parents or professional matchmakers. And they should be for the joint purposes of procreation and uniting the economic interests of families. No divorce, of course. Three cheers for the way of our ancestors!

You wouldn't mind marrying someone that you don't know? What happens if you are inlove with someone else and your parents arranged your marriage already and it's not with the person you are in love with? Brings me back to the movie 'The Fiddler On The Roof' when the one child was pronounced dead in the parents eyes since the daughter
chose to marry someone else.
I work with someone who's marriage was arranged. She didn't know who he was and what he was like. Just married them because it was a tradition. A child was brought into the world and she had to leave him because he was abusing her. The family thought it was a great match.

 

[Sunstone]

You wouldn't mind marrying someone that you don't know?

Of course I would. But in giving advice about anything having to do with sexuality, I follow the time honored principle of giving advice I would personally be loathe to take.

What happens if you are inlove with someone else and your parents arranged your marriage already and it's not with the person you are in love with?

It is in just such situations that one takes a mistress.

 

[Pah]

It was once proposed to me in the early 80's that I marry a Polish mathematician, an older woman, who was desperate to leave Poland. It would have been a marriage of her convience - but I declined

 

[Mr Spinkles]

The average marriage lasts only about 12 years.

Quick question: is this the typical length of a typical marriage, or is 12 years the median for all the marriages averaged together?

The reason I ask is because I have a hard time believing that many marriages of 12 years end in divorce...I suspect that the number comes from averaging relatively few long-lasting marriages with relatively many short ones, though I could be wrong.