I need advice about a loan

[rosends]

I drive home from work every day. A co worker doesn't have a license so I often give him a ride down the highway to a bus stop. He catches me for rides at least a couple of times per week. No skin off my nose; I'm going that way, anyway. We are co workers who have known each other (in work, very little social contact outside of work other than Facebook or a text message) for over 10 years. Friendly, maybe even friends but who knows.

A couple of weeks ago, we drove past the supermarket and he spoke about not having anything for dinner, so he was considering going shopping. His one hesitation is that he didn't know if he had enough cash handy to buy anything good. "Don't worry," I said, "I have cash." He said he only needed a $20 but I only had a $100 so I pulled it out and gave it to him. He went shopping.

Fast forward a few weeks. He hasn't mentioned the money (which I know he is good for -- he is financially stable) and I don't know how, when or even if to mention it to him. Does he remember it? Did he think I was just giving him a gift of $100? He is a sensitive soul so I don't want to come off as harsh or demanding, or strain our (somewhat) friendship because we do work together, daily, and I still give him rides.

So looking for advice as to how to deal with this. Should I just write the money off? Should I drop not-so-subtle hints until he feels awkward? TIA

 

[joe1776]

Ask for the money and don't do it subtly. Your "friend" didn't just forget about the loan.

I'm not saying you were conned, but there is an old con that works exactly as you described it.

 

[Rival]

Don't make him feel awkward; he probably already feels that enough because, as the above poster said, he certainly won't have forgotten that loan. If I were you I would cut and ask for $80, not the $100, just being as polite as possible. Perhaps ask him if he got what he wanted with the money you lent him and say you're not asking for the full amount back, just $80, since he needed $20.

 

[Spirit of Light]

If you have a good income your self, and are of no hurry to get the money back, just leave it as it is. personally if i loan money to someone i do not ask for it back even i live on minimum income.

 

[Jedster]

I drive home from work every day. A co worker doesn't have a license so I often give him a ride down the highway to a bus stop. He catches me for rides at least a couple of times per week. No skin off my nose; I'm going that way, anyway. We are co workers who have known each other (in work, very little social contact outside of work other than Facebook or a text message) for over 10 years. Friendly, maybe even friends but who knows.

A couple of weeks ago, we drove past the supermarket and he spoke about not having anything for dinner, so he was considering going shopping. His one hesitation is that he didn't know if he had enough cash handy to buy anything good. "Don't worry," I said, "I have cash." He said he only needed a $20 but I only had a $100 so I pulled it out and gave it to him. He went shopping.

Fast forward a few weeks. He hasn't mentioned the money (which I know he is good for -- he is financially stable) and I don't know how, when or even if to mention it to him. Does he remember it? Did he think I was just giving him a gift of $100? He is a sensitive soul so I don't want to come off as harsh or demanding, or strain our (somewhat) friendship because we do work together, daily, and I still give him rides.

So looking for advice as to how to deal with this. Should I just write the money off? Should I drop not-so-subtle hints until he feels awkward? TIA

I would just ask him for it back.
Any hesitation from him would confirm what @joe1776 has said.

 

[Nous]

I drive home from work every day. A co worker doesn't have a license so I often give him a ride down the highway to a bus stop. He catches me for rides at least a couple of times per week. No skin off my nose; I'm going that way, anyway. We are co workers who have known each other (in work, very little social contact outside of work other than Facebook or a text message) for over 10 years. Friendly, maybe even friends but who knows.

A couple of weeks ago, we drove past the supermarket and he spoke about not having anything for dinner, so he was considering going shopping. His one hesitation is that he didn't know if he had enough cash handy to buy anything good. "Don't worry," I said, "I have cash." He said he only needed a $20 but I only had a $100 so I pulled it out and gave it to him. He went shopping.

Fast forward a few weeks. He hasn't mentioned the money (which I know he is good for -- he is financially stable) and I don't know how, when or even if to mention it to him. Does he remember it? Did he think I was just giving him a gift of $100? He is a sensitive soul so I don't want to come off as harsh or demanding, or strain our (somewhat) friendship because we do work together, daily, and I still give him rides.

So looking for advice as to how to deal with this. Should I just write the money off? Should I drop not-so-subtle hints until he feels awkward? TIA

You gave your co-worker a gift here. You didn't enter into an oral contract to be repaid such as a loan entails.

 

[Eddi]

I drive home from work every day. A co worker doesn't have a license so I often give him a ride down the highway to a bus stop. He catches me for rides at least a couple of times per week. No skin off my nose; I'm going that way, anyway. We are co workers who have known each other (in work, very little social contact outside of work other than Facebook or a text message) for over 10 years. Friendly, maybe even friends but who knows.

A couple of weeks ago, we drove past the supermarket and he spoke about not having anything for dinner, so he was considering going shopping. His one hesitation is that he didn't know if he had enough cash handy to buy anything good. "Don't worry," I said, "I have cash." He said he only needed a $20 but I only had a $100 so I pulled it out and gave it to him. He went shopping.

Fast forward a few weeks. He hasn't mentioned the money (which I know he is good for -- he is financially stable) and I don't know how, when or even if to mention it to him. Does he remember it? Did he think I was just giving him a gift of $100? He is a sensitive soul so I don't want to come off as harsh or demanding, or strain our (somewhat) friendship because we do work together, daily, and I still give him rides.

So looking for advice as to how to deal with this. Should I just write the money off? Should I drop not-so-subtle hints until he feels awkward? TIA

I have a (now ex) friend who I lent tons of money to, and looking back he had no intention of every paying it back. He ripped me off big time.

(Edit: I'm not implying this associate of yours ripped you off)

I don’t know what advice to give you, although you could probably learn the lesson I learnt the hard way with my so-called friend, I learnt, to quote Shakespeare:

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be”

Just make a rule of not doing it so it doesn’t happen again

That’s what I’ve done in my life and whenever people have asked I’ve always declined and they’ve taken it well – as well they should do as they have no right to my money!

Think of this episode as a lesson:

A lesson that cost a load of money!​

 

[SalixIncendium]

I've loaned a couple of people money that never paid me back. I don't remind them. I just write it off and never loan them money again.

 

[Augustus]

So looking for advice as to how to deal with this. Should I just write the money off? Should I drop not-so-subtle hints until he feels awkward?

If you drive him home you could stop for petrol or something and 'don't suppose you've got the money you owe me on you?'

Creates a slightly less awkward context to ask for it rather than asking out of the blue.

 

[rosends]

Thank you all -- a lot of good insight and information here! Much appreciated.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

I drive home from work every day. A co worker doesn't have a license so I often give him a ride down the highway to a bus stop. He catches me for rides at least a couple of times per week. No skin off my nose; I'm going that way, anyway. We are co workers who have known each other (in work, very little social contact outside of work other than Facebook or a text message) for over 10 years. Friendly, maybe even friends but who knows.

A couple of weeks ago, we drove past the supermarket and he spoke about not having anything for dinner, so he was considering going shopping. His one hesitation is that he didn't know if he had enough cash handy to buy anything good. "Don't worry," I said, "I have cash." He said he only needed a $20 but I only had a $100 so I pulled it out and gave it to him. He went shopping.

Fast forward a few weeks. He hasn't mentioned the money (which I know he is good for -- he is financially stable) and I don't know how, when or even if to mention it to him. Does he remember it? Did he think I was just giving him a gift of $100? He is a sensitive soul so I don't want to come off as harsh or demanding, or strain our (somewhat) friendship because we do work together, daily, and I still give him rides.

So looking for advice as to how to deal with this. Should I just write the money off? Should I drop not-so-subtle hints until he feels awkward? TIA

Id ask for the money. I agree, ask for 80 not 100.

Maybe say: Hey. Just checking up if you got the food from the twenty you asked for.

Him: Yes. Got what I need. Thanks.

You: I think (blame it on yourself) I gave you a hundred instead of twenty. Do you still have the change? Just the eighty.

Him: ah. Man. I didnt know that. (Hopefully he doesn't lie). You need it now?

You: No. Break it up in parts. No rush.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

If you drive him home you could stop for petrol or something and 'don't suppose you've got the money you owe me on you?'

Creates a slightly less awkward context to ask for it rather than asking out of the blue.

Yeah. Or can drive at a fast food and as you @rosend get to the register you can say, hey. Do you still have that change I gave you from that twenty? Make it light.

 

[Revoltingest]

I drive home from work every day. A co worker doesn't have a license so I often give him a ride down the highway to a bus stop. He catches me for rides at least a couple of times per week. No skin off my nose; I'm going that way, anyway. We are co workers who have known each other (in work, very little social contact outside of work other than Facebook or a text message) for over 10 years. Friendly, maybe even friends but who knows.

A couple of weeks ago, we drove past the supermarket and he spoke about not having anything for dinner, so he was considering going shopping. His one hesitation is that he didn't know if he had enough cash handy to buy anything good. "Don't worry," I said, "I have cash." He said he only needed a $20 but I only had a $100 so I pulled it out and gave it to him. He went shopping.

Fast forward a few weeks. He hasn't mentioned the money (which I know he is good for -- he is financially stable) and I don't know how, when or even if to mention it to him. Does he remember it? Did he think I was just giving him a gift of $100? He is a sensitive soul so I don't want to come off as harsh or demanding, or strain our (somewhat) friendship because we do work together, daily, and I still give him rides.

So looking for advice as to how to deal with this. Should I just write the money off? Should I drop not-so-subtle hints until he feels awkward? TIA

I'm experienced in making such bad decisions.
Either directly pressure him for repayment,
or consider it a loss. Depending upon a
borrower's initiative & honor seldom works.

 

[Thief]

I drive home from work every day. A co worker doesn't have a license so I often give him a ride down the highway to a bus stop. He catches me for rides at least a couple of times per week. No skin off my nose; I'm going that way, anyway. We are co workers who have known each other (in work, very little social contact outside of work other than Facebook or a text message) for over 10 years. Friendly, maybe even friends but who knows.

A couple of weeks ago, we drove past the supermarket and he spoke about not having anything for dinner, so he was considering going shopping. His one hesitation is that he didn't know if he had enough cash handy to buy anything good. "Don't worry," I said, "I have cash." He said he only needed a $20 but I only had a $100 so I pulled it out and gave it to him. He went shopping.

Fast forward a few weeks. He hasn't mentioned the money (which I know he is good for -- he is financially stable) and I don't know how, when or even if to mention it to him. Does he remember it? Did he think I was just giving him a gift of $100? He is a sensitive soul so I don't want to come off as harsh or demanding, or strain our (somewhat) friendship because we do work together, daily, and I still give him rides.

So looking for advice as to how to deal with this. Should I just write the money off? Should I drop not-so-subtle hints until he feels awkward? TIA

find a need for cash.....ask him for a return of the favor

see what happens

 

[Rival]

Show him this thread.

 

[Thief]

this ain't the religious debate section....and if the mods want to delete....that's ok....

scripture has it.....don't ask for anything back
ever

if you let go of it.....it's gone
and you knew that when you did so

it's social advice ....even though it's scripture

 

[Vinayaka]

If you have a good income your self, and are of no hurry to get the money back, just leave it as it is. personally if i loan money to someone i do not ask for it back even i live on minimum income.

I would do this as well, but I'd also never ever lend him money again. Besides it's only been a week.

 

[Rival]

I would do this as well, but I'd also never ever lend him money again. Besides it's only been a week.

Fast forward a few weeks. He hasn't mentioned the money

 

[Spirit of Light]

I would do this as well, but I'd also never ever lend him money again. Besides it's only been a week.

I do understand you
personally i have no attachments to money, both in having a lot of it or have nothing at all. and if someone chose to not give back what they borrow its not my problem

 

[rosends]

He came to my desk (waiting to speak to the boss) and we were talking about something. I said that I had a difficult and sensitive question to ask him and then mentioned it. He received it well, apologized because he knows he tends to be forgetful and this has happened before. He pulled out the money and handed it to me and we continued to shmooze, so I'm hoping that this is now a closed issue.